Do I really need to comment on this? Lobdell's name is on the cover and I really don't need my blood pressure to get any higher.
Lobdell begins with an omniscient asshole narrating the comic. "His name is Orion. He is a New God. Obviously." Fuck you and your "obviously"! What is that even supposed to mean? I imagine there are a lot of people that don't really know Orion (shame on them for not reading Azzarello's Wonder Woman!), so it's not actually obvious. And if he means it's obvious because everybody reading should automatically recognize the names of all ancient, old, and forgotten Gods, that's simply idiotic. So because I'm already confused and put off by the narrator's attitude, Superman drops one rank!
Orion is currently in some place called "Undertown" where a recent catastrophe called "The Sunder" has released some creatures called "Behemoths" which haven't been seen for "a thousand thousand" years. That would be a million years for the maths challenged. The people of Undertown prayed to their Gods for help but the omniscient asshole declares their Gods are "indifferent" although he's "putting it politely" when he says that. Orion just happened to stop by to get out some frustrations by punching Behemoths in the mouth. He didn't even care about saving the people. But after he defeats the Behemoth, he says to the villagers, "You can come out now--cowards! No parade needed. Keep your animal sacrifices." Okay, so he's a dick. He wasn't there to save them anyway, so I can see why he tells them not to bother with any kind of worshipful thanks. Although I'm not sure why he calls them cowards when they're hiding from a creature that's about a thousand thousand times larger than they are. But I guess Orion was just kidding about not wanting to be acknowledged for the side effect of saving them when his main goal was just to blow off steam.
Judas Priest, give them a fucking chance! First you call them cowards. Then tell them to hold their applause. And then lash out at them because they didn't say thank you quickly enough? I'm pretty fucking sure they all would have been saying thank you in a loud chorus as soon as they crawled out of their hiding places. But this is a Lobdell comic book, so fuck that shit! That's expected, cliche bullshit! He'd rather go with a big surprise and have people not act the way people would actually act. Minus another rank!
Time over in the pages of Wonder Woman, Highfather has called him home for a new task. Orion doesn't even know why he's so angry and believes it might be because Highfather keeps giving him stupid chores. I think it's because Wonder Woman wouldn't even flirt with him.
After wondering why he's so angry, Orion has a little think to himself as he flies off home to daddy.
So their emotions are ridiculous but yours are profound?
So that's why he's angry? Because he suddenly realized he's a boring piece of shit?
My favorite part is how Superman objects to the "Fortress" of Solitude being categorized as a "Fortified Bunker". You should have named it The Bouncy Fun Time Castle of Cookies.
I was avoiding making any assumptions as to where these old white men were from but now that they've said The United States of America, I can solve Superman's problem!
Oh, okay. This was international. And I guess Superman has consulted a lawyer!
In Chapter Two, Clark Kent learns that Cat Grant wants to run a news and entertainment website with him. And she wants to name it ClarkCatropolis. Ugh.
Why hasn't DC done anything but link this domain to their Superman site?! Oh, probably because it's so fucking awful even they don't want to waste time on it.
Cat Grant is a selfish prick that doesn't care that her potential business partner just disappeared. You read it here first, listeners! Have a Tesstastic day!
The Second Epilogue simply makes sure this comic drops another two ranks for two of my most hated tropes which come about due to a lazy writer: Prophecy directing character actions and impending threats to ALL OF EXISTENCE!
Oh wait! I should give this comic book another drop in the ranks because I can't stand stories that focus on making the hero look like a bad guy. I'm especially sick of the everybody mistrusting Superman bullshit. Can we just move on and allow him to be a hero already?