All Star Western #10

This is a pretty nice cover marred by the words and the fucking Bat Lash advert.

First, a story that has nothing to do with Jonah Hex. I have a floor cleaning business. I'm also the only employee, so it's technically a worker owned business. Anyway, I clean the floors of a pet store in Oregon City once a month. Last night, as I was setting up, I could hear some chickens going crazy in the back room where they shove a bunch of cages to get them out of my way. But this was louder than I'd expect from a chicken. I pass by the room at one point and see a cage full of Bantam Chickens which I've never seen in this store before. So I think, "A-ha! You guys are making an awful racket." And I head off. Then I come by again to talk with the ferret and the chinchilla and commiserate with them on the awful noise they have to endure back there. And that's when I notice the fucking chickens aren't making a peep. They're just looking around confused which, I think, is normal for chickens. And then I know why that loud chicken noise sounds so familiar. The fucking parrot is imitating the chickens. But not in a cute chicken way. He's screaming chicken noises at the top of his little birdy lungs. Holy shit. That pet store has ruined that parrot!

Father: "Look what I got the family! A parrot!"
Family: "Yay!"
Daughter: "Can it speak?"
Parrot: "BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK!"
Mother: "Take it the fuck back."

I hope that story isn't more interesting than the story in All Star Western which I'm about to read right now!

Last issue (and the cover of this issue!), Tallulah Black was tossed out of the window of Wayne's Casino (whichever Wayne this is! I can't keep them straight). This issue, there are slight repercussions.

It's possible I should remember Lucius but I'm sure he's one of the Followers of Cain/Skull Ring Society/Crime Bible Syndicate guys. Especially since his bodyguard is The Crimson Pirate Molester. He doesn't molest pirates! He molests children dressed as a pirate. He always has to explain that when declaring who he is.

While tending to his friend Tallulah, Hex sees The Crimson Pirate Molester dashing across the rooftops. I guess once he has a successful bodyguarding moment, The Crimson Pirate Molester heads off to reward himself with a shot of beer.

Those tits look familiar. I think I should probably remember Tallulah from the first story arc.

Jonah brings his wounded friend to Arkham for help because the hospital in Gotham is probably filled with Crime Lord Owl Bat Cain Skull Pirate people.

"The poor woman has..." what? What! Rats in her vagina? Stinging nipples? Diarrhea?

I like a good story that tells itself with its own pictures. Then I can just scan shit and shut the fuck up! Too bad I have such a problem shutting up the fuck. Hmm, maybe that was a sentence that should have ended with the preposition.

A little after-dinner absinthe to calm the nerves created by that chick with the rats in her vagina.

While Arkham enjoys his more sophisticated beverage, Hex drinks Hangman's Whisky. Oh, fuck you spell-check! Whisky does not have an "e", you heathen. I mean, it can have one. But I prefer mine without. Also, Arkham mentions how he likes to conduct research in the poor neighborhoods because he can "find a good number of cases involving birth defects and mental illness." How can you not like this opium-smoking, absinthe-drinking, baby-dissecting madman? He and Hex make a great team and anybody not reading this comic is missing out. Which I think is most everyone. Maybe I'm the only one who's entertained by this. It's right up my proverbial alley. Did that sound like I meant my asshole because I didn't!

Nearly every page of this issue so far has given me that flushy kind of buzzed feeling you get from tossing back a pontarlier of absinthe (or do you merely sip out of a pontarlier? I had to look that up since I know every liquor gets its own type of glass but I am sorely lacking in matching the glasses with the drinks). It makes me giddy even if the references, asides, and allusions aren't very subtle. If I were to have asked for my dream comic ten years ago, I never would have guessed that "A Brave and Bold style team-up starring Jonah Hex and Amadeus Arkham!" would have been the correct answer.

His mother is still alive! Perhaps will get a story arc where Mad-dog kills her and Jonah and Amadeus capture Mad-dog and lock him in Arkham's basement where Amadeus can torture him until he dies!

Meanwhile, The Court of Owls have in interest in destroying the Followers of Cain. But they don't want to start a war. Remember, the Owls seek power through balance and order! And the Followers of Cain are getting too powerful and chaotic.

I like this use of the Court of Owls. Now that they've been established, they can play a huge role in this story that takes place 120 years or so previous to Batman's destroying them. I'm assuming that Batman destroys them in Batman #11.

The Owls realize that their Talon cannot succeed at this task alone. But they've heard of Tallulah already trying to kill Bennet and Hex asking questions of Wayne. So the plan is to manipulate Hex and Tallulah into doing some of their dirty work for them.

Later, Tallulah wakes up and Arkham has a very uncomfortable yet strangely sensual morning.

Later, Arkham visits a man locked up because he's been acting crazy.

This man and the guard are killed within seconds of Arkham leaving the cell.

Arkham hears the men murdered and rushes back in to find nobody there. But he does find a feather. He decides to discuss this with Jonah. Probably after Jonah is done putting his penis in Tallulah's rat nest.

And then there's the Bat Lash back-up story. I only know of Bat Lash from the 1980s version of Who's Who, the one that actually looked like a comic book instead of looking like a homework assignment. I was prepared not to like it. But this is a well told comic tale. Really done well. And so I was charmed by him just like all the women he's supposedly bedded, if you believe the tale he narrates.

Here he is at a young age discovering one of life's bountiful treasures.

All Star Western #10 Rating: +1 Ranking. Hell, even the back-up story was enjoyable!