Batman Beyond #6

Shoulder mounted missiles are the couture of the haute in the future.

I haven't watched any movies lately so I'm not going to review a movie. But if my niece's book which she told me about tonight eventually gets made into a movie, I'll review it here. The working title of her book is "Tess Makes Me Barf." It sounds fascinating!

I wonder what other people make my niece do since I make her barf and she's explicitly stated that I'm her favorite person. She must really be hard to please!

Currently in Batman Beyond, Tim Drake has decided it's time to go to the moon and kick Brother Eye in the robot balls. The only way to get to the moon now is to take a ship built by The Court of Owls. Unless it's some other way since I'm really only guessing. I should probably just read the comic book instead of guessing to get it over with since this is now the 54th issue of Futures End which I was completely bored of by around issue sixteen. I'd much rather be playing the new Call of Duty or creating a new board game called "Alleyways and Gangsigns." I don't yet know how the game will be played but I dreamt the name so I should probably create it.

I don't know why I guessed Tim would fly a ship to the moon. That's such an archaic from of travel! It turns out Bruce used the Court of Owls building for Teleporter storage. And since Brother Eye's headquarters is the Justice League satellite crashed on the moon, Tim now has instant access to Brother Eye's balls!

As long as you've got the Bat-lube, Tim.

The rest of the comic book is the final battle with Brother Eye. Inque drips inside of him and shorts him out and, for some terrible reason, his entire consciousness/program is housed inside the body he made for himself with no way out. So Inque sacrifices herself to make sure the entire headquarters on the moon explodes while Tim teleports back to Earth with her daughter. Basically Brother Eye could have been defeated at any time over the last thirty years had somebody just thought to throw a glass of water on him. Which means this series was just a retelling of The Wizard of Oz. Tim winds up in a strange land terrorized by a wicked robot and his flying cyborgs only to defeat them all by throwing water on the bad guy. I suppose this was also the ending of Signs too! From now on, I'm always keeping a glass of water by my bedside table in case an intruder ever breaks in and then SPLASHO! Water right in the face! Apparently it's the greatest weapon in the world.

The final page of the comic book has Tim forgetting to tap his heels together and say that thing about no place being like home (because home is usually way shittier than every other place a person can be). Instead he's all, "I guess this is home! Boring!" And Babs is all, "I can make it less boring for you. Meaning sex. I will have sex with you. Constantly." He doesn't throw a glass of water on her so I guess he's into it. And then the issue ends with a fairly definitive "The End." Does that mean what I think it means?! Is this really the final issue of this series?! I don't see anything online about the series being cancelled although I did find a bit about Lost Army being cancelled which has me thrilled! I wonder if I can get Sinestro cancelled too?

Batman Beyond #6 Rating: -2 Ranking. What a major let down! What a boring bummer of an ending! DC Comics basically just published fifty-four issues of Futures End where Brother Eye completely took over everything and beat all of the world's greatest heroes and destroyed the world! Nobody could defeat him because he was so powerful! And then he's defeated because his inner working got some liquid on them. Why did nobody think to spray him with a hose earlier? It's not like I was expecting an incredible ending to this story since the story itself has been just a little bit better than completely boring. Here's a suggestion to comic book writers: come up with your story before taking on the job of writing a monthly title. I'm sick of writers having no clue what they're doing so that their stories meander from plot point to plot point with no direction. As writers, stop thinking that you're good enough to figure out the story as you go along because it isn't working at all. Most of you are not that good at writing to just wing it. Come up with a fucking plan and write your ass off. I blame the editors too. Stop being lazy assholes and force writers to actually have stories they want to tell.