Two Face #1

There's Batman again. This time with no legs.

Hey, coin? Do I like Two Face or hate Two Face?

Two-Face is the most horrible character DC ever created. Absolute shit. How does acid completely eat away at exactly one side of his face and change his suit's color and bleach his hair white and change one of his shoes and one of his socks. Look at all the fucking damage it did and he still has an eyelid? Well, he must because I don't see him constantly putting eye drops in. Does he? Maybe he does! Even if he did use eye drops, he'd have to flip a coin each time to see if he should use the eye drops! And how often can he do it? Is he allowed to keep flipping until he gets the answer he wants? Or does he have to wait a prerequisite amount of time before flipping again? That coin flipping thing is the dumbest gimmick in Gotham and Gotham City knows dumb fucking gimmicks. When does he decide to flip the coin? Does he get in more manic phases where he's flipping it for everything? Does he ever get caught in an infinite regression of flipping the coin to see if he should flip the coin to see if he should flip the coin to see if he should flip the coin? I wonder if his first flip of the day is to see if he should just put a bullet in his head? Should I have put a trigger warning there? That was a pun! Fucking Two-face is a piece of shit. I wonder if I should begin reading the comic book yet?

No, I have to fucking keep rambling now. Stupid fucking coin. It should have to come up with a topic if it's not going to allow me to start reading! How about, since we're speaking of coins, I just plagiarize a short piece I did in an attempt to get hired by 60 Minutes to take that dead fucking hack Andy Rooney's job?

Have you ever noticed the way President Obama keeps asking for change? Wouldn’t you think he has enough change? As an American, we have an awful lot of change. I think we have too many denominations, actually. Isn’t the penny enough? With the penny, you can make exact change for any possible amount. Can you say the same for the nickel? No, you can’t. If I wanted to buy a piece of candy for 9 cents but only had two nickels, they’d have to give me some change. How much change? A penny. They’re really very useful. I wonder why they call them a penny? A quarter is called a quarter because it is a quarter of a dollar. That makes sense. A half-dollar is a half-dollar because it is one-half of a dollar. That makes sense too. But a penny? Perhaps it has something to do with being 1 percent of a dollar. See how they both begin with ‘pe’? That might be it. I’m too old to do research. I don’t understand computers and I might strain my back picking up a reference book. I used to have aides and fact checkers but now I don’t really care as long as I just get my check. You wouldn’t believe how many pennies it is.

Now can I start reading? Yay! Thanks, coin!

This is another thing. He's the most unimaginative prick in the world. Everything always boils down to two choices.

I'm fairly certain Two-Face has a lot of choices! His obsession with duality is making him miss out on a lot of opportunities in life. Right now, he's choosing whether to save Gotham or make it bleed. You could also go get an ice cream. Or take a nap. Perhaps flee to Metropolis. I think I've actually exhausted all of his options now.

The Scarecrow snatches Two Face's coin out of the air before the toss can be completed and I'm surprised that Two Face doesn't have a complete nervous breakdown. I suppose given time, he would. Because now he wants to blow The Scarecrow's brains out but he also wants to not blow The Scarecrow's brains out and how the hell is he going to decide? Then The Scarecrow tells him to pick a hand to get his coin back! Well how the fuck is he going to do that if he doesn't have a coin? He keeps waving the gun around and threatening to shoot shit but The Scarecrow isn't afraid because that's his entire schtick! So Two Face is trying to scare The Scarecrow which is pointless. And The Scarecrow is trying to get Harvey Dent to choose without using his coin which is pointless! Next The Riddler is going to drop by and start doing Sudoku.

Hey coin?! Should I have a bowl of cereal or go slit the neighbor boy's throat? Hmm, okay. Be right back!

If a creature had legs made out of scissors (not a pair each leg; the legs would be, in total, on pair of scissors), would it run faster, slower, or in circles? You realize these are the kinds of questions God had to work through while making every single creature in the world! It had to have taken him more than a week. I mean, when he thought up the Platypus? Come on. Half a day wasted just cracking himself up.

And how did God know what a "day" was anyway? What was his definition? It's not like he had an Earth rotational marker before he made the Earth! Oh! I know! He had already decided an arbitrary time limit for his work day and then set the Earth's spin to match that so he wouldn't get confused! Whew. I almost lost faith there for a second!

Oh! Sorry! I thought I was writing about Two Faith, not Two Face. Although either way lets me talk about Christians! OH SHIT! No I didn't! Burn, Christians! Oh, shit. Nobody take that the wrong way! I'm not telling people to go burn Christians! That would probably be wrong. I'm saying I zinged them good! But it's all in good fun! Come on! Anybody reading this blog had better have a sense of humor and thick skin or else they're in the wrong fucking place, amirite? And besides, you don't get any more two-faced than me! Sitting behind this computer hating woman completely and then writing about female comic book characters as if they're just regular people!

Hey coin! Should I be telling the truth during this commentary, or should I be lying about everything? Right! Got it! Thanks, coin!

Since Two Face is just learning about The Secret Society of Super-Villains from The Scarecrow, this issue must take place in-between Two Face learning about the Society while they were escaping Arkham and Two Face attending the Happy Harbor Recruitment Meeting. Somehow. I don't know how! Oh! I do know how! Good thing I have that ability to justify anything so that nobody will ever convince me that God doesn't exist! He's Two Face! He's able to learn stuff and then keep his other face from learning the same stuff! So this is his non-crazy side learning about the Secret Society. Probably.

I should probably put a picture in hear. Look at all of these words everybody is just skimming past!

If Harvey is ever convicted of murder, can he blame the coin? "It was all the coin's idea! It's a cult leader Mansonesque madman! You should see my piggy bank! It's like Jonestown in there!"

Harvey's coin allows him to join the Secret Society after which he goes back to his original question. Except not. The first time his coin flip was interrupted, he asked, "Do I save Gotham or do I make it bleed?" This time he asks, "Do I save Gotham or let it bleed?" That's a big fucking difference! Just ask The Batman who never kills although a lot of people have died tangentially connected to something The Batman did or didn't do while The Batman danced away with his hands in the air yelling, "I didn't do it! Didn't touch it! Not my fault!"

Harvey's coin comes up tails except I guess it's heads because he begins to save Gotham. But that's not really a fair coin flip because Harvey was using the new Secret Society coin which has two heads and he didn't call which would be tails beforehand! Granted the Owlman head does make a more fitting "heads" than tails. But the Pandora Skull doesn't really make a great tails, does it? And I just assumed the Pandora Skull was the heads because it's the side that doesn't change from coin to coin (apparently! I thought the tails side was always the backwards Earth).

Coin, why does Two Face make me think of cake? Tails? Oh! That's right! Just this or that questions! Sorry!

Back at the Courthouse where Harvey is taking all of the thugs he's captured, he discovers the Batman Victim's Club hanging out and torturing people in his old office. Since he's in Harvey Dent mode, he doesn't take too kindly to their up-to-no-goodnick shenanigans. He takes everybody to the courtroom and becomes The Law, Motherfuckers. That's his new vigilante name. The Law, Motherfuckers. I wonder if I can sell that character to DC or if it treads too much on Judge Dredd territory?

Hey coin? Should I trade you in for a six-sided die?

Next up is Boot Face who gets the Tails and is shot in the head. I guess since Tomasi created him, Tomasi can kill him. But Scallop (the woman wearing batarangs like body jewelry) isn't going to trial without a fight. Her team of lawyers mount a defense and its a pretty good one as defenses go! Although I wouldn't recommend hiring boomerangs as lawyers and then throwing them at the judge's head during opening arguments.

Eventually the Secret Society of Super-Villains' wishes run counter to the wishes of the Coin and Harvey has to put in his two clip notice.

There has to have been at least one wedding where the bride dressed as Cruella de Vil and the groom as Two Face. Or vice versa.

After Two Face leaves the courtroom full of murdered convicted people, he heads out into the streets of Gotham and asks his coin the question he asked earlier. So I guess there is a time limit! Either for how long before he can ask a question before asking it again for the answer he wanted or maybe for how long his short term memory lasts as one personality or the other. Perhaps after the coin flip, he takes on the role of psychopath or sane man until the power of the coin flip erodes and he finds himself once again in that middling, unsure ground. And perhaps in that third state, he can't remember the things done in the other two states nor can he remember things he flipped when previously in that third state! He's a bit of a Memento Two Face, I suspect.

Two Face #1 Rating: It was pretty good and pretty bad. The art was well done and shitty. I found the story intense and boring. Two Face really proved to be a heroic piece of shit. I hate-liked it a lot though not that much.

Batman #16

Knock Knock! Who's there? Interrupting Joker! Interrupting Jok...how the hell do you tell this joke in writing?

According to Scott Lobdell, The Joker knows everybody's secret identity. This was revealed in the Zero Issue where Lobdell insulted everybody's intelligence and possibly farted right in our mouths when he explained how The Joker created Jason Todd to be Batman's second Robin. That would mean that Scott Lobdell fucked up Scott Snyder's story the month before Death of the Family even started. But being that it was written by Scott Lobdell, I didn't fucking believe the story and promptly forgot it and washed out my mouth with soap and scrubbed my anus with a really rough washcloth. Super rough. Like Motel Six rough. So even if The Joker does know their secret identities, it's still a surprise to me because I never believe that Scott Lobdell knows what he's talking about. Especially now that I've read his own words about how he writes stories! He just wants to be surprised so he doesn't plan anything! Now I know for a fact that the end of Superman Zero where Superman was on Krypton was thrown in as he was finishing the story.

Scott Lobdell: "Hmm. This story is pretty awesomely awesome as it is. But it needs a big twist ending! And my stupid dumb know-it-all editor thinks my Narration Boxes in Superman's voice don't really make sense because they mention things that Superman has no way of knowing. Unless he was there to witness the events."
Scott Lobdell's penis: *BOING!*
Scott Lobdell: "You're right, Little Claremont! That's an awe-awesome-some idea! Superman will travel back in time in an attempt to save the planet! No, no! Don't think about how that'll happen! I want to be surprised too!"

How come I always end up talking about Scott Lobdell when I should be talking about Scott Snyder? Probably because it's fun! Maybe I should do my Scott Snyder impersonation too!

Scott Snyder: "*sigh* What the fuck do you want, Lobdell? I'm busy plotting and outlining the next Batman story."
Scott Lobdell: "Will it be a big crossover? Can I write in the Teen Titans?!"
Scott Snyder: "I think the fans are a bit burnt out on multi-comic crossovers. Why don't you go work on one of your multiple books? I'm busy here."
Scott Lobdell: "Nah, I still have two weeks before the scripts are due. I'm going to go fuck some prostitutes."
Scott Snyder: "Oh, you know what? This Batman script can wait. Let me grab my coat!"

Last issue, Batman entered Arkham Asylum because he replied "YES" to The Joker's Evite. He's greeted by the Arkham guards dressed up as Batmen and Jokers waltzing in the cells. Batman saves them by doing Bat-things. You know those things bat's do? They scream EMP Pulses and drop water absorbent bat turds.

Then this happens. Typical.

Batman's second challenge is to fight all of the non-super powered inmates of Arkham. I guess these are the thugs that are deemed crazy instead of just having bad judgment after being beaten by Batman. Perhaps anybody trying to commit crime in Gotham is labeled insane because you'd have to be crazy to think you could outwit Batman. Well they couldn't beat Batman to stay out of Arkham and they couldn't beat Batman while in Arkham. Once an insane, psychopathic flunkie, always a loser.

And then a tapestry of human asses. Cliché.

In The Joker's tapestry, what's the deal with The Joker with the baby? Is that a story I should be familiar with? Or is that a hint that The Joker did indeed take Jason Todd's baby brother?

Batman's third challenge is a series of encounters with his crazy, dysfunctional family. The first combatant is "his groundskeeper" Mr. Freeze. But that hardly ends up being a challenge. Batman doesn't even take the time to make a temperature joke! He's so grim. Maybe joking gives The Joker power so The Batman can't use any one liners while fighting people in Arkham. He has to act as if he's above all of the childish humor.

His second opponent is his "royal player" Clayface. Batman freezes him with Mr. Freeze's Freeze Gun. I guess The Joker found Clayface in post-coital bliss in his hotel room with Poison Ivy and forced him back to Arkham the way he forced The Penguin back.

Batman's third opponent is his "physician" The Scarecrow. Batman just recently put him back in Arkham. Batman uses a Bat-breather to defeat The Scarecrow even though he's already built up an immunity to The Scarecrow's new terror concoction. Once he's past The Scarecrow, he finally makes it to The Joker's hiding place and breaks in to find a seriously awesome tableaux.

That thing up front looks like The Chainsaw in the Stone. It's also wired up to something.

The sub-par Justice League are merely there to fail at pulling the chainsaw from the rock to show Batman that they're not worthy of being worshiped.

Batman bashes through the barricade on the other side of the door too late to save fake yet better written Superman. He does save big boned Wonder Woman though by cutting the power to the saw with a Batarang. But then The Joker drops some bars to keep Batman at bay and turns on the televisions nearby so that Batman will cry.

The Joker's been busy in between the time Batman left the Batcave and he arrived at Arkham!

Because Batman cares about what happens to his Bat-family, he allows The Joker to win. The Joker has set up an electric Throne for Batman to sit in and Batman eagerly takes his place and puts on his crown. And ZAAAP! That's it for Batman!

Until the back-up story which actually continues from the end of the main story but from the insane point of view. The Joker thanks the other big wigs for coming but their roles are now done. They don't take too kindly to that so The Joker cages them in the room while he gets Bats ready for the private party. Before rolling Batman away, he curb stomps Harvey Dent's self-esteem. Multiple times. And then he shows them something underneath the cover of a serving tray. I guess it's probably something pretty shocking. It's probably Alfred's penis.

Batman #16 Rating: No change, of course. It's still number one! Who wants to guess what's on the serving tray? I mean a real guess and not knowledge from leaked sources and fan sites. Can't nerds ever speculate on their own without a Google search? There might be a prize! Maybe a personalized drawing because I'm so good at the drawing arts. Or an old comic book (my choice!). But you can't guess Alfred's penis because that's what I've guessed.

Detective Comics #11

See Batman recover quickly? See Batman punch Mister Toxic's skull through the glass helmet? That is funny!

Last month, I promised more jokes when this story continued. I should not have made that promise since I did not write this story! I do not know if it will be full of jokes or not. I hope that it is! I could use a good laugh today.

Last month, Batman was being radiated by Mister Toxic. But Batman knew the punchline to Mister Toxic's radiation joke. Batman remembered the punchline and thought it was funny!

See Batman smile? Quick! Look! It only happens once every four years!

Batman says the punchline before Mister Toxic can because Batman has the deus ex machina right on his belt. See it do what needs to be done? See it save Batman's life? Yay deus ex machina! I am glad Lucius Fox created you. He did create you, right? He is Greek, correct?

Mister Toxic flies across the room. Wheee! He did not fly like Superman flies. He flew like someone who pees on an electric fence flies. KZZZAAAPPT! I mean, SZZAFFF!

Mister Toxic's skull does not scream in pain. That is because it is painted on the front of his glass helmet. See how the cover artist didn't know that? Do you know who the cover artist is? He is also the writer! How dumb must he be to not know the characters he writes about? Oh Mr. Daniel. You are too funny. Do you know that the bat on Batman's chest is not a real bat? Squeak squeak! It does not say that because it is not real. Squeak squeak! No! No, Mister Daniel, no! Bad Mister Daniel.

Why are you mad at me, Mister Daniel? I am not the one who made a mistake! You should fix your mistake! Hurry, Mister Daniel, hurry! Fix it before anybody else notices!

Oh! Ha ha! That is a good one, Batman! You fixed Mister Tony's problem! You are the hero of the day!

Batman discovers yet another joke! It is amazing how many jokes Gotham can tell today. Mister Toxic is not the Gas Man. Mister Toxic is Hugh Marder, the mad scientist that Batman was trying to save! How did you do that, Hugh? How are you in two places at one time?

What was that, Hugh? What did you say? I could not hear you over the sound of the Collider exploding! What was that? See Hugh Marder repeat himself. That is a joke because there are two Hugh Marders! Did you get it? I didn't think you would get it so I explained it. It is always good to explain a joke. Even if you must explain it two or three times, the listener will always laugh. "Ha ha," the listener will say. "Jolly."

Oh, perhaps now is a bad tie to tell the joke. Sorry, Hugh. Sorry.

Batman goes home with Alfred to take a nice long shower. But not with Alfred. Alfred is busy making the tea. Alfred says, "Do you want some tea?" Batman says, "I will have the tea." Alfred says, "Have you discovered anything?" That is Alfred's favorite line to ask Batman. Alfred knows Batman loves to answer that question. Batman likes to show off how smart he is and to show what an amazing detective he can be. Batman says, "Marder had last words. His last words were relieving." Alfred plays dumb. Alfred loves to play dumb because Batman likes to look smart. Alfred says, "Relieved that he was dying, sir?" Batman smirks. Batman sees what Alfred is doing. Batman is a great detective; he cannot be fooled so easily. Batman explains that Marder was relieved to finally get all of the power. He got it all and Batman could not stop him.

Some boring things happen that aren't exciting to talk about. It is just grown ups talking to other grown ups. "So, how was blah blah blah?" and "I met blah blah blah at the blah!" Boring! I wish grown ups would shut the front door. I wish that they would all just shut the front door and stop being so boring! It is cold in here, grown ups! Shut the front door!

After the boring parts, Bruce Wayne has a business meeting with a homeless man. The homeless man claims to be a missing scientist. Homeless men claim to be a lot of things. This one time, a homeless man claimed he was the library policeman. "Thteady! Thteady!" he said as he made me pay the fine. The fine was my butt-cherry. I never returned a book late ever again. I never even went into another library ever again. I do not like library policemen.

Oh silly Mister Wayne! That is silly! I am traveling forward through time right now! Whee! Look at me travel! One second! Two seconds! Three seconds! And I do not think my office chair qualifies as a vehicle.

Back at the Gotham City Memorial Morgue, five Hugh Marders are being fitted with toe tags. Five?! Where did five come from? Am I counting incorrectly? No! No, of course not! I can count to five! It is easy. There are five because they are clones! And they were the Batmen from last time! But only four of them are dead. Mister Toxic arrives to wake up the Hugh Marder that was in the Collider.

Why does Mister Toxic need another Hugh? Isn't Mister Toxic already a Hugh? Maybe he is a damaged Hugh and that is why he needs to remain in his glass helmet.

Marder escapes the morgue with Marder. See them escape! Which one is Marder? No, the other one is Marder! That one is Marder! But they leave clues in the morgue. Batman finds the clues! Batman is a good detective. He knows the clues will lead him to the answer. Batman takes the clues back to his cave and runs some tests on the clues. See Batman test the clues? Look at Batman test! Test, Batman, test!

See Batman's test get out of control! Look out, Batman! Look out!

Oh no! Look at that! It is Part Three! The story will have three parts! Shit. Look at me not want to write this way again for a third part. See me kick the dirt and say, "Shucks!" See me pout. Pout, Jeff, pout! See me promise no more jokes next month! Next month will be very serious. See Batman is almost dead! We cannot joke about that! That will not have a funny punchline. It will be time to be serious next month. You must practice your serious face. Tight lips. Grim features. Profound nodding. Good! Good! See you next month.

The back up story is that dumb Two Face thing. I'll read it but I won't understand it!

I told you I wouldn't understand it! But that was the last chapter. Let me reread them all and see if it makes any sense.

Nope. It's crap. The idiot Freakshow hires a guy to kill Harvey Dent but the guy he hires, The Leader, won't kill anybody with any "light" inside of them. So The Leader sends Harvey back to Sideshow so Sideshow will kill him. But Harvey kills everyone and gets shot and heads back to The Leader. The Leader saves him and then Harvey shoots him. The Leader disappears in a puff of smoke. Or dies. Who the fuck knows? I think it was four chapters of a confusing stupid story to point out that Harvey Dent doesn't actually makes decisions based on the result of the coin toss. He just fucking does what he wants. Maybe. I don't know! Somebody else explain it to me!

Detective Comics #11 Rating: No change. I'm glad the Two Face story is done but I'm disappointed the Mister Toxic story didn't finish this issue. It felt like a two issue story to me and it's dragging on one more! I just didn't like it as much as I sort of liked last month's.

Detective Comics #9

Hopefully this comic takes place after the action in Batman #8!

Or maybe it won't matter! Hopefully it's just an issue with the inmates of Arkham versus the Talons!

This issue is narrated by Doctor Arkham (I forget which Arkham is the modern one. Jeremiah? That doesn't sound very modern. Mackenzie Arkham?). The first statement he makes is that Arkham Asylum is the safest place in the world. Sure it is! Because the loonies and madmen are constantly getting out of it! Arkham feels secure inside the Asylum even though his name turned up on the Court of Owls' hit list. Cash, Arkham's chief of security, isn't so sure. I hope this guy Cash goes toe to toe with the Talons and protects Arkham. It would be interesting to see a non-super hero person who has a job in security actually do his job well even against the craziest ninja undead foes.

While Jeremiah Arkham is checking in on The Black Mask (The Black Mask sort of derived his powers by being bitten by a rabid raccoon! That's almost a radioactive raccoon! His False Face Society of Gotham had a really terrible motto: "Know that he mask destroys one identity while creating another of deeper drives and greater power." Lame! This information brought to you by Who's Who, the 1990 edition), the power goes out. The Talons have arrived!

That was the worst Talon of them all! Taken down by a Doctor!

But just as the Talons think they've got Jeremiah, Batman swings in from somewhere while a bunch of his freeze grenades go off at the same time, slowing down the undead Talons but only causing a slight discomfort to Doc Arkham.

The Night of the Talons clock says 8:51 PM. I think Alfred's message to the Bat Family went out at 7:40 PM. That means it took Batman about an hour to defeat the Talons in the Batcave while wearing his Batman Suit of Armor. Will that story be told somewhere else? Probably. But now I'll know that Batman survives and it won't have any tension!

Batman stalls the Talons and tells Arkham to run to one of his various secret hidey holes. Cash, the security guard, protects Arkham long enough for Arkham to get away. But he doesn't do as great a job as I'd have liked him to.

I guess that's all guards at Arkham are known for: taking a punch.

Arkham decides that his only hope is The Black Mask! With all of the crazies to choose from, I don't know why he's choosing a guy I know nothing about! I mean, I knew nothing about until a few minutes ago when I read his Who's Who entry.

Akrham gives The Black Mask his Black Mask so that he can become his alter ego. I don't know if that now comes with super powers or not. In the 1990 Who's Who, he really just seemed to wield a machine gun and a high charisma. Arkham (or somebody on the ward) also opens all of the cells. Arkham has another riot on its hands! But this one might be for a good cause.

Clayface emerges from the cell behind Batman and saves Batman's life. I was once in a brawl similar to this! I was at a bar in Santa Clara with a few friends. This bar was the first place I'd ever seen a whole dance floor of people doing the Macarena. We walked into the club and I saw everyone on the dance floor doing the exact same moves and I thought, "How the hell are they doing that?!" Anyway, this one time, my friend Paul noticed an ex-girlfriend of his was there with another guy. He was pissed and kept staring at them. The other guy didn't like Paul staring at them so an altercation ensued. This other guy had friends as well and when they stepped in to outnumber Paul, I stepped in to pull them off. Paul and the other guy went down and I tried to pull Paul back up. As I turned around while standing, one of the guy's friends was hauling back his fist to crack me in the face. Just then, Jimmy Arthur stepped out of the crowd and grabbed the guy's arm and pulled him back. Saved by the giant brute Jimmy Arthur! Now, Jimmy Arthur was the guy who I'd hit with my skateboard a few months before that. That story is here So this scene in Detective Comics is just like that moment in my life!

Batman, of course, represents me!

Batman seals everyone into the cell block so they can be sorted out by the GCPD later. He heads off to find Arkham but finds The Black Mask instead. And I guess the Black Mask's high charisma means he has the power of suggestion.

Dude! Batman! That might not have killed him but he's just a normal guy! Batman just gave him a partial lobotomy!

Batman gets to Arkham and hauls his butt out of the Asylum. It's 9:49 PM as Batman is leaving and he plans on dropping Arkham off with Dick Grayson on his way to find Lincoln March and the Birds of Prey (Birds of Prey #9 & Batman #9!). So now I know Batman survives his fight in the Batcave though I haven't seen how that fight turns out (maybe I never will!) and now I know Nightwing survives his battle with William Cobb Talon! Sheesh, DC! You can't even do crossovers without spoiling every single issue!

That's the end of the regularly scheduled feature. The backup story is about Two Face (ONE FACE!).
Oh yeah! Isn't this the second part of the previous backup story? I better look at last month's commentary to refresh my memory! Okay. Dent is supposed to meet with some other lawyer that's been a pain in his ass. They meet. The pain in the ass wants to work with Harvey. Harvey agrees. Harvey goes to find the guy blackmailing the pain in the ass. The word ugly gets thrown around a lot. Five times across two pages, I think. And then a bunch of people die and Harvey is captured by some samurais. I guess I have to read a third part to this story I don't care about but am paying an extra dollar for. What a stupid sucker I am!

Detective Comics #9 Rating: No change. I think this comic would have been worth a +1 if it were still $2.99. And then only because I have it rated so low, it doesn't have to be spectacular to move up the charts. But it costs $3.99 so fuck you, Tony Daniel and DC Comics!