Sunday, July 29, 2012

Red Hood and the Outlaws #11

I hope Starfire's origin involves a frank discussion of Tamaranian sexual practices.

The main thing I've learned from reading and commenting on Red Hood and the Outlaws is that Jason Todd has a lot of fucking fans. People seem to love Red Hood. I'm sorry that so many people like him and yet they have to read him written by Scott Lobdell. I can only imagine what interesting stories could be told by a decent writer. He must allow DC to pay him in tacos. Why else would DC keep him on board and allow him to mangle so many titles? Oh well. Maybe the kids love him. I certainly love hating him. At least Rocafort keeps the comic pretty with a lot of interesting layouts. That's a plus.

I had to go dig up last issue and see how it ended because I thought maybe my last commentary was incomplete by the way this one begins. Last issue, they ship they were on was surrounded by dozens of Blight ships. The Blight are the race invading Tamaran. Kori had just threatened the other ship and a battle was about to ensue. This comic begins with Roy Harper shirtless and tied up and being tortured by the Blight. Maybe Lobdell lost one of his scripts and just said fuck it, handing in the script to Issue #12. He doesn't believe in cause and effect anyway. Or maybe my brain damage theory is correct and he actually can't think in any linear fashion. Poor guy. And maybe DC can't fire him because of this disability. Poor readers.

Meat sack? What are they made of? Cotton candy?

In Superboy, Lobdell has Detritus, a creature made of junk, call the humans "meat sacks." That makes sense because humans are made of meat and Detritus isn't. But here, the aliens look as if they're also made of meat. Perhaps they call all organic beings meat sacks? Maybe it's a term of endearment. Whatever it is, it just shows how unimaginative Lobdell is that he's recycling his insult from Superboy. I fully expect to hear someone call someone else a meat sack in the Teen Titans' next issue.

So somehow, Roy Harper has been captured. I take it the space battle and Kori's threat to the Blight didn't turn out so hot. Also, note Roy's bravado and attitude in his submissive position. I don't know that Lobdell knows how to write anybody any other way. Everyone in his comics just constantly mouths off to everybody else. I think he researches how the youth speak to each other by watching guys playing basketball.

Scott Lobdell: "Boy, they're always challenging each other and acting tough! I should jot that in my notes: ''' Nice! Now my next comic script will be really authentic!"
Basketball Player A, whispering: "Why's that old guy always writing down whatever we say?"
Basketball Player B: "Fuck if I know. Let's just yell gibberish at him."
Scott Lobdell: "Oh! This is gold! 'Flip...flop...orangutan...pancake...panties.'"

And now meat man? Are these aliens made out of butter? Crystals? Fungus? Oh! Maybe they're made out of fungus! That would explain their pallor.

Apparently being called Meat Man is too much for Roy Harper and he cracks. He tells Fungus Dude his version of the space battle that just broke out between issues. Apparently Starfire's ship, the Starfire, defeated the dozens of Blight ships that had surrounded them.

Can I stop for a second? This comic book makes my stomach hurt. Here, it's all yours for awhile.

Oh look. How cute. Lobdell realizes Roy's Narration Boxing doesn't make sense if he wasn't there. How about just leaving them the fuck out?!

Actually, it's worse than that. Roy is talking directly to the reader (as seen in the Narration Boxes of the first page I scanned above) and telling the reader how he began telling the Blight the story where he ends up telling the story that Kori told him earlier. That's only meta if by meta you mean "I've totally lost control of my ability to tell this story."

Kori's origin story is that her sister Komand'r sold her out to enemy invaders to ensure peace for Tamaran. Kori eventually escaped with the crew of the Starfire and returned to Tamaran. They were heroes but Kori felt alone so she left Tamaran. Now she doesn't want to help them escape the Blight because they didn't help her.

Dude! I know exactly how you feel!

That's when Blackfire (Komand'r) appears to threaten Roy and tell him she wants to speak with her sister. Perhaps next issue will being with Starfire on the planet's surface telling a homeless Tamaranian how her ship crashed and Roy was taken prisoner and Jason Todd told her a story that she's getting all meta on by telling Todd's story to the homeless person who is probably actually telling the whole story to her great grandchild 50 years from now.

And then another back-up Essence story. Essence survives the Life Hammer and kills her uncle. One Untitled down, some other ones left. Or something. Really not much of a story. Too bad a good writer wasn't writing this Essence versus the Untitled stuff. Might actually end up being enjoyable.

Red Hood and the Outlaws #11 Rating: -1 Ranking. Fucking Lobdell. Can you even write a comic book script? I get the feeling that he just writes a monologue from the point of view of one character and hands it over to the Rocafort to do as he pleases. Maybe DC thinks Lobdell is a good writer because he keeps getting writing gigs on titles with really popular characters that simply sell themselves. People love the Titans, so the Titans book sells. Same with Red Hood. But even Superboy isn't going to be able to sustain acceptable numbers for long. Please, somebody at DC take notice of how shitty this guy writes and do something about it!

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