Mister Terrific #2

Look at this! Actual narration boxes! Good for you, Mr. Wallace.

If this were written by J.T. Krul or another writer towing the DC editorial line, those boxes would probably go something like this:

Narration Box: That's me acting all crazy. Yeah, can you believe it? I was being controlled by some outside force! You'd think while throwing a gala event for Senator Emilio Gonzalez, the toughest thing I'd have to deal with is keeping down the bile while he told me political lie after political lie. But you'd have another thing coming!
Narration Box: Yeah, I said another thing coming! I know it's actually another think coming! Who do you think I am, the fifth smartest man in the world? Ha! That putz Wayne! I was just checking to see if you were paying attention.
Narration Box: By the way, it was about this time that I really had it with that voice in my head and I began yelling at it.

Maybe I'm being unfair to those other titles! Perhaps some of them did some stuff right and I just didn't notice because they were doing the stuff right! Screw them! Let's see how Mister Terrific uses his brain to win through!

Right after I took my tongue out of Mister Terrific's ass, the comic broke completely down for a few pages (although in a very comic booky way. Which isn't totally bad. Since this is, um, a comic book). Let me try to walk us through the mess.

At the institute where this fundraiser is being held, there are these things:



This crystal structure absorbs seismic waves. It prevents earthquakes. Oh, but guess what else it does? It stores the energy and is able to release it as well! So after Michael Holt was possessed last issue, he hit a few buttons on the console which started the crystals releasing this energy.

Hey! That seems really dangerous! I think maybe that shouldn't have been a part of the program!

So now Michael Holt needs to break free of the possession and stop an 'extinction level earthquake event'. He does this by touching his balls:


That narration box is cutting it awful close for my tastes!

This is his plan to stop the disaster:


My plan would have been to call Green Lantern.

And lastly, break a giant metal pipe with your and your hot model date's bare hands. This pipe is filled with Liquid Nitrogen, for some reason. I'm sure it's cooling his internet connection.


Remember! Neither he nor his date have super strength! [Actually, his date does! Being Power Girl and all!]

It works! And lastly lastly (I forgot there was one more step. But technically, it's the first step after the plan works. So maybe I should have said, Nextly), Mister Terrific does this:



Now, forgive my ignorance because I'm not the 3rd smartest man in the world, but couldn't you have just contained that crystal seismic thing within the force field? I'm pretty sure a black hole is a little bit more destructive. And now you've created a black hole! What are you going to do with that? Leave it in the force field? What happens the next time you go crazy and you decide to lower the force field? Or will the sonic black hole dissipate with time? Like become echoes of itself or something? Like I said, I'm not the 3rd smartest man in the world.

I still would have called Green Lantern.

Anyway! Crisis averted in no less a crazy and technobabbly way than we've all seen on Start Trek every episode ever that didn't have Captain Kirk in it (his answer was always to punch it or fuck it).

We finally get to see Brainstorm and his evil plans to feed off the minds of all Earthlings. I don't know why he started with L.A. Just hungry enough for a light snack? Ha ha! I'm saying people in L.A. are dumb!


I would have named him Bluetooth!

Mister Terrific goes back to the Ninth Dimension and his fortress of super solitude to give himself a medical check. While there, he holographic Skypes with his girlfriend, Paula. I guess the wi-fi connection between the Ninth Dimension and L.A. is pretty solid. This also gives us a chance to see some weird being in the Ninth Dimension trying to contact Mister Terrific to warn him of some danger! Foreshadowing!

Finally, Mister Terrific is confronted by Brainstorm!



Why doesn't the confrontation ever go something like this?


But no. They ALWAYS have to have a code name.