Thursday, February 7, 2013

Batman Incorporated #7

It seems the only people Batman fights anymore are the citizens of Gotham: The Saturn Club victims, The Scarecrow's victims, The Mad Hatter' victims, The Joker's victims, Leviathan's victims. I know I'm forgetting some others!

Batman was falling to his death at the end of the last issue thanks to some giant tank of a Batthing created by Talia. Storming the location of Batman's imminent death was the gang of children seen on the cover. But not to worry! Robin was on his way to save the day! And by save the day, I mean give himself up to his mother to save Gotham and then beat the shit out of Talia himself after which she'll tell him to just kill her but he won't and that will prove that Batman has beaten her!

Except this comic book was written by Grant Morrison so I imagine that even a Master Comic Book Reader like me doesn't have the chops to figure out where his plots are going.

Of course you're too late! He was falling out of the building before you were even on your Bird-Cycles!

Batman does not hit the pavement before his kids arrive because he's snatched out of the air by a Manbat. And Damian is still nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he's behind the others because he's riding Batcow into battle with Titus at his side and Alfred perched on his shoulder. The cat not the butler!

Traktir and Spidra, members of Batman Incorporated, at Talia's Bio-factory in Yemen have located the corpse of a whale that died giving birth, apparently to Talia's new Batthing. Damian is still in the batcave like he was told. That's surprising! When is he going to ditch Pennyworth and get his ass back into combat? Perhaps he knows he pushed his father one too many times so far. One more time and Batman will drive Damian to Talia's front door and push him out of the Batmobile without even stopping. In the meantime, Damian has animals to take care of.

Vegetarians owning cats! Fucking hypocrites! Ouch! I just hurt my own feelings!

My cats must think I'm just a gigantic selfish asshole when I won't share my food with them. Although when I offer, they never want it! Unless it has cheese on it. Yes, I eat dairy. I'm part of the enslavement and ill-treatment of hundreds of thousands of dairy animals! But God made farmers, right? He wants us to partake of the fruits of the subjugated and oppressed! I'm actually not against eating dairy in theory. In theory, these animals' ancestors made a pretty sweet fucking deal with our ancestors to provide sustenance for protection and care. But like I said, in theory! Today, most dairy animals are very much tortured for the products they provide. I know better but I'm still too lazy to do my homework and only partake of cheeses and ice creams (that's pretty much it for my dairy intake!) from respectable farmers. Or actual farmers. I don't think you can count the people working the gigantic factory farms as farmers. So yeah. Some fucking vegetarian I am! Just as lazy as the meat-eaters. But it's a process! I'm still working on it! Enlightenment isn't like a curtain falling all at once! It's like a really long nap. Or hike. One of those.

I'm a sucker for panels depicting Damian playing with Alfred, so here's some more kitten pictures.

The scratches all over Damian's arm is a nice touch. I feel you, Damian!

Meanwhile shit is going down all over Gotham. Tim Drake is nearly blown up in a trap following Batman's Utility Belt tracer. Jason Todd is zapped by Hood who has decided Batman Incorporated is over and it's time to get the hell out. Nighwing and Commissioner Gordon are being attacked by mind-controlled children. Batman has been stuffed in a safe and tossed into a swimming pool. And Talia is about to unleash Otto Netz's Oroboro meta-bomb. Is it time for Damian to save the day yet?!

Awww! Who fucking cares? Look at da widdle adimals!

I guess Alfred Pennyworth cares!

Oh Alfred! Always covering your own ass!

Turns out Alfred doesn't have to cover his own ass. Damian has already hacked the security protocols and is able to do Bruce's voice so well, he fools the voice recognition locks. Alfred is duly impressed and promises to take care of Robin's pets while he's off to save The Goddamned Batman.

Batman Incorporated #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. I really should get around to reading Morrison's Preboot run on Batman Incorporated and Batman and Robin. It's just I don't have any time to read all of the shit I currently own! How do people do everything they want to do each week when they work 40 hours of that week? I guess if I made myself work forty hours, I'd earn twice as much but I don't think it would be fucking worth it! Although I could hire somebody to work the other twenty hours and pay them slave wages with no benefits. But then I can strut around saying, "I'm a job creator!" and everyone can congratulate me and slap me on the back and think, "There goes a true American hero!" Meanwhile my worker will get appendicitis and die. But that just means another job opening that I can fill while expecting the person filling it to be grateful!

America! Fuck yeah!
My cat Judas, the model.

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