Batman: The Dark Knigh #10

Let me guess: Alfred's 2012 April Fool's Joke.

First off, let's check out this new writer, Gregg Hurwitz. I see he's written a bunch of mystery type suspense novel things that people seem to really like. That's probably a good thing to have under your belt when writing Batman books. And this book really needs an identity. It needs a perspective that the other books don't have. Why does DC need four Batman books? I'm looking for the answer to that question. Give this title a personality all its own and I'm all for four (or more?) Batman titles. Although if this book finds its groove and begins chugging along, something is going to have to be done with that crappy Detective Comics book as well!

This issue begins with a guy sewing his own lips shut. It might be the Scarecrow since he's spouting off about fear. And the lips sewn shut thing is reminiscent of the face of a scarecrow. But the Scarecrow was already featured heavily in this book! And didn't he also get a minor story in Detective Comics as well? Oh well. Ladies and Gentleman, another fucking Scarecrow story!

Since David Finch draws all women as if they were fourteen years old, I don't have any idea how old this prisoner of the Scarecrow's is.

While this poor Gotham girl is being tortured by one of the various bad men in Gotham City, Bruce Wayne is having after sex piano lessons with a professional concert pianist named Natalya.

I think Bruce's piano's keys have a non-standard layout. Maybe Robin was fucking with it.

When's the last time I complained about David Finch's version of Bruce Wayne's face? Has it been awhile? I think I need to mention it here. I hate the way David Finch draws Bruce Wayne. I don't like the way he draws any man's face but since I don't know most of the men he's drawing, I don't know if they look the way they should! Bruce Wayne does not look the way he should.

And listen to that bullshit he's spritzing all over her. He's all over the place with his metaphor but I feel I need to say this: if she's bringing light by conjuring something pure and beautiful out of thin air, I hardly think that's impractical. But mostly, he's spritzing bullshit. Spppt! Sppt!

Batman and Commissioner Gordon are currently working on a case where kids are being kidnapped and then reappearing later but changed. Emotionally tampered with. Bruce's date is interrupted by a call from Commissioner Gordon saying that they've spotted one of the missing kids being dumped on the street. The police have picked up the girl and are giving chase to the guy who dropped her off. The thug's car loses control and is about to crash through the glass window of a building. Like a paint store or a hobby shop, right? No.

This is Gotham! Let's just keep all the newborn babies at street level with one thin pane of glass between them and the crazies of this town. Also, just one small sidewalk away from a street where any slight accident will cause something like this to happen.

That car is about ten feet away from exploding a dozen infants like ripe watermelons at a Gallagher show. But Batman swings down from the sky, kicks the thug out the passenger side window, and slides into the seat just in time to keep the car from smashing into Gotham Memorial Maternity/Emergency Bullet Surgery Ward.

For some reason, the guy Batman just kicked out of a speeding car and onto the asphalt is in the middle of a conversation he's been having with nobody. I guess he has just suffered a pretty severe trauma.

Nurse: "GO TO HELL, BATMAN!"

The thug claims The Hollow Man is kidnapping the children but he doesn't know what he looks like. That's probably the Scarecrow, right?

Afterward, Batman goes to speak with the little girl but, like the others before her, she isn't speaking at all. Batman asks her a few questions and then just sits with her sadly as she takes his hand in comfort. It's a nice moment.

But it's completely blown by the next page. Batman is back in the Batcave and Robin comes up to him to tell him he's been listening to Bruce and he's willing to mellow out and try to be less violent when apprehending thugs. And this is Batman's reaction:

Has Batman ever in his life had this reaction to anything ever? Sure, he's consumed by the case. I get that's the point. Also, the point is to give Robin a reason to have an emotional blowout. But I just don't buy that Bruce wasn't listening at all when he acknowledged Robin previously. Sure, the acknowledgement was the half-hearted "Uh-hunh" that a busy parent might give. And I could see Bruce not getting it or saying something unfatherly or not quite getting Robin's point. But not listening and not hearing Robin? Forget it! He's fucking Batman!

Meanwhile, James Gordon heads home. He likes that his neighborhood is a grid. He likes that the bum he helps out with the occasional dollar doesn't ask for the occasional dollar. He likes chess. He likes order. He's anal. I get it! Which is why, if he likes order, I don't get why he turns on the shower where it'll spray him in the head and shoulders while he turns it on! I'm not even close to being as anal as Gordon here and I can't stand getting hit with water out of the shower nozzle as I turn it on. Okay, okay. On the rare occasion, it happens. Like if my girlfriend has just used the shower and I turn on the water, some might already be queued up and spray down on my head.

So I guess The Scarecrow could have left the lever turned to the shower nozzle versus the tub's faucet so he'd immediately get sprayed in the face. Everything's okay here! Never mind anything I said!

Although if he's so obsessed with order, wouldn't he have checked the switch first to make sure the water didn't spray all over him?!

Man, I'm really being a picky douchebag this morning! I must have something to prove! I'm going to tear this successful writer a new one! He sucks! He's no good! Although, really, I want a good Batman book. And maybe this one will get there. I was hoping to hate Dial H because a big shot professional was writing that one as well but that was a really good book! How about I put the claws in for the rest of this one. Except most have my problems are really with the way the art is telling the story. I don't think Finch is very good at storyboarding Hurwitz's story.

Gordon takes the fear gas right in the face and begins hallucinating scary stuff. But the big hallucination is of his children and the way he failed them both, allowing Babs to get shot and James Jr. to go nuts.

And then the Scarecrow appears to fuck with Jim some more.

But what does The White Rabbit have to do with any of this?

Another few pages previous to this has Bruce Wayne not giving Natalya what she needs, so she tells him some of his faults and sends him on his way. I can't keep all of these Batman titles straight but they've all been showing Bruce heavily dating specific women who all make jokes about how he suddenly has to go off at the drop of a hat and how he's always so busy with his functions and charities. This one seems like Natalya is going to teach Bruce Wayne how to be a better person in his day to day life. Aren't all of these Wayne personal relationship stories missing the point? Isn't Bruce Wayne supposed to be an uncaring playboy philanthropist who simply cares about himself and, if it makes him money, Gotham City as well? Isn't the point that the secret identity acts in such a way so that nobody would ever suspect Bruce Wayne is The Batman even though they're so closely tied together in so many ways? I think writers need to stop trying to fix Bruce Wayne!

And why is The Scarecrow after Commissioner Gordon when he's been abducting children up until now? Why the sudden shift in prey? Has it all been leading up to this moment so far? Were the children test subjects? Or were they simply to freak out Gordon and cause him to feel even more unable to protect his children, Babs and James Jr. as well as all of the other children, Gotham's children?

Batman: The Dark Knight #10 Rating: No change. The writing is much better but how can it not be? This book has been downright awful. It's definitely turning around as of this issue. But even if the new writer did approach with the idea of a Scarecrow story, couldn't DC's editors have steered him away from that? This is the third Scarecrow story for Batman in the first year of The New 52! He's practically getting as much face time as Bats himself. And Finch's art was just sloppy this month. I know I've never praised his art before anyway, but it was simply rushed this month. Maybe it was because he only had one woman to draw throughout the entire issue and he was just fucking bored.