Thursday, February 14, 2013

Swamp Thing #17

Look at Killer Croc! I've never seen Killer Croc look like that never ever never ever! Yanick Paquette is not afraid to step outside the boundaries of the box, dousing them with gasoline as he goes and torching the fuck out of convention.

This issue begins with Alec Holland mentioning how John Constantine once told him about a curse called "The Waking Nightmare." Remember that curse? That's the curse Dream placed on the guy that captured Dream accidentally while trying to capture Death and then kept Dream bottled up for nearly a century. It might also be fitting because this entire crossover has got to be some kind of nightmare, right?

Before I really get into spoiling the fuck out of this comic book, let's revisit one of my old standard rants about the quality of DC that I've nearly given up on.

Shame on you, editors Chris Conroy and Matt Idelson. First page and you already break me out of the mood by missing a dropped word in the last speech bubble. I can't even blame the Letterer for shit like this because DC's editors have been so awful at their jobs.

This is the first time in a long time that I've pointed out an editorial problem. Mostly they don't bother me that much (unless they're on every single page of The Ravagers, every month) and pointing them out just ruins the flow of my commentary. But this commentary hasn't even started, so I thought I'd remind everyone that DC's editors don't care about editing the language. It seems they only want to make sure that Animal Man is using his dominant hand or that Swamp Thing has the right amount of booby leaves.

One thing I will say about this first page: the art is blowing me away. It's got clear, bold lines, fantastic color, and just the right amount of stylistic oddity and asymmetry that I really love. Although after this first page, it sort of falls apart a bit. Oh well. Now let's hurry up and find out what happens!

Buddy Baker is the first of the two heroes to realize what must be done. They can't waste time not killing the monsters that were their loved ones. The longer they waste, the greater the chance that Arcane wins. So Buddy kills his monster baby girl.

I assure you that is Maxine's sloppy head.

Now if Alec can just pull himself together to kill the flock of brainless Abby clones. The main thing the heroes need to do is to get the Bat Bot into the atmosphere so it can cause the Miracle Gro rain. They have a fucking Green Lantern, so I don't know what the problem is. Instead of using the Green Lantern Ring to lift it up, Frankenstein clears the way so that Steel can plug his cock into it and blast it into the sky. But while he's robot fucking the Bat Bot, Arcane comes up behind him and kills him mid-thrust. The Bot takes off with Arcane astride it. Animal Man and Swamp Thing fly on board as well and battle him to keep the Bot from exploding too soon.

As you can see, they successfully repel Anton and Swamp Thing rides the Bot into the atmosphere. But I'm concerned they took too many pages fighting Anton for this to be the end of Rotworld, dammit!

The Batman Brand Miracle Gro does its job and liquifies all of the Rotlings. Arcane manages to escape into his castle, pursued by Alec and Buddy. But they can't get to him in time and he dives into a portal in the floor. A portal similar to the portal he used to enter The Grey when this whole thing began.

Buddy and Alec feel like they've lost even though they defeated Arcane. But Arcane wants to win completely. The Parliament of the Rot appears to Alec and Buddy to apologize for picking such an asshole as their avatar. The Rot and The Green and The Red all need to maintain a semblance of balance for each of them to exist. And Arcane's fucked up world will eventually mean the end of even The Rot if all life is snuffed out. So the Parliament of the Rot decide it's time to interfere and help the good guys.

Is it time to travel back to the beginning?

The Parliament warns that they only have the ability to send them back this one time. Although once they go back and relive it and encounter the Parliament of the Rot again, won't it be, once again, the first time for the Parliament of the Rot? I guess since they keep saying "the timelessness of death," that means the Parliament of the Rot exist outside of time somehow. Which is why Arcane can go back in time to try it all over again and the Parliament can send Buddy and Alec back to try to win much quicker next time. You know, before the world is destroyed. So Swamp Thing and Animal Man and the DCnU get a do over!

Swamp Thing #17 Rating: +1 Ranking. I really thought this was going to be the end. But by really thinking it was going to be the end, I knew that it wasn't going to be the end. If you get what I'm saying! Every time I believe I'm reading the last issue of a crossover or a monthly title, I always end up being wrong. So now Rotworld finishes up in Issues #18 of both Animal Man and Swamp Thing. Damn it.

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