Firestorm #3

Half-sister of Cobra?

In the first panel of issue #3, we actually get a lot of information. Z-tech Compound is the base of operations for the Dog Commandos and Director Zither is the woman in charge. Not having been a follower of Firestorm before this, I'm not sure if these are clues to who these people are.

Let's hope the guy who's asking for her is interesting!

Hmm. Well, he looks like a cross between Killer Croc and The Hulk. And he's delusional! That'll be fun! The fourth page gives us a whole bunch of information about the Firestorm Protocols!


And a couple of panels later, we see her in her bra!

The Firestorm comic has the same narration problem as The Flash and Captain Atom. It's his inner monologue during the action of the comic but it all ends up being recaps directed at some unknown audience. I guess it's just a trope I'm going to have to get used to! It's either a standard thing with the editors at DC or it's just something that never bothered me before. I'll have to go through my old comics and see. Maybe it was a standard DC move to get rid of the omniscient narrator in favour of the Heroes doing all the recap and explanation. But it really is kind of weird.

I mention that because Firestorm thinks a recap for us about how spies were sent to take him out and how much he hates the black guy. Not because he's black (probably)! But because he's a jerky nerd! And Ronnie is a Jock so he obviously has to hate the Nerd!

Then there's a big fight that ends with Jasonstorm threatening the lead Hyena but Ronniestorm ends it like this:



But I think maybe he is that guy and Ronniestorm blinked because this is what happened to the other Hyenas:



So the Nerd has a bit of a temper when his girlfriend has been shot! Oh yeah, his girlfriend was shot. Except he's a nerd so she isn't actually his girlfriend and she doesn't even actually know he likes her. So you know what I'm hoping happens? Ronnie bangs her!

Or maybe Helix! Helix is America's Firestorm! He's huge! He's got a flaming head! And he's shitbat crazy! I think he's my favorite Firestorm. Why isn't the comic book about him?

Eagle eyed readers who used to ace the comprehension part of the standardized tests might realize by this point that I love crazy heroes! I want to read about more psychologically damaged heroes!

Speaking of: whatever happened to The Doom Patrol? Now there was a team!

Back to crazy ass Helix. Here's how he sees the world:



Helix is the best Villain of the Month so far (I'm not counting Hera since she's Villain of the Entire Run of Wonder Woman, I'm guessing. She was actually very bad ass and jealous and bitchy)! Here are the phrases Helix shouts while pummeling the Firestorms:

"God bless the U.S.A."
"A hero's welcome. A soldier's homecoming."
"What are you doing down there, terrorist?"
"These colors don't run."
"Love it or leave it."

He's just a big dumb stupid crazy patriot! And he's the bad guy! Sounds about right to me!

So the Firestorms get their asses kicked until they realize they have to become Fury again. And the only way to become The Hulk is to get really angry! At each other! So they do that and they're still getting their asses kicked. Until Jasonstorm finally learns (or accidentally happens) to control Fury. And my favorite new Villain of the Month ends up like this:


We had so little time together.

And that about wraps up this issue of Firestorm.

I'm sorry there were no pictures of Ronnie's mom in this issue. But next issue promises to have at least one!

This issue was much better than the last issue. The only problem is, and I'm sure this is on purpose, is there is too much action too fast and not enough of the relationship stuff between Jason and Ronnie. And I mean real relationship stuff. Not the occasional panel where one of them reminds you how much he doesn't like the other one. Stuff that happens across dialogue. Things said wrong. Reasons for their dislike surfacing. Ronnie's incestual relationship with his mom!

But I understand it's the first story arc! They're trying to catch new, young, male readers with a bang! I guess if I want more relationship stories, I should be reading the independent comics written by lesbians and/or Terry Moore.

If you understood that joke, you are a true comic nerd. Thank you!