Sunday, November 29, 2015

Earth 2: Society #6

Calling Anarky "evil" seems a bit over the top. She just has a different opinion on how life should be lived. One with which I don't completely disagree.

I'm pretty sure the Anarky of Earth-Too is female no matter how non-female the Anarky on the cover looks. But then, it's not Anarky's responsibility to proclaim her gender through appearance. Although if she's the kind of person who gets offended when somebody misgenders her by using the wrong pronoun then she can just completely fuck off. Sometimes people don't use the correct pronoun. Who can blame anybody when everybody is trying to look as androgynous as possible! You'd think being accidentally misgendered would be a fucking compliment nowadays! And it's really strange that the most important piece of information on a person's Tumblr is their pronouns yet they risk going out into public without a button or pin stuck to their chest informing everyone they meet of this fact. Although I did once see one young person with a "He/His" button on his backpack that enabled me to type this sentence with the utmost confidence that he wanted to be called he within it.

Look, young people. We know it's cool and trendy to be all-the-sexuals or none-of-the-sexuals but definitely not the regular-old-vanilla-sexuals. And it's hip and groovy to be all-the-genders or none-of-the-genders or some-new-genders-that-haven't-been-thought-up-yet because it makes you interesting and cutting edge and not your parents. Fine. Whatever. Go to town! But don't think you're any different than every other generation of young people all striving to be cool and trendy in whatever was cool and trendy for the time. Also stay off my fucking lawn. If I wanted it to be full of glitter and squees, I'd let strippers wrestle on it.

The worst thing about youth is that it's a standing wave. There are always young people who think they're the first people to ever be young. They're the first people to ever think of an idea. They're the first people who really want to change the world. They're the first people whose parents don't understand them. It's a constant equation. But it's a constant equation with constantly changing variables which quickly don't include you. As you move away from it, you see how it never really changes in any substantive manner. The youths currently in the wave think they're rocking the fucking world. But just wait. The further and further you move from it, the more times you see the faces and style of that wave change but nothing that really matters. And then you just get tired of hearing how the youth know better than everybody else as they point out everything that's already been said and done before.

Tonight I just watched a very special Christmas episode of The Love Boat from around 1986. Peter Scolari (Commissioner Loeb from Gotham for the kids) mentions how when he was younger, his sister had a story book about a princess who went around saving princes and knights in distress. See, Youths? You didn't think of that. That's not your revolutionary idea. Although it would be something you'd be amazed to hear, turn into a gif set, and then proclaim, "Guys! This was in 1986!" As if everybody in the 20th Century was just dripping in cholera as they waded through streets full of feces decrying anybody who would stand against the Patriarchy. Of course it wasn't like that! There were packs of rabid stray dogs everywhere as well.

I'm glad I'm behind a paywall now so I don't have to listen to youths screech at me for opinions they might remember when they eventually hit forty and think to themselves, "Oh yeah. Got it."

Last issue, Batdick, The Flash, and Superman saved Neotropolis from being crushed by the Hitler/Sauron-Dreamcrusher-5, Commander Sato's ship. They realized that the villain behind it was The Newest God Jim Olsen who now calls himself Doctor Impossible so I can stop typing the awkward phrase "The Newest God." They've gone to stop him in his home: the evil city of Erebus which you can tell is evil because it was named Erebus. Doctor Impossible isn't the subtlest guy on the block. But luckily all of the heroes have been caught up in a lot of drama over the past year, so nobody had the passing thought, "Erebus? Really? What the fuck might be going on over there?!"

Doctor Impossible has a few teammates. Johnny Sorrow. Anarky. And a new guy who isn't really new but has yet another new version of himself.

Instead of being a drug addict who gets sort of strong for an hour after taking a pill, the new Hourman becomes a god for an hour after sacrificing a goat.

No, I was wrong. Hourman's just another junkie hopped up on Miraclo.

Doctor Impossible uses Hourman to distract the super friends while he gets away to go see "an old friend." That's when the story flashes back to the origin of Earth-Too Hourman. He's basically the son of the original Hourman, Rex Tyler. So this is the Infinity Inc. Rick Tyler Son of Hourman Hourman.

After the flashback is over, Doctor Impossible visits with Helena Wayne to recruit her to his side. He just wants Earth-2 back instead of having to live on Green Lantern's Earth-Too. So the "evil" side simply wants to try to rebuild their planet at the cost of destroying the Earth-Too created out of the head of Green Lantern. How about they compromise and give Doctor Impossible and his group the evil bottom half of Earth-Too while everybody else can remain on the good top half! I'm sure Green Lantern can move all life into the Northern Hemisphere and then build a big green wall around the equator so that the Southern Hemisphere can be terraformed. It totally sounds like the kind of thing that happens in comic books all of the time! It's certainly no worse an idea than Gotham's Underground!

Earth 2: Society #6 Rating: No change. Hey! Guess what has been a bad idea in this comic book before and continues to be a bad idea? Setting Huntress and Power Girl against each other! Because who doesn't have just the worst memories of their friendship in Worlds' Finest, right? What an awfully joyous and chipper that relationship was! Pee-yuke! So many hugs and laughs and good times! What a wretched idea! But now it's being fixed by putting them at odds against each other. Well done, comic book and writer and editor. Good show! I hate you all.

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