Green Lantern Corps Annual #2

It feels like we just had a Green Lantern Corps Annual!

I really kind of despise doing commentaries on the Annuals. But too many Annuals tie in to the main story nowadays to just disregard them. Remember the good old days when Annuals were simply a means to test out new writers and/or artists by telling a complete tale in one issue that didn't fuck with the current continuity of a character? No? Nobody remembers that? Then perhaps you remember when Annuals were a way to make the company a dickload of money by tying them into a huge summer blockbuster crossover event! Yeah, that usually sucked.

Anyway, I hate Annuals. I'd rather have a week off from buying fucking comic books. Dicks.

The issue begins with Mogo being invaded by a bunch of alien ships and one ship with a bunch of old Green Lantern foes who escaped when Relic attacked Oa back in the PreMogo Reboot PostCrisis days. According to the creative team's credits for this issue, this story may concentrate on who the villains are and how they chose so poorly that their lives became a constant stream of ass-poundings meted out by Green Lanterns. Also the story will be about each one getting another ass-pounding because Hal Jordan is pissed off and tired of being punched in the face by friends. Now it's time for him to do the face punching!

First up is Evil Star!

Well that's just...odd.

Ninety years ago, Evil Star self-administered a tattoo of a star to his chest. That tattoo was capable of sucking the life out of anybody that looked at it. Yeah, I know that feeling. I've had a few friends whose first tattoos did practically the same thing.

Also, that was the end of his origin! There must be a lot of villains to get through if we're keeping their origins to single pages!

Meanwhile John Stewart and his pals are battling a fleet of Khunds with ring draining weapons. Vash and Isamot are the first to fall.

Really Isamot? You can't bother to wear anything under your Green Lantern Energy Provided Uniform?

The rest fall quickly after this although we don't get to see John and Yrra in their underwear. Dammit.

Meanwhile on Durla where the Durlans live, Khurtz the Khund and PB Anj are meeting with "The Ancients" to discuss their alliance against the Green Lantern Corps. The Ancients are what the Durlans call a disgusting, orgiastic mess of Durlans that have decided to melt together and writhe in a musty basement for eternity. For some reason they enjoy manifesting mouths and eyeballs and fingers and tentacles but not one penis or vagina. Odd. I'm pretty sure all I would be is fifteen penises, buttholes, and vaginas all slapping together in a sexy, chaotic mess. But then I'd be the most perfect Durlan ever.

So when playing a board game, the Durlans never lose. They either win or scream "Hurricane Durlans!"

Thirty years ago, Bolphunga earned the stupid ass name of Bolphunga.

Four years ago, Chun Yull pisses off his coworkers and is shunned.

Kilowog says that like he knows about the taint piercing.

More fighting takes place on Mogo between the "origins" of the villains. Mogo brings down the other ships in the fleet and Hal discovers John and the others being held as prisoners on one. And we get to see John and Yrra in their underwear! A little bit.

For Mogo's sake Isamot! At least put a sock on it.

Eight years ago, Kanjar Ro was arrested and sold into slavery. And that is how he became KANJAR RO!

Once Hal Jordan recovers from getting a glimpse of Isamot's three pronged genitalia, he learns from John Stewart that Kanjar Ro and the other villains have joined the Green Lanterns to defeat the Durlans. They might have figured it out sooner if Hal Jordan hadn't insisted on finishing Kanjar Ro's opening statement incorrectly and then punching Kanjar in the mouth. Oh well. Live and learn! Unless you're Hal Jordan and then forget the learning half of that statement.

Six years ago, Zuree was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time doing the wrong job for the wrong people and wrongly sentenced for being wrong.

Twenty years ago, Hunger Dog chased down a wild Grogleplick to prove that he is the best tracker ever.

Now, The Green Lantern Corps have teamed up with a bunch of their oldest and most (unless I mean least) remembered villains. Each villain gets to team up with one Green Lantern as they search out the Durlans and foil their plan to destroy the Green Lantern Corps. I'm assuming that all of the villains that help will get a pardon for past convictions. But they'll also get a stern warning from Hal Jordan that the Green Lantern Corps will be watching their future actions very closely!

The issue ends with both sides searching for a long lost Green Lantern that headed up a special Green Lantern unit called the "Corpse." His name is Von Daggle and he's a Durlan.

Green Lantern Corps Annual #2 Rating: Full of sweet super villainy creme filling.