Time once again for "Guess Which Batman Superman is talking to!" Secondary game: "Guess Which Superman is talking to Batman!"
I was just glancing at the cover again and what the fuck has Batman grappled to swing across the skies carrying Catwoman? Is he hooked into a passing airplane? Maybe the moon? Perhaps Alfred constantly flies just off-panel in the Batcopter so that Batman can swing around like an idiot.
When we last saw these confusing heroes, they were trying to save the world either from itself and the military's new death crystal or from an intergalactic despot named Darkseid. I don't think they had decided whether or not the world needed the new death crystal to combat Darkseid. I suppose since Darkseid eventually kills Earth 2's Wonders, they make the wrong decision later in this comic book.
Having Earth Two Slade Wilson fire up the super secret death machine doesn't clear up the ambiguous nature of it!
I guess with good reason! Umm, that's the Earth 2 guys taking out the Earth Prime guys because why waste time convincing them that your way is the right way when you can just knock them unconscious, you know?
Meanwhile, Catwoman is flying around in the Batplane flirting with Lois and Wonder Woman is wrestling with Kaiyo. This part is even more confusing than the rest of the comic book because it's full of women not reacting to men. How do they know what to do? It's a good thing Lois Lane is in the scene because she's practically a man with her self-reliance and independence and her ability to fire missiles at a threat without caring who might be hurt. Wonder Woman also acts like a man when she complains that Kaiyo isn't willing to fight fair which, when men say that, always means "Stop having the advantage and fight in a way that gives me the advantage." And Catwoman is showing an inordinate amount of interest in some women on women sexual action, so that's totally manlike. It's almost as if female characters can just be, you know, characters! I suppose I can handle this craziness for one page but if they don't get back to reacting to the males soon, I'm going to have to declare pandering.
Getting back to the sensible action, Earth Prime Batman and Earth Prime Superman have a rebuttal against being knocked out: to not be knocked out at all!
Earth 2 Batman's insult is beginning to look more like really good detective work.
While all the magic chaos goes down and somebody calls Batman "Wayne" right in the middle of a bunch of soldiers, Slade Wilson gets back up and climbs into his super death weapon chair and fires it right into Earth 2 Superman's back.
Stop using your secret identity names, dumb dumbs!
It all ends sort of happily ever after even though Wonder Woman didn't get to kill anybody.
Kaiyo is a poor judge of contests. It's as if she already knows how things will turn out.
The issue ends with Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne back in Gotham to check up on the bullied kid who beats the bloody snot out of the bully and becomes best friends with Kaiyo. Probably. Or something. Anyway, there is this:
I'm going to pretend Bruce isn't joking.