Hopefully Rebirth will fix Sinestro's lack of a jester's cap.
This issue is called "Agents of Gray" even though it should be called "Agents of Grey" because it looks better. I'll fight you over it! I don't even know which version is the American version and which is the UK version because I'm an equal opportunity Gray/Grey user! But the "e" version is aesthetically more pleasing. I wonder if it depends on the font? I bet some fonts make the "a" version look better.
Wait! Let me try something: "Ermahgerd! Ergernts erf Grer!" That fixed it.
The Agents of Gray consist of Doctor Warthog, Communications Officer Froggy, Engineer Bubblehead, Captain Mustachio, and Goggle-Eyed Freak. Their continuing mission is to muddy the philosophical waters of everybody they meet and blur the lines between right and wrong. Their catchphrase is "Set phasers to doubt!" Luckily for Hal, the Agents of Grey shouldn't have any effect on him since he never wonders if what he's doing is right or wrong. He simply does what he wants to do and then declares that was the right thing to do, no matter how many other people are shaking their heads and sighing and saying, "What the fuck?! Again with this bullshit?!"
I could tell by the mustache that he was the leader.
Instead of quietly allowing himself to be arrested by these strange people with no apparent authority over anybody, Hal does the right thing and threatens them. This is how I react whenever anybody tells me I'm breaking the rules. I'm always all, "The only rule I obey is the law of physics, bitch!" I don't say that if they have weapons because, you know, the laws of physics. I know when I'm beat! I just meant if a waiter said I needed shoes or something.
Speaking of Captain Mustachio, when my friend Upright was in town this last weekend to head up to Seattle, we went to the Backstage Bar in Portland the night before he went home. Tending bar was a red headed guy with a huge, scraggly beard. I was pretty drunk already so I don't remember the other traits he possessed that made me tell Upright that the guy was the Spirit of Portland. When the bartender came to our end of the bar, Upright must have been pretty drunk too because he told the guy, "You know what? You're the Spirit of Portland." I don't know if Upright realized how huge an insult that is in Portland! I mean, probably. I meant it as an insult but I wasn't going to actually say it to the guy's face! And that was a good call on my part judging from the guy's face when Upright called him the Spirit of Portland! I don't think he served us after that. I don't blame him. Nobody wants to be called out on looking like every other person in the city where you live.
It's possible the bartender just thought we were calling him a boat.
Doctor Warthog's real name is Two-Pounder? Why not Three-Pounder? Or Five-Pounder? No wait! I know! Ten-Pounder!
Communications Officer Froggy's real name is Speechmaker. I was close on that one! I even named him the Comm-Off slightly before I remembered he was the guy who does the psychic interrogations!
Engineer Bubblehead is actually just called Dome. He's the genius. So I was practically spot-on with that guess!
During the battle, Hal turns into a light entity again. Hal was made to be the best Green Lantern ever! No other Lantern has ever been able to manifest this power! Not even that Mary Sue, Kyle Rayner! I don't even know what the term "Mary Sue" means but I think I'm using it right! Know how I know I'm using it right? You can fucking call any character in literature a Mary Sue! It's a stupid fucking term that doesn't actually mean anything.
Oh, um, anyway, about Kyle Rayner! He was obviously meant to be the best Lantern ever which is why he was the first to control all colors of the light spectrum. But how can Hal fans accept him as being better than Hal? I'm not even a Hal Jordan fan and I know Hal is a better Lantern than Kyle Rayner! But that's the trick that Vendetti is pulling here. Kyle may be able to use the entire spectrum but he's no master of every color. Hal Jordan has just become Grandmaster Green Lantern! He's internalizing the green energy! He's becoming willpower itself! The only person I know who might be stubborn enough to do that is me!
As solid light Hal Jordan, he almost defeats the Agents of Gray. But then the Little Prince has to go and get taken hostage by Dakwa and the fight is over. I guess now is when the talking happens and the Agents of Grey realize that Hal Jordan isn't actually a wanted criminal at all. He's just a guy who came up with a stupid plan that never mattered because some other guy (Cullen Bunn) came up with an even stupider plan which took the Green Lanterns out of the universe and made Hal's plan meaningless.
See? That was a pretty dumb plan because everybody already believed Hal Jordan was what was wrong with the Green Lantern Corps. Which is quite an accomplishment when you have Guy Gardner on the team.
But I shouldn't be taken the moment away from Vendetti! It was a clever scene! I enjoyed it very much! Ten out of ten! Would read again! I mean, not immediately. But maybe...no, you know what. I'll probably never read it again.
Dakwa isn't quite dead so The Agents of Grey phase out and return to their ship to patch everybody up and return at a later date. I think they'd be good in the next Green Lantern movie!
The issue ends without Darlene saying a single word. Hal sends Prince Virgo and Trapper off on their own journey while he heads into Rebirth to figure out what the hell is going on with the Green Lantern Corps.
No comments:
Post a Comment