The Green Team #6

Did anybody at DC truly envision this comic book reaching issue #100?

Enthusiastic DC Editor: "Hey guys! I know! Let's create a comic book about a bunch of trillionaires! Trillionaires have so much money that even Spell Check can't believe it's a real word! But you know who will buy a comic book about trillionaires? TRILLIONAIRES! It's like printing money!"
Less Enthusiastic DC Editor: "I'm not sure there are any actual trillionaires."
Enthusiastic DC Editor: "Well then billionaires will buy it!"
Less Enthusiastic DC Editor: "No billionaires are going to want to be reminded that they don't have a trillion dollars."
Enthusiastic DC Editor: "Then the poverty stricken masses will buy it up by the wagon load to escape their hum drum life to live vicariously through these characters! Remember how successful Richie Rich was?! Or Silver Spoons? Or Dif'rent Strokes?! Poor people love and idolize rich people!"
Less Enthusiastic DC Editor: "Whatever. I'm going to come up with another comic book starring The Batman."

I was hoping this comic book would give me tips on how to become a Teen Trillionaire but so far I'm still old and broke. Stupid comic book.

Last issue, The Green Team had been stranded on a meteor fighting some guy named Ass Tickle. I mean Icicle. Fuck, dude. I don't believe you should be granted super powers if you can't even come up with a creative name for yourself. Even Coldsnap would be better than Icicle. Even though Icicle has "sick" and "kill" in it, this jerk couldn't be bothered to trick up his name so it plays up to either of those things.

Icicle: "I'm Icicle! EMPHASIS ON THE KILL! Unless you pronounce it properly and then the accent is on the CULL!"

I bet Bellachek Temple has a brother named Cannon in Coral City!

The fight on the meteor continues with some not-so-innocent scientist getting killed because he decided to side with The Green Team and not The Icicle and his lover Bellachek Temple. Icicle then decides to smash the meteor into pieces, destroying the only working shuttle left on the meteor and sending everybody and everything crashing down into Earth's atmosphere.

It pretty much happens just like this. Except in Japanese.

They crash land their gigantic hunk of rock just outside of Bellachek Temple's offices in Chicago.

Oh come on, Green Team creative team! If you'd introduced this guy in the first few issues, you'd have had a hit on your hands!

I wonder if everybody in the corporate offices refers to Icicle as "I Suck Bel."

Commodore 64 chastises Bellachek Temple for using his power and money to make more power and money on the backs of people that have no power and money. Bellachek points out that Commodore 64 really isn't any different except that he's young and idealistic, and youthful idealism only sees what it wants to see.

Speaking of young people, I saw a Tumblr post awhile back about some youngster saying that the young person's mother was born in 1969 and she liked to append "69" to the end of her user names online. And the youth believed it was the kid's job to point out to the mom that she can't be doing that. Kid, believe me, she knew what she was doing. She was probably fucking proud that her year of birth was a fantastic sex act. Because "old" people aren't as ignorant as you might like to think. When teenagers lie to their parents and fool them, they sometimes think they're able to fool all adults. No, no. You know why your parents believe you actually fell asleep on the couch at your date's house as opposed to all the dick sucking and vagina licking that was going on? Because parents are in denial and they'd rather believe the lie than to imagine their kid having sex. You tell that same story to your uncle and he's just going to wink and smile. Seriously, what would you rather imagine if your parents went out on a date and immediately headed into the bedroom when they got home? "Boy, they must sure be tuckered out!" Or are you going to picture the fuckfest that is happening up there? Yeah, denial is better, right?

Of course, on the other side of things and just as annoying, are when young people are portrayed as ignorant of anything that happened before the nineties. Like that Jack in the Box commercial where the ditzy social media employee thinks watches were invented back in the olden days of the eighties. Age really has nothing to do with knowledge. Obviously the longer you've been around, the more you've probably accumulated. But the accumulation of knowledge takes effort or, at least, intense curiosity. But you can imagine how tiresome it is to meet someone over forty that hasn't bothered to retain anything and how intensely interesting a younger person can appear when they've been paying attention to more than just their immediate social group's activities. When you're sixteen, it's hard to think of your parent as a sixteen year old. But you just need to remember that a person is always, at all times, every age they've ever been. Older folks don't just relate to sixteen year olds. They actively remember themselves at sixteen; they still feel themselves at sixteen and what it was like and the person they were. They're still that person mixed with the twenty five year old and the thirty six year old and the eight year old. You don't just lose the feelings of your first crush long after your third divorce. That feeling can still be as intense as ever.

And I fucking don't know why Commodore 64's speech to Bellachek Temple set me off on that diversion. I suppose I needed something more to talk about than the Green Team fighting Icicle in space and crash landing in Chicago to tell the man that built their Super Hero Disks that he's an asshole.

Temple decides to have his men kill Commodore 64 but Cecilia jumps in the way and takes all the gunfire in her back. But she already regrew her arm, so I think she'll be okay regrowing all the other parts that were just shot off. Like her liver and her left lung. J.P. flips the fuck out and turns into a werewolf.

Well, I guess the disks do different things to different people!

The Green Team #6 Rating: +1 Ranking simply for the introduction of Bellachek Temple. Long after The Green Team is gone, I'm guessing this guy will find work harassing other comic book heroes.