E!TACT! #62
Invasion! Book Two: Battleground Earth, Eclipso: The Darkness Within: Superman The Man of Steel Annual #1, and Cerebus #40
By Grunion Guy!
Comic Book Reviews!
Invasion! Book Two: Battleground Earth, Eclipso: The Darkness Within: Superman The Man of Steel Annual #1, and Cerebus #40
By Grunion Guy!
Comic Book Reviews!
Oh fuck this issue had a Globalist agenda!
Invasion! Book Two: Battleground Earth (November 1988)
By Keith Giffen, Bill Mantlo, Todd McFarlane, P. Craig Russell, Al Gordon, Joe Rubenstein, Tom Christopher, Carl Gafford, Agustin Mas, and John Costanza
Edited by Kevin Dooley and Andrew Helfer, of course.
Now hold on! Wait a second! Let me explain! I didn't mean "Globalist" as an antisemitic dog whistle! I meant it as a cat whistle for people who understand that we're all just human beings and we shouldn't be denigrating other people simply because of man made imaginary lines crisscrossing the globe! You know, borders! I'm talking about borders! Globalism should be considered the opposite of Imperialism. We don't want to force our beliefs and way of lives on other people; we want to integrate all of our ways of life so that anything can be experienced, everything available to all. Fuck Gatekeepers and Imperialists and Xenophobes and ICE and Donald Trump and every fucking Republican who somehow thinks there's still a difference between MAGA and conservatism. Oh! Also fuck neo-liberal Democrats who have basically decided they're the new Reagan Conservatives. You know, the ones who think they can steal votes from centrist Republicans without fucking realizing that even so-called moderate Republicans have been so brainrotted by propaganda that they will never consider voting for an awful, terrible Democrat even if those Democrats' values and beliefs basically mirror '80s Republicans. Embrace progressives and the left, you dumbies! There's nothing to gain in the center! FOX News and MAGA propaganda have tainted anything labeled "Democrat" and they'll never fucking vote for you, no matter how many one-off Liz Cheneys you court to your side.
I wonder how many people in 1988 exploded into apoplectic rage when they saw Wonder Woman and Captain Atom raising the flag of the United Nations? Obviously that communist Martian Manhunter would be doing it! And that half-liberal academic Firestorm! What makes me laugh (angry laugh!) is that no matter how rational the reason given by some anti-Globalist jerk, all it ever amounts to is "I hate foreigners but I know I shouldn't say that." I mean, okay, since 2016, they've begun to learn that they can say it. But pretty soon, they're all going to re-learn consequences. I don't have any power to deliver those consequences myself which is why I no longer speak with my father or many friends I grew up with. Because withholding the joy of being my friend is the only power I have over anybody. Mostly because I never wanted power over anyone! Desiring power is a fool's game only played by self-loathing jerks who need constant affirmation from others, even if that affirmation must be coerced. I'm just a smol guy!
By Keith Giffen, Bill Mantlo, Todd McFarlane, P. Craig Russell, Al Gordon, Joe Rubenstein, Tom Christopher, Carl Gafford, Agustin Mas, and John Costanza
Edited by Kevin Dooley and Andrew Helfer, of course.
Now hold on! Wait a second! Let me explain! I didn't mean "Globalist" as an antisemitic dog whistle! I meant it as a cat whistle for people who understand that we're all just human beings and we shouldn't be denigrating other people simply because of man made imaginary lines crisscrossing the globe! You know, borders! I'm talking about borders! Globalism should be considered the opposite of Imperialism. We don't want to force our beliefs and way of lives on other people; we want to integrate all of our ways of life so that anything can be experienced, everything available to all. Fuck Gatekeepers and Imperialists and Xenophobes and ICE and Donald Trump and every fucking Republican who somehow thinks there's still a difference between MAGA and conservatism. Oh! Also fuck neo-liberal Democrats who have basically decided they're the new Reagan Conservatives. You know, the ones who think they can steal votes from centrist Republicans without fucking realizing that even so-called moderate Republicans have been so brainrotted by propaganda that they will never consider voting for an awful, terrible Democrat even if those Democrats' values and beliefs basically mirror '80s Republicans. Embrace progressives and the left, you dumbies! There's nothing to gain in the center! FOX News and MAGA propaganda have tainted anything labeled "Democrat" and they'll never fucking vote for you, no matter how many one-off Liz Cheneys you court to your side.
I wonder how many people in 1988 exploded into apoplectic rage when they saw Wonder Woman and Captain Atom raising the flag of the United Nations? Obviously that communist Martian Manhunter would be doing it! And that half-liberal academic Firestorm! What makes me laugh (angry laugh!) is that no matter how rational the reason given by some anti-Globalist jerk, all it ever amounts to is "I hate foreigners but I know I shouldn't say that." I mean, okay, since 2016, they've begun to learn that they can say it. But pretty soon, they're all going to re-learn consequences. I don't have any power to deliver those consequences myself which is why I no longer speak with my father or many friends I grew up with. Because withholding the joy of being my friend is the only power I have over anybody. Mostly because I never wanted power over anyone! Desiring power is a fool's game only played by self-loathing jerks who need constant affirmation from others, even if that affirmation must be coerced. I'm just a smol guy!
The DC Universe's post-Crisis map of Earth was all kinds of fucked up.
Between Invasion! Book One and Invasion! Book Two were a number of crossover issues in DC's monthly titles. In 1988, I couldn't afford to purchase every book with an "INVASION! CROSSOVER!" label across the top. Luckily, the important bits are recapped at the beginning of this issue because DC probably still thought mostly kids were reading their comics in 1988 and not middle-aged losers still living with their parents. Sorry! I meant smart middle-aged people saving a buck who loved their parents dearly and would never trade them for their independence and their virginity.
Apparently during the crossover issues this guy died when Aquaman failed to save him:
Apparently during the crossover issues this guy died when Aquaman failed to save him:
"Who's that?" you're probably thinking. That's Celsius. "Who's that?" you're probably thinking.
Also during the crossovers, Superman negotiated a 24 hour ceasefire to give the Earthlings time to round up all the superheroes and offer them up on a silver platter. The Dominators were dumb enough to fall for that ploy because Superman's so honest, I guess? They must have heard he stands for truth so they were all, "Well, we have to believe him then!" But they forgot he also stands for The American Way which is all about lying your ass off to get one over on the next guy and make a shit-ton of money. As for the "shit-ton of money", Max Lord will probably give Superman a huge bonus if this works.
Even with only half of that cake showing, it's fucking mouthwatering.
I should explain for my more prudish readers that by "cake" I meant "Captain Atom's ass."
Captain Atom, being the super general assigned to this war, maps out his strategy: attack the aliens! Batman agrees that's a good strategy but he's afraid too many superheroes suck ass and won't be able to do it. So Amanda Waller steps up and is all, "Well you'll just have to team up with the super villains!" Nobody mentions that most of the super villains suck as well. My suggestion would be to break open the bottled city of Kandor and send six hundred Supermen and Superwomen off to battle the aliens.
Captain Atom, being the super general assigned to this war, maps out his strategy: attack the aliens! Batman agrees that's a good strategy but he's afraid too many superheroes suck ass and won't be able to do it. So Amanda Waller steps up and is all, "Well you'll just have to team up with the super villains!" Nobody mentions that most of the super villains suck as well. My suggestion would be to break open the bottled city of Kandor and send six hundred Supermen and Superwomen off to battle the aliens.
Couldn't somebody — anybody! — have shown Todd McFarlane a map of the Earth?
So Chapter Two sees the heroes of Earth break the ceasefire. This isn't dishonorable because their home is under attack and also they're the heroes and also most of them are Americans and that's three categories of people who feel righteous when they use violence so take that, Dominators! In your fucking face which is mostly teeth anyway! The most important part of the battle is when Superman learns the Daxamites are as strong as he is. But also the next most important part is when he realizes they're all losing their powers because of something in the air and he has to save their lives. That was almost six more deaths on Thomas Midgley, Jr's conscious. As if his conscious would even notice a mere six more deaths! The third most important part of Chapter Two is when the Daxamites are all, "Hey, you're pretty noble, Superman! Maybe we're on the wrong side!" That'll probably come back to bite the Dominators in their almost certainly way too toothy asshole.
Chapter Three takes place across the universe where the nerd Dominator has isolated the Meta-Gene. He believes it will make the other Dominators respect him but they won't because he still just has a tiny little red circle on his forehead instead of a massive one. Also there's a fatal flaw in his calculations that won't be exposed for another thirty years or so: the letter "L". Because it's the Metal-Gene and not the Meta-Gene, idiot!
Chapter Three takes place across the universe where the nerd Dominator has isolated the Meta-Gene. He believes it will make the other Dominators respect him but they won't because he still just has a tiny little red circle on his forehead instead of a massive one. Also there's a fatal flaw in his calculations that won't be exposed for another thirty years or so: the letter "L". Because it's the Metal-Gene and not the Meta-Gene, idiot!
Like every other gene in a person's body, it's found in just a single location. I wonder where the Penis gene is? I bet it's somewhere stupid like between the 3rd and 4th toe on the left foot.
This nerd dominator has invented the Meta-Gene-Bomb that can negate the Meta-Gene rendering all of Earth's super-heroes harmless! Except Superman because he's an alien. And also Batman because he doesn't have a meta-gene. And maybe Blue Beetle but, like, who cares, right?
The Daxamites call home and invite more Daxamites to play. When they arrive, they basically rout what's left of the alien alliance. The Dominators decide to blow up Earth rather than surrender but never get the chance because Boston Brand's been possessing characters right and left throughout this issue, even people just off at the bottom of a panel doing nothing. You could always tell because they had a glowing aura around them. I guess The Spectre allowed him to fight with the heroes because nobody would really notice.
The Daxamites call home and invite more Daxamites to play. When they arrive, they basically rout what's left of the alien alliance. The Dominators decide to blow up Earth rather than surrender but never get the chance because Boston Brand's been possessing characters right and left throughout this issue, even people just off at the bottom of a panel doing nothing. You could always tell because they had a glowing aura around them. I guess The Spectre allowed him to fight with the heroes because nobody would really notice.
Boston even gets to blow his own brains out at one point.
You would think that was the end of the invasion but there's still one 80 page book left. I guess that nerd Dominator with the Meta-Gene-Bomb is really going to fuck things up all on his own. Too bad all the Dominators with massive red dots are too dead to notice him.
The Ranking
Book Two ends on a high note without any suggestion that more tomfoolery by the Dominators is afoot (other than the back cover). If you were a kid in 1988 who couldn't afford Book Three, it wouldn't matter! The first two books tell a solid tale of a near catastrophic invasion that forced the people of the world to come together to battle their massive squid overlords. I mean the yellow toothy overlords. That squid thing was a big fake that probably didn't allow for world peace to last long because of stupid Rorschach and his stupid diary of stupid and violent observations. What a jerk that guy was! Anyway, that was kind of fun and I didn't mention Wally West's dad sacrificing his life to stop the Durlans because his sacrifice apparently doesn't take and he pops up again later to be a pain in Wally's ass. I think the only other heroes that died were about twenty-eight different Omega Men.
The Ranking
Book Two ends on a high note without any suggestion that more tomfoolery by the Dominators is afoot (other than the back cover). If you were a kid in 1988 who couldn't afford Book Three, it wouldn't matter! The first two books tell a solid tale of a near catastrophic invasion that forced the people of the world to come together to battle their massive squid overlords. I mean the yellow toothy overlords. That squid thing was a big fake that probably didn't allow for world peace to last long because of stupid Rorschach and his stupid diary of stupid and violent observations. What a jerk that guy was! Anyway, that was kind of fun and I didn't mention Wally West's dad sacrificing his life to stop the Durlans because his sacrifice apparently doesn't take and he pops up again later to be a pain in Wally's ass. I think the only other heroes that died were about twenty-eight different Omega Men.
I can't decide which I think is too wide: Superman's thigh, his S-logo, or his face.
Superman: The Man of Steel Annual #1 (1992)
By Chris Wozniak, Robert Loren Fleming, Brad Vancata, Albert de Guzman, and Matt Hollingsworth
Cover by Joe Quesada and Jimmy Palmiotti
Edited by Mike Carlin and Dan Thorsland
In the opening issue of The Darkness Within DC money grab, Eclipso managed to possess Valor when Valor entered into Eclipso's palace on the moon which, we learn, basically means Valor penetrated Eclipso. Valor is inside Eclipso. Valor took his whole body and he slid inside Eclipso's gaping orifice. Before now, Eclipso didn't realize he was powerful enough to possess superheroes. He just thought his abilities allowed him to possess one schlub of a solar scientist named Bruce Gordon (hmm, I wonder how Bob Haney came up with that name? (Oh, look. It explains in the Wikipedia. Excuse me while I have a private chat with Wikipedia: "No duh!" Okay, I'm back)). Now, this wasn't just because Eclipso was hell bent on tormenting Bruce Gordon. No, we have just learned that it was Eclipso's master plan to make sure that Earth never developed decent solar energy. So fucking Eclipso's a Republican? Why am I shocked? Is it because I'm stupid?
Hmm. I should turn comments off before people begin answering that question.
Now that Eclipso possessed Valor in the absolute perfect conditions for him to be able to possess somebody, he thinks he can now just go around possessing anybody. He practices on The Creeper which sounds a lot like practicing on any non-powered Earthling walking around New York. How is that a test of his power? The Creeper? What are his power levels? They might be high in laughing loudly and jumping around like The Human Pubic Louse but not much else. With that test successful, the obvious next person to possess is Superman. See? That's probably the dumbest conclusion Eclipso could have made. He is a Republican.
This issue begins, as you might have guessed being a Superman book, in Metropolis.
By Chris Wozniak, Robert Loren Fleming, Brad Vancata, Albert de Guzman, and Matt Hollingsworth
Cover by Joe Quesada and Jimmy Palmiotti
Edited by Mike Carlin and Dan Thorsland
In the opening issue of The Darkness Within DC money grab, Eclipso managed to possess Valor when Valor entered into Eclipso's palace on the moon which, we learn, basically means Valor penetrated Eclipso. Valor is inside Eclipso. Valor took his whole body and he slid inside Eclipso's gaping orifice. Before now, Eclipso didn't realize he was powerful enough to possess superheroes. He just thought his abilities allowed him to possess one schlub of a solar scientist named Bruce Gordon (hmm, I wonder how Bob Haney came up with that name? (Oh, look. It explains in the Wikipedia. Excuse me while I have a private chat with Wikipedia: "No duh!" Okay, I'm back)). Now, this wasn't just because Eclipso was hell bent on tormenting Bruce Gordon. No, we have just learned that it was Eclipso's master plan to make sure that Earth never developed decent solar energy. So fucking Eclipso's a Republican? Why am I shocked? Is it because I'm stupid?
Hmm. I should turn comments off before people begin answering that question.
Now that Eclipso possessed Valor in the absolute perfect conditions for him to be able to possess somebody, he thinks he can now just go around possessing anybody. He practices on The Creeper which sounds a lot like practicing on any non-powered Earthling walking around New York. How is that a test of his power? The Creeper? What are his power levels? They might be high in laughing loudly and jumping around like The Human Pubic Louse but not much else. With that test successful, the obvious next person to possess is Superman. See? That's probably the dumbest conclusion Eclipso could have made. He is a Republican.
This issue begins, as you might have guessed being a Superman book, in Metropolis.
Really seems like they're having a go at Gotham here.
Another reason Eclipso shouldn't be going after Superman is because solar power is Eclipso's only weakness and Superman is full of yellow sun juice. He, and I mean this literally, literally cannot be possessed by Eclipso. It wouldn't make any sense! I will get so angry if Superman winds up Eclipsed.
"It's eeeeeviiiiiiil!"
You know what? I didn't understand the ending of Time Bandits. Does the kid just wander around as a houseless orphan after? Does he wind up back in the time burglary game? Does he go on to life with firefighter Sean Connery? And was that the same Sean Connery from earlier having done his own time travel? Was the villain, the ultimate evil, just a burnt meatloaf left in a microwave for too long? Was there supposed to be a sequel?
Am I in a rage now, you might be wondering? Well, yes and no. Superman's face does do the Eclipso thing when he picks up the Black Diamond. But he fights it off and tosses the diamond aside. Superman believes he's testing himself and that he's too good and honorable to have the capacity for vengeance. But I still think it's because he's full of yellow sun, the anti-Eclipso element.
Partway through the book, there's a scene that made the entire issue worth buying. I don't fucking know what's going on in the scene but I'll tell you, the art really moved me. Well parts of me. Okay, one part of me.
Am I in a rage now, you might be wondering? Well, yes and no. Superman's face does do the Eclipso thing when he picks up the Black Diamond. But he fights it off and tosses the diamond aside. Superman believes he's testing himself and that he's too good and honorable to have the capacity for vengeance. But I still think it's because he's full of yellow sun, the anti-Eclipso element.
Partway through the book, there's a scene that made the entire issue worth buying. I don't fucking know what's going on in the scene but I'll tell you, the art really moved me. Well parts of me. Okay, one part of me.
I just "eclipsed" my underwear.
I just had to recheck the cover to see if this book was approved by the Comics Code Authority. It was because the guys running the CCA were fucking horny bastards, I guess.
Phantom "Girl" is somebody totally different dude. Also, why do you want to shoot Phantom Lady so badly? Seems weird.
I don't know why Phantom Lady and Starman feature so heavily in this annual because I really didn't read Superman's books in 1992 and, even if I did, this took place in 1992. I mean, I think I know why Phantom Lady was there but that has more to do with Chris Wozniak being a huge pervert than the plot. I suppose Starman was here to get eclipsed since Eclipso needed to get a success in the first annual after The Darkness Within special or else readers would have been thinking, "This is the God of Vengeance? Pathetic!"
Fat Elvis also makes an appearance and he has heat vision for some reason?
The Ranking
I'm glad Eclipso never possessed Superman but I suppose I could have lived with it if he had. The basic reasoning being that Eclipso's powers are based in magic (which readers were reminded of time and time again in this issue, probably to curtail all the letters from super fans which begin "Actually, . . ."). Since Eclipso is the God of Vengeance that means that Gods in the DC Universe derive their powers from magic. I suppose anything that isn't based in science, facts, and reality is just "magic". Although I would have chosen to separate powers of gods from powers of women in fishnet stockings who speak backwards.
Eclipsed Heroes/Villains Count after 2 Issues: Two! (The Creeper and Starman).
I'm glad Eclipso never possessed Superman but I suppose I could have lived with it if he had. The basic reasoning being that Eclipso's powers are based in magic (which readers were reminded of time and time again in this issue, probably to curtail all the letters from super fans which begin "Actually, . . ."). Since Eclipso is the God of Vengeance that means that Gods in the DC Universe derive their powers from magic. I suppose anything that isn't based in science, facts, and reality is just "magic". Although I would have chosen to separate powers of gods from powers of women in fishnet stockings who speak backwards.
Eclipsed Heroes/Villains Count after 2 Issues: Two! (The Creeper and Starman).
Dave Sim could have breezed through 300 issues with just this crew. And yet he did so much more!
Cerebus #40
By Dave Sim
Page One: Sim just sets up the conceit of this issue: Cerebus on the campaign trail. A map displays the names of all the districts along with their electoral votes. A brief blurb from The History of the 1413 Election by Suentus Po, and the title of the issue, "Campaign", hints at the least funny issue of Cerebus on the horizon.
Page Two: Dave Sim, realizing that an idiot reviewer in 2026 was about to call his comic book boring, launches straight into the comedy. Six panels of Cerebus stumping in front of a crowd at the docks. But Sim, being a comedy genius, doesn't allow the reader to hear Cerebus's boring platform. Instead, we sit in the audience, fairly far from the stage, listening to some loudmouth New Docker running his mouth the entire time. He's pretty funny!
Page Three: Dave Sim introduces the reader to Cerebus's campaign trail entourage as they're doing an Aaron Sorkin walk and prep through the rain. Astoria acts as Cerebus's campaign manager. Bran Mak Mufin runs the data from the electorate. The Moon Roach serves as Astoria's personal bodyguard, mostly to keep him out of trouble, while he believes he's serving as her love interest. And the McGrew Brothers are security.
By Dave Sim
Page One: Sim just sets up the conceit of this issue: Cerebus on the campaign trail. A map displays the names of all the districts along with their electoral votes. A brief blurb from The History of the 1413 Election by Suentus Po, and the title of the issue, "Campaign", hints at the least funny issue of Cerebus on the horizon.
Page Two: Dave Sim, realizing that an idiot reviewer in 2026 was about to call his comic book boring, launches straight into the comedy. Six panels of Cerebus stumping in front of a crowd at the docks. But Sim, being a comedy genius, doesn't allow the reader to hear Cerebus's boring platform. Instead, we sit in the audience, fairly far from the stage, listening to some loudmouth New Docker running his mouth the entire time. He's pretty funny!
Page Three: Dave Sim introduces the reader to Cerebus's campaign trail entourage as they're doing an Aaron Sorkin walk and prep through the rain. Astoria acts as Cerebus's campaign manager. Bran Mak Mufin runs the data from the electorate. The Moon Roach serves as Astoria's personal bodyguard, mostly to keep him out of trouble, while he believes he's serving as her love interest. And the McGrew Brothers are security.
I love Dirty Fleagle and Dirty Drew so much!
Page Four: A bit of slapstick to remind the reader that this comic book isn't just for smart people who understand political maneuvering. Also by now, the reader should notice the pattern that every page is a short sketch because focusing on the actual specifics of a political campaign would put the reader to sleep. Too bad Dave Sim forgot that he didn't want to put the reader to sleep by the time he got to his penultimate story arc! Hoo boy! I'm yawning just thinking about it!
Page Five: The bodyguards eat.
Page Six: We get a glimpse of Astoria's negotiating tactics with one of the prominent members of The Docks. Her tactics might be illegal but who can say in the medieval world of Estarcion? Maybe it's totally fine to offer government contracts to the districts that vote for Cerebus and punish those who don't vote for him with higher import taxes?
Page Seven: We learn that Bran Mak Mufin has other plans for Cerebus. He still believes in the Earth Pig born as the coming Pigt conqueror of the world. He's advising Cerebus on a military campaign to take over the world. You know, once he becomes Prime Minister and has access to Iest's armies.
Page Eight: Cerebus, sharing a bed with Astoria, dreams of the coming Aardvarkian Empire. We also learn that the campaign trail next heads to Grace District where Good Abbey controls all 15 of the district's electoral votes.
Page Nine: Am I going to do this for every page? I mean, I'm already very nearly (only inches away, actually) to the middle of the issue (Sim's issues being 20 pages) so why not, right? "Don't quit!" might be something my father would have instilled in me if he hadn't quit being my father when I was two. Plus, this page was just a visual gag of The Roach replacing a broken wheel on the carriage by holding the axle and running along side. Does all the text from Suentus Po's history of the incident make the gag funny because it shows how history books get shit wrong because we often can't imagine the reality of the situation at the time and project our own mundane and normal thoughts on the event? I mean, probably. Dave Sim was basically a professional joke writer at this point so who am I to say different?
Page Ten: Speculation on Astoria's political and religious beliefs by Suentus Po the Secret Aardvark! Unless this is one of the other Suentus Pos? I know Sim had to retcon the whole identity of Suentus Po at some point to make him one of the three aardvarks of Estarcion because he'd played fast and loose with this drug-addled philosopher slash magician guy. Sim had to do that a lot with characters introduced willy-nilly (will-he, nil-he?) during the first 25 issues when the comic book was ostensibly just a parody of sword and sorcery comic books (while The Roach himself parodied DC and Marvel). Has Kevillism been broached yet? I'd remember if I hadn't stopped reading this series for a year or two or three or . . . or . . . five? Has it been five years?! Anyway, never mind how I'm shaking in disbelief, I'm pretty sure Po has mentioned it some in the "Mind Games" issues. Whether it has or not, Suentus Po speculates on Astoria's connection to the Cirinists here as the campaign tries to get their votes.
Page Seven: We learn that Bran Mak Mufin has other plans for Cerebus. He still believes in the Earth Pig born as the coming Pigt conqueror of the world. He's advising Cerebus on a military campaign to take over the world. You know, once he becomes Prime Minister and has access to Iest's armies.
Page Eight: Cerebus, sharing a bed with Astoria, dreams of the coming Aardvarkian Empire. We also learn that the campaign trail next heads to Grace District where Good Abbey controls all 15 of the district's electoral votes.
Page Nine: Am I going to do this for every page? I mean, I'm already very nearly (only inches away, actually) to the middle of the issue (Sim's issues being 20 pages) so why not, right? "Don't quit!" might be something my father would have instilled in me if he hadn't quit being my father when I was two. Plus, this page was just a visual gag of The Roach replacing a broken wheel on the carriage by holding the axle and running along side. Does all the text from Suentus Po's history of the incident make the gag funny because it shows how history books get shit wrong because we often can't imagine the reality of the situation at the time and project our own mundane and normal thoughts on the event? I mean, probably. Dave Sim was basically a professional joke writer at this point so who am I to say different?
Page Ten: Speculation on Astoria's political and religious beliefs by Suentus Po the Secret Aardvark! Unless this is one of the other Suentus Pos? I know Sim had to retcon the whole identity of Suentus Po at some point to make him one of the three aardvarks of Estarcion because he'd played fast and loose with this drug-addled philosopher slash magician guy. Sim had to do that a lot with characters introduced willy-nilly (will-he, nil-he?) during the first 25 issues when the comic book was ostensibly just a parody of sword and sorcery comic books (while The Roach himself parodied DC and Marvel). Has Kevillism been broached yet? I'd remember if I hadn't stopped reading this series for a year or two or three or . . . or . . . five? Has it been five years?! Anyway, never mind how I'm shaking in disbelief, I'm pretty sure Po has mentioned it some in the "Mind Games" issues. Whether it has or not, Suentus Po speculates on Astoria's connection to the Cirinists here as the campaign tries to get their votes.
I think the context missing from Po's history is actually Astoria's personal connection to the Abbess of Good Abbey and less Astoria's political and religious affiliations.
Page Eleven: Page Ten wasn't funny at all! It stunk of Dave Sim getting too serious. Page Eleven stinks of Dave Sim getting too misogynistic. But I only say that in hindsight, of course. This first page of Cerebus meeting a leading Cirinist sets the tone for a story four "chapters" or so away. The Abbess or "Great Mother" is a caricature of a woman using her power to humiliate men in a reversal of a medieval patriarchy (okay, fine: a modern one too). Also she's very masculine. Remember, Dave Sim learned that he had no interest in women if he didn't want to fuck them. The Abbess is probably how he sees any woman he doesn't find attractive: grating, overbearing, and needing to humiliate.
But ignoring hindsight for a moment and just taking this moment as it comes in context of what's come before: it's pretty funny! And it's a pretty good skewering of absolute power corrupting. The Cirinists may be a technically matriarchal society that worships the mother and her place in society but they're really just a mirror image of the patriarchy. It's just a reversal of the concerns of the people in power.
Page Twelve: Did we know Lord Julius was running a goat as his candidate for Prime Minister before this page? Or do we read it here first and think, "The Abbess must mean 'goat' as a pejorative for his puppet candidate." Unless you've been paying attention and realize running an actual goat against an aardvark is exactly the kind of thing that Lord Julius would do simply to amuse himself. And since everybody just sort of figures Astoria and Cerebus are fucking, they're all going to jump to the same conclusion with Julius and his goat.
The Abbess informs Cerebus that he will have the district's fifteen votes if he dismisses Astoria (with the full knowledge that Cerebus's military advisor, whom she doesn't seem to mind, is Bran Mak Mufin (spelled "Bran Macmufin" on this page while "Bran Mak Mufin" on the page where Cerebus is dreaming. I suppose the dream spelling's probably wrong but if Sim can't even standardize it, I should probably stop beating myself up over how it's spelled every time I want to type it)). Cerebus later tells Astoria what the Abbess says which is why in Suentus Po's history of the time, he notes Astoria wrote in her journal, "The Abbess is unable to aid us." And since Cerebus has abdicated his own agency some time ago, he fails to move toward a future where he rules Estarcion. Could he have still been elected Prime Minister if he dumped Astoria at this point and simply moved on with just Bran? According to Pigt prophecy, probably? Except Cerebus has no ambition so without Astoria, he'd probably lose interest and just disappear into a tavern for a few months with his campaign funds to back him.
Page Thirteen: Dirty Fleagle screams his head off about somebody eating his last dried apricot.
Page Fourteen: Dave forgot to put a joke on this page.
Pages Fifteen to Seventeen: Hmm. I think what happened is that Dave Sim abandoned the one joke per page thing he was doing and forgot to inform me. I guess Astoria manages to secure some more votes in Harbourside for various reasons. But mostly for one main reason.
But ignoring hindsight for a moment and just taking this moment as it comes in context of what's come before: it's pretty funny! And it's a pretty good skewering of absolute power corrupting. The Cirinists may be a technically matriarchal society that worships the mother and her place in society but they're really just a mirror image of the patriarchy. It's just a reversal of the concerns of the people in power.
Page Twelve: Did we know Lord Julius was running a goat as his candidate for Prime Minister before this page? Or do we read it here first and think, "The Abbess must mean 'goat' as a pejorative for his puppet candidate." Unless you've been paying attention and realize running an actual goat against an aardvark is exactly the kind of thing that Lord Julius would do simply to amuse himself. And since everybody just sort of figures Astoria and Cerebus are fucking, they're all going to jump to the same conclusion with Julius and his goat.
The Abbess informs Cerebus that he will have the district's fifteen votes if he dismisses Astoria (with the full knowledge that Cerebus's military advisor, whom she doesn't seem to mind, is Bran Mak Mufin (spelled "Bran Macmufin" on this page while "Bran Mak Mufin" on the page where Cerebus is dreaming. I suppose the dream spelling's probably wrong but if Sim can't even standardize it, I should probably stop beating myself up over how it's spelled every time I want to type it)). Cerebus later tells Astoria what the Abbess says which is why in Suentus Po's history of the time, he notes Astoria wrote in her journal, "The Abbess is unable to aid us." And since Cerebus has abdicated his own agency some time ago, he fails to move toward a future where he rules Estarcion. Could he have still been elected Prime Minister if he dumped Astoria at this point and simply moved on with just Bran? According to Pigt prophecy, probably? Except Cerebus has no ambition so without Astoria, he'd probably lose interest and just disappear into a tavern for a few months with his campaign funds to back him.
Page Thirteen: Dirty Fleagle screams his head off about somebody eating his last dried apricot.
Page Fourteen: Dave forgot to put a joke on this page.
Pages Fifteen to Seventeen: Hmm. I think what happened is that Dave Sim abandoned the one joke per page thing he was doing and forgot to inform me. I guess Astoria manages to secure some more votes in Harbourside for various reasons. But mostly for one main reason.
What's so awful about a goat Prime Minister? I wish we had a goat for president right now.
You know the best thing about a goat? You can sacrifice it! Yes, you're allowed to follow that chain of logic all the way through. I don't mind.
The issue ends with Cerebus gloating about how he's going to be the most loved Prime Minister ever which is when an urchin in the poverty-stricken Lower Iest pelts him with some mud. Man, I'm so envious of that urchin! What I wouldn't give to throw a shit milkshake at Donald Trump!
Sim's letter pages are getting fuller! But his replies aren't worth discussing. Yet! In time, youngster. In time.
Ranking
Some good jokes and more lore. We've got Bran coming in hot with his Pigt prophecies. Cirinists taking an interest in Cerebus while also discovering that he loves his mother more than his father. And, um, Dirty Fleagle likes dried apricots? Yeah, that'll do.
The issue ends with Cerebus gloating about how he's going to be the most loved Prime Minister ever which is when an urchin in the poverty-stricken Lower Iest pelts him with some mud. Man, I'm so envious of that urchin! What I wouldn't give to throw a shit milkshake at Donald Trump!
Sim's letter pages are getting fuller! But his replies aren't worth discussing. Yet! In time, youngster. In time.
Ranking
Some good jokes and more lore. We've got Bran coming in hot with his Pigt prophecies. Cirinists taking an interest in Cerebus while also discovering that he loves his mother more than his father. And, um, Dirty Fleagle likes dried apricots? Yeah, that'll do.
Final Thoughts
Yeesh. I really need to tone down how much I discuss these comics in the Newsletter. These are practically all normal review entries! The whole purposed of the Newsletter is to read a comic book, write about six lines in The Ranking section that have absolutely nothing to do with the book and then move on! I guess I'm out of practice at not doing reviews in my comic book reviews. I thought it would be way easier reading Eclipso annuals! I blame having to scan those pictures of Phantom Lady to share with everybody. I might not have known what great art was before today but Chris Wozniak cleared that right up for me. Wowzers! What a set of arts on that lady!
That's all for now! Later, jerkos!
That's all for now! Later, jerkos!
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