Saturday, February 9, 2013

Worlds' Finest #9

Power Girl's costume design looks like a wardrobe malfunction.

Last issue didn't concern me so I'm going to just dive right into this one.

The issue is called "Raid" and it begins with some men in black armor raiding Starr Island. For my family members who only read this blog to see what's going on with my life because I never pick up the Goddamned Batman phone to call once in a while, that's the name of Power Girl's Fortress of Solitude. The Fortress of Solitude is where Superman lives! Power Girl is the cousin of Superman. But not the Christopher Reeves Superman you'd be familiar with! This is the Superman from Earth 2. Yes, there are multiple Earths, mom. I don't know why! Ask Stephen Hawking! No wait! I do know why! Because somewhere amidst all of their silly and crazy tales of alternate realities and alternate dimensions, DC decided to get all meta on everybody. They began doing shit like making The Silver Age Flash read comic books about the Golden Age Flash and then the Silver Age Flash eventually vibrated his nether regions in just the right way to shift realities so that he could discover the Golden Age Flash was real and not just a figment of the fictional comic book writer's imagination! And so Earth 2 was born! Pretty soon writers were coming up with all sorts of crazy Earths! Like Earth-C where everyone was a sexy anthropomorphic fox woman! And Earth-S where all the super heroes were related to each other somehow! And Earth...what? No, the characters in The New 52 are from Earth 0. I don't know why! I don't know what number "our Earth" is! Anyway, MOM, Power Girl is Karen Starr and her island is being overrun by probably bad men.

Luckily The Huntress is currently recovering from her injuries sustained in that last issue that didn't concern me.

The Huntress is the daughter, she's just now being introduced! This is her first time I've ever seen her. Yeah, she's cute, mom. Adorable. Yes she's probably a fundamentalist Christian with that cross on her outfit. Her secret power is to go about pointing out the people that are going to burn in Hell and believing terrorist attacks should be blamed on homosexuality. She should probably be called The Cuntress, amirite? Sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass every generation of our family by using that kind of language. I'm sure I did learn it from dad's side of the family.

Even with her arm in a cast, The Huntress heads off to stop the horrible (probably Atheist) men. Power Girl helped solve The Huntress's problems last issue so it's time to return the favor. She engages the squad of five bad gun wielding bad guys with just her one good arm and a brick. Yes, I know she'd probably get shot in the face and die in real life. But you need to have a pretty healthy suspension of disbelief for comic books. I'm sure you did once own a copy of the first appearance of Superman. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure dad did sell it for narcotics and booze. That story totally makes sense, mom. Can I continue?

Turns out these trespassing, breaking-and-entering heathens are coworkers of Hakkou, the Japanese Radiation Eating Monster Man. I'm not going to keep explaining who these people are, mom! Look, if you stop interrupting, I promise I'll call you when I'm done reading this comic, okay? Sheesh.

Let me just put this wig and dress away and move the corpse and the rocking chair into the other room and maybe the old biddy will stop bothering me.

Great! Now where was I? Oh yeah! Power Girl's Alfred means for Hakkou's friends to leave. Big surprise I can't remember her name, hunh?

Wonder Woman has a line of slippers? Or are these cheap knock-offs?

Power Girl's Alfred shoots one the thieves in the face which doesn't go over so well. I'm actually pretty impressed that she pulled the trigger. Usually in these situations, both parties just stand there talking tough while pointing their guns at each other because nobody really wants to take a bullet to the brain, so everybody is extra careful. But this fierce bitch just pops one in the head of the woman that decided opening her big fucking mouth was an acceptable alternative to leaving. I like Power Girl's assistant! I guess it's time to learn her name.

The Huntress catches the part of the conversation where the now bleeding woman called her and her cohorts "repo men". Hopefully she's not going to judge Power Girl for stealing other people's technology when The Huntress had no problem stealing Batman's money. She might feel her theft was justified because she's kind of related to Batman and Power Girl's theft was unjustified because the consequences keep almost getting them all killed.

The Huntress kills time remembering how she got her uniform and how she helped Karen become the island owning corporate giant she has become. She also shoots at the bad guys to keep them busy until Power Girl answers her page from her assistant. Really? Power Girl still uses a pager? I thought only the Batfamily still used those. Unless people still sometimes refer to texts as pages? How would I know! I don't own a phone. It's an easy excuse to not have to stay in touch with that stupid family I mentioned earlier that I hope stopped reading after I stopped explaining stuff!

Power Girl's return to save the day doesn't exactly go as planned though.

I guess it's time for The Huntress's crossbow to save the day again because the super power Kryptonian failed. Again.

Except The Huntress doesn't have her crossbow so she just has to rely on the weaker and less elegant gun. She shoots the bad guy's blaster rifle in just the right spot and it blows up. The other bad guys flee while Power Girl interrogates the man who shot her. Why the fuck are they trespassing? What do they want? Why did that gun hurt so much!?

Oh, don't judge, you hypocritical sneak thief!

Worlds' Finest #9 Rating: No change. The best part of this comic book is the relationship between The Huntress and Power Girl and that was in short supply this time. Some good stuff with the flashback that I mostly skipped but not much else. Nothing fantastic this month but still a good read and one of the better comics of The New 52.

And speaking of The New 52, DC's Channel 52 debuts this week as a two page comic in the back of every issue. It's really just a dumping ground for what's happening around the New DCU and I'm sure it's going to constantly be full of spoilers. But whatever. It's got Ambush Bug!

I hope this doesn't mean he's permanently on some kind of leave from the real New 52 universe.

I was hoping the main reporter would be Jonni DC but it turns out she's Brother Blood shill, Bethany Snow. The other reporters are Calendar Man (whose Case File I just unlocked yesterday while playing Arkham Asylum!) and Vartox, some old Superman ally. Mostly it's just DC reporting what's going on in their various titles. But at least Ambush Bug looks good! I wonder who did the art?

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