Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Action Comics #28

Last issue, Superman just beat up Ukur The Beast Lord and his Beastly Sentinels which freed Imperial Subterranea. Now the Queen of the Sunturians Subterraneans is ecstatically preparing for war because everybody in comic books are violent and power hungry. Why can't Superman meet some nice people for a change? Maybe meet a new friend with similar interests like lording your might over the Earthlings and spending a lot of me time in the snow!

Greg Pak apparently can't write more than one comic book a month because he's just writing Batman Loves Superman hear except with Lana Lang playing the part of The Goddamned Batman. Superman thinks something. Then Lana Lang thinks about the same thing but from a different perspective. Then Clark thinks about how Lana was always so this and then Lana thinks about how Clark was always so that.

Besides Ukur and his beasts and the citizens of Imperial Subterranea, there are also these gigantic sun orbs underground.

Kokya the Queen of Imperial Subterranea appears and invites Lana Lang to join her for some lording of might over the peasants. Oh! Okay, there's that nice change of pace I was hoping for! Lana points out that Superman is her slave which makes Superman less comfortable than when Ukur points out that they smell like they're getting each other aroused. I wish this was a scratch and sniff comic book.

Oh yeah. I also forgot that Ghost Soldier was tracking Lana. So he'll probably ruin everybody's good time because he's bitter that his super hero (or villain) name sucks.

Before the party gets underway, Superman discovers that Imperial Subterranea is draining the life of the cute little underground fuzzies to power their sun orbs. And while Superman might look the other way when atrocities are being committed by Uplander human nations, he's not going to allow this kind of unjust treatment of these creatures to go on! But then Ghost Soldier isn't going to allow Superman to not allow this kind of unjust treatment of these creatures to go on. So he, you know, stops him by making him intangible.

Sure, when your best friend Batman says this kind of thing, you argue with him for hours. But a guy you don't know that recently stabbed you in the chest? Take his advice immediately! Superman is a dick.

Oh, Superman isn't as big a dick as I thought after reading the above. When he discusses these philosophical matters with Batman, he at least keeps from acting rashly and generally follows Batman's lead. Here he immediately agrees with Ghost Soldier but then does the exact opposite and attacks Imperial Subterranea anyway! Go Superman! Save the fuzzy wuzzies!

By the way, this is a Fuzzy Wuzzy.

The Queen was apparently expecting Lana and her Slave to try and free the Fuzzy Wuzzies because after Lana and Superman step up to defend the creatures, Queen Kokya says in Runespeak, "Well, that didn't take long. Thank you, Uplander. Now my debt to you is void." One thing I did finally learn about Runespeak from the Queen's Speech is that the capitalized version of a letter is just the same symbol turned upside down. That had been confusing me since I first translated the Runespeak. I knew capital letters were different from the normal alphabet but had yet to notice the pattern to them.

Now that The Queen's debt is paid, her army of stone golems rise up to march on the Uplanders. But Superman and Ghost Soldier and Lana Lang and Baka the Dragon Boy and Ukur the Beast Lord are all here to stop them, so things should settle down in a few pages. And since they're stone creatures, Superman probably feels free to murder them even though he has no idea what might be driving their consciousness.

Anyway, a bunch of rock guys get smashed, Dragon Boy and Lana Lang save a bunch of Fuzzy Wuzzies (and one slightly smaller than gigantic sun orb), and everybody escapes to the surface to get betrayed by Ghost Soldier.

Enh. No big loss.

Action Comics #28 Rating: -1 Ranking. The Fuzzy Wuzzies were the only thing that held my interest this month. It might not be fair to Action Comics since I'm really not in the mood to be reading comic books or writing commentary. But if I don't get at least two done per day, I begin to fall way behind and I'm already a week behind schedule. But right now I've got that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach like my entire life is falling apart and I don't know why and I just want to crawl into bed and watch stupid movies with my cat on my lap. So, you know, sorry about that Superman and Lana Lang but I probably wasn't really paying much attention to you this month.

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