This has "international incident" written all over it.
See that number five on the cover of this book? Just take a black marker and cross it out. Then take your copy of Action Comics #52 and, using your black marker, replace the six with a five. Because you don't need to read this comic book. You don't want to read this comic book. The only thing it accomplished for me was making me hate Superman and Wonder Woman. They act like entitled children in their visit to China (which, I suppose, makes them no worse than most America tourists). The only thing you need to know from this story is that there is now a Chinese Superman flying around China. That's it. Nothing else in this story matters. Although looking at the cover and seeing that the entire Great Ten are on it while only seven of the Great Ten appear in the book makes me wonder about one of the worst lines in the entire book. It's when Wonder Woman first responds to the Great Ten telling the heroes to leave China. She haughtily proclaims that they can't count because there are only seven of them. Why put all ten on the cover and then just bring seven to the battle so that Wonder Woman can be a dick about it? I'm going to blame this bullshit on Eddie Berganza. He probably decided ten were too many characters to throw in the mix and then added Wonder Woman's shitty line to the script to address the missing members. Whatever is happening in this comic book, it's all horrible. Maybe Tomasi should just stick to writing Alfred, Bruce, and Damian. Working under Berganza is making him look like a shitty writer.
The Commentary!
For most of you, Superman has either already died or been miraculously saved because you've read the Superman #52. I won't be reading it for another two weeks or so because I'm so busy that I'm falling behind reading my comic books. Never mind what I've been busy doing! Curing cancer and playing video games can both be described as "being busy!" Also, in the immortal words of Rush, "If you choose to do nothing, you're still busy doing nothing." So suck it, judgmental nerds! Is this a case of protesting too much?
Okay, so Superman is dying. But he isn't concerned with finding a cure. He never read that poem about not going gentle into a perfectly reasonable night which totally proves that life is worth living or something. Although I wrote a poem called "Rage, Rage Against the Person Raging Against the Dying of the Light" which totally proves that it's better to just shut up and die and stop bothering everybody else with your problems. So, you know. I'm just as great as that Dylan Thomas guy! What else did he write anyway? Like anybody knows him for anything else! That'll teach him for writing one thing that was so much better than everything else! Or, if not better than other things he wrote, at least it was mercifully short. Nobody has time to read your stupid plays, Thomas!
It's cases like Dylan Thomas's that move me to write tons and tons of mediocre bullshit. That way nothing I write can ever outshine the rest of what I write and nobody will remember me for only the one thing! Instead they'll say things like "Grunion who?" and "Tess ate what? What the fuck are you talking about?" and "People who waste time reading comic books are probably stupid fucking assholes who never get laid." The imaginary people of the future are hurtful.
Why wasn't Bruce Wayne prescribed Dionesium years ago?!
Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman are currently headed into China to investigate the person who hacked the Fortress of Solitude and sent Chinese Zodiac monsters after Superman. That means they're going to ignore international borders because they don't have time to go through the proper legal channels like everybody else who wants to visit China. It must be nice living a life where you think the laws don't apply to you. Oh, you know what? It is nice! I'm one of those people! Although I think we're all really those people. If there's a law that's inconveniencing us at the moment, most of us will simply ignore it because, at the moment, it's obviously so stupid that it should never have been a law in the first place and we're modern day Henry David Thoreaus! We're taking a stand against injustice! Plus I really just needed to get across the street and am an adult and don't need a properly designated crossing to tell me when it's safe to cross! I'm a rebel! Plus I remember that thing where you look one way and then the other and then the other way before proceeding!
The Great American Trinity cross into China and are immediately brought down by some kind of force power. They're greeted by August General in Iron and the rest of the Chinese National Superhero Group, The Great Ten. Wonder Woman decides being told by another hero that she isn't allowed to cross international borders willy-nilly is the best time to point out a person's poor counting skills. It seems to me the American heroes should be apologizing profusely and explaining themselves rather than acting like they own the entire fucking world.
Christ. I'm American and now I hate Americans too! I think American tourists are worse for the United State's image than their atrocious foreign policy and imperialist attitude toward solving world problems!
So apparently it's okay to beat the shit out of people enforcing their international border if they tell you that you should not be crossing illegally into their country. How dare they?! Maybe if I draw some Starros on Superman and Wonder Woman's faces in that previous scene, I'd be more inclined to buy their attitude. If Superman hadn't been so jovial in the opening scene, I might also chalk his attitude up to being desperately in a hurry because he's dying. But he doesn't really seem all that bothered by dying. I think he's just in the mood to kick some Chinese ass because he's upset about the trade disparity. America! When things don't go our way, we knock the Monopoly board on the floor and blame everybody else for ruining the game.
You never even tried to ask them anything! You just started mouthing off and acting like you owned the place, you asshole! How should they have reacted? With obsequiousness?
To prove that they're indeed friends and have come in peace, Batman puts the August General in Iron's life at risk so that Superman can save it. Everybody knows that that's the point where the opposition says something like, "You...you...you saved me life? Why?!" Then the heroes can be all, "Because we're heroes and we didn't want to fight you! But you were all, 'We're going to fight you!' So we had to be all, 'Oh yeah?! Well we're defending ourselves!' And so we had to fight!" And the opposition usually doesn't say but probably always thinks, "But that's not how it happened at all! Not at all!"
So now that the entire misunderstanding has been straightened out by the brusque, obnoxious assholes having proven that they're actually good people and not the dickfart frat jerks they first presented themselves as being, the Chinese and American heroes can discuss the situation rationally. At this point, I really don't fucking care if this Superman dies. And he may as well take Wonder Woman with him. Assholes.
No, August General in Iron, it does not. Do not allow these assholes to get away with their behavior! Do not compliment him on saving your life when he and his friends first endangered it! They could have approached politely and had this discussion instead of being insulting and aggressive.
The Great Ten explain that they will deal with Chinese Superman as long as he's in China and then kick the Americans out. August General in Iron does agree to remain in contact with Superman even though he never stayed in contact with Batman. I'll just assume that was Batman's fault. Although Batman isn't the type of guy to lose contacts or burn bridges. He plans for every possibility! Like the possibility that one day he'd need to enter China to deal with something and having a powerful Chinese ally like August General in Iron is something Batman wouldn't just toss out like a smeg-covered egg salad sandwich from a stranger.
Meanwhile, Impostor Superman has decided to visit Lois Lane at her apartment. Maybe Lois will get the scoop on this guy since that's what she does.
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