Doctor Fate #13

This cover makes this comic seem far more fascinating than it really is.

The Review or Whatever!
This issue was a major letdown after the ending of the last issue where Kent Nelson said to Khalid, "I believe you have something of mine." Because this issue begins with Nelson telling Khalid to keep the thing that was his which was Fate's helmet! How dare he betray me like that?! Khalid wants to be a real doctor, not a magic doctor! Let him go back to school! Take the helmet away from him! Have sex with his neighbor, Akila! Do all of the things Khalid is afraid to do and just let Khalid's Doctor Fate fade into obscurity! Chalk this up to a failed attempt to cash in on the popularity of Ms. Marvel! Remember, DC, the next time you take advantage of a trend, first understand what the trend is! Sure, Kamala is Muslim and so is Khalid! But Kamala is likeable! Also likable if you prefer the American English spelling which I don't! Khalid is barely tolerable!

At least Kent Nelson is still playing the role of Doctor Fate. It's just he's doing it without the helmet of Thoth. That doesn't matter to me because Kent still wears a replica helmet of Thoth and the look is all that matters. If he's still magic and he still looks like Doctor Fate and he's still mysterious and interesting and sexually adept at pleasing people's horny neighbors, he's still my Doctor Fate! Khalid can go suck a rock!

Doctor Fate #12

Deez nuts!

The Review or Whatever!
All of Khalid's dreams (and mine!) are about to come true by the end of this issue as Kent Nelson arrives to take back the Helm of Fate! For twelve issues, Khalid has questioned his sanity and refused to be the hero Nabu was looking for. For twelve issues, he also refused to have sex with his neighbor, Akila. Constantly she was coming over and saying things like, "Khalid! Do you have time to plumb my gantry?" And Khalid would be all, "What? No? What are you talking about?" And she would be all, "Khalid! Could you come help me! My fertile crescent is flooding!" And Khalid would be all, "Maybe you're hallucinating. Leave me alone!" And she would be all, "Khalid! I have three fingers in and have started without you!" And Khalid would be all, "Do you have a concussion? What do I care about your fingers?" And she would be all, "Khalid! Put your cock inside my asshole!" And Khalid would be all, "I must be dreaming because I thought you just asked me to perform sodomy on you. Now stop calling me!"

You know what? Don't listen to anything in that last paragraph because I actually made this comic book sound way more interesting than it actually is. The reluctant hero bit can work but I think the hero has to realize that the things happening around them are really happening. The whole denial angle got old fast because how many times can you deny your sultry neighbor's sexual advances before the whole comic book just becomes totally unrealistic? Once only, I would think! Maybe Akila will have better luck getting Ken Nelson's pants off!

Grayson Annual #3

What good is a Butt-Boobs Showcase without any boobs? Aside from social commentary, I mean!

The Review!
Grayson was the best comic book DC Comics has put out in a long time and a lot of people never even gave it a chance because they were dum-dums. Omega Men was also the best comic book DC Comics put out in a long time and a lot of people never even gave it a chance because they weren't dum-dums and remembered that The Omega Men were terrible in the eighties. At least I think they were. I never even gave them a chance in the eighties because they looked terrible. Especially that one guy in the pink and purple outfit with the wolfish name. Whatever happened to him? Horrible looking character! Anyway, what I was saying before my brain got derailed was that this annual by Lanzing and Kelly lives up to the previous work on Grayson by Seeley and King. It's fun and fun and also fun. It might be smart too but I'm not smart enough to know if something is smart. Something can be pretty dumb and I'd still be all, "Well, it's smarter than me! So...smart!" I give this an A for effort! Unless that sounds like I'm insulting it and then maybe it gets an A for quality too.

The Commentary!
I wrote a poem to celebrate Dick's butt!

The Roads Not Taken
By Grunion Frost!

Infinite paths diverged in an infinite wood,
Paralyzing me with indecision.
I was too young to know that I should
Hasten down a path which would do me good
Instead of dawdling in my decision.

I knew that if I chose but one,
The infinite others were lost to me.
So I sat and watched the rising sun,
Knowing that by choosing none,
I preserved all potentiality.

I sat and watched a peopled sea
Choosing their paths instantly.
Almost as if they could not see
The branches of infinity
Which they pruned indiscriminately.

When I first noticed, I cannot say,
The woods once lost to either sight,
Were closing in with every day
That I refused to choose a way,
Now paralyzed by the looming night.

I think that caught the quality of Dick's butt, right? It's like, "Ooh! Do I want to put my thingy in it? Maybe I'm not into sodomy and I just want to look at it glistening and naked! But why is it glistening? Was Dick working out? Maybe I just spat on it? Or somebody spilled 7-Up over it! Dick's butt isn't even very good on the cover of the annual. What the hell, Janin?! It's all flat and flatter! Let's see some spring in that sproing!"

I don't even like Dick's butt! I just want to be cool like the cool kids who all talk about Dick's butt like it's the Second Coming!

The issue begins with Harley's butt running down a hallway.

Harley's Butt scores a 3 out of 10 here.

The party Harley is going to is in a very scary room! Why would she want to go into Room 237! There are naked old ghosts taking baths in there! I'm so grossed out I can't even write another poem ever again! That sentence was exactly as I wanted it even if it sounded weird. Sometimes you have to deal with sentences sounding unlike sentences you've heard before. You just have to deal with it because that's what adults and teenagers who think they're adults have to deal with! Or you could be a tool of the man and refuse to publish avant-garde literature! Your mind so brainwashed by how things have always been done that you send out rejection letters saying things like, "Maybe you should take a grammar class before sending in another manuscript. Also maybe you should realize that most manuscripts are longer than three pages and contain stories that don't devolve into a final page of statements like 'The ending will be so cool it will cream your jeans which means it will be so startling you will drop your ice cream cone in your lap, I guess!' or 'You probably get the jist of this story by now. Jist? Jissed? Jizzt? Whatever!'"

Earlier in my poem, should I have rhymed "indecision" with "decision"? You get how clever that is in not being clever, right? I mean, I wanted to rhyme "indecision" with "in decision" but felt I needed to add "my" for some reason. But now I'm questioning my decision! I should probably rework the poem until I grow bored of it and move on to something else. Or should I just leave it as is? Oh! I don't know. I guess I'll just finish reading Grayson's Butt.

Harley's Butt crashes the party even though she has an invitation. I just meant she crashes it because instead of entering Room 237 like any other normal psychopath driven extra-crazy by isolation and the sound of a Big Wheel constantly going from carpet to hardwood floor and back to carpet, Harley kicks the door down.

Constantine's Butt scores a ? out of 10 because it's always covered by a coat. Simon Baz's Butt scores a 10 out of 10 because I don't want to be accused of Moslemophobia. And Azrael's Butt scores a -3 out of 10 because I hate Jean-Paul Secret Valley.

Simon's Butt is really out of sorts for some reason. Instead of being patient and kind, he's irritable and more irritable. I suppose I wouldn't be feeling too kind if I had Constantine's Butt constantly blowing smoke in my face while I waited for some jerk who has never heard about evites. If people don't use evites anymore, pretend I didn't say that because I want to be respected and lauded by all of the cool kids! That's why you won't hear me refer to Simon's Butt as a terrorist or Harley's Butt as an object! Although I might point out how privileged Constantine's Butt is, what with it being all pale and male.

The guy throwing the party is Jim Corrigan's Butt, also known as the big green guy when he gets angry. That's not ambiguous because this isn't a Marvel comic book, dum-dum! You know I meant The Spectre's Butt!

All of these Butts have been brought together to share their stories of encountering Agent 37's Butt. Constantine's Butt gets to go first. Constantine's Butt story is super homoerotic. Also heterotic! Heterorotic? Heteroerotic? Anyway, I guess it's just plain bi-erotic.

This is the homoerotic bit!

Next up is Azrael's Butt's story. I might not totally hate Azrael when he's written by Lanzing and Kelly because they love to Philip K. Dick's Butt him up. He's all into Gnosticism and junk! That might be redundant, depending on if your penchant for insane philosophical and religious texts is about equal to non-functioning toasters.

Azrael's Butt's story is about how Agent 37's Butt is honorable and hardly smells at all, even after a big sweaty battle.

Harley's Butt decides to go next. I hope I can think up a joke about penetration now! Darn it! I couldn't think of one.

Was that a penetration joke? Did sex just get made in that wink?!

Harley's Butt winds up kissing Dick's Butt which means she's now made out with both Butts of the Dynamic Duo. Harley's Butt's story is all about how great a kisser Dick's Butt is. That will probably be helpful in determining whatever The Spectre's Butt is trying to determine about Agent 37's Butt.

Simon's Butt's Story is about how he and Dick's Butt fought off an army of Parademon Butts because the rest of the Justice League's Butts were off-planet. Typical! Another great big space adventure and I'm stuck reading about what's going on on Earth! Why doesn't DC ever tell the big space adventure stories! Instead they're always all, "Oh! Trouble on Earth for Hero's Butt X because the big Hero Butts are all in space farting around!" Simon's Butt is shooting Parademon's Butts in the face with a gun and Dick's Butt is all, "Okay. That's a new tactic!" Then they talk and stuff. And then the story ends.

When the stories are all over, Corrigan's Butt is all, "Oh! I get it! The title of each of your stories was an aspect of Agent 37's Butt! Now I can profile him! Let's see...Agent 37's Butt is a charmer and a savior and a gymnast and a superhero. He's also a great kisser, has a nice butt, is anti-gun, and doesn't hate Azrael like everybody else does. So who is he?!" And everybody is all, "Grunion Guy's Butt! No, no! Just kidding! Dick Grayson's Butt!" And Corrigan's Butt is all, "You're right! And that's me! Surprise!"

And that's when Dick Grayson's Butt wipes the memories of him from all of the other butts. He then goes off to have a great butt adventure with the only butt equal to his butt, Helena's Butt.

The end! Which is another way of saying the butt!

Deathstroke Annual #2

Oh! I know! The Balkan is The Jackal, right! But then who is The Jackal???? That's an even more mysterious question which is why it needed four question marks.

The Review!
This is a Deathstork story perfect for a Deathstork annual! It has an ambiguous message at the end that maybe people who hate meaning will like! Will Adi become a monster or a hero of his people? Slade calls him a monster so maybe it's not as ambiguous as I thought. I suppose he Adi becomes a monster of his people. It's a decent, single issue story that forgoes the ridiculousness of the regular title. Deathstork is played much more serious here which probably means I shouldn't be calling him Deathstork. Also, I think Bonny actually means to be playing Deathstork seriously in the regular issues but it always makes me laugh so I'm not sure. Also, I don't think it's supposed to make me laugh.

The Commentary!
This is one of those stories which waits until the story is over to give you the title of the story. Usually that means the title is a huge spoiler. Or maybe the writer just thought it would mean more if placed after the story was told, and the reader would read it and nod stoically at how the title punctuated the story nicely. But I want to know what the title is right now so I'm going to cheat and look! The title is "The Balkan"! Oh! That's nice! Or, um, is it? The cover has me wondering who The Balkan is. But a few pages into the comic book and Deathstroke has already murdered a few people without mention of any Balkan. He just keeps repeating that he's entered Rhapanamanastan to do a job. Does the title at the end mean the identity of The Balkan is going to wind up being some kind of twist? It seems like a fairly mundane title to stick on the end of the story. Probably means Deathstroke is the Balkan.

It turns out Deathstroke hasn't gotten the job yet when he killed the first few people! That was just a test so that he could learn about the job to kill the Balkan! The Balkan himself (meaning Deathstroke!) is a mercenary who killed some Opium Lord's son and now that Opium Lord wants revenge on the hired killer and the clan who hired him. That's where Deathstroke comes in! He's a hired killer too! Just like the Balkan! I mean himself! Or soemthing!

And so the hired killers (or killer, WINK WINK!) set to work killing the various members of the other tribes and making scads of money doing it. I guess Deathstroke's plan to stop heroin is to ruin the local economy and/or murder everybody. Seems like a sound plan.

See? The Balkan saved the life of Deathstroke's Rhapanamanastan sidekick! That's a clue! And by clue, I mean dead giveaway!

Deathstroke seems to be testing his sidekick Adi to make sure Adi isn't a despotic killer. He's also paying Adi a fortune for letting Slade stay in his secret hideaway. I suppose Slade is grooming him to be the next leader of the region. But he has to make sure he's compassionate and trustworthy first!

Slade is almost killed by a third party smelling money and land and power but Adi saves him by distracting the last assassin with a bullet. Deathstroke kills the assassin with one of the Balkan's spears before passing out. And now Adi knows his secret.

Before killing the leader of the Wudesh Clan, Deathstroke engages in a little villainous monologue.

You know Slade's a villain because he can't help explaining his plan.

Before heading off to finish the leader of the Wudesh Clan, Slade sent Adi home to his parents' farm outside the city with a fortune in gold. But on the way, the bus is stopped by bandits. Adi runs off with his gun. Since the Balkan twist was revealed so early, I imagine Adi probably plans to become The Balkan and fight the people who would make his country suffer.

Teen Titans Annual #2

Here we see the Titans running from some disaster they caused. Unless they running to rob a bank or something.

The Review!
I suppose this wasn't the worst Teen Titans comic book Scott Lobdell has ever written. It's not like it's any worse than a lot of the crap Marv Wolfman was putting out in the eighties. This is what Lobdell does best. Editorial says to give him a book that puts some doubt in Tim's mind so that he's ready to leave the Titans for Rebirth and Scott Lobdell cobbles together a story from bits and pieces of the past Teen Titans comic book while ignoring other massive chunks of the past Teen Titans comic book. It works well enough for a story if you've just downed two shots of tequila and cracked your groin against the edge of a fish tank. Although, seriously, Scott Lobdell should invest in a dictionary. Boom! Next review!

The Commentary!
Why do I still read DC Comic books? I really should not be patronizing a company who keeps giving Scott Lobdell a chance to defecate all over the Teen Titans. If I wanted to endure the writing equivalent of somebody shitting into another person's mouth, I'd just watch somebody shit into another person's mouth because watching takes less effort than reading! Now, before any of you begin questioning my authority on shitting in people's mouths and how I can tell Scott Lobdell's writing is equivalent, I should tell you that I once saw a video tape of a person shitting into another person's mouth. This was back when Internet videos were not on the Internet because the Internet didn't exist. Internet videos were passed around on VHS tapes in some secret underground railroad of weird videos. Every now and then, you'd be at a party or some gathering of strangers and you'd quote something from one of these videos that stuck with you for some reason (like the woman saying, "I can't! I can't!" And the guy with his mouth underneath her ass going, "Mmm. Come on baby. You can do it.") and some person who was about to become one of your best friends would hear you and go, "Holy shit, that video was crazy!"

I bet Harvest returns in this! Maybe Lobdell will finally reveal that Harvest is vampire Tim Drake from the future! How can he have sat on this reveal for five years?!

Why finally start feeling guilty about that now?!

The Teen Titans are taking a break from their mission statement to "keep the world safe for kids without any powers at all." This break began when this comic book started and is still going. Eventually they'll probably get around to meeting some kids without any powers. But first they have to solve all of their own problems. And they have a lot of problems. Most of them were caused by hanging out with Superboy. Oh, and Raven! And Wonder Girl! And don't forget all the trouble Kid Flash caused! And it goes without saying that the Ravagers took a lot of their time. But after they're done dancing tonight, they're going to get right on that mission statement! Come tomorrow morning, Kids of the World, you will have representation in the super hero world!

Oh shit! New York has an age where you have to start drinking?!

Power Girl wants to dance with Red Robin but Red Robin declines. And then declines again. And then declines yet again. But he still winds up dancing with Power Girl. What the fuck is wrong with people who love to dance? Why do they think forcing dancing on people who hate to dance is in any way an acceptable way to behave? No means no, you gyrating dance rapists.

No, Bunker, it can't be both, you moron. What it is is a social crime. "Oh look how cute! Somebody is being forced to do something they repeatedly said they didn't want to do! So adorable!"

Bunker begins dancing and making out with a bear. I mean, he's just a twink at first but then he becomes a bear.

Literally! I used literally correctly! I am the genius! Now if only I could figure out if this was ironic or not?

The Teen Titans might not be very adept at saving the world but they now have a chance to save one underground night club! That's a start, I guess.

Bunker's dance partner isn't the only one taking drugs that turn them into monstrous green animals. Didn't this already happen somewhere? Maybe I'm thinking of an Animated Universe episode. I think I have too many comic books and cartoons battling for space in my brain.

During the chaos, Robin decides he needs some loving.

Gross!

I wonder how many people are still bothered by my caption where I said I used literally correctly even though the transformed twink hardly looked like a bear at all! People get annoyed at the stupidest things. And by "people", I mean "me". And by "things", I mean "all of the things".

Transubstantiation doesn't mean what Power Girl thinks it means.

Red Robin is a tactical genius but it's hard to write a tactical genius accurately when you don't even know what words like "mandatory" and "transubstantiation" mean. So instead of Red Robin using his brains to begin solving the transubstantiating clubbers, Red Robin uses a host of technological gadgets. Okay, so Red Robin is a genius with gadgets! It makes sense. But I've read five years of Scott Lobdell using Roy's Rockabilly Genius to excuse the quiver of deus ex machinas he carries around on his back.

In his investigation, Red Robin discovers a trap door under a table in the kitchen. I guess he doesn't have a gadget that moves tables because he needs Beast Boy to transform into a pterodactyl to knock it over. I feel like there may have been a less drastic solution to this problem.

As Tim and Garfield explore the stairs beyond the trap door, Tim reminds me of the story I was thinking about where everybody was transforming almost exactly like this story in Teen Titans #15. I guess this story is part two of that story and not a blatant rip-off of it due to a lack of imagination as well as a lack of dictionary.

At the bottom of the steps, Tim and Garfield run into an improbable scene!

It's improbable because they're all just standing around a cave staring at the landing of the staircase. They should at least be playing Monopoly or something to pass the time.

Get it?! It's SISTER BLOOD! That's like Brother Blood but less alliterative and more sexier!

There's an editor's note at the bottom of the page which reads "See Ravagers #1-12 -- Alex". Do not do that. Please do not do that. If you decide to do that, you will at some point think, "Why didn't Tess want me to read this? It's the worst professional comic book I've ever read! And that's hopeful because now I know that anybody can do anything if they blow the right people! I mean know! Although, seriously, Howard Mackie must have blown a ton of people to get this gig. He doesn't even know how to use punctuation! Not even close!"

Sister Blood explains her entire plan and I have to retract something I said earlier. I said they might have the chance to save one underground night club. But that was when I thought the drugs and the transubstantiations and the mandatory drinking were all things that would have happened had the Titans not been at the club. But it turns out, just like always, all of the trouble has been caused by a villain specifically targeting one of the Teen Titans. This time, it was Beast Boy. So those "kids without any powers at all" that they're supposed to be keeping safe? They've endangered them yet again.

During the battle with Sister Blood's cult, Red Robin has to keep reminding the Titans not to hurt or kill any of the bad guys. Is that a lesson they've been needing to learn? Did Lobdell forget he wasn't writing Jason Todd and the Outlaws but Tim Drake and the Teen Titans? Beast Boy gets so angry that he almost chokes Sister Blood to death but Red Robin is all, "No! Bad dog! Bad!" And thus, Beast Boy learns the lesson that he is better than a killer! Hugs all around!

After the battle, the Teen Titans have a discussion about what comes next. Although I'm not sure anybody is listening to anybody else.

"This happened because we're not paying enough attention to super-heroing or working hard enough!" "You're right! We need some down time to relax!"

Good riddance, Tim Drake!

Dark Knight Universe Presents: Lara #1

This is graphic. And disturbing. But, as far as I know, totally anatomically accurate!

The Review or Whatever! Did a seven year old win a contest to write and draw a comic book for DC Comics and this was the result? The dialogue sounds like any you'd hear during an elementary school recess between a girl and boy who don't quite understand how to process their childish attraction to one another. At least up until the fuck-fighting begins. Although maybe even that starts a lot younger than when I was growing up. I didn't fuck-fight for the first time until well out of college! I think I needed the maturity and the weight of nine or ten eight hundred page Victorian novels sitting comfortably upon my psyche before I could engage in a decent fuck-fight. Maybe I just didn't have enough Bovine Growth Hormone in my diet. Although if I were born a little earlier, I would have had my first fuck-fights in junior high! Of course those would have been homoerotic in nature as the older students chased me around campus with giant paddles and throwing me in trash cans. Goddamn I was terrified of going to Junior High due to the stories from my cousin who was four years older than me. He was just the right age to be tormented with hazing but to never get to haze anybody back because society finally took a look at the monstrous fear and violence being perpetrated in a public space people sent their kids and thought, "Maybe this isn't cool?"

This comic book also reads a bit like the sado-masochistic version of Sam and the Firefly if Sam and the Firefly wound up not just being friends but lovers.

Baal the Firefly: "This is fun! Pranks are fun!"
Lara Sam: "Yeah! Pranks are funny, right?!"
Baal the Firefly: "Pranks ending in human death are the best!"
Lara Sam: "Whoa! Calm down now!"
Baal the Firefly: "You're a fuddy-duddy!"
Lara Sam: "You're a psychopath!"
Baal the Firefly: "Kiss me!"
Lara Sam: "Punch me!"
Baal the Firefly: "Fuck me into a mountain!"
Lara Sam: "That was a good trick! A very good trick!"

The art was in the style of "What if Frank Miller became a gigantic parody of himself?" So, you know, not far off from when he was at the top of his game.

DK III: The Master Race #5

I don't know what the second Dark Knight comic book was about but judging by this cover, I'm going to guess it was about Batman fighting Superman.

The Review!
The cover is actually a lie. It's just one of about seventeen different covers that have nothing to do with the story inside. This time, Superman and Batman are friends. I'm glad I didn't pay five dollars expecting this book to be about the fight on the cover. And even if I did, I would only blame myself. I've been reading comic books for over thirty years. If I were to still trust the cover of a comic book to accurately portray the action within, it would be a sign that I'm a trusting guy who probably has never gotten laid. But since I don't trust covers, you know that statement is incorrect. Probably the entire thing even! Aside from this book not being a fight between Batman and Superman, I have nothing more to say about it. Is saying what the book isn't about actually saying something about the book? I don't think it is. Therefore I have nothing to say about this comic book.

The Commentary!
The story so far...Batman, being the only rational person in the entire world and a symbol of freedom and individuality, is once again the enemy of everybody. What happened this time is that one of Superman's pet Sea Monkeys escaped from the jar and was enlarged using Atom's Shrink Ray on the reverse setting. Wasn't Batman of Japan looking for a Shrink Ray so he could fuck his sidekick? Anyway, Superman's pet Sea Monkey decided that the world needed to be saved from itself. I'm not sure he wanted to rule the world but that was the only plan the Sea Monkey could come up with, so he shrugged his shoulders and told everybody that the world was now his. But since Batman didn't like that idea (partially because Wayne Enterprises owned most of that world and Bruce wasn't a fan of losing wealth) and decided to resist, the Sea Monkey has told everybody in Gotham to give up the Batman or they'll all die. I have a feeling Batman might have considered giving himself up but everybody in Gotham simply went apeshit and had a huge meltdown and began destroying Gotham themselves. That seems counterproductive and a waste of energy! They could easily enough just sit at home and relax for twenty-four hours and then the Kandorians would do all of the work destroying Gotham. Work smart, people, not hard!

Superman can't help save the world because he was encased in Black Matter and sunk in the Arctic Ocean. If only there were a hero whose demesnes was the ocean floor!

This scan was supposed to be of Aquaman with the caption saying something like, "Oh yeah!" But then there was this Atlantean on a squid and I was all, "OH YEAH!"

Batgirl has been brought under the sea with Aquaman for reasons. If I have to explain them to you then you're in trouble because I've either forgotten the reasons or never knew them in the first place.

Batgirl was brought along on the Superman Salvage Mission because Aquaman had the power to find Superman but not the smarts to get him out of the Black Matter. But of course Batgirl knows all about Black Matter. She's all, "Black Matter Lives!" and then pokes it with a needle. It totally works for some reason.

Superman's daughter, Lara, asks the lead Sea Monkey why he commands the humans to do something Superman's Sea Monkeys could easily accomplish. He replies, "I gave them a choice, not a command. We seek to inspire, not dictate." I should remember that! Threatening to kill somebody if they don't do what you want is inspirational! I always thought wanting to be somebody who inspires other people to do stuff was bullshit. But now I understand why people want to do it!

See? This is what I meant by counterproductive!

Batman's plan is to rain kryptonite on the Kandorians so that they weaken, fall from the sky, and get the shit kicked out of them by the people of Gotham. That's a good plan because it works on the fickleness of the people of the DC Universe. Maybe they're not fickle. Maybe they just have some kind of attention deficit issue. It's also possible they're just doing what anybody would do to a bunch of jerks who just inspired them.

Batman joins the brawl even though he's a beaten down old man. He's not really in the kind of shape that would allow him to stand up to even weakened Kandorians, so it's a good thing Superman arrives in Super-armor to help him stand. Then they kiss for a bit and rub tips.