Thursday, October 24, 2013

Justice League of America #8

Even on their own comic book cover, there's no evidence of any of the JLA having been killed because nobody fucking cares. Green Arrow? Ha ha! Vibe? Good riddance! Martian Manhunter? Who?

That "Who?" was because I fucking remember a time in The New 52 when nobody fucking knew who Martian Manhunter was! That didn't last very long. Suddenly everybody knew who he was even though he made sure to even erase his memory from the members of Stormwatch. Oh! Maybe that's why everybody knows who he is now! Because he never joined Stormwatch because they never actually existed because Adam One was erased from time and so Martian Manhunter never had to make everybody forget about him! This is the kind of bullshit contortions of logic DC fans have to make dealing with The New 52 continuity! I just wish DC didn't care so fucking much about continuity so I stopped caring so much about it!

I can't wait to find out what happened to the Justice League at the end of Trinity War! I hope this issue explains something! Oh man, I have a feeling I'm about to be severely disappointed.

Well, the issue does begin with Stargirl calling out to Manhunter! I think that's a good sign! Although she's confused and unsure about what happened. I think that's a bad sign! It looks like all we're ever going to learn is "The Crime Syndicate won." Fine. Whatever. Suck it, comic books!

You died! That's what happened to you!

Okay, so The Crime Syndicate probably would not have left the Justice League alive. So they probably really think they killed the Justice League. But why would they simply think that and walk away? Somebody fucked with their minds to make them believe that they killed the Justice League. I'd like to say Martian Manhunter pulled it off but I have a feeling The Hostage may have done it. He seems to have some kind of mental powers or he's just really charismatic and a great guy. But I think he's Lex Luthor from Earth 3 and that he probably has some kind of mental powers of control. But why would Martian Manhunter and Stargirl wind up in some imaginary field somewhere? Perhaps The Hostage's powers didn't affect the Crime Syndicate's mind but actually transported the souls of the Justice League into some sort of Limbo, leaving their bodies in a kind of stasis that has the appearance of death?

Or maybe they're all just dead and Dog is going to have to ditch the Phantom Stranger and bring them all back to life by licking their faces and sniffing their crotches. I think that's how Jesus raised Lazarus.

Jason Rusch appears to tell them that they're in Cube 4: The Hollow Deck! Jason and J'onn leave Stargirl on the surface and enter the Cube until they stumble upon Wonder Woman fighting a war. Apparently every prison in the Cube is built to house a specific person, manipulating them by tapping into their biggest emotional weakness. Wonder Woman runs off crying because crying is her worst fear. Jason and J'onn leave her and continue to explore the prison, looking for a way out.

J'onn works his way past Shazam and The Flash and Superman, losing Jason in the process but realizing he's being followed as well. He winds up with Simon Baz as Stargirl suddenly tells him, telepathically, that she's figured out how to escape. And she does so, coming out into Washington DC with the eclipse overhead.

Justice League of America #8 Rating: No change. I'm going to be kind to this issue because it's much the same as an annual. It doesn't really fucking do anything. Apparently some of these books so closely tied in to Forever Evil are going to wind up just treading water because they can't advance the story and they can't do anything until the story is advanced somewhere else. So in this one, we understand that The Justice League have been trapped in some kind of mental prison. And that's it! Great revelation! I especially enjoyed how it was twenty pages of Martian Manhunter searching for a way out and then Stargirl said, "Oh hey! I figured it out! I'm free!" Ugh. I am not looking forward to the other Justice League titles during this Forever Evil stuff. Why can't DC just let the regular titles tell stories that take place before Forever Evil until Forever Evil is over? It would be better than this motion going nowhere, pinwheels in a graveyard bullshit.


  1. Mannnn I thought I was the only one. Just tell a back story, side story, origin story any story until the (usual) DC big event is over. Put the villains in the title lead until....just cut the crap.

    Matter of fact, You do this DC review thing, can you tell me what issues or books the Black Manta is in so I can skip all the bullshit and just read what's going on under the helmet? Man I would appreciate it.

    1. I have a feeling his story will take place in the pages of Forever Evil but if he shows up elsewhere, I'll be sure to mention it! I'm only starting to read October 17ths comics though, so I'm a bit behind.

    2. Thanks man, and good looking out.