Am I the only one at least partially disturbed with Catwoman, a person Bruce loves to fuck, dressed similarly to Robin? Is that what Gothtopia really is? A place that doesn't judge a man for wanting to fuck his young sidekick?
In Gothtopia, Catwoman has become Batman's new partner and goes by the name of Catbird. Who wants to bet against her being called "Cat-Turd" at some point in this comic book? Because I've got twenty bucks on it!
If somebody were to really take that bet, I'd probably lose my money. I forget that just because I think of it and that I would put it in a story, that doesn't mean a writer that has to answer to a bunch of editors would wind up doing it.
Ann Nocenti titles this issue "Happiness is a Cold Gun" because of reasons. After reading the issue, I may very well learn why she titled it that. But I've also learned not to put too much effort into understanding anything written by Ann Nocenti. She's the person that wrote a Green Arrow story where a woman juggling flaming batons kept shouting advice at him. Now, that could have really been happening even though it's unbelievable that she would have kept encountering Green Arrow again and again. Does it make more sense to think of her as a guardian angel or a magic pixie? Maybe. I don't know! Like I said, I don't think about it. I just read it and let it wash over me like five day old diarrhea.
Gothtopia. Where sexuality isn't a spectrum; it's a Fudge Brownie With Walnuts Party and everybody is coming. On the brownies.
More sexy orgasmic kissing. I always figured Batman and Catwoman to be the type to come at the same time.
My point is this: you literally do get dumber reading an Ann Nocenti story!
Anyway, Selina Kyle is going to get to the bottom of the rampant wave of Gotham Suicides! If she just asks the right questions and the people just tell her nonsensical answers, she'll crack this case wide open! Just like a Unicorn Detective!
Why isn't this an AMC Series?
I should also mention, because I'm a petty bitch, that Bluebelle is spelled "Bluebell" in this issue.
And then this is Catbird's reaction when the man she hasn't been able to keep her lips off of during the first few pages of this comic is put away for having a psychotic break:
"Welp, no time to wait and see what's wrong with Bruce. I guess it's time to reenter the dating pool!"
I'm not good enough at the wordsmithing to explain how bad Ann Nocenti's writing is. That last paragraph was my attempt and it was a sad miscarriage. Luckily you don't need me to see how horrible Nocenti is! Let me allow her to display her skill. Exhibit A:
Thank Jesus on High for the person that invented the trash can! Whatever did we do with all of our stinky things before then?
Anyway, Selina seems to know who she is in her dreams but she keeps denying it. She wakes up and gets back to being Catbird until she meets the guy she gave the bad advice to earlier. He's a man in bird armor. Is he Catwoman's opposite: Birdman?! And when she meets him, she begins to see the real Gotham flicker in and out in much the same way Batman and Batwing did before they broke the Scarecrow's spell.
This guy's name is Steeljacket. I've never heard of him but apparently he's the second best burglar in Gotham but he seems to always try to steal the things that Catwoman has just stolen because he's, presumably, an idiot. And now he's trying to wake up Catwoman so she can become the best burglar in Gotham again? I guess he just can't handle success.
Anyway, by telling Catwoman the truth and letting her beat the shit out of him, Catwoman somehow overcomes The Scarecrow's toxin. Batman and Batwing needed drugs to do that but then they're weak assholes. Now that Catwoman sees the truth, maybe next month she'll turn to Steeljacket and ask, "Who the fuck are you?"
Catwoman #27 Rating: No change. Does anybody like Ann Nocenti? I want to hear from that one reader that defended Ann Nocenti a long time ago and said that he thought her dialogue was like David Lynch's dialogue! Can you still defend her after this god-awful run on Catwoman? Can you?! Dare you?!