Detective Comics #11

See Batman recover quickly? See Batman punch Mister Toxic's skull through the glass helmet? That is funny!

Last month, I promised more jokes when this story continued. I should not have made that promise since I did not write this story! I do not know if it will be full of jokes or not. I hope that it is! I could use a good laugh today.

Last month, Batman was being radiated by Mister Toxic. But Batman knew the punchline to Mister Toxic's radiation joke. Batman remembered the punchline and thought it was funny!

See Batman smile? Quick! Look! It only happens once every four years!

Batman says the punchline before Mister Toxic can because Batman has the deus ex machina right on his belt. See it do what needs to be done? See it save Batman's life? Yay deus ex machina! I am glad Lucius Fox created you. He did create you, right? He is Greek, correct?

Mister Toxic flies across the room. Wheee! He did not fly like Superman flies. He flew like someone who pees on an electric fence flies. KZZZAAAPPT! I mean, SZZAFFF!

Mister Toxic's skull does not scream in pain. That is because it is painted on the front of his glass helmet. See how the cover artist didn't know that? Do you know who the cover artist is? He is also the writer! How dumb must he be to not know the characters he writes about? Oh Mr. Daniel. You are too funny. Do you know that the bat on Batman's chest is not a real bat? Squeak squeak! It does not say that because it is not real. Squeak squeak! No! No, Mister Daniel, no! Bad Mister Daniel.

Why are you mad at me, Mister Daniel? I am not the one who made a mistake! You should fix your mistake! Hurry, Mister Daniel, hurry! Fix it before anybody else notices!

Oh! Ha ha! That is a good one, Batman! You fixed Mister Tony's problem! You are the hero of the day!

Batman discovers yet another joke! It is amazing how many jokes Gotham can tell today. Mister Toxic is not the Gas Man. Mister Toxic is Hugh Marder, the mad scientist that Batman was trying to save! How did you do that, Hugh? How are you in two places at one time?

What was that, Hugh? What did you say? I could not hear you over the sound of the Collider exploding! What was that? See Hugh Marder repeat himself. That is a joke because there are two Hugh Marders! Did you get it? I didn't think you would get it so I explained it. It is always good to explain a joke. Even if you must explain it two or three times, the listener will always laugh. "Ha ha," the listener will say. "Jolly."

Oh, perhaps now is a bad tie to tell the joke. Sorry, Hugh. Sorry.

Batman goes home with Alfred to take a nice long shower. But not with Alfred. Alfred is busy making the tea. Alfred says, "Do you want some tea?" Batman says, "I will have the tea." Alfred says, "Have you discovered anything?" That is Alfred's favorite line to ask Batman. Alfred knows Batman loves to answer that question. Batman likes to show off how smart he is and to show what an amazing detective he can be. Batman says, "Marder had last words. His last words were relieving." Alfred plays dumb. Alfred loves to play dumb because Batman likes to look smart. Alfred says, "Relieved that he was dying, sir?" Batman smirks. Batman sees what Alfred is doing. Batman is a great detective; he cannot be fooled so easily. Batman explains that Marder was relieved to finally get all of the power. He got it all and Batman could not stop him.

Some boring things happen that aren't exciting to talk about. It is just grown ups talking to other grown ups. "So, how was blah blah blah?" and "I met blah blah blah at the blah!" Boring! I wish grown ups would shut the front door. I wish that they would all just shut the front door and stop being so boring! It is cold in here, grown ups! Shut the front door!

After the boring parts, Bruce Wayne has a business meeting with a homeless man. The homeless man claims to be a missing scientist. Homeless men claim to be a lot of things. This one time, a homeless man claimed he was the library policeman. "Thteady! Thteady!" he said as he made me pay the fine. The fine was my butt-cherry. I never returned a book late ever again. I never even went into another library ever again. I do not like library policemen.

Oh silly Mister Wayne! That is silly! I am traveling forward through time right now! Whee! Look at me travel! One second! Two seconds! Three seconds! And I do not think my office chair qualifies as a vehicle.

Back at the Gotham City Memorial Morgue, five Hugh Marders are being fitted with toe tags. Five?! Where did five come from? Am I counting incorrectly? No! No, of course not! I can count to five! It is easy. There are five because they are clones! And they were the Batmen from last time! But only four of them are dead. Mister Toxic arrives to wake up the Hugh Marder that was in the Collider.

Why does Mister Toxic need another Hugh? Isn't Mister Toxic already a Hugh? Maybe he is a damaged Hugh and that is why he needs to remain in his glass helmet.

Marder escapes the morgue with Marder. See them escape! Which one is Marder? No, the other one is Marder! That one is Marder! But they leave clues in the morgue. Batman finds the clues! Batman is a good detective. He knows the clues will lead him to the answer. Batman takes the clues back to his cave and runs some tests on the clues. See Batman test the clues? Look at Batman test! Test, Batman, test!

See Batman's test get out of control! Look out, Batman! Look out!

Oh no! Look at that! It is Part Three! The story will have three parts! Shit. Look at me not want to write this way again for a third part. See me kick the dirt and say, "Shucks!" See me pout. Pout, Jeff, pout! See me promise no more jokes next month! Next month will be very serious. See Batman is almost dead! We cannot joke about that! That will not have a funny punchline. It will be time to be serious next month. You must practice your serious face. Tight lips. Grim features. Profound nodding. Good! Good! See you next month.

The back up story is that dumb Two Face thing. I'll read it but I won't understand it!

I told you I wouldn't understand it! But that was the last chapter. Let me reread them all and see if it makes any sense.

Nope. It's crap. The idiot Freakshow hires a guy to kill Harvey Dent but the guy he hires, The Leader, won't kill anybody with any "light" inside of them. So The Leader sends Harvey back to Sideshow so Sideshow will kill him. But Harvey kills everyone and gets shot and heads back to The Leader. The Leader saves him and then Harvey shoots him. The Leader disappears in a puff of smoke. Or dies. Who the fuck knows? I think it was four chapters of a confusing stupid story to point out that Harvey Dent doesn't actually makes decisions based on the result of the coin toss. He just fucking does what he wants. Maybe. I don't know! Somebody else explain it to me!

Detective Comics #11 Rating: No change. I'm glad the Two Face story is done but I'm disappointed the Mister Toxic story didn't finish this issue. It felt like a two issue story to me and it's dragging on one more! I just didn't like it as much as I sort of liked last month's.