Firestorm #4

I just wanted to post that because I was excited to see Qurac on there. Qurac was basically the DC country where all of the super terrorists came from. Suicide Squad dealt with Qurac a lot. I think even Giffen's Justice League (possibly it was Europe) had some big run-ins with Qurac as well.

It's nice to be able to make a made-up nation so the readers can hate and revile everybody in the country without feeling racist or guilty. DC says Qurac is just filled to the brim with horrible people! They're ALL bad!

Of course, Qurac is in the Middle East! Racists!

So a guy I don't know (or don't remember) is selling a Firestorm maker to Qurac so that Qurac can have a never ending supply of nuclear suicide bombers. During the demonstration, we get a nice piece of Comic Book Logic.



So the outside of a person's skin protects against the Firestorm explosion rays? Is that why all you need is the goggles for protection? So the rays don't get inside you and burn through your skull and your brain and the inside of your skin? What happens if your mouth is open when the bomb goes off? Or is it the binoculars that somehow magnified the damaging rays? Or did he go blind so badly that his eyeballs exploded?

Man, comic books rule! I should keep a running list of insane comic book logic but that'll probably take up too much time and distract me from the enjoyment of Ronniestorm's mom.

Okay. Back to the Firestorms. Remember how I thought maybe Ronnie had a crush on Jason? Well, look at the way Ronnie runs!



Maybe he runs like that because his mother taught him how to run. Tonya is at the bottom of that picture (sorry, I cropped her out!) but, seriously, she has the exact same thighs as Ronnie in that picture. Maybe Ronnie is just wearing his mom's hand-me downs.

Back to the terrorists, Gail Simone isn't done criticizing unthinking patriots.

Lead Bad Guy Arms Dealer Terrorist: A toast to selfless patriotism, friends. Because without it, men like us would live in poverty.

But then!

Russian Firestorm: You dare to steal from Pozhar?
Most of the Bad Guys: AWWWW! OOOWWWW! DIE.
Lead Bad Guy Arms Dealer Terrorist: Surprise! I'm a Firestorm too! We're ALL Firestorms!

How many fucking Firestorms are there?

In a world where being a Firestorm is possible, only everyone will be Firestorms.
Firestorms don't kill people. Firestorms kill Firestorms?
If you're not a Firestorm, you're probably going to become one in a special twist ending.

This Firestorm comic is making Captain Atom obsolete! They basically have the same powers. So why does the American military want to keep Captain Atom out of the hands of the enemies? Everyone has a Firestorm! Fuck, I think Peru has a Firestorm! Belgium too probably!



That's the Russian Firestorm. Apparently he was Martin Stein's partner in creating the Firestorm Protocol. I like him.

This comic is just swarming with adversaries! Or possible friends as well? Russian Firestorm seems to like the justice. But that doesn't mean he isn't crazy and his sense of justice might be a little skewed. And then there was Dog Team. One of Dog Team had been turned into a super villain (possibly Killer Frost? Or with the 'Z' scar on her face, Absolute Zero?). The Hyena Patrol. The half-Cobra lady. Roger the American Hulk-Firestorm. Fury. Two Firestorms. The Arms Dealer Firestorm. Qurac. And I may be missing some somewhere! This comic is crazy.

Back in Walton Hills, the Ronnie's mom never gets any screen time! But Ronniestorm confronts a bunch of Hyenas and blinks his long, luscious eyelashes at them before they're all killed by their leader, Ms. Zither Zather Zuth. She asks him to come with her. Hmm? Will he betray everyone because she's hot?!



Probably not.

Meanwhile, Jasonstorm takes Tonya to the hospital where the doctor says this:



Bone fragments!? Jasonstorm can cure that by turning them into Oxygen! So the artist decides to draw:



It looks like the bullet did more than just fracture the skull! Stupid artists never listening to the writer!

Oh, why do I even bother trying to figure out what these stupid Firestorms are going to do?! When Jason leaves the hospital, Ronniestorm is there with Z-tech and Ronniestorm is all, "Oh, they're so awesome! I just met them and I just looooooove them to death! You've got to join up with me!"

So, what happened? Z-tech tries like hell to take out the Firestorms. Z-tech fails and loses their psychopathic Firestorm. So is Z-tech acting like Captain Atom's General Eiling except doing it all backwards? Eiling tried to get Captain Atom to join them and when that didn't work, they tried to kill him. Z-tech tried to kill the Firestorms and when that didn't work, they're going to get them to join them.

I wonder if Gail Simone has run into J.T. Krul in a hallway at DC and yelled, "You got your Captain Atom in my Fury of Firestorm The Nuclear Men!" And then they probably do it.