Green Lantern #20

This cover is missing G'nort. I am disappoint.

Right from the start, I know I'm going to have trouble with the resolution of this story. How do you defeat somebody that can alter reality? My guess is you have to be human and filled with emotions because humans and emotions are apparently rare in the Universe even though all of the Lantern Corps are based on emotions. Also, you have to be incredibly stubborn like Hal Jordan so that you can refuse to believe the changes in reality. You must also be brash like Hal Jordan so that your enemy can't predict what you're going to do. And you must believe that you love even when you don't love so that love can win through and you can continue to fool Carol Ferris into thinking that you love her. Also having thousands of Lanterns as back-up probably doesn't hurt. You might also have to begin as a dead Black Lantern so your opponent underestimates you and believes you can't do anything because you're dead.

The issue begins with the time tag: "Beyond tomorrow." So I guess they mean next weekend? Hopefully next weekend, the Guardians will be out of town forever and it'll be party time on Oa. It begins promising with nary a blue head in sight! A new recruit has just finished training and heads to the Bookkeeper to hear the most boring story in the universe:

It's probably been embellished and exaggerated after thousands of years so that Hal Jordan now seems interesting and exciting.

Hey! Don't let my bias against Hal Jordan make you feel bad that you like the pathetic jerk! You're free to admire and like any old boring hero you want!

Before getting to the point of the story where Issue #19 left off, The Bookkeeper must summarize Hal's life in a few panels. In the beginning, he ignored saving the universe and spent his time flirting with carol Ferris. Then Doomsday destroyed Coast City and Hal Jordan became Parallax, you dig? But then he wasn't Parallax anymore because he called for help from The Spectre. I wanted to say he became The Spectre but that's Preboot history and this truncated history doesn't actually say he was ever The Spectre. [Later Hal is shown to be The Spectre at one point.] And then he went from one gigantic DC Crossover to another until he eventually ended up as a dead Black Lantern, arriving in Geoff Johns final Green Lantern story. And hopefully beginning a new era of Green Lantern where the universe isn't always on the brink of extinction.

Oh yeah. And Sinestro returned to his roots.

The Bohemian Guardians of the Universe head to Maltus after being freed from the Prison at the Center of Nothing because their only inmate was freed by the CEO Guardians of the Universe that have constantly tried to keep the citizens of the universe down by controlling everything with their constant armies and police forces. But they find the Heart of the Guardians is gone, having been consumed by Volthoom. It is fitting that the CEO Guardians of the Universe had to leave their hearts behind before they went off on their selfish journey of power and entitlement.

Speaking of the word "entitlement," I have to say it's rather fitting that the people who feel most entitled are the ones that began using the word to describe everybody else. How dare people follow their passions in life when those passions aren't concerned with earning scads of money and then they dare to want to have access to reasonable health care as well. I guess they should abandon their dreams for their one and only lifetime and get with the fucking capitalist program and start grubbing all the money. Fuck y'all that call everyone lazy simply because their work doesn't fit into the money making paradigm of your United States of Fucking America, you goddamn bitches. And guess what? I'm a fucking business owner saying this shit! I'm a job creator! Of course, my business is employee owned and there's only one employee and the job I created was my own. But that's the only job worthy of my time anyway.

And let's get me started on the phrase "job creator"! Fucking dick barges that created that word are the biggest goddamned assholes in the country. Who wants your fucking created job with no benefits and minimum wage? A job with no fucking security that doesn't get anybody anywhere but treading water! Eat my dick! No, wait. Let me fuck myself in the ass for a second. Okay, NOW eat my dick. These pricks want everybody to bow down and thank them for the shittiest jobs in the world with no security by labeling themselves "job creators" when they're really just opportunistic assholes chopping away at the middle class in order to create a country composed of rich people and wage slaves. Guess why they want that? Because then the critics and the artists won't have time to criticize and articize!

These liberal middle class Green Lanterns better stop trying to completely outlaw guns because they're going to need their fucking heat to fight off the corporate chain gang military Manhunters that come knocking down their doors when they call in sick for work one day!

Man. These Guardians of the Universe really piss me the fuck off! Where was I?

They're so arrogant they don't even know when they're about to lose everything!

It turns out The Great Heart is actually The First Lantern. And when it was created as a receptacle for the emotions of The Guardians, a ring also appeared as a means to access the power of the First Lantern. And Volthoom the Time Traveler was there to try it on. The One Ring!

Now that the new Xbox is called Xbox One, when it breaks down, will we be referring to it as the One Ring of Doom?

I always assumed Ganthet could feel emotions because he was the only Guardian to get laid when they began dating the Zamarons. This works too!

The next thing that Volthoom attempts to do explains why the universe isn't in complete trouble now that he can rewrite reality. He has to use the main Power Battery as an access terminal to the past. But Guy Gardner and the Green Lantern Corps (and Carol Ferris) arrive to put a stop to his chicanery. Volthoom scoffs at them because his power is back and he uses the phrase "tip top." When something is "tip top," it means it is "the bees' knees." I'm not sure why Bees need knees since they fly all the time and when they're not flying, they're stinging you. I also don't understand why Bees Knees mean the best thing ever. Just like the Cat's Meow! It makes no sense! But Tip-Top does! Because it's the top! Cat's Meow is what hip chicks and grooving guys say when something is tip top! Volthoom's scoffing comes from the fact that his creations are real now instead of mere constructs!

You know what, Volthoom? That's stupid and not much of a threat. Most people don't really care if they're killed by a space octopus made of light or a space octopus made of flesh and blood. Okay, so I guess you don't have to concentrate to maintain the space octopus once you make it. So that's kind of an advantage. But it really only evens the playing field when it's one guy that can make real things with his ring against an army of thousands that can only make cheap imitations of those things. If I were an odds maker in Las Vegas (and I'm not! I know! Shocking!), the odds of you winning would not be good. That's bookkeeping slang for you're going to lose! I looked it up in Wikipedia just now to make sure that I sounded authentic!

Meanwhile Hal Jordan is finding death suits him. He contacts the Indigo Lanterns because they're linked to the entire spectrum for some reason that people who have been reading all of Geoff Johns' stuff probably know. He's expecting them to help him out of The Dead Zone even if it means they'll have to put the Guardians of the Universe's Remorse Ring production on hold.

And then the real heroes arrive to give Volthoom a good old fashioned taste of what for!

I don't actually know what it means to "get what for." I don't think anybody does! Because nobody has ever continued being a spoiled brat when an adult told them they were going to get what for if they continued being a dick! And I bet those that did, didn't survive the what for because the parent had no idea what the what for was either, having never pushed the line with their parents. So the only solution at that point is to kill your kid because you can't have one of those little shits calling your bluff. That's what's wrong with the world today! Parents letting kids call their bluff left and right! Don't any of these newfangled parents play poker?

Dagnabbit! I feel like I'm using a lot of old timey words and phrases in this commentary, by gum.

After Atrocitus snaps Volthooms neck but it doesn't take, the Green Lanterns try to get back into the fight. But Zilius Zox tries to keep them out of the battle so Atrocitus can take his revenge on Volthoom. And then my heart bursts with fucking joy and tears, goddammit, I'm telling you tears welled up in my eyes at this next scene!

I just knew this flibbertigibbet would show up!

I've used this phrase before but I like it and it's entirely appropriate for this moment: I literally figuratively stood up and cheered when this happened! There's so much to like in these two panels. First, of course, is the triumphant return of G'nort in a non-flashback moment of the New 52 (okay, technically this is a future flashback of the present. But it's the present!)! Second is G'nort's genius use of a gigantic dog to grab Zilius Zox like a tennis ball. And third is Gnort's first line of the New 52: "Better late than never." Fuck yeah, G'nort. Fuck yeah.

I know my commentaries aren't really the best reviews. They're really just entertainment and a way for me to remember what's happening in each comic book from month to month. But since this is a long book, let me take a break to say what I think of this so far: this book is kicking ass. If this is what Geoff Johns' Green Lantern books were like in the Naughts, I can see why they kept going back to the Green Lantern Well for huge crossovers. While the rest of the Volthoom story up until this point was kind of meek and timid and not very focused, this is definitely a finale (so far!) worth tying up the first year and a half of The New 52 Green Lantern. And I think I had my first really huge fanboy moment of The New 52 with that (bears repeating!) triumphant return of G'nort. I have to go blow my nose now.

The Red, Blue, Violet, and Green Lanterns, along with one White Lantern, pour all of their energy into Mogo and Mogo rains it down upon Volthoom. He's blasted and weakened but he still claims he's going to win because he "traveled to the beginning of time" and saw his destiny. So is everything that will ever happen written down on a whiteboard at the starting point of time? How else would Volthoom know he wins if he went backward in time? Shouldn't he have gone forward in time? Maybe I just don't understand time. Have I been reading my fucking clock wrong for forty years? Jesus Christ! Why hasn't anybody told me?! Do people just politely not point out to adults that they're idiots?! No wonder the only job I've been able to keep is the one where I work on my own schedule! Also the one where I don't have to deal with people. Also the one where I can tell people to fuck the hell off if they treat me like shit and I won't fire myself.

After Volthoom declares, "Ha ha! You failed!", he gets a gigantic Yellow Lantern Battery dropped on his head. It looks like it's time to add some Yellow Light to the mix! And I guess only when the Indigo Tribe and Hal Jordan show up will Volthoom be on the breaking point. But he still won't be defeated until somebody can convince Larfleeze that it's in his best interests to throw a little Orange Light their way.

And right on cue, the Indigo Tribe arrive to Nok Nok Nok and open the gate to the Dead Zone so that Hal Jordan's corpse can make its stunning debut!

I'm ruining the binding on this oversized comic book to scan these pictures!

Hal Jordan's army of dead things looks pretty impressive on a two page spread but they're all wiped out in a panel one page later. I guess they were too hard to draw over and over again. Also, Volthoom captures Hal Jordan and begins to work his reality changing mojo on him. I guess Volthoom needs the Green Power Battery to alter the general past but he can alter people's pasts on a one-on-one basis. He begins digging into Hal's life to find a moment when he was completely overcome with fear as a means of getting a claw into Hal and changing him for good. Which will probably work out for the best since it should keep him from being dead at this moment.

Although if Hal is instantly changed from a Black Lantern into a Green Lantern once again, I don't know why the Book of the Black declared him the greatest Black Lantern! That must mean all of the other Black Lanterns were super horrible because Hal has done absolutely nothing as a Black Lantern so far.

Whoops. I guess I was wrong. Say goodnight, universe!

In order to try and stop Volthoom undoing he current universe, Sinestro summons Parallax out of the Great Yellow Power Battery Lantern. I never know whether I should call it a battery or a lantern and yet they're all lanterns so you'd think that decision would make itself. Parallax enters Sinestro to take control but Sinestro seems to be master of Parallax. I suppose he just sucked down his power and is ready to save everything.

Sinestro manages to save the current universe by ripping out Volthoom's heart. But it's just a minor delay. Because it turns out Volthoom has a pretty big fucking ego. You can survive for weeks without a heart if you're ego is big enough and you declare yourself a god.

So Mogo didn't defeat Volthoom. Black Lantern Jordan didn't defeat Volthoom. Sinestro and Parallax Sinestro didn't defeat Volthoom. The Green Lantern Corps didn't defeat Volthoom. None of the other Corps were able to defeat Volthoom. Kyle Raynor and Simon Baz weren't able to defeat Volthoom. I think that leaves Larfleeze! Unless the Bohemian Guardians are going to swoop in and save the day with some acid and groovy music. Except this is the rebirth and story of Hal Jordan. So I have a feeling that Green Lantern Hal Jordan will be the Volthoom Defeater and the Day Saver.

But first Hal Jordan needs to do the thing that will make him the greatest Black Lantern to ever not live.

I don't know if Nekron is the author or the editor of The Book of the Black but it would make sense that he would claim Hal Jordan was the greatest Black Lantern if Hal rescued him from eternal obscurity.

With Nekron at his side, Hal Jordan knocks the emotional spectrum out of Volthoom, turning him back into a human. At that point, Nekron cuts him in two.

Hmm. Okay, well, that was a little anti-climactic. But I suppose Hal could only do the emotional spectrum drain after all the other attacks had been made on Volthoom, weakening him to just before the point where it could be done. Then when Nekron makes Volthoom shit his pants, it was time to launch his attack! Hal Jordan saves the universe! And, as a side effect, saves the Guardians of the Universe as well. I hope those Indigo Lanterns have the Remorse Rings ready to shove on their fat blue fingers.

And then a ring decides to rechoose Hal Jordan as a member of the Green Lantern Corps. Stupid ring! Can't you see he's dead and already a member of a Corps! I hate you, you stupid ring! Go fuck yourself!

But there's still hope for a truly happy ending!

Yes! Punish them! Rip their throats out! Pull their colons out of their asses! Piss in their kidneys and stuff them with feta cheese and deep fry them and sell them at a fair!

But that still doesn't happen! The Sinestro Corps explode form their prisons in the ground to create a distraction so that Sinestro Parallax can wander off and kill the Guardians himself. Okay! Cool. What do I care who kills them? Just get rid of those fuckers already. If Geoff Johns ends his run by removing the Guardians once and for all, he'll forever be the greatest person to ever have big enough balls and enough editorial power to silence those little shits. He'll also be the least person to ever do that since he'll be the only one but who said I ever made sense in my commentaries? Fuck sense! It takes too long!

Although I'm sure they're just going to learn to live with their emotions and maybe their Rings of Remorse and they'll probably have to live on a commune with the Bohemian Guardians.

To determine the fate of the Guardians of the Universe, Hal Jordan and Sinestro Parallax have a quiet discussion full of salient points and sound, philosophical reasoning. But in the end, it's all just intellectual banter since Sinestro has already killed the little fuckers.

This should be The Story of Sinestro! He's the one that saved the readers from having to read another story about the Guardians of the Universe being out of control and power hungry. Although I'm not sure I trust those Bohemian bastards yet!

Sinestro said he killed them all but the reader never sees him kill Ganthet. And then Arkillo tells Atrocitus that Sinestro left one for him. So it's possible that Atrocitus still has Ganthet alive to replace his Krona Doll.

And with the end of the story, the reader is returned to "Beyond Tomorrow" to possibly learn the identity of the mysterious Bookkeeper! I want to guess it's Hal Jordan and his arrogance is keeping his name alive with this story. But it might be Sinestro living forever with the power of Parallax and making sure everybody remembers his good friend, Hal Jordan. Of course, it also might be G'nort because he deserves it.

The page after "The End" when the story still continues because the new Green Lantern wants to hear about the lives and deaths of the great heroes after The Wrath of the First Lantern, there is an image of the Bookkeeper where you an see some purple color on his face. So it probably is Sinestro.

The book ends with a few short stories of Corps Members.

Guy Gardner. Now he's knocking people out in one punch.

John Stewart returned to Earth with Fatality where they were married and John went into politics. Kyle Raynor became a Space Healer until he gave his very last for others.

Justice League's death? I'm sure that's metaphorical!

The other Corps continue to do other Corps stuff. And Hal Jordan marries Carol Ferris and they have a baby named Martin and they live happily every after into old age. Hmm. That story makes me think these are all bullshit!

The Bookkeeper is Sinestro but he doesn't reveal his story. How he saved Ganthet. How he somehow saved Sayd. How he reunited them. How he told Larfleeze to suck it.

And that's how it all ended forever and ever! Except for the epilogues and the rest of the issues that will continue to tell the stories of the various Green Lanterns.

Green Lantern #20 Rating: +5 Ranking. It took Geoff Johns to give up the reins of Green Lantern to have all of the various plot threads tied up nicely so that the story didn't just ooze on into another cosmic crisis crossover! And I've got to say I wasn't disappointed. I've only followed Green Lantern for the last year and a half though. So I'd have to leave it up to other people who were reading Johns' work across the last ten years to really describe how the story worked as a whole. I think there is one thing that DC could learn from this experience that they won't learn because money is involved: epic, amazing stories can be told if given the time and patience to let a writer develop them. A title needs stability to have this kind of impact on the medium of comic books. I realize it's not always possible. But I think DC has to realize at some point that the occasional title that might not be selling as well as they like could be a critical success. These comics need time to grow. They need experts who recognize good shit when it's presented to them and not just experts who can see two numbers and determine which is higher. Once DC realizes a book is being written well with great characters, perhaps they need to subsidize a book like that with another Batman title! Just link two books together and take the median amount made by both books and give these well-written books time! Think of something! Please! Because the death of comics will not come from people not being interested in Batman. The death of comics will come from shitty stories being rammed down fans throats simply because they star a favorite character.

Whatever. I'm sure I'll keep reading DC for a little while yet.

New Guardians #19

Either this is one of Volthoom's mindfucks, or Simon Baz is the greatest Lantern ever!

Last issue was all about Saint Walker, Carol Ferris, and Larfleeze. I expected this one to be about Munk and Arkillo. But it looks like it might be continuing on from Green Lantern #19 since the first page shows a bunch of exploded purple people parts floating through space. Carol has found Kyle on Earth and they decide to warn the rest of the Guardians.

Excuse me. Indigo-1 is apparently the new best Indigo Lantern. I never liked Munk anyway!

Speaking of Munk, what's going on with the Hal Jordan and the Indigo Lanterns' plan to make Repenting Indigo Rings for the Guardians of the Universe? Is that still going on? By the end of this, will the rings be completed so the Guardians can be subdued and shoved on some Asylum Planet where they can live out the rest of their immortal days without harming anybody ever again? Or is that plan just going to be conveniently forgotten until ten years from now when somebody resurrects it for a new story idea?

Now Carol and Kyle are visiting the ruins of Korugar looking for Sinestro. They don't really care so much about finding Sinestro as finding Hal Jordan who disappeared with Sinestro. I don't think Carol is going to be too happy when she finally finds him. Unless she's suddenly into necrophilia. Or always has been. I always thought Hal Jordan had the personality of a boring corpse.

Carol and Kyle manage to find Sinestro but he's acting like a raving lunatic. Apparently the destruction of his homeworld hasn't changed him at all. He believes that Kyle Rayner has joined with Volthoom because Kyle is wielding the power of the entire emotional spectrum. And cain't nobody nowhere do that nohow 'cept Sinestro and Volthoom!

Sinestro also smashes Carol in the face with a gigantic piece of Korugar, tells her Hal Jordan is good and dead, and then wraps her up in a light-construct condom and blasts her into space.

I think he plans to fire her into a black hole.

Sinestro believes that if he can take the White Ring from Kyle (do white rings need power batteries or can they just charge from any lantern?), he can turn back time and restore Korugar. But B'dg and Simon Baz show up to put a stop to the good guy infighting. After so many years, it still feels weird to think of Sinestro as a good guy. Carol and Kyle don't recognize Simon Baz so B'dg introduces him in the most heartless way possible: as the replacement of Hal Jordan. And you know the only reason a Green Lantern needs a replacement, right Carol Ferris?

Oh Carol. Don't be so small-minded. Life with a Black Lantern can be just as fulfilling.

Sinestro demands that Kyle bring back Korugar but Kyle is just as limited in his thinking as all the other lanterns before him. It takes Simon Baz to tell him it's possible! And he knows it's possible because he brought one man out of a coma! How much harder could it be to restore an entire world and resurrect all of its creatures?!

Kyle fails because he's just a lousy comic book artist. So Sinestro steals the ring from off of Kyle's finger to try himself. Kyle almost dies in deep space because these rings don't have some kind of safeguard to keep them from simply being removed by a thief? Carol wraps him in a love bubble while the ring rejects Sinestro's finger. Instead it decides to throw itself at Simon Baz, the new miracle kid on the Lantern Scene.

Except he fails too and the ring returns to Kyle. I guess that little scene, even though it didn't mean much, was shoved in to justify the surprise cover. But it does show that Simon Baz has some serious Lantern Chops. He's just too inexperienced at this point. Everyone is left pretty much where they were when this comic book began. Except Sinestro has decided to go back to his roots.

I love of it when a comic book ends on a really good joke!

New Guardians #19 Rating: No change. I can't believe Volthoom didn't make an appearance! What a slacker. Although it did make for a much better installment without him.

Green Lantern Corps #19

Green Lanterns are stupid. Perhaps holding on to piece of Mogo as Mogo reforms isn't the best way to escape being crushed by Mogo when Mogo reforms.

Volthoom is still going on and on about emotions helping him power up to take over the universe. Even though I had a brief glimmer of interest in this story when I realized Volthoom was a cosmic rapist raping across all time and space, I really just can't wait until it's over. I've had it up to here (two feet above my head for those that can't see me gesticulate (hopefully that's all of you!)) with Volthoom's cosmic temper tantrum. I think I gave him too much credit as a diabolical, creepy, horrible villain by suggesting he was a rapist. He's actually just a fucking brat throwing a temper tantrum. And the more he flails and whines and screams, the more he powers up and eventually the universe is just going to give in to his childish whims. Anyway, I don't think "child throwing a temper tantrum" is that far off from "rapist" anyway. Some of you might disagree. Vehemently.

And it's not just Volthoom that drives me crazy. I've had enough of these alternate time line stories. I thought Rotworld was fun but then you knew the whole time it was going to end up being a dream or a do-over or something and everything would return to the unaffected present. I can accept these kind of "elseworld" stories that ultimately leave The New 52 Universe alone but these stories where the alternate time lines and the time travel are directly tied to the actual present New 52 timeline are kind of a cheat and ultimately end up in stupid paradoxical time lines. Why should I care about characters making sure a certain future does or doesn't come about? That means nothing to me because the future isn't set in stone anyway. So an infinite amount of futures are not going to be the one true future anyway. I suppose we should believe that the Legion of Super-heroes future is the "actual" future. But that just makes these alternate time line stories worse. Why should Harvest even exist? If his future never comes true, he should never come to the past. If we have to accept that all futures are possible, then we must accept that all pasts and all presents are possible. As such, we end up with a DC Universe with Infinite Earths. Maybe the editors at DC should go back in time and talk DC out of doing Crisis on Infinite Earths since it doesn't matter anyway. At least that way, they might change time enough to not have to deal with me since Crisis is what turned me on to comic books.

Examining Harvest a little more closely, we see a character that comes from a future that he wants to change. So a character that will never exist if he succeeds is driving a fuckload of plots in the present. This causes my suspension of disbelief to vomit all over the front of its shirt. If we believe that a universe exists for every possible choice, then saving or destroying a possible future is futile. Because all possible futures are both saved and destroyed. I might as well just be reading stories of Harvest masturbating.

And speaking of masturbation, let's see what Volthoom has in store for the greatest masturbators in the universe: The Green Lantern Corps!

Mogo isn't just a planet; it's an anti-rape condom.

Can I mention, for just a brief aside (no, no! This one will be brief!) how horrible and ghastly the anti-rape condom is? Not because of what it does to the rapist's prick. Who cares about that asshole? But the idea that someone expects a woman to wear this thing like an accessory, because humans are assholes and rape just seems to be expected, is grotesque. And it doesn't prevent a woman from being raped! Is the satisfaction that the man will now be in great pain and probably caught enough to warrant the contraption's use? Or is this like putting up a Home Security sign in your yard? Or is just the idea that these things exist supposed to make a rapist averse to rape?

Geez. Who is going to continue reading my commentaries on the Green Lantern Corps when all I can do is discuss rape? I'm suddenly like the comic book store guy in this post! "Hey ladies! Who wants to have a long and lengthy rape discussion with me over dessert and drinks?! Men, you're welcome as well, as long as you're weaker and less powerful than me. Don't worry. It won't get weird!"

I think I just creeped myself out.

Does it even matter if I continue at this point?! I think I can hear Unfollow Buttons being clicked all across the world.

Don't worry! Mogo will save you from the horror of my words!

I think I need a layer of Mogo around my brain.

I scanned this to get all of Mogo's dialogue so the next scan will have its desired effect.

I find this image tremendously comforting.

The limits of the layout of the page forces me to reduce that image to 620 pixels but I hope the feeling still comes through. After all the torment that Volthoom has put the Green Lantern Corps through, this image of Mogo protecting them and pulling them to the safety of its bosom with quiet words of comfort was unexpectedly sweet and touching.

But I imagine the moment won't last too long. I don't know if Volthoom is yet powerful enough to screw with Mogo's past or if planets, evolving over such great lengths of time, are less mutable to his time line changing powers. I don't think I've ever read any Green Lantern stories with Mogo, so I don't know the character's personality. Whether it's different or not here, I love this image of Mogo as nourishing protector of the other Corps Members.

Volthoom isn't sure if his powers will work on a planet either. But he's certainly going to try!

Guy Gardner Put Downs 101: "Remove any part of a person's name. Replace it with 'Crap'."

Volthoom's next big trick is to create Red, Yellow, and Black constructs of every member of the Green Lantern Corps. I take it he has as many strange and wonderful powers as H'el had. You know, any power he needs to advance the plot.

The next few pages are filled with panels of the Green Lanterns fighting their doppelgangers.

This is my favorite panel.

And then all the doppelgangers stop fighting and Mogo reveals that this was not Volthoom's doing at all! Volthoom doesn't have any old power he wants! Mogo does! Not really. I'll let Mogo explain its plan:

Mogo does not just provide refuge and comfort but nourishment as well.

Thanks to Mogo, the Green Lantern Corps is ready to take on Volthoom and put an end to this cosmic event. Hopefully the last Green Lantern Cosmic Event for many, many years.

Green Lantern Corps #19 Rating: +2 Ranking. Mogo's personality being comprised of the way human beings anthropomorphize the planet Earth won me over. I found it odd that John uses the male pronoun at one point in conjunction with Mogo. Being that a planet shelters and nourishes the creatures on it, I'd expect people to generally use the female pronoun when discussing Mogo. Although Mogo is still a planet which, personality or not, is genderless, so I will continue to use "it".

Green Lantern #19

This must be Volthoom's wet reality for Sinestro.

At the end of last issue, Hal Jordan was about to kill himself so he could become the greatest Black Lantern that ever didn't live. But now he's spending time gabbing with Tomar-Re because he seems to be having second thoughts. Which is odd for Hal Jordan since he so rarely ever has a first thought. I guess Pauline Fleming, the counselor at Westerburg High, really was serious that whether to kill yourself or not is the most important decision a person can make. At least Hal thinks so because he's actually discussing it with Tomar-Re instead of barreling over the cliff and killing himself immediately.

Hal probably would have gone through with it immediately but Tomar-Re is a member of the Grey Lantern Corps which uses Doubt as their weapon. So now Hal is having second thoughts about killing himself to escape the Dead Zone. And outside of the Dead Zone, Sinestro uses his new fake Green Lantern Ring to teleport away to look for Volthoom.

First off, that's a totally inappropriate sound effect for teleportation. Second off, I didn't think Green Lantern's could teleport. Isn't that just an Indigo power? Not that I haven't done my own fanboy reasoning for why Green Lanterns should be able to teleport! I'm just trying to stick to the Lantern Corps Rules DC has made!

Sinestro ends up on Korugar where he asks for help from Arsona. Do all the people of Korugar have menacing names when read in English? Is there a Manslaughteru? How about a Molestron? Sodomolor? Viciousera? Arsona actually decides to help Sinestro gear up to fight the Guardians simply because this is the first time Sinestro has ever reached out and asked for help. She's impressed that he's learned humility and is willing to save the universe with him. Except that's when Volthoom appears and claims Sinestro is going to save the universe with him instead. That claim seems suspect.

For having the greatest turmoil, he has the least amount of detail in his past timeline montage.

I wonder if Volthoom's Korugarian name is Rapethoom? Because now it's time for him to rape Sinestro just like he's raped all of the other main characters in the Green Lantern titles. Except for Atrocitus. For some reason, he didn't want any of that big beast. I wonder if people from Ryutt have teeth lining their anal sphincters? Instead of rearranging Atrocitus's past, he simply told Atrocitus what it might have been like and Atrocitus went, "Oh my god! I'm a monster!" But now it looks like Volthoom is back to his magic of making the person actually experience the new past (as temporary as it might be. Although Volthoom did suck down the Guardian's Heart of Emotion thing in Red Lanterns. So he should be practically filled up with power now). Volthoom sends Sinestro back to a timeline where he never became a Green Lantern. Sinestro will probably find it a pretty good reality since Volthoom's Rape Therapy generally leaves the victim feeling pretty good about his or her choices.

Oh wait. I take it back. Volthoom is simply talking Sinestro through some what could have beens and then he threatens to kill Arsona. And then I think Sinestro is the first of the batch to not take Volthoom's shit.

I know some others have repelled his advances but I think Sinestro is the first to actually take a shot at him.

Volthoom decides to crack open Korugar and fuck the shit out of it since Sinestro is fighting back. But the one thing you don't fuck with if your an intergalactic super rapist from another time and place is Sinestro's homeworld. Sinestro saves his people and fills them with hope. But since Volthoom feeds on Fear and Hope, he feeds off of the Korugarians which give him enough power to change reality so that Sinestro didn't save Korugar. Which means Volthoom never fed off of the Korugarians' Hope and never gained enough power to change reality. Which means he didn't destroy the planet which means the Korugarians were filled with Hope which means Volthoom fed on them and destroyed Korugar. I can do this all day!

Anyway, Korugar is destroyed. Sinestro is a failure. And Volthoom now has the power to alter reality permanently.

Hopefully the first thing Volthoom does is bring back Ted Kord.

Well DC Universe, it was nice knowing you! Now that Volthoom can change reality whenever and however he wants, nothing can stop him. Unless somebody knows some kind of logic riddle that will send him into a paradoxical time loop from which he can never recover. I believe G'nort knows something like that.

Because the Dead Zone is flooded with millions of Korugarians, Hal Jordan realizes he has to act now. He leaps to his death. Meanwhile in space, Sinestro finds his Yellow Lantern Battery floating amidst the rubble of his home and somehow thinks becoming a Yellow Lantern again will enable him to battle somebody that can just change reality so that Sinestro never found the Yellow Lantern Battery.

Green Lantern #19 Rating: +3 Rating. I give out +1 and +2 ratings all of the time for good books and well told stories. But I have to do better for an issue of Green Lantern where Hal Jordan kills himself. I think I might be Volthoom because this is the reality I've always wanted! So now along with Matu Ba and Damian Wayne and Bloody Mary and Tig and Jack Ryder and Cliff Baker and Stormwatch (kind of), Hal Jordan has also died! That's a lot of people dying lately and I'm pretty sure I missed a few.

New Guardians #18

Carol Ferris, this is your lucky day! A life without Hal Jordan!

Go ahead, Volthoom! Remove Hal Jordan from Carol Ferris's life! You'll be doing her a favor! He's never given her anything but a broken heart and a bladder infection! You were a strong, independent woman running your own company and then he came along to fill you with false hopes of romantic nights and a happy family. And he got you tangled up in all of this cosmic bullshit. Good riddance!

Although the fact that you're about to get raped by Volthoom probably makes a life with pathetic Hal Jordan seem palatable. Sorry.

In Volthoom's version of reality, Carol Ferris's father has killed himself and his company has been taken over by Leviathan Defense Systems. On the plus side, she's a pilot and she gets to yell at and criticize Hal Jordan all day!

Hey DC! Give this artist, Hendry Prasetyo, more work on New 52 titles!

Volthoom believes that if Carol was aware of her "real" life, she'd choose this one instead. But isn't that just like a control freak to think they know better than you? I mean, I did it in a previous paragraph! But even if Volthoom or I can point out dozens of reasons why her life would be better without Hal Jordan, she'd never choose to live differently. Heroes never regret anything because their egos won't allow them to believe they've ever made a mistake. Look at John Stewart over in Green Lantern Corps rationalizing all of the murders he's committed! And Superman not wanting Ms. Nyxly to use her wish to alter his life to the way it originally was before Vyndktvx screwed it up. Which is a really interesting thought because Superman knows his life was supposed to be another way and yet he chooses to keep the fucked up version of his life. Now I know Superman made that sacrifice to help save other lives, so that's what makes him a hero. But even if he didn't have a promise to keep to save Noah and his family, I have a feeling he couldn't choose to change things back if he wanted to. There's a certain amount of self-preservation in the choice. Changing things means killing the person that chooses to have things changed. That person ceases to exist. In essence, once you choose to have a moment in the past changed, you are killing yourself to let some other person (even if it is another version of you) live. I think I'm saying Superman's choice is less noble and more cowardly than it would appear.

After feeding on Carol's emotions and letting her go back to her normal life since Volthoom is still powerless to change everything completely, Volthoom heads off to mess with Larfleeze. Volthoom gives Larfleeze his greatest wish and places him back with his family. The first thing Larfleeze does is steal his son's birthday present. I have a feeling a few billion years of being a greedy son of a bitch is hard to filter out of a person's essence.

Hey! I used "palatable" earlier! We're word twinsies, Volthoom!

Volthoom also torments Saint Walker. Then he torments Carol some more. Then he changes some other things in Larfleeze's life around the time of Green Lantern: Agent Orange. Woah woah woah. Wait a second. This Volthoom IS all-powerful!

He just changed reality in such a way that editorial was allowed to reference a Preboot Trade Paperback!

Well now. This is an interesting turn of events. While DC has allowed many, many story elements to remain from Preboot History to New 52 History, I believe this is the first time that editorial has been allowed to reference a Preboot Comic Book. Is this a mistake on editor Wil Moss's part? Or is this a step to try to sell Preboot books to new fans that jumped on board with The New 52? Is DC going to start labeling Preboot Trade Paperbacks as "New 52 Continuity Friendly"?

Although forgetting about the weird mention of a Preboot Trade, let me take a moment to reread that final Narration Box a dozen more times. "...allowing him the focus to slay the hated Guardians." So good! Can this reality be permanently instituted? I'm pretty sure with the Guardians killed, 75% of DC Comic Books are never written. Or they just have heroes sitting around playing board games because the universe is a much safer place.

Volthoom finally gives up trying to make Larfleeze feel more than avarice because Larfleeze is too fucking awesome. That seemed like a perfectly reasonable reason when it was still inside my head.

Meanwhile Carol Ferris sees through Volthoom's ruse because she's too fucking awesome. I never really thought she was but since I used the same reasoning for Larfleeze, I figured I should use the same reasoning for Carol. But then I've never read any stories with her as a Star Sapphire. Maybe I owe Carol Ferris another look.

Obviously Larfleeze is still much cooler.

In this fake reality, Carol flies off to find Kyle Rayner. I'm not sure how that works since Volthoom is only fucking with her mind. He lacks the power to make this a persistent world. Perhaps she simply flies off in the "real" world to find Rayner and compare notes. In the meantime, Volthoom needs to go suck out Atrocitus's rage (unless he goes after Rankorr or Bleez or someone).

New Guardians #18 Rating: No change. I think mentioning a Preboot Trade Paperback may have been a huge mistake on DC's part. The facade has cracked. They've now permanently linked not just shared history between the Preboot and the Reboot but the physical comics themselves. The boundary between the old universe and the new universe has just been blurred even more. Pretty soon it won't even matter and everything will become more confusing than being The Silver Scarab after Crisis on Infinite Earths.

Green Lantern Corps #18

John Stewart, Indigo Lantern Sniper. 50 calibers of compassion.

Last issue of Green Lantern Corps, Volthoom fucked with Guy Gardner. Now it's John's turn to see how his past might have been if a sociopath were directing history and making John's decisions for him.

I guess John is always going to be a supporting character since Volthoom is screwing with Fatality in this issue as well.

The multiple Lantern Corps have faced several crises so far in the Reboot. I'm pretty sure every crisis began because of the Lantern Corps. Invictus was destroying planets due to Larfleeze's past actions. Other planets were being destroyed by the Keepers of the Power Batteries because their source of power had been taken away when the Guardians decided to stop storing batteries on the Keepers' homeworld. Sinestro and Hal waged a battle against the Yellow Corps enslaving his homeworld. The Guardians of the Universe created the Third Army to kill everything. Guy and John battled for their lives against the Alpha Corps. Black Hand of the Black Lantern Corps returned to cause trouble. Volthoom is the First Lantern and the source of the Guardians' power, and now he's going to remake the universe. I'm getting the feeling that the universe would be much safer without this fucking police force. Nobody wants you coming in to their neighborhoods, you assholes!

Volthoom begins by telling John Stewart he was a coward for not saving his mother when she was assassinated while running for political office. Volthoom is a dick that trades in regrets and could-have-beens. He can't change the universe so he's going to remind everyone that their life could have been worse. Is that how the Green Lanterns are going to defeat him? By rising up and saying, "But it wasn't that way! We persevered! Against all odds, we became heroes! And even if we occasionally fucked up and killed an innocent person, we pretended it never happened and we marched on! So stop making us feel bad, you stupid meany head!" Anyway, that's my prediction for the end of this Cosmic Event.

Speaking of Cosmic Events (actually, Cosmic Odysseys), Volthoom reminds John Stewart about that time he thought he could save a planet from being blown up but discovered the bomb was yellow. Volthoom doesn't change this event because Volthoom just wants to leave events that hurt John the way they were and change events to things that make John feel badly for not being able to change them himself. This might be why Volthoom is visiting Fatality as well since this screw up by Stewart affected her pretty significantly. You know, being that it was her homeworld and all.

Volthoom gives John a new reality where he shoots himself in the head and he gives Fatality a new reality where she kills John. Volthoom! If you want your realities to stick, you're going to have to stop creating paradoxes, you jerk.

I guess Volthoom is just vamping at this point because he finally decides on this being a more romantic end:

For a villain based on emotion, Volthoom hasn't convinced me to emotionally invest in this story.

Volthoom continues to show John Stewart that maybe his tough choices weren't always the choice that needed to be made. But he does it in a sloppy fashion that shouldn't convince anyone. When Stewart killed Mogo to save millions of lives, Volthoom shows him a future where Kyle stopped John and saved everybody without killing Mogo. Except he doesn't show John how Kyle did it. He just shows a happy ending. Oh look! Everyone is okay! No thanks to you! And then he reminds John about the time he killed Kirrt to keep the Keepers from gaining the Oan Power Battery. But Volthoom shows another possible reality where John gives in and Kirrt kills him. What the fuck is that supposed to prove?! That John made the right decision because Kirrt would have done the same thing in that situation?

The most succinct thing he says is that John would have been better off killing himself after he failed to save Xanshi because death has always followed on Stewart's heels. Of course, the opposite could be true too when you're dealing with whatever possible reality you want to show somebody! Maybe John simply was the only person to make the tough choices and he was always the only person to be in the wrong place at the right time to make those decisions. If John had killed himself, maybe even more people would have died, right? I think when Ostrander long ago put the words "John Stewart's mill" on paper, John's path was set in motion. He would always be the one to take actions that would do the most good for the most people, no matter how horrible those actions were.

After Volthoom is done with the false history lesson, he fucks the shit out of both of them.

That's a lot of rainbow jizz.

Green Lantern Corps #18 Rating: No change. I hadn't really thought much about how my Green Lantern Masturbation Theory has been mostly useless during this new catastrophe. Until this final scene in this issue. Volthoom does indeed represent rape. Here it seems a little bit too explicit but what he's doing is raping the psyches and histories of all of these unwilling Green Lanterns. He is forcing his way into their minds and trying to change their core being. And just like rape, this is all about gaining power. Volthoom is literally (I think this is one of the few actual times this word needs to be used!) powering up by the emotional terror he's causing his victims. While I haven't been too interested in this story, I think it just became supremely creepy in this context and my interest is piqued. This might be a truly grotesque horror story. I think I have to reread these issues now!

Green Lantern #18

The most powerful weapon in the universe and these chumps use it to make swords and flails.

Hal Jordan and Sinestro have been stuck inside The Black Hand's Black Lantern Ring for a good space of time. That's about as accurate as I can be since I really don't know how much time has passed in the Green Lantern Verse since the Zero Issue. Or whenever they were sucked up. The issue before that? An Annual? Anyway, it's been a long fucking time. And now Simon Baz has joined them. I think that means they're counting on the cosmic squirrel to save their asses.

With Simon Baz now trapped inside The Black Hand's ring, things look pretty bleak for Hal and Sinestro.

Oh Sinestro! You're always so critical! If you're so perfect, why the fuck are you in The Dead Zone too?

From what I've seen, Simon Baz utilizes the ring even better than Sinestro and he's brand new at it. Once Sinestro sees what Simon Baz can do, he'll take all of the credit and forget about the fact that Hal Jordan got his chocolate in Sinestro's Power Ring even though it's the combination of these two Green Lanterns that enabled the ring to pick a person more suited to the job than either of them alone.

Although you'll never convince Sinestro of that fact. Or me, either, really. I never did like Hal Jordan.

Sinestro doesn't believe in the competency of anybody but Sinestro. So as soon as he realizes Simon Baz is wearing his old ring, Sinestro tries to take it. And either Sinestro's willpower is so powerful that he can withstand the blows from any Green Lantern ring or he's just simply unaffected by it due to some changes he made in his ring before he lost it. Sinestro just wades through anything Simon Baz can hit him with. Well, almost anything.

Well, you had to figure the gun would come in handy at some point before Steve Trevor and the JLA took it away from him.

Meanwhile the Space Squirrel B'dg that I keep disrespecting because he's so fuzzy and wuzzy and cute is busy making a bad ass stand against The Black Hand in the hopes of rescuing Simon from Black Hand's ring. How come I can't treat B'dg with the respect he deserves as a Green Lantern? Is it my fault half the Green Lanterns were created during the silliness of the Silver Age? They're never going to fit into the grim and gritty modern age stories! I mean, they will. But I won't accept it without kicking and screaming and pointing out how cute B'dg's widdle bwack eyes are and how fwuffy his widdle tail is!

Back in the ring, Sinestro's will is too strong to be killed by one bullet.

Sinestro's eyeball has some serious trust issues.

Dead Tomar-re graces everyone with a short book report on Volthoom since even Sinestro doesn't know who he is. But Tomar-re knows because millions of the dead people in the Dead Zone were killed by Volthoom and they just can't shut up about it. Volthoom was, of course, a mysterious explorer from an unknown time and an unknown place. He's probably from a time far in the future so that his actual origin never has to really be explained. But he traveled back in time to witness Krona witness the creation of the universe. Why didn't he just go back in time to actually witness the creation of the universe? I don't know! Maybe that was too dangerous! As it was, when he arrived and/or when Krona looked at The Big Goat.se, everything blew up and things went haywire and Volthoom suddenly had the power of the Emotional Spectrum. The Guardians saw his power and said, "Hey! Quit bogarting that fucking power, dude!" And Volthoom looked down on them and said, "No."

That sounds like a whole lotta hogwash!

After the lecture, B'dg's green light reaches in to pull Simon Baz free. But as he's leaving, he creates a duplicate ring for Hal Jordan so that he can escape as well. When did one of the powers of the ring become making duplicate rings? They've used that a number of times in this book and it just seems silly. And dangerous! If I were a Green Lantern, I'd just make thousands of rings to give out so I wouldn't have to patrol my gigantic, enormous, fucking crazy big sector of the universe all by myself. Or, you know, with just the one partner. Whatever the current protocol is.

But the ring doesn't go to Hal Jordan. Sinestro frightens Hal just a smidgen and the ring goes to Sinestro. But since Hal Jordan's destiny is to become the greatest Black Lantern ever, it's fitting that Sinestro escapes along with Simon Baz. But once they're free (thanks to the fuzzy wuzzy space squirrel!), Black Hand disappears into the ring himself. While wearing the ring. Oh shit! RECURSION ALERT!

RECURSRECURSIONALRECURSIONALERRECURSIONALERTTERTIONALERT!

So the ring was sucked inside the ring and the ring was not sucked inside the ring to be able to suck the ring inside the ring which sucked the ring inside the ring which wasn't sucked inside the ring while simultaneously being sucked inside the ring that wasn't sucked inside the ring that was sucked inside the ring.

end recursion alert

Now the only way out of the Dead Zone is for Hal Jordan to use the Black Lantern Ring. But he can't use it because he's still half-alive. Which means he needs to stop willing himself alive and commit suicide. And since he's going to be the best Black Lantern ever, get ta steppin', Hal!

Splat.

Green Lantern #18 Rating: +1 Ranking. It took about a year or so for me to finally feel comfortable with all of the Green Lantern history that was dragged along into the Reboot but now that I am, I'm enjoying this book a lot more. Plus Hal Jordan isn't the star!

New Guardians #17

I get it! Volthoom was the only other person to ever harness the entire Lantern Spectrum!

If Kyle Raynor can keep it together and use his Rainbow Powers, he should be able to battle Volthoom across all of reality. Volthoom has pretty much shown powers equaling those of a 5th Dimensional creature like Mr. Mxyzptlk. And I think Raynor is headed that way.

Just as an aside, I met Aaron Kuder at the Portland Comic Con last Saturday and he did a little sketch for me in my Big Book of New 52 First Issues. Super nice guy!

I love this little Kyle. I'm going to feel like a huge jerk the next time I criticize his art!

The Third Army Crossover ended when The Guardians used too much of the First Lantern's power, allowing him to escape his prison. Once he escaped, he took back all of his power and the Third Army disintegrated in an instant. Volthoom trapped the Guardians in a gigantic bubble and sent the other Green Lanterns home. The only ones he didn't send home were B'dg and Simon Baz because they had opened the Book of the Black and ended up in Volthoom's original prison with Black Hand. Now Volthoom is sucking off the emotions from the important Green Lanterns (you know? The human ones!) so that he can regain his power and bend reality to his whim. Right now, he's confronting Kyle Rayner, his emotionally spectrumed equal.

Volthoom is a fucking pervert.

Volthoom does the same thing to Kyle that he did to Guy in Green Lantern Corps #17. He sifts through a bunch of memories to change them and see how Kyle reacts. I expect a woman in a refrigerator scene in my future.

But if Volthoom keeps this from happening then Gail Simone will probably never end up writing for DC!

Volthoom gives Kyle a taste of his life if Alex had never ended up next to the cold cuts. The memory is of Alex walking out on Kyle as they're breaking up even though Kyle gave up the Green Lantern ring to be with her. But Kyle doesn't fucking care because he remembers everything and is just super happy that Alex is alive again and he can hug her and try to make things work. And then he realizes he can do more than simply remember his previous reality.

Once this whole mess is over, will Kyle remember this moment and duplicate it himself once he realizes he has the same powers as Volthoom?

Since removing Alex from the refrigerator didn't work out so well for Volthoom, he decides to change Kyle's earlier life so he never even meets Alex. He has Kyle living with his dad instead of having his dad leave him alone with his mother. But Kyle still retains the memory of Alex and everything that has just recently happened with Volthoom. I think Volthoom should just give up on this Green Lantern and go after some easier emotions. That fucking John Stewart is a basket-case! He could probably power up on John alone for centuries! The only thing Volthoom is doing for Kyle is giving him resolution to various traumatic moments in his life! Volthoom is the best psychiatrist I've ever seen!

It's like Captain Picard getting a whole second life in The Next Generation. Now Kyle has good memories of a few more moments with Alex and memories of how he and his dad lived together and got along. Volthoom is the worst villain ever. I wonder if Kyle will remember how to fix cars after this is all said and done?

The next reality Kyle is granted is a world where the Sinestro Corps won. A lot of people are dead but Guy Gardner is still around being a gigantic dick. He blames Kyle for letting the Sinestro Corps win. But that means Guy also failed! I know better than to ask why then is Guy attacking Kyle! I already answered that answer. Guy Gardner is a dick.

Kyle quickly realizes this isn't his usual reality and transforms back into the Spooge Lantern. And because Kyle keeps retaining his memory of all of Volthoom's realities, Volthoom tries a different, more honeyesque approach.

Volthoom is lying! He can't permanently alter reality yet! Can he?

And turning the page, Volthoom rescinds his offer! What a big jerk! He finally realizes the only way he can suck Kyle's emotions is to show Kyle his power and then promise him something he can't have. Once Kyle despairs of ever being with Alex again, Volthoom sucks him off and heads over to Red Lanterns #17.

New Guardians #17 Rating: +1 Ranking. I enjoyed the twist that Kyle retained who he was in Volthoom's changes in reality. Volthoom seems to control the entire spectrum which Kyle now does as well. So whatever Volthoom is, Kyle may be a brand new amateur version of it. And whatever Volthoom is, The Guardians were pretty stupid to risk freeing him since he has the power to alter reality. Perhaps the only way to defeat him is to make him say, "Moohtlov!"