Saturday, July 9, 2016

The Sheriff of Babylon #8

Still not one of my cover blurbs, dammit!

The Review and The Part Where I Probably Bitch About the Cover Blurb!
I can't help but feel like I'm being slighted here, Tom King. The Court of Nerds gets a blurb? Who the hell are the Court of Nerds?! A mysterious organization of men and women in Weird Al Yankovic masks pulling the strings of the city's leaders? And what makes them think they're going to talk to all seven billion people minus about thirty thousand who aren't reading this comic book?! Even I know that's a preposterous notion and I'm an idiot! It's possible the Court of Nerds just meant "if you're into comic books and love great comic books and aren't reading this comic book, I don't actually want to speak with you because I'm anxious and awkward around other people but I'm prepping up some serious side-eye if I ever leave the house and run into you!" I guess that's too long for a cover blurb. Maybe that's why I haven't gotten one of my blurbs on the cover yet! Mine are all too lengthy and probably also too smart! I need to dumb them down and shorten them up! Here are a few more, Tom King:

"This comic left me blurbless! -- Grunion Guy!"
"A+++∞! -- Grunion Guy!"
"Tom King's sexual stamina is amazing! -- Grunion Guy!"
"I think Gerads forgot an "r" in his name! -- Grunion Guy!"
"When is Baby Lon going to be introduced in this book? I'm on the edge of my seat! Oh man! I hope he wasn't the miscarriage! NOOOOOOO! -- Grunion Guy!"
"What's going on in this book? It's way too smart for me! -- Grunion Guy!"
"Remember when that guy shit his pants?! So funny! Was it meant to be funny? Well, I laughed! -- Grunion Guy!"
"If you are not reading this book, you probably aren't reading this blurb either! -- Grunion Guy!"
"I don't really care about this comic book, I just want to increase my Q Score! -- Grunion Guy!"
"Sometimes there's a cat in it! -- Grunion Guy!"
"Did I just pull a pube out of my mouth? Ew! Where did that come from?! --, Cullen Bunn!
That's probably enough! I'm sure one of those will make the cover of Issue #12! Thanks in advance, Tom King!

This issue keeps me just as confused as ever which must mean the story is really smart and I should actually be pretending to understand it so that I don't look stupid! But I found the panel that helps me put all the pieces together and opens the way to understanding the theme!

I knew it! Carpets! It's all about the carpets!

Well, maybe it's not all about carpets! Some of it is about the symbols of a bombed out empty swimming pool which also becomes a grave and dumping ground of blasphemous icons stolen by cats! But you have to know a lot more about Islam than I pretend not to know to really understand it all! Also, pretending to pretend not to know makes me look like I actually know things that I don't actually know! That way I can still appear smart by mentioning the cat but not really explaining anything about it! Except maybe I'm also pretending about all of that too! Maybe I really am just smart! Or dumb? I forget where I was in my intelligence inception!

Anyway, if you want to appear smart to other comic book nerds, you should be reading and raving about this comic book! But don't talk about it too much or you might reveal how stupid you are because this book is way smarter than all of us! Just say things like "The universal bridge of truth leads to the first step of this comic book!" or "If you aren't reading this comic book, we need to talk because I know we won't be talking about this comic book which is so far over my head that I don't want to expose my ignorance of everything that isn't Pokemon or Avengers!"

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