Monday, December 23, 2013

Worlds' Finest #18

Superman just took Apollo the Sun God's full load right in his face and he figured out how to handle it. Get a hold of yourself, Kara!

Last issue ended with Kara crashing down out of orbit into whatever river is in New York. Probably The New York river of New York City within New York State. They're not very imaginative up there! I think all of the towns and cities in New York are called New York. It's a really confusing place to visit.

Also, the Shadow Bender got away. And I don't mean Bender as in a robot with a shiny metal ass. I mean Bender as in The Last Airbender cartoon even though I really don't know much about it. I just know they manipulate elements and have tattooed faces and stuff.

The Huntress takes control by remembering that her father once told her to "work with what you've got." The advice was for when she took that job stripping to get through Cat Burglar School but it's fairly applicable in other situations as well, like interviewing for a job or stopping a rampaging Kryptonian from destroying half of New York. And what does The Huntress have? Why, she has a crossbow! And that, really, is about it. So she manages to use one of her trick quarrels to pull Power Girl down into the river which seems like it would probably work to stop a burning woman shooting laser bolts out of her eyeballs.

Oh, it's the East River. So they're even less imaginative than I was giving them credit for.

Even though the East River somehow drains off all of Power Girl's excess power (through osmosis or something!), Kara is still having trouble with her powers cutting out. They leave her once again and she falls woozily into the river. Looks like they're going to have to track down Desaad and hope that his Power Sucker has a switch on it that goes from "Suck" to "Blow." Um, you know what I mean.

Meanwhile there is an interlude where we learn the Shadow Bender is named Tats and she doesn't want the power even though she wished for the power and the power was granted to her by a demon named Xazdi. Now Xazdi expects Tats to cause mischief and chaos and destruction with her power. Tats approached Xazdi with a great big Tumblr Beef with the world and now that he's given her the power to enact some serious fucking social justice, she doesn't actually like the work. But if she doesn't use her Shadow Tattoo Power, she's going to burn up. So she heads back out on the streets to fuck some skinny model shit up.

Then there's one of those moments that I really like about this comic book, when Levtiz is writing to the characters and their overall situation rather than writing to the plot and the current Bad Guy Du Jour.

I think The Huntress's doppleganger would be Helena Bertenelli, right? Except as we saw at the beginning of this series, that was merely one of Helena Wayne's aliases. So The Huntress probably doesn't have a doppleganger. Except this is comic books so she'll probably eventually be surprised to learn there really is a Helena Bertinelli out there!

After Hel and Kara call each other apt names for a bit, they decide to bet on who can find Tats the Arsonist first. My money is on The Huntress because she's practically The Goddamned Batman (maybe even better! Fucking no way New Earth Batman is anywhere near as good as Earth 2 Batman was!) and Power Girl is still having power problems.

And we have a winner! Although what good is winning dinner from Power Girl if The Huntress winds up eviscerated by a pair of Shadow Wolverine Claws?

I have to admit, the above panel is making me feel sexy things in whatever percentage of my being is lesbian. If sexuality is a spectrum, can I just admit to lying down across the whole fucking thing, spread-eagled, nude, and just waiting for an orgasm? Actually, I'm probably on the part of the spectrum that is mostly masturbation.

Tats gets away and runs into the Temple of Xazdi where the Priest guy waits in ambush for The Huntress as she follows Tats inside. But The Huntress knocks them both out because she's the daughter of Catwoman and Batman and nobody fucks with that genealogical bad-assery! But then the statue of Xazdi comes to life and begins choking the shit out of her. Whoops!

Good thing Power Girl shows up to save Helena's life even though that means she's going to have to pay for dinner later. Unless Hel lets the whole thing slide due to Power Girl saving the day and everything.

But you saved her ass with her crossbow after using her to find the perp! I say this bet should have ended in Dutch Territory.

Worlds' Finest #18 Rating: +1 Ranking. I wonder if DC is ever going to present a story portraying why Power Girl's breasts are so much bigger than Supergirl's? What differences exist in the two separate timelines that would be responsible for that difference? I bet it's because Supergirl spent twenty years in suspended animation orbiting the sun in a tight, enclosed space that didn't give her breasts room to expand while they absorbed the sun's energy while Power Girl was never confined like that. That seems reasonable enough. I'm sure that also explains why Supergirl's butt is so much better. Somehow.

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