Batman Eternal #38

Batman Eternal has now run more issues than any other comic book in The New 52.

Friends Update!

With Jason Bard having lost the respect of all of the honest cops in Gotham and possibly some of the corrupt ones as well, Batman feels he's able to turn his attention to the daily chaos of Gotham City for a bit. Right now, that involves yet another mass escape from Arkham Asylum. This time it was because The Spectre dropped a Vengeance Bomb all over Arkham Grounds and sank the fucking hospital. The inmates who weren't found bleeding out or pinned under debris made a break for it and now they've started a new gang. Those inmates are Bane, The Scarecrow, Clayface, Poison Ivy, The Joker's Daughter, and Mr. Freeze.

Catwoman has been helping Batman to uncover their location because Catwoman really wants Batman to get off her back and stop lecturing her simply because she's trying to save the city in a different way than he is.

Is anybody ever going to talk about what Clayface did to Poison Ivy back in Detective Comics #15?

And after I don't know how many issues, the story once again turns to Jim Gordon in Blackgate Penitentiary. He was so close to getting free after his daughter, Batwoman, and Red Hood found evidence that would have exonerated him but they handed it over to Jason Bard without ever making a copy of it. That doesn't seem likely, does it? You know what else doesn't seem likely? That Batgirl would have just shrugged her shoulders and gone on with her life after they failed to free her father. Especially after she went so far off the rails that Batman sent Jason Todd to look after her. She must be working on another plan that the reader just hasn't been privy to up until now. Maybe Jim let everybody know that he's fine in Blackgate for now. Maybe he knows he can help with this entire mess better from behind bars. Especially since his bunkmate is Rex Calabrese.

I first heard the Urban Legend of the Ether Bunny from my friend Bob when he got back from the first war in Iraq. It seems The Ether Bunny Urban Legend was mentioned way back in Richard F. Burton's The Book of The Thousand Nights and a Night! See the link to my Richard F. Burton page for more fun notes by good old Dick! Maybe that should be my New Year's Resolution! To finally finish reading Richard F. Burton's translation of the 1001 Arabian Nights!

Batman takes out The Joker's Daughter and Mister Freeze quite easily. Bane and Ivy plan on ambushing Batman though. Although Catwoman and Killer Croc set up an ambush of their own to spring on Bane. And it looks like Ivy was in on it as well.

Killer Croc takes down Bane by cutting off his supply of Venom and then lacerating him in dozens of places so that Bane begins to bleed out, drugs and all. He wants to make an example of Bane somehow but I don't think the somehow will be revealed this week. But it was this revenge against Bane for throwing Croc out of Wayne Tower which allowed Catwoman to manipulate Croc to help Batman.

Oh. I guess that's the example. Humiliate Bane and prove to everybody that Croc ain't no dummy. He even knows a little French!

So Batman packs up a bunch of villains having only lost Poison Ivy who knew to get out while the getting out was particularly decent. Scarecrow, before falling, tries to convince Batman that The Riddler knows more than he's been riddling about the chaos in Gotham. But my money is still on Catwoman being behind it all! That Batman needs to be taught a fucking lesson, the arrogant prat!

Finally, Jason Bard goes to see Jim Gordon in prison and confesses everything to him. Bard explains that he can make it all right but he needs allies and he needs help. Gordon's advice is to do everything legally and by the book from here on out or none of it will count for anything. Also, Jim would very much like to be let out of Blackgate, please.

Batman Eternal #38 Rating: No change. This was a good chapter for the current Catwoman title. It helps to explain how she built up her reputation so fast amongst the Gotham Underworld by removing the crazy, super villain element from the playing board. So Selina really is playing all sides to set herself up as the savior of Gotham. Batman might frown on her method of restoring order to the city but is it really any more illegal than the things Batman does to maintain order? Hell, it's a lot less violent!

FRIENDS UPDATE!
In the second episode of the season, you can already see how the Pilot was tweaked to make the show more successful while maintaining its artistic edge. Joey's hair wasn't quite as moppy, and now he seems to be as into food as he is into women. It's played as jokey here but foreshadows the dark, gluttonous life ahead of him as he continues his lonely pursuit of fame. Monica is a clean freak with parental issues, indicating a personality that is going to eventually spiral into loneliness and, quite possibly, madness. Phoebe is still spacey but they decided to give her a more grown-up look. But it's still her childlike naivete that allows the viewer to accept the chilling and macabre experiences from her past. Chandler didn't tell one dream but he loves to tell jokes every chance he gets, if the definition of a joke is mentioning other television shows or old folk songs without much context. At one point Rachel says, "I was in the kitchen," and Chandler finishes, "With Dinah?" The audience goes wild for this joke! Later, while watching Potato's Sonogram, he says, "Star Trek!" or something, and everybody goes crazy. Chandler's obviously the character trying hardest to keep from getting too close to the others. What dark secret lies in his past that has taught him a harsh lesson that every relationship ends in inevitable loss and pain? The producers seem to have decided that the laugh track worked best when calibrated to The Big Bang theory range where the audience titters at nearly everything and guffaws whenever anything is said that probably deserves more than a titter. Ross seems to have been cast perfectly as a literal sack of potatoes because he's still a literal sack of potatoes. But now he's having a baby sack of potatoes with his wife and her lesbian partner. He reacts even more like a sack with even more potatoes in it. Rachel continues to be The Newborn Babe, having gone from spoiled rich brat to a completely blank slate now lost in a new reality where people get jobs and aren't completely shallow. Or, at least, shallow in a totally different way than rich people are shallow. She is the cypher brought in amongst the already close set of friends which will allow all of the others to see themselves through her newborn eyes where they'll learn something about themselves and, just possibly, be saved. Still no sign of the monkey or Gunther.

I forgot to mention my favorite joke of the Pilot Episode! It's when Phoebe said her mother committed suicide. Ha ha! Oh, hilarious. The only time I laughed during this episode was when Ross's ex-wife suggested they name the baby "Helen" if it's a girl and Ross said, "Seriously? Helen Geller?" Ha ha! Maybe you had to hear the way he delivered the line. Kind of like a chicken stuffed in a sack of potatoes, choking on a worm. Anyway, you can't go wrong with a good Helen Keller joke! Although this is probably the best Helen Keller joke: Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman. Ha ha! Get it? Women can't operate machines as well as men can! You expect the punchline to be ableist but then it goes all M. Night Shyamalan on you and winds up being sexist!

Rogues Rebellion #4

What the fuck? Did Bane and everybody else take a time out in their Arkham War to beat the shit out of a few out-of-towners?

As the issue begins, we're (I accept all of you as my traveling companions in the World of DC's New 52. Shall we get a drink at the hostel bar before heading out? Maybe a little hanky-panky in the shared bathroom while a drunk German vomits out a lung in the stall next to us while intermittently shouting, "Her-ka! Her-ka! *BLAAAARGH*") introduced to The New 52 Royal Flush Gang. It's possible they showed up for a brief moment in Forever Evil but a lot of fucking assholes cameoed in that so forgive me if I can't quite recall. They're operating out of Atlantic City at the "Man of Steal" casino. Which looks like The Daily Planet. I get that it's just themed like Metropolis but if I were Clark Kent, I'd be a little bit worried that they might be on to my secret identity over there in Atlantic City. I bet Las Vegas runs odds on the most likely candidates for Superman's secret identity. And probably Batman and all the others. I wonder what the payout was for guessing that Dick Grayson was Nightwing? I bet the odds were near even on that bet since Bruce Wayne has got to be fucking front runner for being Batman. Odds makers don't fuck around. They know shit. They're practically mystic shaman.

Anyway, The Royal Flush Gang remind me why the cover is the way the cover is and why a bunch of psychotic assholes might actually take a moment to break from war to capture The Rogues. I forgot that The Crime Syndicate put out a hit on them. And The Royal Flush Gang wants that cash control of all gambling from coast to coast. Who the fuck is going to have time to gamble in this fucked up world run by super assholes?

The Royal Flush Gang is confusing. The guy in the throne seemed to obviously be The Ace of Spades and yet the Ace of Hearts calls him "King." Do these fuckers know how cards work?

Back in Gotham, Mirror Master learns what Mister Freeze really wants.

Silly Putty! Why didn't Plastic Man go with that name and take the lucrative product tie-in deal!?

Mirror Master chooses not to help Mister Freeze which is mostly okay because, apparently, Clayface can actually use the powers of the person he replicates if their powers are a result of a change in genetic structure. So if Clayface sucks down some of Weather Wizard's sweet, sweet DNA, then Claypuss can control the weather! Wow. Clayface can really get pretty powerful, can't he?

Meanwhile in a police impound lot, The Trickster, having been separated, meets up with a cool guy in a hoodie. He doesn't seem suspicious at all, hiding his facial features and slinking around in the dark. He's probably a priest or a doctor or something not crazy or scary at all. The Trickster thinks he's a bit creepy but what does The Trickster know? People are probably more dangerous in Central City than in Gotham.

No, no. The guy turns out to be Zsasz. I knew Talon went too easy on him over in Arkham War. Fucking Talon can't do anything right.

Who's posting pictures of Zsasz on Tumblr? Who the fuck are they shipping him with? I'd go with Ferdie. #Ferdsz

Back at the main action, Weather Wizard comes about and Heatwave tells Mister Freeze that he "ain't no Captain Cold." You're fucking telling me! I hate friggin' Mister Freeze! Taking all of Captain Cold's glory simply because Mister Freeze wound up on the big screen. And even though it was a crappy movie, it was still publicity. So now even people who don't like Batman or comic books still know who Mister Freeze is. But he doesn't deserve that kind of recognition. Not at all. Captain Cold is a fucking captain! Mister Freeze is just, like, your neighbor or something! "Oh, good morning, Mister Freeze. Nice day today, yeah?"

The fight is a bit of a stalemate when Black Mask and The Best Fucking Gang in Gotham arrive on the scene.

Seriously. Best fucking gang ever. Although they really could use a raccoon. And a kitten. At least they've got a goat. Also note how poor Clayface is, yet again, being verbally abused because of his looks.

As the Rogues are getting their asses handed to them, The Trickster arrives with their getaway vehicle. But they still can't get away until Heatwave stays behind to blow himself up in a gigantic conflagration that might kill The Bunny and maybe The Monkey but none of the really important super villains. It does, though, give the Rogues (minus Heatwave) a chance to escape. So Heatwave proves that he is a big softy and not the asshole he was trying to make me believe that he was. Too bad I don't give a shit about him or this might have been a nice moment. Also, no way in fuck is he (or Mister Freeze or Clayface or Black Mask) dead. Did I need to type that? That's obvious, right? Comic Books 101!

As the Rogues are leaving Gotham, the Royal Flush Gang catches up with them. They point out that they have The Glider and that she's going to die if The Rogues don't give themselves up to be turned over to The Crime Syndicate where they'll all die anyway. Including Glider. The Royal Flush Gang aren't very good at doing their homework though since they fly in on shiny, reflective metal cards. Which means they're all going to wind up in Mirror World in about seven seconds.

Rogues Rebellion #4 Rating: No change. Some enjoyable moments here but it felt like mostly treading water. I suppose Heatwave's sacrifice was the big moment here. And how he's once again stated his mistrust of Captain Cold. Maybe Mick is going to be out since he seemed the least able to get with the "Rogues are Family" program.