Red Hood and the Outlaws #4

Lobdell should be a whiz at writing Bizarro since he was so terrible at writing Superman!

I just saw that meme with a photo of a Native American and then the words obviously written by an agnostic white guy with a 4chan account that says that thing about birds having two wings and people are fools if they believe the wings are different just because they're on opposite sides of the bird. It's pretty shocking when you realize that bird's wings have such different governing philosophies and yet the bird still manages not to crash and burn because the right wing refuses to do its job for eight years. I wonder exactly how dumb a person has to be to think that whole right and left wings being part of the same bird analogy is profound? One time, I made an analogy that I actually thought was clever but because it was an analogy, I forgot it immediately because analogies are simply a way to ignore the subtleties and difficulties of specific problems. I do love to make analogies to make fun of the terrible people who think analogies are clever tactics to use in a debate.

Some of the worst people in the world are those people who refuse to choose a side in a debate because they think it shows they're more open-minded and intelligent. Fuck you, you dumb assholes. You aren't better than everybody else simply because you can't be bothered to support a side unless it's been proven 100%. I like people who passionately believe in the thing they believe! Unless it's the opposite of what I believe and then I hate them more than the "I'm so fucking smart" agnostics. I point this out because I can't fucking stand Scott Lobdell's writing. So if you like it or don't have a fully formed opinion that isn't "It's got some good and bad qualities!" then I probably can't stand you. Figuratively speaking, of course! I totally wouldn't tell you to your face that I hated you just because you liked Scott Lobdell's writing. I would absolutely love to hang out and grab a beer (or a root beer if you're Mormon or Muslim or a teetotaler!) and discuss comic books! Of course after we parted company, the first person I ran into, I'd have to say, "Hey! You see that fucking idiot over there? Totally thinks Scott Lobdell isn't the worst!" Unless the first person I ran into was Scott Lobdell. Then I'd probably say, "Eeep!", and run out of the room.

Is Scott Lobdell the only person left in the world who thinks it's clever or okay to nickname somebody with red hair "Red"?

The high jinks continue on the next page. I'd say it's comedy written by somebody who thinks vaudeville is coming back into style but that doesn't get to the heart of how bad it is. Bringing back vaudevillian humor isn't necessarily bad and has probably been done before by Alan Moore in some comic book I forgot to read. But I also didn't just want to say Lobdell obviously thinks the old jokes he's repeating are funny and original because that opens me up to people saying hurtful things like "Kettle, meet pot!" or "That's you, you stupid cunt-faced motherfucker!" See? I just did it there! How old is the insult "cunt-faced motherfucker"?! I probably cribbed that from Perfect Strangers.

I don't know if Scott Lobdell doesn't understand how Bizarro speaks or if editorial told him to drop the Bizarro shtick because it's just too confusing. Because Bizarro doesn't kill Jason Todd by crushing him against the omnium glass. Instead Bizarro says, "Too many words! Bizarro am confused!" Normally, that would mean there are just enough words (or too few!) and that Bizarro totally understands what's going on. But at least Lobdell understands how Bizarro refers to himself in the third person but speaks with first person singular verbs.

You're better off alone! Jason Todd is the most annoying character in the DC Universe since he's practically only been written by Scott Lobdell! Run, Bizarro! Run far away! I mean, walk slowly close by!

I guess Bizarro is going to be a Lenny or big dumb kid type of character. Does that mean he's going to have a bunch of cutesy, adorable scenes that will make everybody who loves Lobdell's Jason Todd to say things like "He's my baby!" and "My baby Jaybird's Bizarro baby is my baby!" and "Baby baby baby baby Jason Todd baby! Booga too doo booty boo!"?

Red Hood tells Bizarro a bedtime story and Bizarro falls asleep. That's when Black Mask and his goons — all wearing sex fetish gimp masks, of course — pack up Bizarro and take him back to the lab. Black Mask is impressed because Black Mask has chosen to be impressed by everything Jason Todd does. He has a huge crush on him. It's the only thing that explains why he's ignoring all of the signs that Jason Todd has infiltrated his organization to take him down. It's the only reason Black Mask would dare to hire as his second-in-command a man with close ties to Batman who is outside of his organization. He just wants to put his leather clad dick inside of him.

Black Mask invites Jason Todd to breakfast so he can reveal his true feelings to him. Not only does he think Jason Todd will make a great heir to his criminal organization, he also considers Jason Todd a friend. Oh? Is that you make friends as an adult? You hire them into your organization and after one or two days, you choke back the bile and declare they're you're friend? That seems dangerous. What if on the third day of knowing them, I realized they were actually an annoying asshole? Are you allowed to just as easily declare somebody not a friend, or an enemy even?

Jason Todd eats it up even though he doesn't want to because he is lonely and he likes how everybody is confessing to him that they're lonely too. It really helps build the theme of loneliness that lonely Scott Lobdell is trying to express. Lonely people are weak. And apparently they have roast turkey and wine for breakfast.

Black Mask takes Jason Todd down to his warehouse of weapons where he reveals that he's known all along what Jason Todd was trying to do. Of course he did! It was so fucking obvious! Black Mask doesn't need Jason anymore even though he was talking about friendship just a few pages earlier. I guess he was just trying to butter him up so that Red Hood would agree to take over Gotham and run it in a way that would make it better than the way it would be if other people ran it. Why are so many people so obsessed with controlling Gotham? You'd think it rained fucking diamonds there. Gotham City must be the fourth largest economy in the world.

Since Black Mask knows who Red Hood is, Jason Todd is finally able to tell him he's not interested in working with Black Mask. But Roman doesn't care because he's not lonely anymore. He has an even better friend than Jason Todd: Bizarro! With Bizarro, he can rule Gotham easily! I just have to ask again though: why?! How much fucking power does Gotham City give to whoever runs it?! It's just a goddamned city! I don't see the Mayor of Gotham wielding a might influence over anybody else in the DC Universe. It must be the ports, right? Gotham City has the best fucking ports in the world and everybody is just dying to ship their goods through it, right? Who fucking cares about Gotham City?! Just let Batman have it, you imbeciles. It can't be that great. Go take over New Orleans! That's a fun town and no superheroes!

What Did We Learn?
Loneliness will drive anybody to do anything. But mostly, loneliness will allow people to bound, one lonely loser to another. Then lonely loser readers will read the book about the lonely people who can't stop explaining how lonely they are (otherwise how will the reader know?!) and they'll identify with the characters. Then they'll post on the Internet about how much they love their poor little lonely Jaybird while furiously masturbate over that one panel where he's in the shower and you totally see his abs and almost the place where his penis attaches to his body. So close! Oh Jaybird! JAYBIRD! JAAAAAYBIIIIIIIRRRRRRD!

Red Hood and the Outlaws #3

I bet Scott Lobdell would sell his soul for a time machine so he could go back in time and introduce a fresh audience to his old jokes.

The Commentary!
• The issue begins with Jason Todd remembering his first night as Robin. He doesn't know why he's remembering it but I think it might have something to do with looking up at a huge glass tube containing Bizarro. In his memory, he's looking at a huge glass tube containing the costume of Robin. Except Dick Grayson's Robin costume was never retired and put on display, no matter how much Bruce Wayne insisted Dick was dead to him for abandoning him to go off with the Teen Titans. I suppose this is now the Post-Crisis Flashbirth 52 Universe, so whatever Scott Lobdell wants to pretend happened in the past, happened. That's not an encouraging thought. Remember how Scott Lobdell tried to make The Joker completely responsible for Jason Todd becoming Robin? And remember how Scott Lobdell changed history so that Tim Drake didn't figure out Batman was Bruce Wayne but then the fans reacted so strongly against that idea that it ate at him for months until he was able to tell that story again but with Tim Drake thinking, "I know Batman's secret identity but I don't want to hurt his feelings by revealing how easy it was to figure out! So instead I'll act like I didn't know!" He also did some terrible things to Superman that we don't speak about anymore.

• Black Mask crawls out of the helicopter and into the train car so he can be present as Artemis and Red Hood are gassed. I would expect one of his henchmen to do something that dangerous but maybe they all refused. And Black Mask respected them for refusing because he likes henchmen who don't follow his orders if they go against the henchman's ethics, beliefs, and safety protocols.

• Jason Todd wakes up in a strange place the next morning and exposes his terrible powers of observation.

Actually, you still have your pants on and you aren't tucked in.

• Jason Todd wakes up wondering if Black Mask is playing him better than he thought he was playing Black Mask. Let me answer this for you, Jaybird: OF COURSE HE IS! Why the hell would he hire you when you wouldn't even kill a coworker for him?! And why would he see everything you did to betray him during the Artemis Encounter and still think you're his Number Two?! Get the fuck out of here! No wonder Batman didn't take revenge on the Joker when you died. I bet Batman actually sucked the Joker's dick for getting you out of his hair!

"Oh! Thanks for waiting until I was awake to show me this, Boss!"

• Up until now I've been mostly trying to ignore how much I can't stand Scott Lobdell's writing. But after Black Fetish Mask takes Jason Todd downstairs to view the hatching of Bizarro, I can't help remember all of the pain Scott Lobdell has put me through for the last five years. It's just a simple trigger that brings it all rushing back: omnium. Black Mask calls the glass securing Bizarro "omnium glass." Why is he so fucking in love with the prefix "omni"?! It doesn't even make sense in this context!

• Jason Todd bonds with Bizarro because Jason Todd knows what it's like to come back to life. Not that Bizarro was dead and has now come back to life. But it's a close enough fit that it doesn't take a lot of pounding to wedge it in thematically.

• Things really take a turn for the worse when I remembered how much I loathed Scott Lobdell's writing. I rushed through the rest of the comic book because there was a scene where Jason Todd reached out to Bizarro and I was all, "WHO FUCKING CARES?!" And then there was a scene where Jason Todd goes to buy Bizarro a toy and I'm all, "OH MY GOD JUST GET IT OVER WITH!" And then there was a scene where the Black Mask had dinner with Jason Todd so that he could tell Jason Todd that he loved him so much he was like family and I was all, "WHAT DID I JUST DO?! I HAVE NO MEMORY OF SLITTING MY WRISTS?! OH MY GOD!"

• Anyway, Bizarro ends the comic book saying, "ME AM BIZARRO!" I think that means he's not Bizarro. I guess he thinks he's Superman then!

The Ranking
-1! Look, I can't be fair to this comic book because it is attached to five years of Lobdell mentally torturing the fuck out of me. I should probably read some reviews of this comic book from people who like Scott Lobdell. I bet they were able to concentrate on the story. Maybe they can clear up all of the questions I have. Like why does Black Mask want Bizarro? Or why doesn't Black Mask retire if he's got the kind of wealth that allows him to furnish a cutting edge laboratory staffed with the best scientific minds in the world? And why didn't Artemis use one of her terrible metaphors that was undoubtedly going to be one of her trademark personality quirks? I bet Lobdell simply forgot he was doing that!

Red Hood and the Outlaws #1

Basically, Artemis will probably act exactly like Starfire and Bizarro will act like Arsenal but with better grammar.

The Review!
I feel relieved. This comic book isn't as bad as every other comic book series Scott Lobdell has begun but I see all the frayed threads of warning that this will become the train wreck everybody expected. I think that's why the issue ends in a train wreck. It's a prophetic warning! But until then, fans of Red Hood will probably be happy with this issue. At least I think they will. I have no idea what Red Hood fans actually want. I suppose some of them want somebody other than Scott Lobdell writing him. But there seem to be a minority group who think Lobdell writes a great Red Hood. I wonder if we could gather up those people and do a scientific study to determine what is wrong with their brains? I feel like maybe I could replicate what they're seeing in Scott Lobdell's Red Hood if I chose to jerk off while reading the comic book. Then I'd at least have the ecstatic feeling of impending sexual release while reading the story and understand what they feel. But I don't dare try it because who needs to suddenly associate orgasms with Scott Lobdell's writing. I'd never have sex with myself again!

The Commentary!
I don't think Scott Lobdell has the chops to pull off this book (or any book, really). Rebirth was fine because it probably had so much editorial control over it that it could argued that Lobdell didn't have much to do with it. Editors are usually the worst because they want to be writers so badly that they'll tell writers we're not as good as we actually are. They'll be all, "Grunion Guy. None of these sentences make much sense. I think I get the gist of what you're trying to say but it's confusing and muddled. Clean it up." Then I'll say, "Who's paying who, buddy?! Just do your job and tell me if I spelled something incorrectly!" Then my editor will sigh and be all, "Most of these words are spelled incorrectly." Then I'll blow up at my editor and yell, "ARTISTIC LICENSE!" So, don't tell me I don't know a little bit about usurpers. I mean editors.

I forget what I was trying to say in the last paragraph. I wish my editor hadn't quit!

When Lobdell begins a comic book, I try to suppress my reaction (which is 85% gag reflex) and try to imagine I'm a fan of Red Hood and/or Scott Lobdell. But I never know how because it's hard to put myself in the shoes of total morons.

Am I supposed to cheer when I see this? Laugh uproariously? Feel aroused? Or is my reaction the proper one: rolling my eyes so aggressively that my eye muscles cramp and thinking, "I was just saying to a bunch of other super nerdy comic book guys the other day, 'You know who needs Rebirthing?! FAY GUNN!' And they were all, 'Genius!'"?

Ma Gunn's School for Wayward Boys! Fay Gunn is an important figure in the history of Jason Todd so I shouldn't be surprised to see her in the first issue. What I also shouldn't be surprised by is that this opening image was definitely sourced from her Who's Who entry in the 1987 Who's Who Update. It even has the pull down gun reference shade!

See, years ago, Batman was all, "What do I do with this kid who thinks stealing hubcaps is fun? I know! Fay Gunn has a school to help set boys on the right track! I should be suspicious of her because she's Australian but I don't want to have to deal with another teenager in the Batcave!" But then Jason Todd found out most of the lessons were word problems about how many bills can fit in a sack with a dollar sign on it, or how many cops you can potentially kill with one pistol clip, and he snitched to Batman. That's probably what this flashback is going to reveal, right?

Ma Gunn is shooting Batman in the chest and not one of her boys. I suppose in this day and age, the villain has to engage in the physical confrontation themselves but Ma Gunn is a teacher, not a fighter! She should have Batman swarmed by her students! Although I guess she is the gun expert, so why not shoot the shit out of Batman? It's a good thing the story started at this point so I don't have to roll my eyes over how Ma Gunn got the drop on Batman, especially since my eyes still hurt from the first eye roll.

Ha ha! Instead of giving her a distinct personality, Lobdell chooses to make her aware of her roll as a villain and a fan of Tim Burton's Batman! So funny!

Ma Gunn did send her crime kids after Batman and he dutifully beat the shit out of every one of them. That's why he now needs to be taught a lesson...in crime! But Jason Todd saves the day by tackling the old lady through a window. It's okay if she breaks all of her hips and dies from future complications because she's a bad guy.

The scene shifts to the present where Red Hood is diving away from an explosion with Ma Gunn in his hands. Okay, so I guess she didn't die from complications arising from having all of her hips broken. Or maybe Jason Todd is just rescuing the stuffed corpse of Ma Gunn that's kept on display at her new and improved School for Wayward Boys. You know, for nostalgic reasons.

Jason Todd uses his Narration Boxing to catch up all of the readers who did not pick up Rebirth because it probably sold out so quickly. I need to figure out an algorithm for how many Red Hood issues I actually need to purchase to follow the entire story. Would every other one do because Lobdell usually spends three or four pages explaining everything that happened in the previous issue? Or could I maybe get by with only every third issue?

Jason Todd is investigating a thing that happened in Rebirth. He's doing it by going undercover as a bad guy which was totally hard to do because most of the heroes were all, "What? Not Red Hood! He'd never walk the other side of the line! If by other side I mean the law side so yeah, I meant I believe he's a dick. Sorry for the confusion." And all of the villains were all, "That hero who murders us all constantly! Sure! Why not embrace him as one of us! Cool!" Jason saved Ma Gunn not because he has fond memories of her but because she has information he needs. Information about The Black Mask!

I know it's Rebirth but didn't we have all we could stand of Black Mask already? I don't see what makes him so captivating a villain. Is it because you don't know if he's going to shoot you or tie you up and stick a billy club in your ass?

Just in case you had any doubts that Black Mask's mask wasn't some kind of sexual fetish, let the zippered mouth oliterate them.

I suppose Scott Lobdell chose the Black Mask as the enemy because he and Jason Todd have so much in common. They're names are practically identical in that they share the same pattern: color and type of covering for the face and head. Maybe they can sing some Les Mis in the climactic battle! "Red! The color of my hood! Black! The color of my mask! Red! Blood leaking from my ass! Black! Sodomy feels so good!"

Black Mask has decided being a Batman villain wasn't good enough. He has decided to go all in on being a Scooby Doo villain. He's got the mask and now he's stealing real estate via the tactic of fear. Plus he's taking out Ma Gunn early so that his plans won't be ruined by any pesky kids.

Jason Todd wants to kill the Black Mask because that's Jason's usual solution to problems. "What? There's a criminal in Gotham doing criminal stuff? And a criminal told me they were going to do even more criminally criminal stuff! Boy oh boy! That means I should do the ultimate criminally criminal crime on them! That'll show them!" But instead, he's all, "Stupid Bruce made me promise not to kill anybody. He never lets me have any fun. He's worse than Ma Gunn!"

So now Jason Todd has to figure out another way to stop Black Mask. Like maybe find evidence that he was behind the bombing, give it to the police, and let the police and District Attorney deal with it? I mean, as long as the crazy District Attorney isn't on the case. And as long as he gives it to one of the five Gotham cops that aren't dirty. And as long as he makes sure Blackgate's guards aren't going to help Roman escape. And as long as...you know what? Fuck Bruce. Just kill the asshole.

This is the most disturbing image in the book.

I can't stand messy food. I mean, I'll eat messy food. But I eat it carefully and with a lot of napkins to wipe my lips and hands after every bite. But this carefree attitude some people have where they make a huge mess while eating? It drives me crazy. I hate Carls Jr commercials as much as the next feminist. Although I don't really care that they're making immature jokes about lesbian three way fist merry go rounds. I just can't stand that they always have shit dripping out of the burger being eaten. Be more careful! Don't you care about staining your clothes?! Don't you care about having sauce smeared all over your face and vagina?!

What's odd is that this aversion to mess doesn't extend to anything other than food. I will lay in the mess of sex and just roll over and go to sleep. Maybe I need Batman to kidnap me and take me back to my childhood home so I can confront my issue with messy food!

Jason Todd remembers some spectacular advice Batman once gave him about crime fighting: "It isn't enough to know your enemy. You have to know everything about them." Um. Hunh? You just said it wasn't enough to know your enemy! Why would you then tell me to know my enemy?! Give me some advice that takes a turn if you're going to start "It isn't enough," you ass-bat. Maybe he meant "know" in the Biblical sense. That's why he not only fucks Catwoman but he constantly gaslights her too! "It isn't enough to just fuck your enemy! You have to know how to totally fuck your enemy!" Hmm, this advice stuff is hard!

Red Hood decides to have a chat with Black Mask. Although I don't think he knows the dictionary definition of chat because it usually doesn't involve falling on one's head onto the hood of a moving car while emptying two pistols worth of bullets into guys with masks specifically designed to stick penises in.

This would be an exciting dictionary entry though, wouldn't it?

Black Mask's reaction to Todd's attack is to applaud and come in his pants. I think he wants to hire him!

Black Mask takes Red Hood out onto a ledge of a building to talk about his past relationships. He's all, "You might not realize it by the mask, but I have challenges concerning intimacy! That's why I fuck Gotham! I fuck her hard! In every dark corner! In every abandoned building! In every children's theater! I'll be there! Fucking and fucking until I'm totally disgusted with myself. It's probably why Batman doesn't like me. Because I bitch slap his woman on a nightly basis and call her a whore. That's the way she wants to be treated, and I'm the man to treat her that way! None of this slow caressing like The Penguin, or the intellectual thrill of The Riddler, or the hot, passionate quick fuck on a level surface before the apartment door can even shut of The Joker! No, Gotham likes it rough. That's why...you did get that's what the mask is about, right?"

Oh, Black Mask actually does point out the way other villains have treated her. It's not as accurate or entertaining as mine since Black Mask kind of slips away from his relationship metaphor. Unless what he means to say about Bane treating Gotham like a never-ending boxing match is that he's an abusive boyfriend. I suppose that's possible. This whole treating Gotham thing like a lover was what Scott Snyder used to make the Court of Owls so devastating to Batman. Batman hated the idea that somebody out there knew his lover more intimately than he did. I'm not suggesting Lobdell stole that theme for his Black Mask story! I'm just saying it's been done recently (and probably before that. I bet Alan Grant wrote a Zsasz story with that theme. I also won't bring up that the whole Red Hood undercover thing was taken from Grayson because that would be too much mayonnaise.

Oh, go on the date. At least five people are clamoring for a bisexual latino Jason Todd! And who better to write that than Scott Lobd...no wait. I just heard in my head what I was typing. Bad idea.

Sure, Black Mask! This makes sense! Why not take on a Bat-kid as your criminal heir! Hiring from outside the company never pissed off any of the people working their way up from the bottom before. I'm sure they'll all be totally cool with it. Especially since you headhunted a guy with a Bat-symbol on his chest. What could go wrong?! He may constantly be working for justice but did you see the footage where he shot the mayor in the head? He tried to kill one supposed good guy so I guess he can be trusted. Although how good really is the mayor of Gotham? I mean, if it was Hady, he fucking deserved it.

Black Mask puts Red Hood through a test. He asks him to kill some henchmen who failed him and Red Hood refuses. So Black Mask kills them anyway. Christ. Why would anybody be a henchman for Black Mask? Not only does he hire outside the company for the top positions, he kills you if you make a mistake! He must give great dental. If you know what I mean!

Red Hood fails the test by refusing to kill the henchmen. But it turns out failing the test is passing the test because Black Mask likes an employee who has a moral code! In other words, if the henchmen Black Mask just killed had said they refused to kill Ma Gunn due to their beliefs, Black Mask wouldn't have killed them? That doesn't seem right.

Red Hood's first job is to retrieve something from a train entering Gotham. But he can't go about it the normal way by picking it up when the train arrives at the station. No, he has to derail the train and take it from the crashed cars. Too bad Black Mask didn't tell him he would be picking up an Amazon. I mean, he could have hurt her in the train derailment! I think. Can Amazons get hurt? Anyway, her name is Artemis and she carries an axe so big that manga characters think it's ridiculous. I guess next issue Todd will fight her.

Red Hood and the Outlaws Rebirth #1

How many pages in until Artemis and Jason are fucking?

The Commentary!
I've been seeing Scott Lobdell retweet a modest amount of praise for this issue, so now I'm wondering, "Is this the day I finally give Scott Lobdell a decent review?" On one hand, I feel like a lot of people who enjoyed this comic book probably only enjoyed it because they love Jason Todd and Scott Lobdell probably had a panel with him eating cookies with Batman or something. So then their brains overloaded as they thought, "MY POOR BABY JAYBIRD! OH MY GOD! HOW ADORABLE!" They probably don't know anything about writing and plot and whatever you call the people in the stories. Oh! Characters! They probably don't know any of that crap! And on the other more mythical and probably non-existent hand, Scott Lobdell has finally learned how to write! This seems more far-fetched than catching a glimpse of Bigfoot on the local light rail but I suppose I need to entertain that possibility. I mean, all of DC's heroes have gotten a second chance with Rebirth, so why not Scott Lobdell? I just have one little problem. I'm not sure I can set aside my bias! After years of reading the worst stories imaginable by this man, I've developed a huge bias callus on my brain! How can I file that sucker off so that I can view Scott Lobdell's work with a clean mind? I wish I had some Vicodin.

I'll just trust the critic in me to approach this without any preconceived notions! Not that I trust the critic in me. That guy is a dick. Just ask Scott Lobdell!

The issue begins with Jason Todd stealing the tires off of the Batmobile.

Have you ever tried to get a floor jack under the front of a Camaro, let alone a Batmobile? Unless if you got a couple guys to help lift the car a bit, it's not possible. Therefore this scene has already ruined the comic for me! And why the bottle jack in the back as well?! Why so many different jacks, Todd?! Scott Lobdell is terrible!

That was a joke! I don't blame Lobdell for making a mess of the jacking up the Batmobile scene! That's Dexter Soy's fault! Or maybe it's just part of the characterization of Jason Todd. He just likes to be careful. Who wants a Batmobile falling on them while they take the tires? This just shows that Jason Todd thinks ahead and that he's strong enough to wander the neighborhood with a floor jack, probably two bottle jacks, four car stands, and a tire iron! He probably keeps them all in his hoodie because he wouldn't want to raise any suspicions!

Batman catches Jason Todd in the act and now it's time for Scott Lobdell to really execute that hilarious wit of his! Batman is all, "Serious serious!" And Jason Todd is all, "Snarky smarm, Batdick!" And Batman is all, "Eww! I'll show you! Want to get a sandwich?" Then Batman is all, "I really miss having a child in my cave. It could be fun having a surly little asshole running around! Want to be my sidekick?" And Jason Todd is all, "You'll never tame me!"

Since this is a Rebirth issue, I guess we're just getting a refresher on Jason Todd's origin. So I don't think Artemis and Jason will be doing it this issue. That's too bad! That's why I figured people were enjoying this book!

Oh wait! We're in the present now! Let the finger banging commence!

You can tell just how mature a person is by whether or not they've ever used the phrase "finger banging" seriously. I assure you, I was using it seriously! I mean ironically!

Red Hood is stopped by Batman before he can kill the mayor. That's when Red Hood says directly to the reader, "They say there are no straight lines in life. That it's all one big circle." Who says that? I've heard the line "There are no straight guys in life" that time I was propositioned by another man in my friend Doom Bunny's apartment. But I'm not sure I've heard that other thing about it being all one big circle. That sounds like maybe it's something out of the Big Book! But since I've never had an addictive personality, I've never read it! I should call my drunk...I mean my dad and ask him!

Anyway, Jason Todd defeats Batman because it's his comic book, and then he shoots the mayor in the face while Batman impotently watches. The only explanation for this is that Batman wanted the mayor dead and didn't mind playing at losing to see the job done. Oh, Batman! You're such a sly devil! Never killed anybody, my ass! Wink, wink! Nudge, nudge!

It's about the time of the story for Jason Todd to remember that he was once killed by The Joker. I hope he blames Batman like he always seems to do because he's not mature enough to blame himself!

In his memory of the event, Jason Todd mumbles an apology to Bruce just before he's blown up. Luckily he doesn't get too blown up or else he would have come out of that Lazarus Pit looking disgusting instead of sexy. And then where would his fans be?! I'll tell you where! Um, wherever small-minded idiots hang out! Like hot tubs you rent by the hour! Yeah! That's where they'd be! Ha ha! Burn!

If you're a fan of Jason Todd, I wasn't talking about you in particular! You obviously have good taste and intelligence because you actually read this far into my brilliant rambling!

Later, Batman shows up at Red Hood's hideout to thank him for killing the mayor. Probably.

Oh right! Trust the kid who murders indiscriminately! Oh wait? Is this the version of Jason Todd that kills willy-nilly? Or is this the version, in the same series, that chastises everybody not to kill? Luckily this is Rebirth so I can't disagree with whichever one Lobdell chooses to use this time around. As long as he, you know, sticks with it. Or at least gives a motivation for a sudden change.

Jason Todd asks Batman to let him infiltrate the seedy underworld of Gotham since they all think he tried to assassinate the mayor. Batman doesn't like the idea but he decides to let Jason do it. Of course Batman doesn't give up full control, being a completely manipulative micromanaging control freak! He points out that if Jason kills just one person, Batman will come for him. Jason pouts and decides to have a flashback.

In the flashback, Alfred takes a serious picture of Batman and Robin. Batman fucks it all up and smiles in it. What an idiot. I will say without a hint of hating myself for it that the scene is actually pretty good. But even a shit on clock is right once per day! Don't argue with that! You don't have all the details! The clock is broken and it has no hands but once a day it plays a recording that says, "I have been shit upon."

In the final scene where Jason Todd quotes the Rolling Stones, the reader gets to see the only two books Jason Todd has ever read: Rambo: First Blood and Where the Red Fern Grows. No wait! That's my high school friend Paul Bauerle! Jason Todd's two books are The Prince and The Art of War. Those don't shine any kind of new light on his character! Those are two books you would expect him to have read! It would have been much cuter if the books had been The Little Prince and The Art of the Deal. Okay, maybe that last one wouldn't have been cute at all.

The Review!
So far, not bad! But then this is kind of a one shot which avoids a lot of Lobdell's really weak spots. Like how he changes how one issue ended in the first few pages of the next issue. Or how he'll introduce a completely random plot thread to never follow up on. Or how he'll discard a premise he's been working on for a few issues to go in a different direction only to return to the original premise a few issues later without any compelling reason why. So this issue sets up the premise that Jason Todd is starring in his version of Grayson because that was super successful! I hope he remembers that's the premise by Issue #3! I'm sure Lobdell can pull it off as well as Seeley and Kind did! Although Lobdell isn't as funny as he thinks he is. Although that could be a description of me as well, so maybe I should just shut up already and say this comic book wasn't bad like I expected it to be.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #40

This issue had better not end with a "To be continued in the stupid annual!"

Good riddance, losers! This is the part where the boring assholes sing "Hey hey hey! Goodbye!" And then they high-five each other in celebration of doing the most trite and boring thing they could have done out of all things in the entire world! And this is me doing the same thing but pretending it's being done by a couple of fictional dickspasms!

The issue begins with Helspont sneaking up on Red Hood and the Outlaws because Roy said, "It can't get any worse!" So unless Scott Lobdell forgets he ended last issue with that line, somebody is going to berate Roy for his choice of words.

Hmm, I guess Lobdell forgot to finish his joke. But that's no surprise! He often forgets how he ended his scripts the month before. Reading trade paperbacks of his stories must be nearly incomprehensible.

Anyway, the Outlaws defeat Helspont in four pages or something.

I hope the rest of the comic book is just advertisements for army men, sea monkeys, and Grit.

Darn it. They didn't really defeat Helspont that easily. Shucks! He comes back at them with a counterattack while proving that English is just his second language.

Perhaps "presume" is the word you're looking for?

Rose Wilson throws two swords into Helspont's chest and everybody is shocked when they barely faze him. I mean, it's understandable that he survived gun shots and the explosive arrow to the chest and Starfire's sun bolts. But swords? Come on! This is one tough son of a bitch!

Blackfire shows up and is all, "Surprise to nobody! I'm with Helspont! Tee hee!" Rose Wilson is all, "I see you're the prudish sister, Starfire!" And Starfire is all, "Take that back! I guzzle cum way better than Blackfire!" And Roy is all, "Totally!" And Starfire is all, "How do you know how much cum my sister can guzzle?!" And Roy is all, "Whoops!"

"Tee hee! Your general is in blow job position, sir!"

Helspont's army of Citadel warriors take control of the situation. Too bad they've been written to have a single, fatal flaw! Crux, having researched every alien in the universe somehow while living on Earth, knows that every soldier of the Citadel's brain is wired directly to their armor which is wired directly to every other piece of armor which are all wired directly to a three meter hole big enough to bullseye a womp rat! Whew! I was afraid Scott Lobdell was going to create an unbeatable army!

Blackfire actually loves Starfire so she blasts Helspont in his junk instead of killing her sister's friends. The Citadel soldiers stand around thinking, "Should we do something or just wait around for Crux to shut us down?" Blackfire gets thrown hundreds of miles away by Helspont as he nurses his blasted testicles which might now be oozing pus and madness. Then Jason Todd shoots the kneecaps out of the one Citadel soldier standing nearby so that Crux can play Angry Birds while sitting on top of him. Todd grabs the big gun of the Citadel soldier and starts blasting Helspont in the face with it. Helspont falls over thinking, "What the fuck happened to me? I used to be a powerful bad ass! But now I keep getting beat by arrogant bastards who hide behind guns and red masks! Fuck you Grifter and Red Hood! I will have my revenge!"

In the space of just two minutes, Rose Wilson has racked up one-third of the kills her father has scored in his entire life (according to his own comic book (but prior to his killing three hundred of Odysseus's blind henchmen)!).

Arsenal manages to kill one soldier. I guess that's pretty good for a guy with a bow. Plus, he must have been busy building the monstrous spider gun he uses to blow the ultimate omnifuck out of Helspont. All that's left of Helspont is his arm so I'm going to say he's really and truly dead now. No way he can ever come back from that. Nope! As dead as a door nail named Ted Kord!

Although Ted Kord is really and truly back in Justice League 3000 so I guess I can't use that comparison anymore.

After the battle, Starfire heads home to Tamawhatever with Crux piloting the ship and her sister trying not to die in sick bay. Arsenal is all, "Well, it was fun!" And Starfire is all, "Yeah! We'll probably never see each other again because Scott Lobdell is still going to be writing your comic book and DC Comics probably knows better than to let him write me ever again!" And Roy is all, "I know, right?!" And Jason Todd is all, "We were OUTLAWS!" And everybody is all, "What the fuck does that mean?"

The end!

Red Hood and the Outlaws #40 Rating: No change. Hey hey hey! Goodbye! *HIGH-FIVES EVERYBODY!*

Red Hood and the Outlaws #38

Yay! We've all been waiting for the return of Crux, xenophobe that turned himself into a xeno!

Maybe I'll like Red Hood and the Outlaws better if I treat it like a sitcom. I'll just pretend that the world resets every month and then when Lobdell changes things from issue to issue to fit his new version of the story, I won't have an aneurysm!

The issue begins with Crux in Arkham Asylum. He's being treated by a man in a wheelchair with his finger glued to his bald head. It looks like he's thinking really hard about how he's going to help his new patient get over his hatred of aliens! He also looks like he might be using his Charles Xavier mental powers that he probably has since Scotty loves repurposing X-men stuff in his DC Comics. The orderlies even call him "Professor!" Like in Professor Charles Xavier! Although this professor has a goatee making him a totally different character. Oh, and he's got brown skin instead of Charles "never been in the sun" hue.

Surprise! The Professor is actually Jason Todd! Crux realized who he was when he smelled Todd's fart.

Crux tells Red Hood that he's going to kill him but Red Hood tells Crux a joke. Then Crux tries to bite Red Hood while Red Hood is holding two guns in his hand. Luckily one of his guns instantly transforms into a knife so he can stab Crux in the tongue! I bet that's one of those new Wayne Enterprises Gun-to-Knife prototypes. Red Hood is almost killed when he nearly lands on a spiked iron fence but Crux saves him because of that thing where the bad guy always wants to torture the good guy for as long as possible before killing him. That always works out well!

Well, I guess that's why he saved him! He loooooooooves him!

Way back in Issue #5 (or something) when the Outlaws defeated Crux, I was sort of worried that he'd join the team because he was an awful character. But now I hope he's going to join the team because he's an awful character and fits right in! It just took me longer to realize that Jason Todd, Roy Harper, and Starfire were all awful characters as well. I was still under the assumption that they were interesting due to their Preboot incarnations. Who knew the New 52 mandate was to make them all so unlikable?!

Crux spent his time in the Asylum changing shape and walking around acting condescending to the other inmates in order to help them get better. Then he'd pretend to be a raving, psychotic dragon during the day so that he could remain in Arkham because he so enjoyed wandering about at night being a condescending, self-righteous asshole to Two-Face and The Mad Hatter and Bane and The Scarecrow. I'm sure he thoroughly helped them all because he was so much smarter than they were. He is, after all, a Scott Lobdell character which means he's the best at whatever he does. I don't know what that is though. Archaeology? Alien physiology? Genetics of some kind?

Crux becomes the new pilot for the Outlaws since they have been using his ship. And then they rush off to rescue Starfire from doing drugs! Too bad they don't find her first!

Now they have to rescue Starfire from her sister! But that's okay since Starfire had already rescued herself from the drugs by placing herself in Chained To A Tree In The Jungle Rehab.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #38 Rating: +1 Ranking. This comic book is so much better when I punch myself in the head eighteen times before reading it! I hope Crux stays on the team. I know I flipped out earlier when I thought Crux was going to join the team way back when they first encountered him, but I think the fact that he didn't join was a missed opportunity. This team needs fresh blood in it. And Starfire needs a new person to fuck.

Red Hood and the Outlaws Annual #2

"My name is Santa Claus. I invade homes and shoot Goddamn motherfuckers in the head once per year. I have such rabid fans that they can read a story about me written by Scott Lobdell and delude themselves into believing it was well written."

My stomach hurts just looking at this cover. For a fan of these characters who can somehow see past the horrible writing (and, worst, rationalize it as decent writing), this cover promises an exciting, hilarious Christmas romp. But for me, I just see a series of horribly unfunny jokes made by three of DC's most unlikable characters of The New 52.

Maybe this will be my Christmas Miracle! Maybe Scott Lobdell will finally put some effort into his plot and his characterization and his dialogue! Maybe the whole story won't rely on Narration Boxes telling what the character is thinking about the action and then more Narration Boxes telling me what the character is thinking about the previous Narration Boxes! Maybe it will even be...funny! Please, Baby Jesus, grant this miracle for me! Let me enjoy at least one Scott Lobdell comic book this year!

Holy fuck I'm in Hell.

So right off the bat, we get a Roy Harper as a small child with a boner joke, Deadpoolesque acknowledgement of the Narration Boxes, and outright lies from Starfire! They were on Tamaran this year and Roy Harper's Narration Boxes never stopped! So they do have them on Tamaran! Unless she means Tamaraneans don't Narration Box. But then Starfire has been known to engage in her own Narration Boxing, so she's still lying!

See? Although these Narration Boxes don't have her symbol to prove it's Starfire, you can tell from context it's her, the big cum dumpster!

Currently, The Outlaw Babies are sneaking down the staircase in Wayne Manor to spy on Santa Claus. In the background, Alfred Pennyworth is busy dusting when he should be busy grabbing his shotgun and blowing the shit out of the burglar in the Santa Claus outfit. How do I know it's a burglar, kids? Well duh! Because Santa Claus isn't real..ly that fat! Also, why would Santa Claus deliver crappy elf-made goods to Wayne Manor?! Whatever Bruce has purchased for the kids is going to be way better, bat-shaped, and deadlier than anything Santa's elves could make.

I told you it was too fat to be the real Santa Claus! Because I could totally tell and I wasn't just trying to cover up almost blowing the secret! Shush. You kids don't need to know what secret I'm talking about.

Oh no! It's the Suzie Su zombie Santa Claus against Red Hood and the Outlaw Muppet Babies! I'm laughing so hard right now! Ah ha ha ha!

Jason Todd Baby explains why they call themselves the Outlaws although they never really have because in Issue #37, Roy Harper admits that he's the only one that calls themselves that. But now he's decided they call themselves Outlaws, so I guess they call themselves Outlaws. They do it because they operate outside of the law! I mean, not in the same way Batman does. Or Superman does. Or every other fucking vigilante does. They do it in a cool way that's cool to the kids and makes them all cool and likable and full of angst and cool.

After they kill Suzie Su and scoop out her insides, Batman comes down to put them back to bed.

See? Being cool is important!

So far in the first nine pages, somebody has told somebody else to shut up or be quiet or shush six times! It's like the comic book is reading my mind! I've been screaming at them all to shut up every page! And six out of nine is almost every page! It's only like four or five off.

More proof that I used "cool" the correct amount of times when I described how Red Hood and the Outlaws operate.

Batman punishes the Outlaws by locking them in the Batcave where they can't get up to no good no matter how hard they try. Not like the Batcave is full of Batinternet without Porn Blockers or Teen Titans cartoons running on the monitor or a giant chocolate penny or a dinosaur that loves chocolate pennies or a Batmobile that eats super villains or a couple of gargoyles that look like Statler and Waldorf. Perfect place to ground some bratty brats that think killing an intruder that's trying to kill them is the proper way to act on Christmas Eve.

Red Hood and the Outlaws decide it's up to them to save Christmas! Because the adults are dicks and totally uncool and never actually know what's really going on ever. Especially that stupid Green Arrow one! How dare he use Roy to make all of his weapons and then allow Roy to be his sidekick so that Jason Todd could make that "worst sidekick ever" joke in Red Hood and the Outlaws #1 but then it turns out Roy was never actually his sidekick at all because Roy hated him for stealing his ideas and quit before he could become Green Arrow's sidekick. Although I'm sure part of Roy's hatred for himself stems from the fact that after telling Oliver Queen to go fuck himself, he crawled back to him and fought crime by his side for a few years.

Thanks! But it's the Narration Boxes that usually do all the cluttering, Narration Box!

Instead of being some kind of Egg Nog Nightmare, it looks like the Outlaws are suffering some kind of super villain mind trap that's making them think they're little kids! I hope Kori and Roy didn't get a good look at Alfred dusting while they were inside Wayne Manor or they might start making connections that Batman won't be happy about.

The Outlaw Babies arrive at the North Pole to find it in chaos. A battle has taken place here! Again! Poor Santa Claus! He must hate modern pop culture and its incessant need to declare war on Christmas! I wonder if Lobo was just here? Or was it American Dad and his family? Oh wait! It was probably Suzie Su's gang! Or some other Red Hood enemy. Maybe one with mind control technology! Or a laser ray gun blaster that turns people into little kid versions of themselves.

I'm going to invent that Super Villain! And I'm going to name him Pederast!

Santa's reindeer have become rabid, so the Outlaw Babies put them out of their misery. Next they're probably going to have to battle a muscular elf with dual automatic rifles and a belt full of grenades!

They split up and while Roy gets his nuts cracked, Kori faces off against Mrs. Claus the Gingerbread Woman.

That's too bad because Starfire loves coming.

The actual real enemy is a being called Plytus, a Psion. Plytus used his (or her?) psionic powers to make the Outlaws drink drugged Egg Nog and then forced them on their Santa Claus hunting mission so that Jason Todd would come murder Plytus. I think. Maybe? I haven't read Chapter Four yet but I think this is the chapter where the villain explains the entire plan so the reader doesn't feel confused by the story.

Plytus was banished to Earth's arctic by Helspont because Earth's arctic region is the most foreboding, desolate, inhospitable place in the universe, I guess. Plytus just wanted to die and because it once tortured Starfire, it was able to mentally link with her or something and learn about Jason Todd's love of dealing death or something. So Jason Todd kills it and then threatens Helspont because Jason Todd is a bad-ass that knows a bullet can solve everything.

When Jason Todd points at Helspont in the camera, we get a bit of Old Portugese [sic]! And it's a direct message from Scott Lobdell! Here, finally, we get his real voice! It says, "Please add some interlac-style lettering inside the camera-circle. The JASON TODD only words we recognize RED HOOD and please add". Obviously the note was to the letterer and initially read "The only words we recognize, Jason Todd and Red Hood." But the letterer couldn't keep them in that position without ruining the flow of the text so he spaced them out a bit and then added some more from the beginning of the note. I'd like to thank the letterer, Travis Lanham, for inadvertently (or purposefully!) giving us evidence that Scott Lobdell is a lazy writer! Why not write the dialogue for those of us who translate all of the Old Portugese [sic]?! Instead you leave the dialogue up to the letterer?! Sure, other writers have done that as well and I think it's lazy. Anyway, one final page that everybody should love!

Ignore Blackfire's servile position and extremely huge and barely covered breasts for the moment...I know it's difficult...but how does Helspont know Jason Todd and his friends are referred to as "Outlaws" when Roy admitted last issue that he's the only one that calls them that? I guess we have to take the newest evidence as the real evidence and since Jason Todd described why they call themselves the outlaws this issue, that's the way things are.

Red Hood and the Outlaws Annual #2 Rating: I saw a thing on Twitter the other day that I thought was funny. Molly Manglewood asked "If "manspreading" is assertion of male privilege, what is it when women establish a sprawling nomad encampment of bags across three seats?" Somebody replied that it was called "Feminesting." That's fucking clever! As you may have surmised, I'm don't want to talk about Red Hood and the Outlaws anymore. Maybe just a few more things! I just wish it had been a fever dream brought on by too much Egg Nog instead of a way to bring Helspont back. So does everybody think it's appropriate to bring back the villain that is supposedly the biggest threat to the New 52 DC Universe (well, you have to admit, he was at one time!) and pair him against Red Hood and the Outlaws? And I guess Blackfire is just along for the ride so she can look sexy and subservient? I can't wait!

Red Hood and the Outlaws #37

Drink up, asshole.

Trigger warning for poorly written characters using addiction to represent dealing with the pains of their pasts because God forbid anybody in this day and age can figure out how to deal with their own problems. Dealing with your problems is bullshit because then how will everybody else know that you're in more pain than they are due to life being what it is (you know, bullshit. Like dealing with your problems!). It's better to spiral out of control to prove a point than to care about yourself and figure out your own shit. Better to slap labels on yourself to declare yourself off limits from being criticized because you've been diagnosed. Better to fucking hide and blame everybody else for the shit you don't want to deal with because it's too much and nobody in history has ever had to deal with the shit you're dealing with now. There's really only one trigger warning that matters.

Trigger Warning for the existential pain brought on by the loneliness of never being able to make a real connection with anybody in your life. Not because there is something deficient in you but because there is something deficient in all of us. The greatest sin is to believe your sin is without forgiveness. And the greatest source of loneliness and despair is to think that you're the only one full of loneliness and despair. Unless you possess some kind of telepathic power that enables your mind to be fully encompassed in another mind, you'll never connect with anybody as closely as you'd like. Even when you think you've found a partner that you're completely open with and with whom you share everything, you'll wake up one morning from a dream in which they were acting contrary to what you thought you knew about them and it'll eat away at your heart for the rest of day, hopefully becoming less and less terrifying as you engage in your daily mundane, rote existence until the fear of their betrayal becomes just more cobwebs in the corner of your brain, easy enough to ignore and which you can, probably, live with.

Hi Roy!

I said, "Hi Roy!"

Oh right! Right! And I'm just reading a comic book. Why am I responding to it?

If this is a memory, who are you talking to? Why are you explaining things to yourself? Are you drunk? No, wait. Do you know I'm here?! Can you see me, Roy Harper? Do you understand that you're in a comic book?

Oh, Roy! Don't be so hard on yourself! This is probably why you're an alcoholic. I bet this poor kid put too much pressure on himself to be perfect so that his parents would stop fighting, amirite?!

Why so defensive? I believe you! Now get on with projecting your telepathic memory so that I can watch it as you tell me what's going on, or whatever is happening here. Oh right. I'm reading a poorly written comic book.

I bet the volcano was set up by some kid super proud of his great science experiment, quivering in anticipation as he pictured the judges who would excitedly watch it smolder and then overflow with fake lava that was really just baking soda or something. And then the kid with the Cyborg Dinosaur walked into the room and volcano kid's shoulders sagged, a small tear came to one eye, and he slowly walked outside and threw himself in front of a bus.

Yes you do. This is a memory. That's what you get when you remember. And your dad, in this memory, is in a suit. So, quid pro caveat emptor, you big dumb dumb!

Of course that's all you wanted, Roy. Of course. You needy fucking prick. Do you think you're the only character in DC Comics with Daddy Issues? Get in fucking line.

Why does the reader need to catch up? We already read that part of the story. Are you sure you're not drunk?

You know, I don't have to be reminded of who you are every issue, Roy. And is Ollie really a millionaire? I think he either lost all of his money and his corporation in his own comic. Unless he got it back and then the statement is still wrong because then he'd be a billionaire.

These Narration Boxes serve the same purpose as having no Narration Boxes.

Roy is definitely drunk because I don't think New 52 Oliver Queen actually had anything to do with any business decision at Queen Industries ever. Unless it was an event with an open bar. I guess there was that small window of time during Giffen's short run where Ollie tried to make a go of being a business person. But then he was on a short leash and his handlers never would have let him get away with shit like this. And anyway, Scott Lobdell, since it seems you want to get "meta" with your characters and allow them to speak directly to your "audience" for "you," a better way to answer your critics than being a huge baby and flipping them off? Concentrate on writing better stories. Believe it or not, critics don't hate you just because you're you. They hate you because you suck at what you do. Stop worrying about the naysayers and concentrate on improving your crap. I mean craft!

I hate when people offer helpful advice.

Yeah, wouldn't want a guy who always gives you good advice hanging around with you. Oliver is such an asshole.

He didn't ask you to apologize. It's gauche to assume everybody wants you to apologize for being rich.

So Roy goes to work for Marvel Comics and loses the rights to all the great characters he created and stories that were turned into Saturday Morning Cartoons.

That's not an equation. It's a court case.

Anyway, it goes on like this for a lot more pages with Scott Lobdell feeling the incessant need to comment on his own story in the "voice" of Roy Harper. He might as well just be masturbating on every page. Splotches of semen would probably detract less than the constant Narration Boxing.

What happens is Roy enjoys his life working for Queen Industries. But maybe he enjoys it too much and so he constantly gets drunk and embarrasses himself and works his hardest to destroy the first real happiness he ever had. And then after it all comes crumbling down, he begins to lie to himself that it was never actually good in the first place and he was better off not being a part of Oliver Queen's life.

Oh, but first Roy finds out Ollie is Green Arrow and, just like Madison over in Futures End and everybody else that is a narcissistic asshole that doesn't understand that nobody owes you everything, he's hurt that Oliver didn't tell him who he was and that he was using Roy's inventions for his Green Arrow gig. Like that matters? Roy agreed that whatever he invented wasn't his anyway. This is why you never hire a kid with Daddy Issues.

I guess this is the icing on the cake? That Roy's superhero name is taken as a reminder of how betrayed he felt by his new father figure? Just another sad sack that can't believe in himself without being told by somebody else to believe in himself. Just another asshole that needs to be inspired by some other asshole that was once inspired to be inspiring. Fucking Speedy would have been a better name at this point.

This is one of those stories people tell about themselves which they think portrays them in a good light but really just shows how big of an asshole they are. I love when people tell stories like that.

I didn't think it was possible to hate Roy Harper any more. I guess I was wrong! Poor fucking Roy. I wonder if this is the same tantrum Henry Fyff threw before he left with Naomi? Or that other kid whose name I forget but he died before he could storm off upset that his technology was the only thing that made Green Arrow "Green Arrow." Fuck you, Roy Harper.

I'm going to go build myself a big bonfire to keep myself warm at night after this! And I'll be using all of my Red Hood comic books!

The issue ends with Roy thanking Oliver for still wanting to have something to do with him even though he's been a right spoiled piece of shit "Poor Me! Poor Me!" asshole that I can't fucking stand.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #37 Rating: -1 Ranking because of the incessant Narration Boxes. Holy shit. This comic probably reads better without reading the Narration Boxes. I don't know for sure though because I'm not about to try rereading it. How did I come away from this comic book liking Green Arrow more than I ever did?! I guess if Scott Lobdell was trying to write Roy as a despicable human being than kudos! But I have a suspicious feeling that this story was meant to make Roy a sympathetic character. And I don't doubt it worked for some people. But I probably don't like those people either.