Wonder Woman #43

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why is there only one "Finch" on the cover?!

So it turns out David Finch didn't draw this issue! How is that going to affect the story? Will Meredith Finch write better when her husband isn't constantly nagging her to slip in two double page splash pages and a scene where Superman catches Diana masturbating?! Will Meredith Finch actually begin to write some complexity into Diana's character without Dave standing around yelling shit like, "Make sure you have Diana beat up an obviously sexist pig so everybody knows she's a feminist! Oh! And how about introducing Baby Rabies into her personality this issue? Women suffer through that shit at her age, right?!" I don't know why I have this intuition backed up by years of evidence that David Finch, even though he's not writing, is the main problem with the current version of Wonder Woman.

It's not really an intuition if it's based on evidence but since most people would rather think their beliefs and conclusions spring magically from thin air than realize that "intuition" is just putting together perception and evidence to predict the most likely future outcome, who am I to think otherwise? How arrogant would that be to believe that my brain puts information together to form a coherent and predictable model of the reality surrounding me? How dare I pooh-pooh mysticism and magic and religion and intuition and psychic powers?! People who rely on science and evidence are such condescending bastards!

You know what I'm sick of seeing posted to Facebook? "It's better to be kind than intelligent." Fuck you assholes and your passive aggressive bullshit. The two aren't mutually exclusive! I mean, I'm a bad example because I'm a huge asshole and a genius! But it's insulting to suggest that if somebody is intelligent then they're mean, or vice versa. Are people saying that all of their kind friends are morons? It's a bit like the old stupid person adage about how smart people lack common sense. Dumbies are always trying to make themselves feel better. Look, just because I will openly state, "There is no God," does not mean I'm being mean. Y'all constantly praise God right in my face. So aren't I allowed to express myself as well? I guess it is a bit mean to point out that my lack of belief is based on evidence and a well-informed opinion and your opinion is simply based on clinging to your desire that your ego will somehow exist for eternity. But those are just facts! Not accepting facts doesn't make facts not true! Look, I want my ego to exist forever too! Who wants to die?! But we must die because the only way for a species to grow and evolve is for continued iterations of two differently-sexed parents combining their DNA into new possibilities. Eventually, maybe, somehow, human beings will figure out the key to immortality. But as soon as that happens, say goodbye to evolution and hello to sterilization! You better hope when that leap is made, human beings are comfortable with everything about the way their bodies and minds work.

Oh, hey! What was all that? Who typed all that stuff? It wasn't me! Gosh darn that jerk who just typed all that stuff on my laptop which wasn't me at all and somebody else who you're probably angry at now! I hope God curses their grandkids! I mean, I'd love it if God would curse that person specifically but if you're familiar with The Bible, you know God has a problem punishing the correct people. I should probably just read Wonder Woman now before I point out how reading The Bible is probably the best way to stop believing in The Bible. No wonder the church fought so hard to keep it from being printed in a language the masses could read and why they still continue to try to interpret it for their flock. When people claim it's a book of instructions for life, I wonder if they even know what instructions are.

The problem might lie with the spacing of those bars.

So far, I like the new art and all the detail but it looks like these women have been sucking on lemons all morning. Can Ian draw mouths that aren't puckered up duck faces?

Strife appears eating a gigantic bag of popcorn leading to Wonder Woman asking the stupidest question she could think of.

Diana. Her name is Strife and she hates you. Figure it out.

Wonder Woman was just being polite and giving Strife a chance to show she has a big old pair of ovaries but instead Strife chickens out and pretends she had nothing to do with Donna's disappearance. Wonder Woman responds with some smug response that allows her to smirk as if she just laid a verbal smackdown on Strife. She didn't though. It could have been better. I give it a four out of ten. But now the hunt is on to find Donna before she meets and marries Terry Long.

Hera's pool doesn't work for finding people made out of clay so Wonder Woman pays a visit to her brother, Wesley Willis. I'm glad Meredith didn't forget that he's a character in this comic book series!

I think Meredith could have done a bit more research on his way of talking though! I would have said, "Diana. You are a very nice sister. I will help you to see. I will go on a hellride for you. You are the nicest sister in the world. You are so nice you would bring me McDonald's." Also, Diana would have shown up with McDonald's.

Whenever Milan shows up, I have to mention that I once met Wesley Willis at a concert in Portland. He sang a song he was working on at the time called, "My Roommate Fucked Me In The Ass." He was a brilliant musician.

Milan's clues lead Wonder Woman back to London and to a place called "A Twist of Fate." You'd think the Fates wouldn't set shop in a place with a name so on the nose. I'd imagine they'd be working at Michael's.

Donna surprises the Fates in their shop where they weave threads and fill growlers.

I guess in this version, you can only tell who's youngest by her breasts.

The Fates don't have Donna's thread so she can't die by their hands. She leaves while some other mysterious presence visits the Fates next and murders them. Diana stumbles upon the scene before the cutter of threads dies and burbles out some ambiguous rhymes that leaves Diana thinking that Donna murdered them. I've said this before and I'll say it again because I'm constantly writing about comic books but when you're saying your last words to somebody, try to be clear and concise! Your vagueness and ambiguity only leads to trouble!

As Wonder Woman exits the shop, she meets a street urchin who would make a better Wonder Girl than that awful Cassie over in Teen Titans! Before Diana can learn her name and give her an outfit, Aegeus and his flying horse (that isn't Pegasus because Pegasus is dead) attack. But he's no better at shooting arrows now than he was last issue.

Eww! That's kind of creepy if she means Aegeus was still breastfeeding at fourteen. I must be parsing this statement incorrectly!

Aegeus eventually gets a lucky shot when Diana thinks he's down for the count and hits her in the shoulder with one of his magic arrows. It causes Diana to bleed from her eyes and, once more, mention how Aegeus won't escape so easily as he easily escapes. Diana collapses in a heap of blood so that she can wake up being cared for in the street urchin's cardboard box next issue.

Wonder Woman #43 Rating: +1 Ranking. This issue was much better than previous issues. I'm going to assume it's because David Finch wasn't a part of it. It's probably just my intuition and not evidence-based at all that I believe Meredith Finch writes better when her husband isn't standing over her shoulder asking for more scenes where he can showcase Wonder Woman's boobs. This feels a bit derivative of Azzarello's run but that's a good thing. I don't mind if Wonder Woman is mostly caught up in the lives of the gods and the other Amazons in her own book. She can save the world over in Justice League. I just want to see her helping other people because it's the right thing to do. I have a feeling she's going to wind up hugging Aegeus and stroking his head and telling him he's well-loved. Then he'll weep and renounce being a dick and become a minor character in this comic book. And maybe his Pegasus is actually Pegasus returned. I said back when he died that he had a strong chance of coming back quickly since young girls and boys love winged horses. Pegasus can't die with all of that junior high school worship taking place. Anyway, I'm cautiously optimistic about the direction of this book right now. I would love to have a well-written Wonder Woman in a comic book I'm buying. I have no idea how things are going over in Sensation Comics since I don't pick that up, what with it not having been a New 52 book and all that jazz.