Sunday, August 2, 2015

Justice League 3001 #2

Yay! Supergirl's bum is back!

The Justice League 3001 have currently been sent on another impossible mission by Evil Lois Lane masquerading as Ariel Masters. The Justice League are supposed to deal with Starro who has enslaved an entire planet legally which can't be right at all, can it? Well, the Justice League will make sure it's absolutely wrong even if Guy Gardner has to forge documents to prove it! Which is exactly what he's done! Evil Lois Lane is going to be plenty upset when the Justice League save the day yet again. You see, she's just trying to get them killed. Because she's evil.

Last issue, the Justice League were just hanging around the planet full of Starros trying to figure out what to do. That showed that the Justice League were capable of acts of Herculean restraint (except I'm not sure Hercules was really ever known for his restraint and, quite possibly, he was known for the exact opposite of restraint). This issue begins in the middle of a huge brawl which only goes to show that super hero comic books are only as interesting as the amount of fist fights the writers and artists can cook up. I'm surprised the fight didn't break out at the end of the first issue because how many people didn't bother to pick up this issue since the first issue had zero punching in it? Well, it had a little bit of punching in it since Guy had to convince some bureaucrats to engage in horribly non-bureaucratic activities.

One of the Starros mentions that Ariel Masters called them up to tell them that the Justice League were looking to defeat the primary Starro lifeform which is why the Starros decided to attack. But the Justice League weren't actually there to do that! That was just Evil Lois Lane trying to get them killed. However with an exclamation point! Hearing about a primary Starro gives the Justice League the answer to stopping the Starros. Oh Evil Lois Lane! Will you never learn? You should watch more Wacky Races cartoons! Then you'll learn from Dick Dastardly that you lose because you're more interested in causing trouble than winning the race. In just about every single race, Dick Dastardly has to be ahead of the other races to set up his trap. How has he never realized he should just keep driving?! He obviously has the fastest car in the race if he can get so far ahead of the other racers that he has time to cut down trees and paint fake tunnels on walls and rig bridges to collapse. Stop trying so hard to be Dastardly and/or a Dick and just drive your stupid car with your dumb laughing Pug dog!

The Flash races off around the world to find Starro-Prime but finds Supergirl's bum and crashed ship instead.

Oh why oh why didn't she bring Beppo?!

Supergirl is quickly brought up to speed about the Starro situation. Also, it's noted that she's an original and not a genetically damaged doppelgänger, so she really needs to join the Super Buddies. Anyway, she flies off using her Supervision to find Starro-Prime. Which she does in three panels. She also negotiates some kind of truce with Starro-Prime during those panels.

Evil Lois Lane finds herself thwarted once again (which sounds like something I'd be interested in watching on a webcam). And so the Justice League 3001 once again save the universe (or at least the smallest of corners of the universe). And they saved the universe so quickly that the comic book still has room for two pages full of Fun Frequently Asked Questions!

I, for one, am glad that there is still room in DC Comic books for this kind of Ambush Bug nonsense. But I have a feeling it will have the opposite effect of selling more copies because modern comic book fans take this shit way too seriously! There is no place for whimsy in comic books, people!

No no no no no! More Fun F.A.Q. pages! In fact, DC should make the Fun F.A.Q. page mandatory for all comics in their line! Instead of a "Previously In So-And-So-Man-(Or-Woman)..." page (which don't actually exist in DC but would help their older fans with failing memories), open every issue with a Fun F.A.Q. page!

Justice League 3001 #2 Rating: +1 Ranking. Keith and J.M. actually had some non-stale, funny lines in this comic book! And the art, as always, is terrific. It's one of those books that I think has a fairly limited audience though. But if you pick it up with Giffen and DeMatteis's names on the cover, you pretty much know what you're getting. So I'm just here to say you're getting an above average version of what you'd normally expect from these guys. I hope they continue to improve the concept and maybe introduce a few black characters soon. The future is really, really white!

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