Shade the Changing Girl #8

Who brought the young girl to a velociraptor fight?

• Marge Sausage was apparently only doing the art for one issue. Now I'm really going to have to dig deep to find anything positive to say about this comic book.

• Oh wait! I know one. It has a female lead. Boom! Worth reading. Also she's a person of color. Can you refer to alien bird species who love to fuck as a POC? I'm probably a white guy in his mid forties, so I don't know anything about saying the correct thing. I mean, I thought I knew how to be a generally kind person and then I found out, online, that I was actually gross and problematic. At least now I know how all the gay kids felt in 80's high schools when they heard people calling terrible things gay! Because now every aspect of me that I never actually think about unless I'm filling out a census form is the new way to call something gay! I imagine it would hurt if I wasn't already full of self-confidence due not to my circumstances of birth but to my being so objectively awesome.

No it isn't! That's the definition of dying in a way that will cause people talking about it to have to bite their tongue before they completely blame the victim!

• You know what's wrong with this country? We've become too afraid to blame the victim! Sometimes blaming the victim is really important. Like when somebody crosses the street at night and in the raing while wearing dark clothing which causes them to be hit by a car and killed. In that instance, we need to blame the victim as hard as we can! It's not like it was the driver's fault in that situation! It's not like it was an accident that couldn't be avoided! The victim's death was due entirely to the victim's poor choices. And by refusing to blame the victim, we obfuscate the reason the victim died and dance around the real danger. By not blaming the victim, we discuss things like the speed limit on the road and the lack of a crosswalk and the need for drivers to be more aware of things they couldn't possibly see in time to stop because who could have guessed that person would suddenly be on the hood of their car when the driver was blinded by oncoming headlights and the heavy rain and the darkness of the stupid sun not being in the dumb old sky! None of those things would prevent the death of a person who treats reality as if there are respawn points!

• Obviously there are times when we shouldn't blame the victim. Stop taking something I wrote and deciding I'm a monster because you have no reading comprehension! Maybe you're the gross and problematic one in this situation! You ever think of that?!

• You know what? I bet you Internet Scolds think of that all the fucking time. I bet you're constantly thinking that. I can't imagine being part of a community of people who are obsessively looking for a flaw (or a perceived flaw through a purposeful misunderstanding) in any of the people in their community so they can out them and receive praise for being so fucking perceptive and righteous and noble! Anybody can look at a huge fucking jerk and point out why the person is a huge fucking jerk. But not everybody can look at their best friend who is supposedly just as socially just as they are and tear their fucking heart out when they make a misstep. It must be so stressful to be a young person in this day and age. You can't make one mistake — NOT ONE FUCKING MISTAKE — before your life is ruined and you have to change your Tumblr URL. Man, I'm glad I don't give a shit what anybody thinks of me!

• I think this commentary is getting away from me! I've only read two Narration Boxes on the first page so far! Excuse me while I discuss this problem with my brain.

My Super-Ego: "Hey. Get back on track, you secretive monster! You're fucking making us look bad! People are going to read this shit and determine we're gross. GROSS! That's the worst thing you can be on the Internet!"
My Id: "Go fuck yourself! Masturbating!"
My Ego: "Ugh. Again? What the fuck is wrong with me? Don't worry about Id, Super-Ego. I've got this! I can get this train back on the rails!"
My Super-Eggo: "L'eggo me!"
My Super-Ego: "Knock it off, Id! I know that was you pretending to be a version of me. That is wrong. You can't do that."
My Ego: "Look, I think I've got Id back in the closet, okay? I can deal with this. Just let me handle things from here."
My Super-Ego: "Why the fuck should I trust you? That Id fucker pulls your strings and you know it! You need to stop listening to his obscene whispers and fall in line. Do you want to die homeless in a Seattle gutter? Do you want to fling yourself off the Fremont Bridge in a state of manic energy? Do you want to be known as the neighbor who sometimes kicks around a soccer ball in the middle of the street without any pants? Then get a fucking grip and start following my orders!"

• Okay! I'm back! Let's get this shit done so I can go do some keepie-uppie!

• The destination Shade has not chosen because she didn't do any research before traveling and just hopped on any old fucking train that pulled up at the station is Gotham City. See? Blame the fucking victim! She deserves to be gassed by The Joker at this point!

• Luckily for Shade, she's looking for danger. She just ditched the only friends she made on Earth and is in a state of self-destructive self-pity! No better place for that than Gotham City! Or that house on Ash Tree Lane. That place is a sublime location for losing oneself in their own doubts and self-hatreds.

Me. And me!

• Shade spends multiple pages doing touristy stuff that I think is some kind of essay on cities and the people who live there? Maybe something about how the people of Earth are meant to be but ultimately fail to live up to their ideals? Or maybe just a fun romp through Gotham? I seem to have lost interest after all that digressive writing I did!

• Shade wanders about having pseudo-profound thoughts about life and cities and art and relationships and dinosaurs until she comes to a theater where the Sonic Booms are playing. Apparently she remembers a version of them from the old television show Life With Honey. So she rushes in to be thoroughly disappointed. Or completely uplifted? Really, it could go either way. Although since she's experiencing music and Young Animal is basically DC's hipster brand, I'm pretty sure music will be treated as a religious and transcendental experience next issue.

Gotham Academy: Second Semester #9

I have boxes full of pictures of me as a teenager with the girl next to me cut out or burned. The girl was always a mannequin but now it looks like I had a passionate and tempestuous youth.

• This is probably the last Gotham Academy story because DC Comics can't afford to keep paying three different people on story credits.

• Amity Silverlock, using Olive's body, has begun her reign of arsony terror on Gotham's old blood families. She begins by burning down an old Dent home while twirling her mustache.

• The Pizza Mystery Club has plans to save Olive from the angry spirit of her long dead ancestor. Hopefully this plan will finally need Pomeline to get naked.

• Kyle quits the club because Olive doesn't want to fuck him and Colton does.

• The Pizza Mystery Club decide finding Amity Silverlock's bones is probably the best way to defeat her. It worked in that Freddy Kreuger movie, didn't it? No, you know what. I don't think it did. I think he still returned for another pre-cursor to Scream movie and a battle with Jason Voorhees.

• While searching through a small mountain of skulls, the Pizza Club encounter another strange Gotham Academy Student.

I didn't know King Shark had a daughter.

• Apparently Gotham Academy is where all the super villain kids go to school.

• A kid with a fox head and a kid with a crow head seal the kids into the Well of Skulls as it fills up with water. Apparently ghosts aren't the worst things haunting the halls of Gotham Academy. It's also full of furries.

• Olive Silverlock makes friends with Harvey Dent. But she still has to make friends with his coin. His coin decides to help her get revenge on the Cobblepot family next. It's too bad she didn't go after the Wayne family first. This story could be over by now.

• The Mystery Pizza Club discover a legendary secret society called the Terrible Trio comprised of a Fox Person, a Crow Person, and a Shark Person. Their goal was to spread disinformation and cause general mayhem so that other secret societies would never discover the true secrets of Gotham Academy. Maps takes off on her own to investigate them, leaving Colton and Pomeline to figure out a plan that involves Pomeline getting naked on-panel.

• Meanwhile, Kyle didn't quit the club at all. He just went out on his own to follow Olive around Gotham because he's a creepy perv who can't take no for an answer.

Action Comics #979

Now I know why Blanque is called Blanque! It's due to the face he makes when being fucked in the ass!

• The issue begins with Superman either being choked to death by Mongul or utilizing his Secret Autoerotic Asphyxiation Machine in the Fortress of Solitude. I finally get the name of that too! From now on, my closet will be called the Fortress of Solitude! And my special belt will be dubbed Mongul's Arm!

• Patrick Zircher continues to be credited as "Patch" Zircher. I guess he's twelve.

• This issue is called "Revenge, Part 1." Anybody familiar with my hatred of comic books already knows how much more I'm going to hate this one than how much I hate the usual ones.

• It's irresponsible of superheroes not to kill the villains. By not killing them, they inevitably spend the majority of their time trying not to be killed by them. That's precious time they could be helping people being mugged or abused by their parents or contemplating suicide. Instead of helping to make the world a better place for the next few issues, Superman will simply be dealing with his own problems. Not that he shouldn't be allowed to deal with personal issues. But when those personal issues are villains he failed to completely stop from making the world a worse place by not killing them or by not shoring up the locks to the Phantom Zone, he needs to be held accountable for all the disasters that he could have stopped while being choked to a mighty orgasm by Mongul.

• The battle between Mongul and Superman turns out not to have anything to do with an Autoerotic Asphyxiation Machine. It's just Mongul having a series of wet dreams provided by his Black Mercy. Eradicator has come by to clean him up and recruit him to the Superman Revenge Squad. Once again, I should point out that I did not make up that name. It's rare when a comic book comes up with dumber stuff than I do.

• Lois and Clark are currently looking at apartments in Metropolis.

Lois's idea of perfection is being attacked on a constant basis by aliens and Swamp Things.

• How bored do you think Patch was drawing that above scan?

• The Superman Revenge Squad travels to Superman's now destroyed Himalayan Fortress of More Solitude to find some powerful artifact in the rubble. Superman should probably have cleaned the place up by now. I'm beginning to come around to Batman's side. Superman is too powerful and too dumb to live.

• They're after the Oblivion Stone which has been a minor plot point for some time. If the two halves of the stone are combined, it will "alter any aspect of the possessor's life — once." I know why Mongul wants it! You can tell by how flat the front of his crotch is on his spandex suit. Totally nothing going on there.

• Apparently Superman was too busy to realize his Himalayan Fortress was destroyed. Maybe I was too quick to judge. I mean, it's not like the destruction of his fortress, the escape of his prisoners, and the loss of dozens of dangerous artifacts will be a threat to the world. It's not like he should have better safeguards than a robot telling him everything is okay, or an alarm that goes off long after the entire mountain has collapsed on itself. No, you know what. Batman is still totally right.

• Superman discovers that his friends in the Fortress are dead and the Oblivion Stone is gone. He takes the sudden realization that he's a failure as a friend and a hero shockingly well.

• The Superman Revenge Squad returns the Oblivion Stone half to Hank Henshaw. He reunites it with the half he has and makes his wish: to once again become Cyborg Superman. No! Now there are two of them?! But just one of them bores the fuck out of me! Two of them will put me into an Oblivion Coma.

• Cyborg Superman suggests they need one more member for the Superman Revenge Squad: Zod. As if there aren't already enough egos on this team. "Kiss my hand!" "Kneel before me!" "Pledge your undying fealty to my anal sphincter!" As soon as Lex Luthor realizes he wasn't drafted, his feelings are going to be hurt.

Supergirl #9

This cover reminds me that I should do a review of that fucking awful DC Superhero Girls book. Holy shit that thing is terrible!

My intitial impression of the DC Superhero Girls book was that it was about girls supporting each other and getting along and friendship and yay! But then the first scene is Wonder Woman sparring with Cheetah in gym. Cheetah gets her ass beat and all the DC Superhero Girls cheer wildly while Gym Teacher Wildcat writes a big A on a piece of paper and shows it to her. "See? You get an A for beating up that girl nobody likes!" Cheetah slinks off without a word from any of these caring, kind, supportive girls. No "Good try!" or "You'll get her next time!" or Are you okay?" Nothing! Not a fucking word. They just cheer Wonder Woman and everybody celebrates Wonder Woman's accomplishments and Cheetah probably slinks off to go eat lunch alone trying not to listen to the whispers of the other girls calling her a bitch and a whore.

It's possible I'm reading too much into the comic book. Also, I haven't gotten much farther than that so maybe it all comes together in the third act to explain why everybody treats Cheetah like she doesn't exist and deserves to get beat down so Wonder Woman can get her precious A.

In this issue, Magog interrupts the embryonic Superman/Batman rivalry developing between Batgirl and Supergirl. He's upset about something Supergirl does in the future which is always a good excuse to create time travel so you can go back in the past to punch the person in their confused face. It seems Magog has become a member of the Fatal Five. Last time we saw New 52 Magog, he was just an angry kid transformed into a brutish adult by Circe to extract his revenge on the Justice League for not saving his family during Darkseid's invasion. That's the long way of saying he's just another irrational villain who, like most of America, don't seem to understand blame. So he's a time traveler who wants to avenge future slights in the past, he's a victim who has decided to blame the wrong people for his pain, and he's a villain who has no plan other than to battle a superhero. He's hit the trifecta of comic book tropes I can't fucking stand!

Ultimately, this current issue isn't about Magog and Emerald Empress and the Fatal Five and Saturn Girl and whatever plot all this fucking time travel bullshit will be a part of. This story might be even worse because the villain is Xa-du, a character whose appearance always make me exclaim, "Yawn!" Ben, Batgirl, and Supergirl all wind up in The Phantom Zone. Xa-du, wearing a creepy suit made out of the souls of Kryptonian prisoners, realizes he might be able to escape while wearing the skin of Kara Zor-el. Ew. What is with grown Kryptonian men wanting to wear Kara's skin?! This shit is getting ridiculous. Anyway, that'll be the riveting plot of the next few issues. I thought that nothing could be more boring than Kara dealing with her Daddy Issues and Cyborg Superman. But that's because I Xa-du is so utterly boring that I completely forgot he existed until now. Why is Steve Orlando doing this to Supergirl? And to me!

I wonder if I can find a way to blame Eddie Berganza?

New Super-man #11

Superman Zero? That reeks of a cheesy marketing scheme to breathe new life into the Superman brand.

The Fla-sh of China has a new suit and it's the best. Although I did appreciate her Goodwill costume that used the AC/DC lightning bolt as her Flash flair. But it wasn't pink and cute and form-fitting (which is only the third best aspect although part of my body thinks it's the first best).

In this issue, we learn that Wonder Woman of China is just a snake pretending to be a woman. Should I find that as sexy as I do? It's possible I'm jumping to the wrong conclusion. But a turtle that became a man that became a giant mega monster turtle has a problem with creatures that use qi to step outside their natural places. He, as a turtle, did it to become a man and he seems to think Wonder Woman of China did it as well while referring to her as Green Snake. And that's how animals in fables and myths always refer to other animals, right? They're all, "Hey! Rabbit! Stop pooping on my door step!" And "Hey! Owl! Why are you so pretentious?" And "Hey! Why are we calling the donkey Eeyore?! Fucking monster is using his qi to step outside his natural boundaries! Get him!"

Since Justice League of China aren't capable of defeating the Doomsday Turtle Man, Dr. Omen has to release Super-man Zero to get the job done. You've probably already made your own less calories, all the taste joke while patting yourself on the back and mumbling, "Good one, Sexy Genitals!" So I'll skip the joke and also raise an eyebrow at your nickname for yourself. Super-man Zero doesn't turn on Doctor Omen and beat the shit out of her for keeping him held captive. Instead he rushes off to save the day for some reason. It's not like he's got a Kryptonite Bomb in his head! The idiot should be flying off to France!

Suicide Squad #17

In Russia, Zod kneels before you. Shit. I think I have to turn in my writing card now.

Remember when the Suicide Squad gave their members the choice to be on the team? It's possible most of the people reading this comic book weren't born when that last happened. Now it's just a team of anybody Amanda wants forced into slavery under the threat of death. Specifically, I'm speaking about Zod right now since, at this point, I really have no fucking clue what the incentive is for all of the other people on the team. Deadshot wants to be able to visit his daughter sometimes but he sure put up with a lot of fucking bullshit for a long fucking time before that finally happened. And he had to lose a hand to get that carrot! Harley is on the team because DC Comics is afraid to lose half the readership by dropping her. Killer Croc is on the team because I don't know why. Why is he even in Belle Reve? It's a mystery! Captain Boomerang is on the team because he's full of guilt and self-loathing and believes he deserves the humiliation he receives from Amanda. Also he constantly has a boner for some reason. Zod is on the team because he's an alien and Amanda enslaved him. I'm sure he'll just shrug his shoulders and look on the bright side and get on with it.

Look at Deadshot on that cover. Why do all the terrible artists that people think are actually the best artists believe that Deadshot can see anything out of a scope in his mask that far over on the side of his head? Fuck you, Tony S. Daniel and John Romita Jr. Probably Jim Lee too but I don't remember being upset about his placement. Although I'm sure Jim Lee filled the scope with scribbles, so even if it were in the correct place on Floyd's face, he still wouldn't have been able to see out of it.

All the best covert organizations have headquarters behind waterfalls.

When are we going to get the Nightwing comic book where he goes undercover in an international construction company that builds super villain secret headquarters? Think of all the crime that can be stopped before the villain even has a place to sit backwards in a chair facing a bunch of monitors while stroking a cat!

Zod is introduced falling out of a helicopter with the rest of the squad as he screams the thing you expect him to scream. It's hilarious because that's what Zod or people hearing the name Zod always say! He doesn't seem particularly upset that he's been enslaved. As long as he has the illusion of freedom (which he only has due to his delusional nature or why else would he explain to Amanda that he serves no one while doing what he's told?), I suppose he can't get too upset. Besides, he gets to kill people! That's a pretty sweet perk.

The Squad have come to destroy the Annihilation Brigade. They're Russia's version of the Suicide Squad. Maybe. I mean, if that's true, why are they located in Zimbabwe? Is it only because there are no famous waterfalls in Russia? I mean, there might be! But only waterfall nerds have probably heard of them! Whew. Now nobody will dare to say I look ignorant by my lack of international waterfall knowledge because they'll be too embarrassed to admit they're a waterfall nerd!

The first member of the Annihilation Brigade to die is Tunguska. I first heard of the incident at Tunguska due to In Search Of. That was my favorite show as a kid.

"Zod will invent the ways"? That doesn't make any sense. Unless one of the ways Zod just invented was ramming his boner through Tunguska's liver. I mean, why else is Tunguska screaming like that? I doubt it's due to Zod's breath.

Coming to Tunguska's rescue are his colleagues, Cosmonut and Tankograd. Cosmonut has the power of silly typos while Tankograd has the powers of a city made of tanks. I understand why Cosmonut wears a space uniform while the only thing he can say is a picture of a peanut. But why does he have a head shaped like a hammer? If there's one nut that doesn't need some kind of tool to crack it, it's the peanut! They should have called it the pussnut.

Meanwhile in Belle Reve, Harcourt has realized her jigs are up and begins slaughtering people. Amanda probably knew this would happen and didn't warn all the techies because Amanda is a fucking asshole.

The advertisement for the King Arthur movie still makes me laugh out loud every time I see it. Who the fuck are these people making movies in Hollywood?! I'm surprised King Arthur doesn't have huge fucking ear gauges in that ad.

Um, anyway, Harcourt reports back to The People before setting the self-destruct code on Belle Reve. Fucking self-destruct codes. It's like one lazy fucking hack writer somewhere in the past needed a quick and easy way to threaten the lives of the heroes while also allowing for the utter annihilation of the bad guys so that asshole invented the idea of a self-destruct mechanism built into the evil organization's headquarters. And it was such an easy way to advance the plot and add tension, other lazy hack writers decided to use the premise until it became something audiences stopped questioning. I wouldn't mind if all of our homes were rigged with self-destruct codes just in case a guest stays too long or some Mormon missionaries ride up on their bikes to discuss Christ's new world message.

The Suicide Squad discover that The People's compound behind Victoria Falls is their version of Belle Reve. It's full of imprisoned super-powered people with bombs in their brains. Does the Suicide Squad really need to confront an organization that holds up a mirror to their organization so that they suddenly see all of its flaws? I think they already knew how shitty it was. They don't really need a lesson to get them thinking, "Hey! I don't think Amanda Waller has our best interests at heart at all!"

You're right, Floyd. You aren't the Teen Titans. You do more good than they do.

Tunguska blows up, killing everybody. Everybody except the people labeling under the delusion that they're job is so dangerous that they might as well just kill themselves. They never die. They teleport away along with Cosmonut because he's obviously the best prisoner to interrogate.

"Who is behind this?!"

Later in Belle Reve, Amanda confronts Harcourt before she can escape. Remember how I mentioned how Amanda was a huge fucking asshole because she didn't warn the techies earlier?

She's even worse than that! She's also lucky Harcourt didn't kill two techies with one bullet!

Harcourt is a terrible spy. One of the first things they learn is to tell how many bullets are in the clip of your gun simply by weight! Probably. I mean, I'd definitely teach that course if I were running a Spy Community College Program.

Captain Boomerang kills Harcourt before she can tell Amanda that Boomer killed Hack. Oh, also before Harcourt can kill Amanda. I just mentioned them in order of importance. I still don't know why Boomer killed Hack but since he liked her, it must have been mind control. Or else that self-loathing I mentioned earlier that he's full of.

In the epilogue, Cosmonut is interrogated and Amanda learns what a peanut looks like when spoken. Rick Flag sucks on Harley's finger which, according to earlier issues, was probably just inside his asshole. And Zod speaks with his cohorts inside the Black Vault (probably Faora and that dumb oaf) before attempting to do brain surgery on himself with his heat vision and a mirror. That totally makes sense, right? His heat vision is powerful enough to cut into his own Kryptonian brain but not powerful enough to shatter a mirror. Because light or something!

I really need to dig up Ostrander's run on this thing and reread that. Although I might be severely disappointed. I was pretty young when I read and loved it. What if my raging cynicism, cultivated from years of life constantly trying to put me in the ground and my existential terror of just about every mundane task civilization expects out of adults, make me realize it was actually terrible?! Hmm. Now I really want to reread it!

Titans #11

Mike McKone
Deathstork Jerking Off Nightwing 2017
Pencils on paper
26.01 x 16.84 cm (10.24 x 6.63 in)

I stopped reading Titans because I'm bored of comic books about friends with enormous thighs on their too-long legs stuffed into helter-skelter panel boxes. But since my favorite amoral loner has decided he needs to crossover with the Titans so he can remind himself how much fun it was to beat their asses, I suppose I'll give it one more try. But only for this issue! Just know I'm risking falling into a terrible existential depression by looking at Brett Booth's art! Although it might be worth it just for this McKone cover that no art editor at DC looked at or knew how to answer the question, "Why is this picture making me feel all warm in the nether regions?"

Holy shit. Immediately, I hate myself for picking up this comic book. On the first fucking page, Brett Booth is still fucking making references to Pizza Fish. That was like the second or third reason I stopped reading this stupid fucking comic book. Just after "The art is terrible" and "This art is so fucking terrible."

Hurry! Somebody get Garth some water! And a bra!

I guess everything that happened to the Titans pre-New 52 that they've just recently remembered happens in Hatton Corners. Ravager dies of a heart attack while trying to kill the Teen Titans. Deathstork arrives to tell the son he treated like shit for the last decade and a half that the Teen Titans are dead. Ravager dies happy for some reason. I guess he wanted to kill the Teen Titans so that his father would be proud of him. Deathstork doesn't tell him he loves him but he does kind of hug him. Unless he's actually squeezing him so hard that he dies from a lack of oxygen which then gives Deathstork a reason to kill the Titans (and also gets his pain in the ass son out of his life).

Welcome to Illogical and Nonsensical Plot Motivation Comics!

Here we see another prime example of why I stopped reading a comic book about these Teen Titans. The only time they ever battle a super villain is when the super villain brings the battle to them. They've never once saved the world except when saving themselves just happened to also save the world. But in those situations, the world was in trouble because the Teen Titans existed. I'm only currently reading the other Teen Titans book because Damian Wayne is leading them.

The initial scene was Slade dreaming before waking up from a corneal transplant. So now he's not blind in his good eye anymore although I bet his body is still being ravaged by cancer caused by his radiation poisoning. At least he didn't become young and obsessed with this testicles again.

Now that he's awake and he can see, Slade decides it's time to go kill the Titans due to their not having done anything. Good. They totally deserve it.

Meanwhile in New York, Omen shows off her inability to understand secret identities.

Ixnay on the ickday and allyway! You're surrounded by bad guys and pizza fish adverts, dum-dum!

Wally West disappears in the space between panels because Deathstork is just that good and Dan Abnett is just that lazy. Deathstork wants to make a deal with Wally West but he doesn't explain himself yet. First he has to pretend that he cared about Grant so that Wally West feels sympathy for him.

Meanwhile back at Titans Tower East, Tempest tries to participate in the team brainstorming session but everybody just shits all over him. Get used to it, Mini-Aquaman! You'll never be respected by your peers!

Maybe if you would stop using his real name and social security number around villains, Dick wouldn't hate your guts and might want to share the truth with you.

Slade wants to go back in time to, presumably, save his son Grant. I think he just wants to go back in time to shit all over him one last time. But Wally West refuses to time travel for Slade. He's all, "Time travel is bad and we don't do it anymore! Why do you think the Cosmic Treadmill is still safe in storage on the Justice League Watchtower and totally not being used irresponsibly by anybody right now at all?" But Slade is all, "If you won't help save my son whom I don't care about at all but feel pretty guilty about the way I treated him and how he died and maybe I loved him in my own way and tried to make him a man but he needed my love more than he needed to be a responsible adult and so he got himself killed and I sort of regret it then maybe Kid Flash will help me!" As if Kid Flash can time travel!

Ugh. I can't wait until this story is over and Deathstork can get back to staying within the pages of his own comic book where there's a distinct lack of nonsense and Brett Booth art.