Thursday, February 7, 2013

Justice League Dark #16

She's probably still immortal; it's just that her age is now showing.

The last issue of Justice League Dark had the team arriving in Faerie while some really strange things happened to them. John Constantine suddenly can't lie. Black Orchid has been transformed into a Purple Swamp Thing. Madame Xanadu has undergone a reverse face lift. Deadman is literally a dead man. And Frankenstein hasn't shown any signs of change yet. Maybe he'll begin to decay throughout this issue. They've come to Faerie to rescue Zatanna and Tim Hunter. Zatanna and Tim Hunter have arrived in Faerie to help the fairies drive out the Technological Assholes that have taken over.

Luckily Deadman has practice at this being killed thing so the first thing he does is try to find his way out of Faerie's Land of the Dead. But while doing so, he runs into the keeper of the gates of the dead, Infernal Core!

Great! The entrance/exit to the land of the dead is guarded by some jerk created by reality television contestants. I hate him already.

Deadman escapes by tackling this jerk through the portal to the land of the fairies. And then the guy freaks out, screaming about how he doesn't belong here and he goes both ways and stop being so fucking insensitive! Then the Techno-Asshole jizzes all over Infernal Core who disappears in an explosion of blood. Unless it's fire. Whatever it is, good riddance. I'm glad they didn't spend much time with him since he was only here for a stupid reality show prize. Hey DC! Stop ruining my comics with gimmicks and publicity stunts! Or if you are going to do that kind of shit, save it for Superboy. Anyway, I'm kind of liking this Network Enforcer Vikar a little bit more now. That fucking Face-Off show just wasted six pages of this comic book, so the next fourteen had better be spectacular.

A few more pages are spent explaining to Tim why he's going to be the savior of Faerie. It's because his ancestor was the Faerie Champion, a wizard named The Hunter. If that's so, was Tim Hunter's father not his real father? He must have been because his DNA opened the Books of Magic. Perhaps this The Hunter was many, many, many generations ago and his ancestors escaped Faerie to live in the "real" world.

Oh Frankenstein. That's the cry of the loser! "How dare you keep your advantage over me? Lose it so that I can have the advantage!"

Network Administrator Vikar realizes that Frankenstein is a creature of pure science which explains why nothing strange has happened to him. Although that makes me wonder why Constantine suddenly couldn't lie. Perhaps the entire world has a Polygraph Induced Ethernet Wave cascading across it at all times. Constantine can't lie and doesn't even attempt any magic so Justice League Dark is eventually captured by the lone science guy. Yay science! Although his science is so advanced it might as well be magic. Yay magic!

Later, Tim learns of his ancestor's immigration.

So Tim Hunter is the savior of Faerie. Constantine, Frankenstein, Xanadu, and Deadman have been captured and taken to the technological capital city. Black Orchid has been left to die in the woods. Zatanna has no purpose. And the portal kept open by Dr. Peril on Earth is beginning to tear the two worlds apart. Perhaps Infernal Core will return to save everyone.

Justice League Dark #16 Rating: -2 Ranking. The drop in ranking is due to the fact that I just read a fucking publicity stunt instead of a Justice League Dark comic book. I think my whole mood while reading this comic book was upset by the inclusion of the Face-Off contest winner comic book character. It had no purpose other than to showcase it in a DC Comic book. In essence, the fans of Justice League Dark are subsidizing the prize for a reality show. Fuck you, DC. Normally I'd say you owe me ninety cents for the six wasted pages. But I think you owe me a full refund because those first six pages set the tone for the rest of the book.

Now if DC hadn't told me about the publicity stunt in the back pages of their very own comic book, I'd still be left wondering what the fuck that introduction of Infernal Core was because it goes nowhere. So at least I have a reason for that bullshit. Without knowing about Face-off, I would have just written this for the first six pages: "What the fuck was that about?!"

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