Friday, April 26, 2013

Legion of Super-heroes #19

What a horrible day to forget your underwear, Lightning Lass.

I've got to be going to a Drink and Draw in about an hour, so I've got to make this commentary quick. If I don't, I'll probably be too drunk to continue it when I get home and then I'll forget what was going on and then I'll be really confused when I read Issue #20 and this book already has too many characters to keep track of anyway.

Welcome to Grunion Guy's Speed Commentary!

So this happened.

The Emerald Empress has some huge boobies. She must be obsessed with eyes because nobody ever makes eye contact with her. I'm including all genders no matter their sexual orientation because how can you not look at those mamba jamba mammaries? If I were here, my method of conveyance would be a gigantic tit. Oh wait. Maybe it is! Should that above page titillate me so? Is that so wrong? It's filled with death and destruction! But it's also filled with boobies and crotches! Well one crotch and three boobs. I think. The hair on this woman is pretty fantastic as well. And I love the color of her lipstick. I think I have a new comic book crush!

I have to admit that my love was entirely superficial until I saw this panel where she's laying waste to a bunch of babies in incubators. *sigh*

Mon-El arrives to save the day. But according to the cover, he isn't going to be much help unless he's simply the distraction.

Meanwhile on the Promethean Giant, Phantom Girl is continuing the rumor that the aliens living on it are cannibals. They aren't cannibals! They didn't eat one of their own species! They merely ate Sun Boy! Geez. These poor guys are going to get a horrible reputation thanks to Legion's misinformation. The Promethean Giant continues to scratch at itself and it seemingly crushes Polar Boy and Invisible Kid. "Seemingly" and "invisible" are very important words in that last statement that Phantom Girl doesn't take note of.

Oh, I guess Phantom Girl is dead! Too bad she won't be a very filling meal for these aliens.

Back on Weber's World, The Emerald Love Goddess blasts Mon-El's stupid Superman-wannabe ass into space just as the other Legionnaires from the cover arrive. They arrive too late to save him but at least they arrive in time to see the fantastic show.

My Emerald Lover is amazing! Strong enough to blow the arm off of somebody with invulnerability? I think someone needs to redefine Mon-El's powers. And possibly his dominant handedness.

And just look how ecstatic she is at what she's done?

I just may have to change my avatar from Lazytown's Stephanie to Gleeful Emerald Empress.

Mr. Elemento encases the Emerald Empress in solid adamantium inertron and she's defeated.

Finally on Glorith's homeworld, the last group of Legionnaires have come face to face with Validus. So they're probably all going to die next issue. Things really are falling apart for these poor bastards. And it's obviously Phantom Girl's fault because she's such a horrible leader.

Legion of Super-heroes #19 Rating: +3 Ranking. I love me some good death and destruction! Although no Legionnaires were actually killed in this issue. Invisible Kid and Polar Boy turned invisible and got away. Phantom Girl turned intangible and got away. Mon-El will survive his injuries and probably end up with a cybernetic arm. Unless he can regenerate limbs? Glorith, Chameleon Boy, and Ultra One Hit Wonder Kid will probably die but not until next issue. I'm surprised Dream Girl didn't get at least one panel to cry and wail about her Star Boy getting himself crushed under a building.

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