Thursday, October 3, 2013

First Born #1

First Born is a DC rip-off of Marvel characters Rhino, Wolverine, and Morpheus combined into one creature. It's totally obvious because DC can't think of anything original ever. Just look at Jimmy Olsen! Total Peter Parker rip.

Recently I've made some comments about how stupid the phrase "Be careful what you wish for" is because I felt it was challenging the grandeur of dreams come true. But now I know the true meaning of that phrase, for I have often wished that I had more more time to read comic books and I suddenly find that to be true. At least, as I sit here and stare at the quiet desperate doppleganger staring at me from across the room, I certainly have more of me within the confines of the normal amount of time. As yet I am unsure as to its purpose but I will leave you with this warning before I begin reading First Born #1: light your house brightly, readers. Beware the darkened corners for you never know which are birthing strange, ineffectual, staring creatures intent on usurping your life. For now the beast merely sits and breathes and waits. I have given it some comic books and a glass of sake but, for now, it remains unmoving.

The issue begins with Apollo consulting the Oracle about his brother, First Born.

This image reminds me of the panel from the first issue of Wonder Woman in which I got my first header!

Oh the bitter pang of nostalgia! Such a simpler time when walking away from this project still remained within the reach of my innocent grasp.

Apollo needs to know if First Born is a threat to him since Apollo just recently took the Throne of Olympus for his own. And his nipple deep in prophecies about babies killing kings. It's got him a bit shaken, to say words that you probably understand. One of those prophecies was about Zola's baby killing the ruler of Olympus. And First Born's prophecy was that he'd rule Olympus alone. So it's totally obvious what's going to happen. Apollo will either abdicate and let First Born rule, or First Born will defeat Apollo and take the throne for himself. That will fulfill the first prophecy. After that happens, Zola's baby will grow up, revealing himself to be Zeus's child, Zeus, and he'll fulfill the second prophecy where he kills the ruler of Olympus (First Born!) and takes back the throne.

So you see, Zeus has neatly managed a successful end-around around the prophecies. As they say, if you can't kill the new born when a witch tells you it's going to kill you, join him.

First Born was left in the wild to die but was raised by Hyenas. As he grew, he mated with the Hyenas and created Gnolls. So that's how he became a great naked Gnoll Leader. I don't think there's anything more to learn! Oh, except how he wound up under the ice in Antarctica. But does that really matter? Or am I just reading another book that's killing time due to DC's decision to do a Villains Month?

Just look at how clever Zeus is. What a master manipulator and avoider of prophecies!

And one last prophetic vision from the 100 Bullets oracles: a war will consume both Apollo and First Born, leaving one standing and one fallen. And Wonder Woman will be there too. And naked!

First Born #1: I heard it groan before it ever moved. A sound filled with unloved moments and desperate heartache, countless rejections and thousands of harsh words. And as it shifted slightly, it's head lolling over its shoulder, its gaze fixing on the stack of comics I set beside it, I felt my first true terror. Shock and recognition had dulled my innate instinct telling me to run. I now know that was a mistake. But, as of yet, I do not know what it will cost me.

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