Saturday, August 29, 2015

Sinestro #14

I am so sick of your smug expression! I get it! You think you're God's gift to yourself!

You know what character type I'm fucking sick of in comic books? The arrogant bad-ass who can beat anybody and never fails ever. It's why I wish Superman were the Superman of my wet dreams. The sensual one who gives slow rim jobs and has ice cream ready to go after making you come like a banshee. I mean, the Superman who is humble and kind and saves the world with non-violence. The most violent Superman should get is picking up criminals by the scruffs of their necks and dragging them to the police station. If DC Comics willingly gave me that Superman, I would accept the fact that Cullen Bunn is writing basically the same character twice but with one in a Sinestro outfit and one in a Twat Lobo outfit.

Judging by the open mouths on all the characters on the cover, and the addition of "Rising" to the title, I have to believe that this issue is going to be a musical. I would forgive everything Cullen Bunn has bored me with up until this point if this issue turned out to be a musical!

The issue begins with a lone alien stranded on a barren world being drafted into the Sinestro Corps. She asks the ring, "What is the Sinestro Corps?" Before the ring can answer, Sinestro appears to declare, "It would seem, child, that the time for such questions has slipped past." What?! But why? And if that question has timed out, why does Sinestro give an answer to it immediately after saying the time for such questions has slipped past? Telling Nax the New Recruit that she has been "chosen for a greater purpose to sow fear across the universe and, with it, order" seems like a bit of an explanation as to what the Sinestro Corps does. I have a suspicious feeling that whenever a new recruit asks the ring what the Sinestro Corps is, it's programmed to teleport Sinestro into the vicinity so that Sinestro can interrupt the ring with his own, more palatable definition of the Sinestro Corps. Otherwise the ring might say something snarky like, "You're Sinestro's bitch now, hon."

Sinestro also answers the question by saying The Sinestro Corps is the most feared peacekeeping force in the universe.

The words must not translate in Nax's native language because they seem pretty clear to me. Saying "force" and "peacekeeping" don't go together is called the "Look How Clever I Am With Semantics Fallacy." Sometimes you just need somebody to arbitrate disagreements before they become violent, the way parents are a peacekeeping force for siblings. I'd be more concerned with the "most feared" part of the "most feared peacekeeping force." That sounds like fascist bullshit!

Nax points out to Sinestro that maybe she's not exactly right for this job. She never once aspired to be a Space Bully so maybe the ring made a mistake. Sinestro asks the ring itself why it chose such a namby-pamby recruit. The ring chose Nax because Nax is a gray alien who specializes in abductions and anal probes. I'd say that inspires a certain amount of fear in enough cows and rednecks throughout the universe. Sinestro seems to think the ring's explanation proves Nax should stay on as a member, so he continues her tour of the Sinestro Corps, beginning with Warworld.

The surface of Warworld is now covered in a living city called Ranx, also a member of the Corps. I didn't know cities could become members. Why hasn't Gotham received its yellow ring yet?

Next, Sinestro shows Nax the new Manhunter units. Now instead of read and blue, they're completely yellow. Now instead of screaming, "No man shall escape the manhunters," they yell, "No man shall escape Sinestro's might!" I hope that means they'll be defeated by the Zamarons. Although having a woman defeat a being that can "be killed by no man" falls under that "Look How Clever I Am With Semantics Fallacy."

After Sinestro points out the Manhunters have limited usefulness because they are emotionless, Nax asks, "But what about me?"

Well then why did you even bring it up if you already knew you weren't actually emotionless because you failed your "Emotions?! PTUI!" class?! Stop wasting Sinestro's time, you wiseacre!

Sinestro introduces Nax to her new partner, Soranik, and then ditches her. I guess training time is over. Sinestro has to go deal with Twat Lobo now while Nax and Soranik begin discussing ways to give the Sinestro Corps a friendlier, more upbeat vibe. Soranik is all, "Welcome! I'm just trying to figure out why these patients of mine can't feel emotions anymore. Do you like how low cut my uniform is? It really enhances that squishy feeling one gets when they think a nipple might accidentally pop into view at any moment." And Nax is all, "I can do this neat vivisection trick that doesn't actually kill the patient but hurts like hell. Does that help find where the emotions went?" And Soranik is all, "Let's make out!" Then I lose all interest in this comic book's actual ending as I imaging a lot of face sitting and anal probing.

Sinestro #14 Rating: +1 Ranking. This issue found the key to making this an enjoyable experience although I have a feeling the key is immediately dropped down a sewer grate and lost forever next issue. Sinestro isn't the interesting part of this book. In fact, Sinestro is as boring as a character can get. He's a powerful, arrogant fascist. His ambition is to control everything. It's probably a severe form of OCD where he has to be in control of the entire universe to feel like nothing will go wrong. Instead of thinking, "I touched the refrigerator handle three times before opening it so disaster has been averted!", Sinestro thinks, "I'm now in charge of everything so I can breathe easy!" No, Sinestro is not the interesting character here. But he has a whole Corps full of characters recruited pretty much against their will who might not be as single-minded in scaring the shit out of people as Sinestro is. That's where the stories lie! I think. I mean, the annual told the back stories of a bunch of Sinestro Corps members as well and that didn't really make them more interesting. But that's because the back stories were just versions of the characters before they got the ring. All that shit which could make them interesting was really just abandoned once they got the ring, and now they're just terrifying bad-ass monsters that get their kicks by scaring the shit out of anybody they come across. At least maybe Nax and Soranik's relationship will be an interesting background story now.

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