Titans Hunt #2

Let him go! Bismillah! We will not let him go! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh mamma mia, mamma mia! Mamma mia let me go!

Last night I found the Christmas music channel while driving around for work because I enjoy Christmas music for a limited amount of time. The radio station seems to have a better rotation than most radio stations because even though songs are often repeated, at least they're different versions of the songs. A version of "Here Comes Santa Claus" played last night and the ending really disturbed me: "Hang your stockings and say your prayers cause Santa Clause comes tonight!" Why am I saying my prayers? What the fuck is that old bastard about to do to me?! Is that why I drop into a fetal position whenever I hear sleigh bells?! They also played the Peanuts version of "O Tannenbaum" which might represent perfectly the way I always feel around Christmas. I would go into greater detail but didn't you just see it represents the way I feel "perfectly" so adding more words to explain it would mean that I was lying and the song wasn't a perfect representation at all.

My favorite Christmas movies is About A Boy which I must remember to watch this year so I can continue to tell people that it's my favorite Christmas movie. Some people think it's a lousy pick for a Christmas movie because it doesn't bash you in the face with Santa Claus but it's just as Christmassy as It's a Wonderful Life and jerks choose that as their favorite Christmas movie constantly without getting any side-eye. If too cool for everything guys can pick Die Hard as their favorite Christmas movie then I can pick one where the main character gets to live a life of luxury because of a hit Christmas song. Also, I love the way it opens with the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire question asking "Who said that no man is an island?" Hugh Grant answers "Bon Jovi, of course." And he's right. Bon Jovi did say it in one of the songs I think of as one of my life's theme songs: "Santa Fe."

Anyway, Roy Harper is currently driving while guzzling whisky because he's an asshole. I'm fairly certain that with this depiction of him, I can stop wondering why I never liked him and begin wondering why anybody at all does. I have no sympathy for people driving drunk and even less for people defending their actions because alcoholism is a disease. First off, the reason we have such a problem with drunk driving in this country is because the penalty is always a slap on the wrist unless somebody is killed because of it. Nobody in power is willing to attach hard time to the crime because they all fucking do it themselves. Every person arrested for drunk driving should be slapped with an attempted murder charge as well. Second off, not having enough willpower to not engage in risky and self-harming behavior is not a disease. It's a character flaw. My father is a recovering alcoholic and I've been to plenty of AA Meetings over the years. Yeah, sure, it works (if you work it!). But I can't imagine it works for everybody because recovery through AA is an extroverted way of solving the problem. AA Meetings simply become the new bar where everybody hangs out and supports themselves. Alcoholics who make it to AA are generally needy people. I imagine introverted alcoholics have the decency to just rot away and die in a dark room without bothering anybody. I've never taken a poll but I would guess the majority of people recovering through Alcoholics Anonymous own dogs. Fucking "addictive behavior" is just saying "fuck it!" because you really don't give a shit about the consequences of something you love to do. Recovering from your "disease" is finally accepting responsibility for your actions and deciding to be a fucking adult about it.

We really tiptoe around a lot of shit in this country, don't we? Fuck this "I'd rather be nice than smart" movement used to passive-aggressively insult smart people. I'd rather be honest than nice! Although, seriously, nobody has to choose between "nice" and "everything else." Stop thinking nice trumps everything, you stupid assholes. Being nice is definitely something people should strive to be but not at the cost of lying about reality and letting all of the weak-willed monsters dictate the conversation by screaming that they engage in bad behavior because they're sick. Hey, I'm sick too! I'm sick of all of the idiots bemoaning their lots in life! Buck up, motherfuckers! Walk it off! I mean, "I'd rather be nice than selfish!"

Roy Harper sees somebody fly by the windshield of his truck and then reacts poorly. Maybe because he's been drinking and maybe simply because he's Roy Harper.

One minor slap on the wrist coming up!

I don't mean to say people can't bitch and moan and complain about their lives. What the fuck do I spend 95% of my time on the internet doing?! I'm just saying that the world has so many problems that I don't have time to sympathize with people creating their own problems for themselves. In that panel above, Roy fucking did all of that shit to himself and now he's endangering lives by being drunk with a bow and arrow which could spook the cops into murdering everything. He brought that problem on himself. If the above panel were just a black male with a bow simply on the seat next to him being pulled over by these cops, he'd probably be dead by now. That's a serious problem with the world that everybody can complain about all they want because other people need to change to fix it. You know, while they complain about other stuff that hardly matters as well, if they want. I don't think anybody needs to complain that nobody is complaining about the right stuff. Complain about whatever you want! Just don't expect everybody to care if the source of and the solution to the shit you're complaining about is you.

Richard Grayson is currently in the Batcave. He's also hunting for something. The hunting theme is going to be strong in this comic book! Because after Roy hunting for something and Dick hunting for Atlanteans, the next scene begins with Gnaark's omniscient narrator mentioning how he has to know when to go out and hunt. There's also not arguing with fate. But if you argue with fate, weren't you fated to argue with fate? If we're going to embrace the concept of fate then we have to assume that everything that happens was fated to happen. Thus nobody can deny fate because even the denying of fate was fated to fate. Therefore the concept of fate is useless and should never even be brought up.

This is the ninth time in eight pages (not counting the cover!) where the word "hunt" or a form of the word was used. And that's ignoring all the synonyms!

Back in the Batcave, Alfred has decided that the hunting theme can't be played out yet because this comic book still has ten and a half more issues to go. So he begins to tell Dick about how prehistoric hunters thought about hunting because that's something that cave paintings must be about. Alfred figures the knowledge can help Dick use the Batcomputer more efficiently.

Are anthropologists this good at their job that they can reach these kinds of conclusions about how preliterate cultures prepared for a hunt?

Roy Harper has decided that he doesn't want to be arrested by the police for drinking and driving. And since he's a superhero, he has the ability to beat the cops down and escape. I never thought I could dislike Roy Harper more than when he's written by Scott Lobdell but Dan Abnett has changed my mind. That's not a criticism of Dan Abnett! I don't think. I mean, I'd have to get inside of his head the way Alfred has gotten inside the head of prehistoric hunters to know what Abnett is trying to do. He just seems to be writing Roy Harper as a guy who makes mistakes with which I cannot sympathize. He's acting as horribly as Red Robin in Teen Titans when he decided to go on the run with Superboy simply because he believed Superboy didn't murder anybody so why let the actual law deal with it?

Thankfully, Roy Harper gets tazed. But now he's not only driven drunk, he's also assaulted cops and resisted arrest (really resisted arrest! Not that fake bullshit "resisted arrest" which cops use simply to arrest anybody they don't like the look of). So he's in big trouble! Unless that thing that flew past his windshield decides to beat up the cops to save him. And then Roy can be in big trouble and on the run!

There's a scene with Mal and Bumblebee which almost made me rant again but Malcolm cuts the rant off before it can even begin. See, he starts saying how "the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly" which I'm so fucking tired of hearing nice people talk about because they're too fucking lazy to actually understand anything scientific. But he cuts himself off immediately by saying that it's a myth and I breathe a sigh of relief and my heart wipes its brow and my blood pressure lies back in bed and my asshole unpuckers. Probably. I don't actually have any proof of any of that but especially of the butthole thing.

Dick Grayson heads to the beach to fish for Atlanteans. He gets a bite and winds up battling Garth on the beach. Luckily Donna Troy arrives to make things worse. Lucky for Dick! Because Garth was about to murder and eat him.

Titans Hunt #2 Rating: No change. It's not like I should have expected anything different from a Teen Titans comic book. It's always all about the team. It's all about their fucked up lives and incestual relationships within the group. It's always about their mistakes and how they fix their mistakes and how they completely ignore everything in the world that doesn't begin and end with one of them. It's always about their nemeses who want nothing more than to destroy the Titans and so the Titans are always just fighting for their lives and hardly ever fighting to make the world a better place. It's always simply about themselves. Just like every other fucking teenager that ever lived! Unlike Batman and Superman who are adults and they're always fighting enemies who are trying to get revenge on them for constantly putting them in jail and...well, those were bad examples of adults. Adults usually fight to make the world a better place for themselves. So that's...um...different? I think? Hmm. Can I start over before I have to apologize to teenagers?