The Flash #51

The Flash versus The Riddler? This is supposed to be a compelling match-up?

The Review or Whatever
The Flash has been on a pretty terrible run of issues lately. Get it?! I said "run" while discussing The Flash! I could totally write this comic book. I bet I could even write a good time travel story for The Flash even though The Flash's time travel stories are generally terrible and cause a lot of problems. I would have The Flash time travel back to when he first time traveled so that he could kick himself in the balls. But he'd do it so fast that he wouldn't even notice and then he'd try to run super fast on the Cosmic Treadmill but his balls would hurt so badly that he'd decide it wasn't possible and completely give up on time travel. Although that would really reset the DC Universe in disastrous ways, right? How many years of continuity would be destroyed if The Flash never finds out about Earth-2?! Then he'd have to go back in time to kick himself in the balls before he could kick himself in the balls so that time could be put back to normal!

Oh! Guess who isn't doing the art on this issue? Brett Booth! CONFETTI!

How the hell does The Riddler say so many things before The Flash has him bound and gagged?! Comic books are so silly!

The Riddler's riddle is an old riddle? I guess it's from back when people were long winded and asked terrible riddles! I've never heard that old riddle before! It sounds like it was made up by Van Jensen! "I am fast but you are slow! Nothing is as fast as I am because I am so fast you won't believe it! So fast! Fastest thing there is! You'll never guess! Super fast! Whew!" The answer is light which is a big twist to the usual hack writer way of defeating The Flash by declaring that "nothing is as fast as the speed of thought!" But here's the problem with The Riddler's plan. He can set off all of his drones to kill a bunch of random people all over the city whenever he wants. But he explicitly tells The Flash that he can give the command. But in the time it takes for him to even explain that, The Flash should have knocked him unconscious. The Riddler isn't as smart as he thinks he is because no writer is as smart as The Riddler should be.

The Riddler informs The Flash that if he uses his speed or attempts to touch The Riddler, the drones all over the city will begin killing people. So The Flash just stands there waiting to get his ass kicked. You know what he should do? Run all over the city super fast and stop as many drones as possible. Sure, some people will die. But that's not on The Flash at all! That's on The Riddler! Plus The Flash will have stopped whatever worse plans The Riddler has in store!

Oh! You know what else The Flash could do? He could open up his Justice League Communicator so that Batman can hear what's going on! Then Batman and Wonder Woman and Supercorpse can come save the day while The Flash distracts The Riddler. But I guess he's got too much pride to call in the other Justice Leaguers.

The Pied Piper rolls up on his motorcycle to save The Flash. I guess The Flash escaping doesn't constitute an infringement of the rules because The Riddler doesn't start killing people.

Oh no! What if Wally starts using his new superspeed powers! The drones will detect it and start killing people! Oh my! I hope that doesn't happen! I'm so nervous now!

The Flash and Piper head into the sewers to recruit a whole bunch of rats! Meanwhile, Captain Frye learns that he now works for The Riddler because he's made a ton of stupid decisions lately. He deserves everything he gets! What a tool!

The Riddler demands that The Flash turn himself in or else everybody begins dying. He thinks that's a plan by a smart guy? That's the same old plan that always gets pulled out and fails! Fucking Riddler is as dumb as ever!

The Flash gives himself up and he also reveals his secret identity while doing it. I don't remember that being part of The Riddler's demands but whatever! Good job, Barry! Hopefully you called Batman before surrendering because I don't think Pied Piper's sixty thousand rats are going to save the day. I mean, they might. People get really creeped out by rats!