Friday, August 28, 2015

Teen Titans #11

Get it? Teenagers are constantly having breakouts! Hilarious!

Why is Red Robin throwing a Batarang on the cover? Doesn't he use Robin-Discs or something now? If I were Batman, I would have petulantly taken away all of Tim's Bat-themed items when Tim decided to go out on his own. Then I probably would have had to fire Alfred after he made a joke about "robin leaving the nest." Right after I got done crying, of course.

Red Robin is currently still refusing to allow the law to question Superboy in the deaths of a bunch of Muslims who were actually Durlans. It's not like the justice system has already condemned Superboy to death and Red Robin is buying time to prove that Superboy is innocent. No, Red Robin is simply showing his ass to the American justice system and telling them he knows the truth and how dare they investigate the crime themselves. And yet, Red Robin doesn't know the truth at all. Red Robin is simply trusting his instincts that a teammate wouldn't turn out to be a mass murderer. Red Robin could very well be harboring a murderer. So far, this story isn't making me like anybody in the Titans or the Elite. They're all just a bunch of aggressive, arrogant assholes.

"Accent" on former? I don't know. I would have gone with the tried-and-true "emphasis." If it's meant to be a joke, it fails because it just comes off as awkward usage within a Narration Box which isn't really supposed to have any personality of its own. It's just meant to convey information. It's not as if Will Pfeifer has developed an alternate persona who constantly disregards the proper use of words for his own ends which would allow him to get away with choosing "accent" over "emphasis."

The news in Chicago is already blaming the Teen Titans for the destruction of one deck by a fancy pool, the explosion of a penthouse apartment, the near collapse of a bridge, and hundreds of injuries on a train stopped short by Superboy. I'd say the news finally got something right! Blame those fuckers! Blame the fuck out of them!

Red Robin and Raven confronted Manchester Black at the end of last issue. But after Raven fell unconscious trying to read Manchester's mind, Red Robin was trapped in Black's apartment with The Elite arriving by non-Indigo Lantern teleportation. Manchester points out that Tim has no way out and then Tim jumps through the window holding Raven and flies away on his Inertrite wings. Then the smartest guy in the room, Manchester Black, says, "Oh right. He can fly." I suppose that falls under the category of "too smart for his own good"? Is that what I'm supposed to believe? That the guy who has become the next Harvest, a guy whose plans never fail due to random chance, couldn't remember that Red Robin can fly? Letting him escape must be part of the plan! You see, Manchester Black couldn't remember Red Robin could fly but he does know exactly where Tim Drake is going! He's so smart! Sometimes.

Stop it, Tim. Just stop acting like a teenager who thinks he's always right when he simply doesn't have enough life experience to truly see how wrong he is. You were harboring a felon. Now you're going to break someone out of prison who can exonerate your friend. Who's going to fucking care at that point? Go through the fucking legal system. Let them question Superboy. Get a lawyer to get a statement from the person in prison. Stop willingly becoming outlaws and Red Hoods. And if the legal way doesn't work, call Batman to fix it all.

Red Robin brought the Titans together to help kids with super powers cope. Or something. Maybe he was bringing them together to save the other kids from NOWHERE. I think he knew all that shit that Harvest was up to when the series began because, you know, he is Harvest! So at least Red Robin fighting for his friends isn't really anything new. It's not like the Wolfman series where they were supposed to be heroes but simply got hung up on their own problems on a constant basis. But helping Superboy run from the law seems a bit...I don't know...ass backwards?

This would be an acceptable speech to rally the Teen Titans under different circumstances. Like maybe if Tim had actual proof of Kon's innocence. Or if he knew the government was trying to frame Kon. Or if, you know, actual bad guys were threatening the team as opposed to Robin just trying to get the Titans to break more laws.

Tim is all, "So, if you don't want to break any more laws with me while helping Superboy run from the law when he may very well have murdered twenty Muslims, I'll understand if you stay out of this one." Of course they choose to wade deeper into blood. That's a reference to Shakespeare! Kind of.

Chimera is not a Titan. Nor is she a friend. She's a shapechanger they just met and whom they hardly know! Hell, she could have done the murders while looking like Superboy! Get her!

I guess Raven had recovered enough in the last two days to explain how to save Superboy from what she learned while in Manchester Black's mind. But she's still recovering so she won't be able to help with the prison break. That's too bad and kind of convenient because the team could really use a teleport spell in this situation.

The Titans need to break out Despero to save Superboy. I don't think Despero would do well on the witness stand. If I were Red Robin, I'd think up a Plan B after discovering it was Despero who they needed to break out of prison. Also, I would have gathered that information from Raven before sending Beast Boy in to hack the security system. But then, I'm not smart enough to just fly by the seat of my plot contrivances.

I guess Raven did recover enough to teleport the Titans into a utility closet in the prison. But since she's still laid out, she and Bunker have to remain behind counting mops while Red Robin and Chimera search the prison for Despero. But first, they release all of the prisoners from their cells because putting the guards' lives in danger is totally acceptable. Kon's in danger! And he's a Titan! And they're all friends! The guards? Who are they?! Maybe they should have thought about the possibility of dying in a prison riot before accepting the job. This is totally on them and their poor life decisions. It's not Tim Drake's fault if any of them get hurt at all! And I totally believe Tim believes that because he was trained by the best when it comes to denying responsibility for injury and death: The Batman!

Meanwhile in Manchester Black's apartment, Manchester Black already knows what's going on because it's all part of his plan.

In prison, Blockbuster attacks Red Robin instead of the guards! But that probably wasn't part of the plan! I guess Tim Drake gets better at overly complex plans when he puts on the Harvest costume.

Blockbuster, that's not where the boob window goes! Silly.

Red Robin points out, after Blockbuster is down, that all the cell doors were not supposed to open. He had a code that was only to be used on any individual door he chose. So I guess he's not responsible for all the dead guards then! It must have been part of Manchester Black's plan since he knew what Raven read in his mind so he knew where Tim and his team were going to go. But the bigger question should be why did Manchester Black know anything about Despero being able to help Superboy, right? Again, I think Red Robin is going about this all wrong.

"Stop it! Stop caring about other people! Remember your speech?! We fight for the Titans! We fight for our friends! We fight for each other! Are the guards our friends? Are they Titans? No. Let them die."

Now that Chimera stopped Red Robin from almost acting heroically, they are free to find Despero without any distractions. Superboy also decides to join them because he suddenly knows all about this prison escape for some reason. I'm sure it'll make sense if it's ever explained. And even if it isn't explained, fans of the book will do the heavy lifting on Pfeifer's writing and fill in the blanks for him so asshole haters like me can be put in their places for pointing out how fucking stupid this entire comic book is.

Teen Titans #11 Rating: -1 Ranking. Please, DC. Kill Superboy. Get him the fuck out of your Youniverse until you can figure out how to fix him. First off, I'd stop making him some disaffected teenager who's constantly in trouble through no apparent fault of his own. The only fans who like him are the fans who want to fuck him or the fans who believe everybody is out to get them in their lives as well. Being wanted by the law and being hated by normal people does not make him interesting. He's not elevating this comic book into a story worth reading. Not that it was worth reading before he appeared. I don't care enough about the Teen Titans as characters to feel for any of their struggles. Just because these versions of the Titans existed for two and a half years doesn't mean that anybody has bonded with them enough that they care about their conflict with Manchester Black (who is just Harvest-lite anyway). Nobody wanted these Titans to be tied to Lobdell's Titans anyway! I'm usually not one to call for trashing continuity and doing full blown retcons of established characters but something needs to change if the Titans are ever again going to be likeable (although, were they ever really likeable in comic book form?!). Just start over because all of these characters can eat my poo.

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