Hopefully this cover means Etrigan is on his way.
I should record my comic book reviews and release them as podcasts for people who don't have three minutes of free time to read them. People like listening to shit and exerting no effort for their entertainment, right? I think that was one of Wii Fit's choices as to why I'm so Goddamned fat: "Cannot bring myself to spend calories on reading and can only hit play button with long stick from lying position in pool of congealed lard."
This issue begins with John Constantine in a straight jacket in The House of Mystery. I don't know why that is and it causes a bit of anxiety that maybe I missed a Forever Evil: Blight issue somewhere along the line! Blight had just been defeated and Chris the Babysitter had become Chris the Redeemer. Constantine could feel Zatanna and the other magic users being held by The Crime Syndicate in some thing called a Thaumaton. Perhaps that's why he went crazy? I hope the story explains itself fairly quickly because I hate reading comic books with that nagging sense I should know what's happening but possibly don't because of my memory. The whole reason for this blog was to never feel that feeling again!
Oh, thank you, Nightmare Nurse! You have cured me of my crippling anxiety!
Even the House wants them to fuck. Speaking of fucking and The House of Mystery, does it ever get laid? Does it pound its chimney into The House of Secret's backdoor? Is it weird that I'd pay good money to watch that porn?
Meanwhile Pandora, Deadman, Swamp Thing, and Zauriel aren't going to be any help if they can't even ascribe the speech bubbles to the proper speakers.
The group realizes The Crime Syndicate's evil little plan is taking place in Nanda Parbat because that's the first place that anybody would have guessed they were holed up doing their little magic experiments. No, maybe the second place. My first guess would have been San Francisco, possibly Berkeley. Nanda Parbat would have been my second guess. But for the magic loving freaks of the DC Universe, this is where they would have picked if they weren't busy with all that making shitty plans fighting Blight business. If they had just sat down at a table with some Earl Grey and biscuits to discuss the matter calmly, one of them would have said, "If I were a mega-evil bunch of dopplegangers from a mirror world, where would I go to most effectively use the magicians I've kidnapped?" And Constantine would have snapped his fingers and pointed at Swamp Thing and, in unison, they would have said, "Nanda ParliamentofTreesbat!" And Swamp Thing would have said alone, "Oh yeah. Your answer makes more sense. They're probably in Nanda Parbat." And so that's where The Phantom Stranger takes them with his Mysterious Ways Power.
Fuck you, Zauriel! Like The Phantom Stranger wants this fucking bullshit power crap anyway! He's only been trying to figure out how to lose this job for 2000 years! And now you tell him all he had to do was abuse his heavenly expense account?! No problem!
Felix Faust and Nick Necro are fucking chimps. I mean chumps! Damn typo! Now I'm picturing Faust with his dick in an ape's ass as it howls away and jerks off Nick Necro's dick painted like a banana.
The Phantom Stranger #16 Rating: +2 Ranking. I don't have time to say how much I enjoyed this comic book because I have to get ready for work now. If only I had a patron to support me, I wouldn't be leaving this end statement half finished.