Convergence: The Question #2

Brrrrt!

That caption was a fart noise. It's also the noise my high school dungeonmaster used to make whenever he was leaving. Or making a pizza. Or rolling dice. Or, and I'm just extrapolating here from prior evidence, fucking somebody.

When we last left The Question asking questions like "Who am I?" and "Why is Two-Face so mean to me?", she had just teamed up with Batwoman and The Huntress. I think they want Two-Face to join their group so they can call their team TBQH, or "To Be Quite Honest." Unless they'd rather be known as QHTB, or "Quit Humping The Bagels."

Now that we've caught up to The Question, she's asking more philosophical questions like "If we're all going to die in the end, why do we bother?" She states it as "If life is conflict, why do we bother?" You know why we bother? Because we were born without any regard to our choice in the matter and lived long enough to become aware of our mortality. That causes us to realize we'd rather struggle and mourn and lose love and curl up on the floor in a ball crying our eyes out over a dead pet and stub our toes and get cavities and struggle with breast cancer than to not exist at all. Even persons of faith fear death because no matter how much you declare your faith is strong because it's basically a sin to not have faith, there's constantly a small doubt that your beliefs are based on bullshit. Or, and this might actually be scarier to those of a religious bent, that you didn't impress your god enough and will be spending eternity being punished for that brief faltering of your faith. We struggle with all of the bullshit because it's better than not being here.

At least, that's how most people feel. People do choose to kill themselves. And whether it's a trick of their brain chemistry that duped them into believing non-existence would be better than struggling or if they were simply and truly tired of the quagmire of life, they still, somehow, face the dissolution of their ego into the void of eternity and take the bravest (or most illogical (or, perhaps, sickest)) choice anybody can make. I'm tired of a lot of it. But I can't imagine be so tired that I choose to never be able to imagine anything ever again.

The Question will probably come up with something more optimistic like we put up with the struggle for love and family and friends and j;mily.... Whoops! Sorry! I couldn't help making jerk off motions with my hand and it fucked up my typing. If you're Batman or Sherlock Holmes, you now know which hand I use to masturbate.

No bickering! There's plenty of Question to go around.

Two-face is busy recruiting gang members to follow him into battle to defeat the other Two-face. I wonder if the other Two-face's face will be a mirror image of this Two-face's face? Or maybe the Harvey Dent he has to battle never had acid thrown in his face at all!

The Question continues her internal monologue about shit that relates to her dying father. That previous stuff about why do we struggle? That was about her dying father (and the human condition as a whole but, I mean, that's just because her father's struggle with cancer is just one example of what he all ultimately have to face). Then that thing about keeping a sense of humor? About her dying father. Now she's thinking about a guy named Charlie she knew who died badly of cancer which makes her think about dying with no regrets. I have a feeling she's going to say some shit about dying with regrets that I previously said in my Convergence: Atom #1 commentary.

Renee calls people who die with no regrets "stupid." I called them "lying, soon-to-be-dead assholes." We petty much agree!

The Question tracks her Harvey to the Gotham Courthouse where he's confronting other Harvey. Other Harvey's face is pristine. I bet he still doesn't call himself stupid like "One-Face." Fucking David Finch. That was the worst ending of all the first issues of The New 52!

The Question's Harvey asks Other Harvey if he can still tell right from wrong and tosses him his coin. Other Harvey says he tries to tell right from wrong but unless you're Ayn Rand or a fan of hers, you understand the majority of the world is grey. Or gray. Which is right?!

I suppose Post-Zero Hour Harvey Dent can lose his battle (you know, by shooting himself in the face) and it won't mean the end of Post-Zero Hour Gotham. Since so many people are fighting, it must be a final tally of fights won which indicates which city survives. Of course Renee isn't going to let any such thing happen. Not on her, and her ex-girlfriend's and "roommate's," watch.

Sex with a roommate isn't sex! It's just part of the chore wheel.

Renee walks in on the Harveys engaged in a legal discussion about the right to kill to save their cities. Is it defense? Or is it murder? It's the court case of the century! Whatever century they're in. But ultimately, Harvey is simply trying to convince Other Harvey why Other Harvey should be the one to live. This isn't murder at all; it's suicide.

Except that Renee jumps in front of Harvey Dent as Other Harvey pulls the trigger and takes the bullet herself.

Ouch. My heart. And my penis! Stupid tight boxers.

Renee's suit was made out of Kevlar so she's just fine. And even better now that she and Kate are kissing again. And she'll be even betterer later when they do whatever it is lesbians do with each other. Watch action flicks?

Harvey asks Renee, "What do I do now?" First off, you stop looking at the Question for answers! Ha ha! No, but seriously, Renee answers, "Be the good man." Then she leaves with her ex-roommate and her girlfriend while Harvey stand staring at his coin on the floor. I guess he's paralyzed by the choice about whether he should pick it up or not since it's on the floor and he can't flip it to determine if he should pick it up.

Afterward, Renee goes to visit her father and I don't feel a thing and you have to believe me because there isn't video evidence of my tears.

He's so fucked up on morphine that he probably forgot she was gay.

The issue ends with Renee realizing life is about the conflict and about the questions and about making mistakes and about getting the chance to make them right again. She also winds up with Two-Face's coin, so I guess he's gone on the straight and narrow. Or maybe he's just advanced to a six-sided die.

After Other Harvey shot Renee, he was sucked into a vortex. Is that because he was deemed the winner even though nobody died? Telos is a pretty shitty judge if that's the case. Maybe he was deemed the loser because he shot the wrong person and didn't kill them and no fight really took place! Whatever happened, it didn't matter because the Convergence shit was just an excuse for Greg Rucka to write this story about love and reconciliation and regrets and homophobic fathers.

Convergence: The Question #2 Rating: After reading this issue, I see how the first issue was as much of a set-up as it needed to be to truly tell this story. But the heart of this two issue series was in this issue. The Convergence stuff didn't matter at all. It just formed the set and the location for this story to take place. It even ends without any resolution to the Convergence fight which is just fine by me. That crap will probably be settled unsatisfyingly in the pages of the Convergence weekly. I'm sure everybody will wind up living together in some kind of peace and harmony on this world or, perhaps, all of their universes will suddenly exist within the non-space and non-time of the planet Telos and the Bleed. Anyway, this was a terrific story and I can't imagine any of the other Convergence stories will be better so I'm ranking it as the best of them all! I doubt I'll cry twice during any other books. Theoretically!

Divergence: Starfire

The new Starfire monthly is going to be written by Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner while being drawn by Emanuela Lupacchino and inked by Ray McCarthy. I think I just came in my pants like eight times. That's a good fucking team right there!

The sneak peek begins with Gen 13 answering an unasked question to an unknown person. It's quite obvious (and not meant to be a super secret mystery) that the person asking the question was Starfire and the question was, "Where should I live, Gen-13?!" Other people Starfire consults? Roy Harper. Tim Drake. Essence. Zatanna. And Cheshire, for some reason. Maybe she's been captured by Cheshire in that last panel and decided to pick her brain before she escapes.

She's obviously going to pick Metropolis! That's where solar-charged hero's live!

Starfire heads to Metropolis but to ask Superman for advice since he's an alien as well. She mentions she has no interest in being a super-hero and I still really have no clue as to why she was "an outlaw" over in that other shitty and forgettable comic book she starred in.

Starfire might fit in in Miami! Or, being she has orange skin, the Jersey shore!

I'm glad she didn't ask Batman.

Starfire's choice of places to live is Key West. And her first friend is Sheriff Gomez! Although Sheriff Gomez doesn't quite know it yet. To be continued in Starfire #1, yo!

Batman and Two-Face #28

It seems like a mistake to completely surround three people with this much firepower. Just one person has to panic and start shooting for just about everybody to be killed or wounded.

I was getting bored with this comic book because Two-Face doesn't really interest me. But then Tomasi had Batman visit Noonan's and I got really excited because Hitman was a character I could understand! He liked to drink beers and earn money by killing people while also trying to get laid by a cop. Bullets and demons and misogyny and beers! That's the kind of thing I can understand! But all of this inner turmoil spurred on by a faulty ethical philosophy backed by severe narcissism and the belief that random chance is responsible for all of his actions and choices to avoid feeling the weight of mature, adult responsibility? That's all too far over my head. I'm not writing a comic book thesis like some people that I may or may not know! I just want to read funny books and make dick jokes! Stop trying to write literyture, Tomasi. All these characters driven by desires and motivations arising from their past choices is too much to keep track of! All I need is to know that Batman is sad that his parents died and now wants to prevent sadness. Two-Face is crazy because he listens to a coin. And Erin McKillabody blames everyone but herself for her own problems. See? Now I'm ready to find out how it all ends! Will Batman prevent sadness? Will Erin McKilljoy kill Two-Face and solve all of her problems? Will Two-Face finally flip his coin in just the right way to bring Gilda back? Let's find out now in the continuing saga of Batman and No Robin!

Two-Face has been captured by one of the Gotham Crime Families that I'll never force my brain to remember and is about to be executed live on the televisions. They want all of Gotham's Super Villains to know that a new day is dawning and that day is a day where Two-Face is dead. Also a day where they will probably soon be dead too. But Batman will save the super villains! Because Batman is crazy. His ethical philosophy is also fucked up. Maybe I was wrong when I said his goal was to prevent sadness because he's causing more sadness by saving Two-Face and whoever else these guys might kill. He's just out to prevent murder and crime. He doesn't care how much murder and crime he's allowing by saving certain people from murder and crime! He's a Bat-Jerko.

Batman figures out where Two-Face is being held because he's a genius detektif. He also doesn't need to protect Erin anymore so he ditches her with the Gotham Police and heads off to save Two-Face.

I wonder if Two-Face has ever seen a double rainbow? I bet he'd wonder what it meant! And half of his face would cry while the other half laughed!

Oh Batman. Why do you think everybody can be saved?

As Batman is trying to save Harvey's life while also scolding him for not turning his tragedy into an opportunity to prevent sadness, Two-Face screams, "Like you did, Bruce?" Right in front of everybody! Good thing the fire and the bullets drowned out the sound of Harvey's shouts.

This is Bruce's "I am disappoint" face when he discovers his secret identity isn't as ironclad as he believed.

Bruce tells Harvey to follow the edge of the coin where his good and bad selves meet. He needs to bring balance to his life. But Harvey tells Bruce to fuck off and tries to burn the shit out of everything.

Gordon and the Gotham Police arrive to escalate the situation. Two-Face shoots Gordon but that doesn't stop him from chastising Harvey as well! What is with these guys? So they thought they were a good law enforcement team before Dent went insane. But now he's fucking insane! Let him go! Stop trying to convince the guy with the mental breakdown that he's still a good guy. Or at least get him into some real rehabilitation and stop sending him to Arkham! Jesus. You want to him to deal with his problems, don't send him to the place that causes more.

Now Harvey decides to flip a coin for Gordon's life.

I guess that means Harvey must kill himself. Or Gordon must surrender.

Well shit. Um. I mean. I was just fucking joking, man.

Oh yeah. He pulls the trigger, all right. As his coin spins on its edge and he dies before seeing how it lands.

Fucking Tomasi. This is a genius reboot of the character of Two-Face! Kill off Harvey Dent and allow for Erin McKillemall to rise up as a replacement Two-Face. She is currently in prison amassing a gang of fresh blood to take over Gotham. She has Harvey Dent's handkerchief which she uses to wipe the blood from her face which is constantly dripping out of the scar under her eye. So she's not as drastic a Two-Face as Harvey but she's also a twin so there were literally two of this face at one time. Now she can go insane believing she's both halves.

Batman and Two-Face #28 Rating: +2 Ranking. What a spectacular finish to this story. I really like that it covers the basics of Harvey's rise and fall before finishing with him once and for all. And inextricably linked to that story is the fall and rise of his replacement, Erin McKillen. More of this kind of shit needs to go down for The New 52 to really separate itself from DC's old universe. Obviously DC can't change everything too dramatically. But small steps like this are really good for The New 52. While this seemed to be a story about Two-Face, it was really a story about Two-Face's successor and her rise to power. And since I'm not a fan of Two-Face, this story just became so much better! Maybe I'll reread it now! Once again, Tomasi is showing everybody else how to do comic books right.

Batman and Two-Face #27

Does everybody else also pronounce different fonts with different voices?

Last issue, Batman was trapped in a grave under a marble statue. That's it for the wrap up! Time to feel sort of confused and not that entertained by this Two-Face and Erin McKillaman story. I suppose I don't really care about Two-Face and Erin's drama. Bringing Batman into the middle of it only makes it mildly more interesting. This is not an objective review of this story. It very well might be an entertaining and well written piece. But I lost interest in it way back when I saw "Two-Face" where "Robin" used to be.

So this happens:

This is the part of the comic where Batman stops hanging from the cliff from last issue.

Batman has a moment where he remembers all of the other issues that he's been in lately that also did not star Robin. Thanks a lot, Grant Morrison. Way to ruin a comic book title that I was really enjoying by killing one of the main characters. Jerko. Now I'm stuck reading five issues worth of Two-Face and Erin McKillertime constantly whining about the past. Is Batman in the middle of this so he can learn that living in the past is boring and makes for tedious stories? Is he finally going to get over Robin's death because he doesn't want to end up pouting and kicking the dirt and blaming others for all of his mistakes like these two jerks are doing?

Probably not because Batman's probably going to hunt down Ra's al Ghul and his Robin Factory soon.

Batman loses Harvey to more thugs but manages to save Erin McMckill. It's at that point that everybody is ready for another flashback.

I was going to scan something from the flashback but let me just summarize it because the fucking last couple of pages of this comic book are the best pages of The New 52 so far. So back at the beginning of all of the flashbacks that have been happening, Harvey Dent was the Family Attorney for the McKillen Clan. But Erin and Shannon tried to have Gordon assassinated right in front of his family but Gordon kills the assassins. Dent flips the fuck out and tells them he won't be a party to that kind of bullshit. They laugh at him because they know he's trapped in the job what with attorney/client privilege and all that jazz. But when Bruce Wayne talks to him about becoming the District Attorney, Harvey Dent agrees. In that position, he's able to help put the sisters behind bars which is why Erin blames him for Shannon's death. He was supposed to be on their side and he betrayed them.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's get on with a few scans of some awesome shit. First, let me say that the first off, I'm fairly certain that Bueno Excellente appeared in Issue #3 of Batman, Inc. as one of Matches Malone's henchmen. Here's the brief appearance:

"The Living Death." I think that's a euphemism for male anal rape.

So at the end of this issue, Batman and Erin come up out of the sewers in an old bootlegging tunnel which happens to open up inside a familiar old bar in The Cauldron.

The guy with the fake hand is Hacken, one of the only survivors of the Hitman series. He cut off his own hand when it was bitten by a zombie seal. I think it was a seal. It was definitely a zombie.

"Closing Time" was, I believe, the name of the last story arc in Hitman as well. Fitting, of course, and I'm sure Tomasi is paying tribute to that with Hacken's words. The name Ryan doesn't mean anything to me but it's probably a call back to something I've forgotten.

As Batman is about to leave, Two-Face appears tied up on the television with a voice-over stating that he will be the first of Gotham's evils to be eradicated. And that's where the issue ends. But that's not the most important part of the final page. This is:

The picture in the lower corner is Natt the Hat, Hacken, and Tommy Monoghan, aka Hitman. The round, partial picture to the right of the television is Baytor, the Bartender from Hell. Next to that is Section 8 with Sixpack, Dog-Welder, The Defenestrator, Bueno Excellente, Friendly Fire, and the guy that spit all the time. I can't remember his name. And beneath that is Sean Noonan himself, original owner of the bar. And the tape inside the machine with "LOBO" scrawled on it is footage of Bueno Excellente in a wedding dress teaching Lobo the meaning of the term "The Living Death."

The sad part about all of this is that it means Hitman has had his time in The New 52 and it ran out years ago. It's possible Ringo Chen could appear at some point, maybe becoming The New 52 Hitman since he was just as good and possibly better at killing than even Tommy himself. I'm happy to see Tomasi acknowledge one of the most fun (if a bit gruesome at times, and deadly serious at others) comic book series of the Preboot Years. And I like to think that Hacken watches the shit out of Lobo and Bueno's wedding night.

Batman and Two-Face #27 Rating: No change. As I said before, I'm not super interested in this story. But fuck if I can't thank Tomasi enough for that bit of Hitman Nostalgia he infused into this comic book. It's nice to know that Noonan's Sleazy Bar and Hacken are still out their in a little section of Gotham called The Cauldron.

Batman and Two-Face #26

OMG! Batman IS Two-Face! I knew the whole Bruce Wayne thing was a sham.

So in previous issues of Batman and Robin, a really convoluted plot was taking place involving Two-Face and Erin McKillbody and Bruce Wayne and Matches Malone and Commissioner Gordon and the Batsignal and Batman and Harvey Dent. But not Robin. Which is why the comic book isn't called Batman and Robin anymore. Somebody at DC really needs to fix that already!

What the fuck am I saying? When have I ever wanted more Robin?! I must be in a really fragile place. I wonder which corner would be the best to cry in?

No, no! I won't give in to the pure bliss of despair brought on by the understanding and acceptance of the finality of death and an empty package of Oreo Cookies. We must continue the daily struggle of existence no matter how difficult it may seem! Well, I guess we don't have to. Which is why I recommend everybody should own fish. Because then no matter how much you may want it to end, you'll always have that last niggling thought in the back of your mind: "But who's going to feed the fish?" And then you realize, they're just fish. They won't live forever. You can probably tough it out until the fish die before flushing yourself down the toilet. And by the time the fish do die, you'll probably have a much cheerier outlook on life. Or, at the very least, more fish.

Actually, I would never own fish. To me, the amount of work they take to keep alive versus the amount of payoff they give back to me is the worst fun to work ratio in the world of pet ownership. Cats have the highest fun to work ratio because they practically take care of themselves. You can't think "Who will feed the cat?" to keep yourself from committing suicide because after you die, guess what? You'll still be feeding the cat! Nasty little monsters!

I just looked at my cats and scowled, "Don't you dare eat Daddy!"

I almost opened the comic book to begin reading and my first thought was, "I wonder if Bruce Wayne and Erin McKilleverbody have had sex yet?"

Hmm. According to this page, they might have just?

Erin doesn't appreciate being sprung from prison and forced to live in a gigantic mansion with great food and surly butler service. She'd rather take her chances in Gotham facing off against Harvey Dent and whatever stupid goons have decided that a life of crime as a madman's underling is better than welfare and unemployment or a job at Taco Bell.

There's a flashback that back flashes even further back than the previous bashflackers. This time Shannon McKillagain gets her first on-panel appearance. I think. Anyway, she and her sister (remember her? Erin!) are in jail serving a 25 to life sentence and they believe it's because Harvey Dent did some unethical and illegal things during the case. Not pedophilia or credit card fraud! But some lawyer thing that lawyers aren't allowed to do with other lawyers. Sodomy, maybe? Short story shorter, Erin wants revenge! I wonder if she'll get it?

Oh yeah! She does! These stories being told backwards leave me so confused!

But Shannon and Erin come up with a plan so they can escape prison!

Although only one of them gets to do it alive.

It seems they could have come up with a better plan than one of them killing themselves to cause a distraction. Perhaps the guard that is helping them to escape, the one whose son needs a life-saving surgery, needs an organ which is why one of them had to die to be a donor. Otherwise I'd try a few other plans first like smearing feces on the wall or pretending my head is stuck in the toilet.

As the story continues, I see what's going on. They're twins! Erin is going to escape in a body bag! Hmm, I still would have tried some other things first.

Erin leaves Wayne Manor but not before Bruce Wayne tells her that story about the wolves fighting in the dream and the feeding of the one over the other. Oh, you know the story! You've probably seen it going about Facebook at some point in the last few years. That's probably where Bruce heard it. Alfred posted it on his wall on his Facebook page with a note, "Good thing you were rich enough to feed both, right Master Bruce? LOL!"

Once Erin leaves Wayne Manor (with Battracking Signal, of course!), her cousin betrays her and leaves her at Harvey's wife's grave. Where Harvey is waiting for her. Why can't these two just call it even?! Shannon's dead, Gilda's dead, both of their lives are in complete shambles. Does everybody have to have the last word? You know what Gandhi said: "Everybody having to have the last word leaves the whole word speechless." Or something. Maybe it was something else about eyes. And maybe it was Marilyn Monroe or Buddha who said it.

This is exactly like the alternate ending to Of Mice and Men where George gives up Lenny to the angry mob because he didn't learn the shoot your own dog lesson!

That "VRRRRR" at the end of the page must mean that The Goddamned Batman is arriving! Even though he ordered the Batcycle to go into "silent running." I guess it can only keep silent before it can't contain itself anymore.

Batman arrives in time to keep Two-Face from being gunned down by all of Keiron's men. Batman manages to defeat them all (of course he does!) while pinning Erin to a tree and Two-Face to a statue. But Two-Face pulls out the comic book physics and blasts the marble statue in half with his machine gun allowing himself to escape and causing the statue to fall on Batman, trapping him in a grave. Now that only Erin and Two-Face are left, I suppose they'll be talking out their problems next issue.

Batman and Two-Face #26 Rating: No change. All these advertisements for the Arrow television show composed of topless men with amazing bodies keep fooling me into thinking that the Milk: It Does a Body Good ad campaign is back. I suppose it's better than the television show stealing that other, ubiquitous milk ad campagin: Got Arrow? Or maybe, Got Loser? Got Boring Ass Fuckturd With A Bow And Arrow? I have yet to watch the show although it is on my Netflix Queue (along with about 499 other shows and movies) but I just don't know if I can bring myself to watch it. I just can't accept my Ollie without the stupid facial hair! I know he's much younger in the show but it takes place in Seattle, right?! And Seattle is just like Portland except sexier and in better shape, right? And just about every young idiot here in Portland has stupid fucking facial hair! So come on, Ollie! Get to growing that shit!

Batman and Two-Face #25

Are any of these DC Characters even relevant anymore?

This paragraph was going to discuss new heroes that would represent modern times better than Batman and Superman but it just began to make me angry and depressed trying to think up heroes that could represent our current state of government officials that think their job is looking out for the best interests of corporations, investors, and bankers while destroying the middle class and actively hating not poverty but the poor themselves. What the fuck happened, America? The creation of The Middle Class made this country work. People didn't mind a soul-crushing job because their souls weren't invested in the job. The job offered security for the present and the future; it offered a way to own a home, raise a family, have the newest model car which is always next year's model for some reason. I suppose that only worked when the government knew that it could send out draft notices and steal the Middle Class sons for its own uses. The contract seems to have been broken once those children decided not to give up their lives for other people's bullshit. And so government and corporations decided if they weren't going to be fed the blood of our young men on a regular basis, perhaps the Middle Class didn't need as much money and security as it thought it did. So they picked a stooge from Hollywood to change the tax laws in such a way that money would stop flowing back into companies and instead start lining the pockets of the CEOs and upper management.

Under Reagan, the government lowered the amount you need to earn to find yourself in the top marginal tax bracket but they also decreased the percentage you have to pay. In essence, they just whittled away the number of marginal brackets until in 1988 it was down to two brackets. Nobody was paying more than 28% which kicked in at about 30,000 dollars. Before Reagan, people were paying 70% on income over $200,000 [People tend to get confused over marginal tax brackets. When somebody makes enough money to wind up in the 70% tax bracket, that does not mean they pay 70% on all income. Everything under $200,000 is taxed at lower rates, all the way down to their first $16,000 or so which isn't taxed at all. Just like everybody else.]. That's your trickle down theory. Give CEOs the same tax rate as lower income people and lower income people will get higher, better paying jobs! No, not really. What really happens is that money is invested back into the business far less than before because the money is worth more to the CEOs and investors. They begin keeping more and more of it as they raise their salaries since the money is worth more to them overall. And to justify this, they begin changing the discussion to make them look like heroes of the economy as opposed to pillaging pirates of industry. Also, if you keep the populace ignorant on how taxes actually work, they'll get angrier and angrier any time they hear somebody was taxed at 70% or more (70% on $200,000 or more was far from America's highest rates).

As an example of people's ignorance on tax laws, when I was looking for the hard numbers on tax brackets with Lord Google's help, I found a forum where people were astonished to find The Beatles were paying a rate of 98% which is why they fled to America and wrote The Tax Man and took LSD and had lots and lots of photo ops with gurus. Nobody chimed in to explain marginal rates to the angry people in the forum who were just assuming The Beatles were making $2 for every $100 they earned. One person even mentioned how ridiculous it was that somebody would invest one million dollars in something, double it, and only earn $20,000. This is why the Republicans have so many Tea Party fans. Because they're idiots that don't understand how taxes work.

Yeah, yeah. Fuck off with your incentive to create argument. The only incentive people have to make money is to make money. They'll make as much as they can no matter what the tax rates are. If somebody is in a lower tax rate at $49,000 a year and the tax rate goes up at $50,000, they don't have any incentive to not start making $50,000. They still make more money making $50,000 in a higher tax bracket than they made making $49,000 in the lower tax bracket due to the way marginal tax rates work. And due to the way greed works, people always have incentive to make more no matter what the fucking taxes are.

For the record, I think 70% on 200,000 is high. But I think the highest tax bracket should amount to 95% or up but it should have a much, much higher yearly income for that to kick in. But then, I'm just an asshole business owner who doesn't even want to own my own business. I just want to sit around reading comic books and playing video games. Maybe the conservatives are right! Fuck you, personal responsibility! I think I'll join the glorious life of a welfare earner, living large on government handouts! What a glamorous life! I can cackle at all the chumps working for a living, fulfilling their stupid dreams, feeling self-reliant and happy with their choices. Suckers! Don't they know they can live well below the poverty line with no effort at all?! Jerks!

Finally, let me just say that I'm not saying I have the answers to fixing how fucked up the greedy have made our economy. But I certainly think it can't be fixed until people are educated and honest when joining in on the discussion. It's irresponsible to spread fear and blame and lies because you're just trying to get something for yourself or your lobbyists. But know this: it isn't poor people that have fucked everything up.

I guess the preceding all fits here because, you know, fucking Bruce Wayne and his tax shelters and loopholes and gentrification and family wealth passed down from generation to generation. What an asshole.

Here's a picture of America.

McKillen, the woman who killed Harvey's wife and burned off half of his face, is currently in a Gotham Police Headquarters Holding cell which is why Harvey decided to turn the Batsignal into the Two-Face signal. Fucking Christ, Harvey. Gordon just had that thing fixed after Bruce Wayne's girlfriend was dropped on it! Do you think the Gotham PD has enough cash in its budget for another Batsignal fix? Hopefully Batman supplies the Batsignals gratis (that means "for free but with many strings attached" in the original Latin).

Ignore the innocent and guilty coin bit. The rest is perfectly stated.

In two speech bubbles, Harvey puts voice to the biggest fear in most people's lives. It's such a subtle fear that people really don't spend much time thinking about it. But it's why they believe in God. It's why they lock their doors at night. It's why they teach their children to dial 9-1-1. It's all of the little things they do to make it seem like they have control over their lives. And yet they still cross the street while speaking on a phone knowing in their heart of hearts that the bus will see them and stop. Because they've so ensconced themselves in the illusion of control that they begin to believe they have more control than they really do. You feel safe when you know all the data and all the odds and you've made the proper choices. But chance is just a loose brick on the top of a building away; a rabid dog on the loose; a fucking meteorite deciding it wants to fall where you currently stand. Random chance scares the shit out of people. It's why newscasters are quick to explain that the victim and the shooter knew each other when someone is gunned down. They know people will feel the sweet relief that the murder could not have been them. It wasn't random at all.

The fear of random chance is why so many people can't believe in the truth of the universe.

Land of the free, home of the rich white captains of industry!

After Harvey flees from Batman because Batman has to save some people about to blow up, the story flashes back to the night Harvey Dent's wife was murdered by Erin McKillen. Looks like Erin's twin sister has died and she blames Harvey. Now she wants to take away the love of Harvey's life. Which she does with a knife to Gilda's chest. The flashback ends when Harvey is knocked unconscious but I'm sure we'll be revisiting it soon enough to see him get half of his face melted off. Unless that happened last issue. Sometimes these exploded narratives are hard to follow!

Back in the present, Erin is granted a meeting with Bruce Wayne because she wants to hire some Bat-security from his Batman, Incorporated business. He refuses.

Why do people gotta keep bringing up his dead parents? I suppose if he'd just get fucking over it already, everybody would stop rubbing the wound raw. I was going to say they'd stop picking the scab but I don't think Bruce has ever let that old wound even form a scab.

Erin is carted off to Blackgate Penitentiary to await trial. But this is Gotham, so no place is safe unless you've got Bat Security. Guards are bribed and/or threatened and a bunch of inmates get their hands on Erin. Just as they're about to tear her to pieces, Bat Security arrives.

Okay, this is more like second rate, bottom of the barrel, knock-off Bat Security.

Matches rescues Erin and helps her escape Blackgate by blowing a hole in the side with some homemade C-4. It's bad enough that the criminals and Batman are always destroying Gotham property but now Matches Malone too? I have a feeling Bruce Wayne must be looking to buy a prison on the cheap. Blow enough holes in the place, suck out a ton of money from their budget for repairs, they can't afford to run the place, and suddenly they're willing to sell cheap to Bruce Wayne. It's how he owns so much property in Gotham already! Batman smashes a few walls and windows, owner can't afford upkeep, Bruce Wayne buys low. Cha-ching!

Matches and a recently sedated Erin plunge into Gotham Harbor where a submarine waits piloted by Mr. Sassypants.

Bruce is not amused.

Later, Erin McKillen wakes up in Wayne Manor protected by Bruce Wayne and his penis.

Batman and Two-Face #25 Rating: No change. You think Alfred logs on to his Underlings of Superheroes Forum late at night to share all the quips he's made at Batman's expense during the day? Has Matches Malone made a previous appearance in The New 52? Not counting Batman Incorporated which is in a hinky place in continuity anyway. It feels like Matches may have appeared previously in another Batman and Robin but fuck if I can remember. Anyway, solid comic as always with some really enjoyable moments. Although it didn't make me cry this month. Seriously, it didn't! I am not lying this time!

Batman and Two-Face #24

I was hoping Damian would be back by now but I guess DC should let him stay dead for at least a year.

With Ra's al Ghul creating a bunch of Damians inside a bunch of test tubes, my guess is that when Robin returns to this title, it'll be Batman and Robins. With the "s"!

Last issue didn't make me cry at all, so I suspect this one won't either. I'm a tough guy!

The issue begins with Two-Face conducting his mo(u)rning ritual.

Wakey wakey! Russian Roulette and bacy!

Obviously the first thing Two-Face does when he wakes up is flip his coin. I say obviously because that's the most basic aspect of his character, after having two faces. If you know anything about Two-Face, you know that 1. He has two faces and 2. He flips a coin to make all of his decisions. And there you have it! That's all you need to know about him! Ever!

The interesting part of this morning's ritual was that his coin toss resulted in the non-scarred side of his coin. Which means this is the act of a sane and rational good man. He might be just trying to end his pain. But because Two-Face says, "Better luck next time," I believe this is Harvey's attempt to end the evil of his opposite. He uses the same bullet every day which sits on the dresser next to a picture of his ex-wife. Possibly. Probably. I'm not entirely sure since I only know two things about Two-Face (see last paragraph!). After Harvey Dent fails to kill Two-Face, they get dressed and go out for the day, probably to hang out with Batman.

Batman's day began two to three days earlier (probably!) and he's been using that time to practice his journalism skills.

He only knows two of the "W"s.

A woman named Erin McKillen is visiting Gotham for a short meeting before getting the fuck right out because she doesn't want to run into Harvey Dent or The Batman. That means she's probably up to no good! Also, she has "kill" in her name so she's obviously a big jerk. But Commissioner Gordon has a lead on her, so her visit probably isn't going to be as relaxing as she's hoping. She also has red hair, so Nightwing might show up just to flirt with her.

Alfred Pennyworth is busy doing everything wrong, as usual. It must be hard working for The Batman! Is that guy every happy?

I guess next issue will be Batman and Ra's al Ghul. Unless this Two-Face story is a two parter. Because, you know, Two-Face!

McKillen is in town as the head of her Crime Family because there's a big meeting so that the criminals with the normative brain chemistry can drive out the criminals with the abnormal brain chemistry. Also, she's apparently the person that threw the acid into Harvey Dent's face and turned him into Two-Face. Everybody wants her to take him out first but she's a bit reluctant because she doesn't want to die. I'm with her! Why be the head of a Crime Family if you have to put yourself in danger?! Why doesn't somebody else kill Two-Face and she can kill a threat to someone else! That's the way it's done in all the murder mysteries where people think they can get away with it because they have no relation to the victim.

McKillen lets herself be talked into going after Two-Face herself. Apparently she has to show some faith or shed some blood or ante up some skin or something. And because Commissioner Gordon and the Gotham Police make a raid on her place, all of her men are busy making their one phone call. So it's all up to her to kill Harvey Dent and not lose her teeth to The Batman.

Whoops. Looks like she failed on both of those counts.

Sure, that's mostly spit. But I think there's probably at least one tooth and some chips in that mess. And calling her loss of teeth earns me enough Experience Points to move up from Master Comic Book Reader Level 1 to Master Comic Book Reader Level 2! I'm well on my way to earning Grandmaster Comic Book Reader status! Plus Batman's capture of Erin ends this issue which means Batman and Two-Face will be heading into a second issue. So I gained some Experience Points for that too!

Batman and Two-Face #24 Rating: No change. I didn't mention it in the commentary but I thought Two-Face's origin scene was done really well. And I love that the place where it happened (and his wife was killed) is the same room he wakes up in day after day and tries to end his life. Now the "Better luck next time" may simply have been Two-Face's consolatory remarks on another day in which Harvey has failed to join his wife. Simply more good shit by Tomasi.

Two-Face! (as seen in Batman and shit)

PERSONAL DATA
Alter Ego: Harvey Dent
Occupation: Former District Attorney, now Professional Criminal [Redundant.]
Marital Status: Divorced.
Known Relatives: Gilda Gold Dent Stevens (ex-wife)
Group Affiliation: None.
Base of Operations: Gotham City
First Appearance: (Harvey Dent) DETECTIVE COMICS #66, (Paul Sloane) BATMAN #68, (George Blake) DETECTIVE COMICS #187
Height: 6' Weight: 182 lbs.
Eyes: Blue Hair: Brown

HISTORY
Harvey Dent was a successful Gotham City district attorney who was nicknamed "Apollo" by the press for his good looks. Dent was the prosecutor in the trial of gangster "Boss" Maroni for murder, when at the climactic point in the trial he produced a two-headed silver dollar (which Maroni had always carried with him for good luck), and stated that the coin had been found at the scene of the murder and thereby proved Maroni was responsible [Compelling proof!]. Infuriated, Maroni hurled a vial of acid at David Davis, the arresting officer in the case, but the acid struck the left side of Dent's face instead [I hope Maroni wasn't convicted for killing somebody with a throwing knife. "Mistrial!"], scarring it hideously [As opposed to beatifically.].

After the bandages were removed, Dent visited this fiancée, sculptress Gilda Gold, who, although she still loved him, was shocked by his now grotesque appearance.

The ruin of his face and his fear of losing Gilda's love drove Dent insane. Blaming Maroni's silver dollar for his fate, Dent slashed one side of it with a knife so that one of its heads was now scarred, too. Believing he was now all alone, shunned like an outcast, Dent thought a "flip of a coin" would be all it would take to make him a criminal. He flipped Maroni's coin to decide his fate, and the scarred side landed face up. And so Dent began his criminal career as Two-Face [I've read some pretty ridiculous origin stories but the events leading up to Two-Face make like a contortionist trying to stick his own head up his ass. It feels like somebody thought up the character of Two-Face and then put together a bunch of stupid reasons to get him there. A convicted man smuggles a vial of acid into his trial. He gets angry and throws it, hitting the wrong man. The man is disfigured and goes insane because he thinks the woman he loves will drop his fugly ass. The man blames it on a coin and attacks the coin. Man bonds with coin. Man allows coin flip to seal his fate. Everything adds up to become Two-Face, the two-faced criminal!].

Two-Face became obsessed with the number two and duality, and based all his crimes on these themes. He made all his decisions by flipping his coin and seeing whether it landed on the "good" side or on the scarred, "evil" side [And then disregarding the result and choosing to do what he really wanted to do initially.].

After repeatedly clashing with the Batman (see Batman II), Dent finally regained his sanity and reformed after he nearly killed Gilda accidentally. Plastic surgeon Dr. Albert Ekhart repaired the damage to Dent's face, and Dent married Gilda. (Contrary to past accounts, Dent has no children [But does Two-Face?].)

Later, actor Paul Sloane suffered an injury similar to Dent's and became the second criminal called Two-Face; his face was later surgically repaired. Still later George Blake used makeup to impersonate Two-Face and commit crimes [But later the makeup was surgically removed.].

Finally, the force of an explosion undid Dent's plastic surgery so that current surgical techniques cannot now repair Dent's face [Oh, fuck you! I let the first plastic surgery bit slide pretending that it would even be possible to make this fucker back into his Apollo persona because I gave Harvey the benefit of the doubt that he could afford some fantastic comic book Plastic Surgeon. But this surgeon's work could be "undid"?! It's not that Harvey suffered more facial scarring! The surgery was "undid"! And in such a way that no other surgery can ever be attempted to fix it! Oh comic books. Why do I read you?]. Dent again went mad and became the criminal Two-Face once more. Gilda divorced Dent, who finally killed Maroni in revenge for his injuries. Since becoming Two-Face again, Dent has fought the Batman many times, but the Batman continues to hope that someday the "good" side of Dent's personality will regain control of Two-Face.

POWERS & WEAPONS
Two-Face is a brilliantly cunning criminal strategist and a good hand-to-hand combatant [That's it? That's all we get? Whatever. I have to go flip a coin now and see if I can use the toilet.]