Grifter #10

This cover is by Liefeld and Dalhouse. I think Dalhouse did most of the finish because I might not have guessed this was a Liefeld cover. Except for a few of the obvious clues like the really rectangular gun and the awkward hand/wrist connection of the left arm.

Last issue, Grifter became the Chosen One! He's been chosen to lead the resistance that will defeat the Daemonites. Why does there have to a Chosen One or a Prophecy or a Glimpse of the Future or a Destiny? Why can't a group of people just get together to fight the Daemonites without some sort of mystic vision which assures them they're doing what they're supposed to be doing? Lazy shortcuts are lazy. And shortcuts.

Grifter's resistance army consists of Niko the Katana Lady and Deathblow the Death Blower. I complained that this guy was named by Liefeld last issue but that might not be true. I saw something somewhere (a vision from the future?) that mentioned he was a character from Wildstorm. Maybe I'll look him up now! I don't have a Wildstorm Who's Who so I'll have to rely on the internet.

Death Blow was created by Jim Lee and Brandon Choi in 1992 for the Wildstorm Universe. Blaming Liefeld was close enough to the mark. Frickin' Jim Lee! At least his artwork has improved although he still loves the gritty-faced men. I learn new things while reading the Wikipedia entry! No wonder I've never heard of Team 7 and yet commenters on my commentaries have dropped the name occasionally as if I should know it. I just assumed it was part of the DC History I'd missed over the last few years being away from comics. But it was Wildstorm! Now it makes sense. And I guess that's why Cole Cash will be in the new Team 7 comic beginning in September. Although the team is mostly filled with big DC names. Deathblow's only power seems to be a regenerative ability near Lobo levels. Maybe he should be the chosen one!

I look up Niko while I'm at it and she's apparently new. Someone suggests that her name is a play on the Japanese word for cat, "neko." My dad once had a cat he named Neko. Anyway, I wouldn't have made that jump but I guess she's been shown in solicits as "Cheshire." So that's why someone would make that connection.

Grifter and his team begin this issue on the road to a new safehouse. They're staying on the move so that the Daemonites don't get a bead on Grifter and kill him and doom the entire world because he's the only motherfucker that can defeat the Daemonites. I don't know. I have a feeling Stormwatch is a pretty good back-up plan. And Batman and his Justice League could probably handle the problem. But not Justice League International.

Seriously. That's a pretty valid question.

Why is Grifter wearing that ridiculous scarf while hanging out with his teammates? I don't think he has anything in his life that needs protecting by a secret identity. He just looks stupid and then his teammates hate him and don't trust him and then this causes him to spiral into a rash of Narration Boxes where he really lets loose his feelings about other people.

Oh no he didn't! He said it! OH SHIT! (except, you know, he didn't say it. He Narration Boxed it. Which means he might have said it in the future in his Diary. Or he's only thinking it now. Or fuck if I know)

The truck the Resistance is in takes a direct hit from a Daemonite RPG and explodes in a huge fireball. But as seen earlier when Grifter survived a plane crashing in Paris, he can't be killed by mere explosions even though he doesn't have any super powers except the ability to read minds. Perhaps he can read the minds of the people being killed which allows him to avoid the most dangerous parts of the explosion! Somehow, he and Niko and Deathblow survive unharmed while everyone else is killed instantly.

Actually, they were blown up not butchered.

Apparently, Buck, the guy I agreed with about not seeing anything special about Grifter, also survived the direct hit. But he's not special so he was knocked unconscious and had to lie in the middle of the burning wreck until Deathblow saved his ass. And while Deathblow was saving his ass, Grifter was saving Deathblow's ass. This comic would be better if I just switched the word "saving" to "grabbing."

Yes, it's simply a mere technicality that "you're welcome" is two words. If you're just playing fast and loose with language, well, it would still be two fucking words! And "technically," it's three words. Also, be sure to enjoy Grifter without any legs in this picture.

The banter between these three as they fight Daemonites is simply inane. Maybe I should be emotionally invested in them as they learn to work as a group and feel each other out. Instead, I'm just thinking about other things while I read this comic. Like how I should play a drinking game all weekend long where I drink whenever I read the word "literally" or hear anybody say it. But I don't think I want to be wasted all weekend. I'm also being distracted by a squirrel in my cherry tree. That's not a euphemism, jerk.

The group becomes pinned down on the mountain road in the Swiss Alps and Niko begins yelling at Grifter and telling him he needs to begin acting like the Chosen One. But all I can think about while she yells at him is, "Why are you wearing a fucking bathing suit in the middle of the freezing cold snowy alps, Niko?" And then Grifter displays a new power! Is it the best power in the DCnU? Is it a power so great it will save the world from this alien threat?

Yes! He can fire multiple guns by telekinesis! The world is saved! I hope this power only works for firing guns. That would be the best.

The new Daemonites are really tough and hard to kill because they're soldiers and not scouts. But now that Grifter can shoot more than two guns at them at once, will they fall just as easily as the scouts did when being shot with just two guns? Although one of the Red Daemonites was killed earlier when Grifter just shot him twice in the chest with a pistol. Or maybe it just backed off because it didn't want to be slightly annoyed by getting shot a few more times.

But dag nab it! Grifter's telekinesis is usable for more than just firing guns. He manages to throw all of the Daemonites and the blown up truck off of the mountain. Since Liefeld is writing this comic, he'll probably give Grifter a Telekinesis Level soon. My guess is he's Level 20!

The group walk to the next safehouse where Deathblow continues to chide them about being girls and pretty boys and faggots. Well, he doesn't actually say faggot but he's obviously that kind of in-the-closet self-hating military man. At least he would be if the characters in this comic were going to have any kind of depth at all. My guess is he's just a testosterone-laden blowhard. He also claims that the Red Daemonites probably had some big brothers so they need to keep moving. So Blue is little brother. Red is medium brother. And Green is big brother? Then Black Curate is biggest brother of all!

This is how they plan on escaping: motorcycles in the snow! I like how there are only four of them. Because they knew they'd lose the nobodies along the way, probably.

Before taking off, the group are going to get some rest in the safehouse. But then it blows up and Grifter is actually hurt by this explosion. Possibly because his telekinesis was saving him earlier and maybe he shorted it out a bit by his earlier display. Anyway, the person that takes them all out on the final page of the comic just like a good super villain is supposed to do to make the action exciting and full of the overwhelming tension that will leave readers biting their fingernails all day every day until the next issue comes out is named SYNGE!

The Daemonites have super heroes too! Although this guy must be a hybrid like Voodoo (and possibly Grifter?) since the Daemonites don't actually have super heroes. It's one of the reasons they were so curious about Earth. Because of the preponderance of metas on the planet.

Grifter #10 Rating: No change. The comic didn't make me inexplicably angry which is kind of what a comic needs to lose ranks this far down the charts. It was just silly and inane. And not in a way I like, so there's that goddmaned bias of mine again since I really kind of like silly and inane at times. Like Rebecca Black's Friday song. That thing is so fucking inane it's endearing. But that's because she was just a young girl doing something fun, not a professional bunch of comic book creators.