Thursday, October 10, 2013

Action Comics #24

Why is this cover so stupid?

Is it wrong for me to wish a massive kidney stone on Scott Lobdell? What's the upper limit of bodily harm you can wish on another person without seeming like an asshole? Is there one? Or is the limit on wishing harm on another person based on the actions of the other person? So back in World War Whichever One Had the Nazis, it was probably okay to walk around wishing Hitler would stub his toe or something. You know, as long as you weren't in Germany. And if you were in Germany, as long as you made your wish quietly in your head to yourself. But if comic books were the world, then Scott Lobdell would be Hitler, right? That's a fair comparison, isn't it? From that analogy, you can extrapolate for yourself to who DC's audience would be and how every Wednesday we're shoved into a gas chamber.

I just asked my friend Doom Bunny the Robot if the preceding text was too offensive and he responded with "lol" and "delightfully offensive," so I think it's okay.

Speaking of things, I just sat through the most pandering, awful, ridiculous episode of Bones from Season Eight. It was the one where they have all the Squints trying to identify cold case corpses in the basement of the Smithsonian. And they happen upon a homeless guy and it turns out he was wounded in the September 11th attack on the Pentagon and died from his injuries ten days later but not before saving a bunch of people from the rubble. And everybody was crying and getting angry and being super upset. Really? Seriously? Is that how Americans are supposed to feel about the attack? Well I'm going to be the first honest person in America. Right now. Here it goes:

I was not fucking traumatized by September 11th, 2001. Well, I wasn't. And I think this constant pandering to America's Sadness is childish bullshit. It's self-indulgent and it really makes us look like assholes. As if we're the only country that has ever suffered any kind of horrendous tragedy. It's always about us, isn't it, America? Let's ride this sadness out for another fifty years, if possible!

Anyway, I think the only things that traumatize me are when pets die or when I'm in junior high and my crush tells me she doesn't like being stared at. Good thing neither of those things will ever happen again since I've made that deal with Pet Satan and killed all my crushes!

The important part of this picture is in the red box under "Part Two."

Scott Lobdell is gone! Hooray! Now just get this stupid psi-war story over with and flush out the stink of him. Let's just start over, can we? Can Psycho Pirate just erase everybody's memory of the Scott Lobdell months? Although I am disappointed that we're never going to find out what kind of incredible, never-before-seen-in-comic-books story Lobdell had cooked up for Issue #25!

I should probably discuss the comic book though. Let's just forget that Scott Lobdell ever existed, shall we? See how easy it is to forget things? I don't have to bask in the trauma of Lobdell forever! I can choose to let it go. I can choose happiness and bliss over sadness and anger and unadulterated despair.

Psycho Pirate decides he wants to team up with Superman. He's going to save the world and he offers to show Superman what he's saving the world from: The Queen Bee's psychic prisoners he calls "The Swarm."

Here's a bunch of exposition tying up all the previous plots so that I don't have to do it.

Psycho Pirate has brought Superman along because he needs to drain Supe's mind to have the power to free the rest of The Twenty. Superman, for some reason, doesn't want to go along with the plan. So they wind up battling inside Superman's brain in old Grant Morrison Action Comic pages. And then the battle heads back even further to the farm in Smallville.

It's the Lana Lang Mind Zombie! Look out!

Psycho Pirate then takes Superman all the way back to when he was a baby and Krypton was falling apart around him. Psycho Pirate is just about to finish Superman off when Electric Blue Lois shows up to zap him in the ass. You see, Lois has been infected with The Twenty Psychic Virus. And it seems to have turned her into Electric Superman.

Action Comics #24 Rating: +3 Ranking simply because Scott Lobdell didn't write it. Plus there wasn't a fucking stupid World of Krypton story in the back even though I was expecting more of H'el's alternate timeline on Krypton bullshit. I can't say I'm really enjoying this Psi-War plot but at least Lobdell is gone and hopefully Mike Johnson (or whoever takes over after this story is done) will do a much better job when he begins writing stories based on his own ideas.

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