Superman #45

At least I have one good thing to look forward to this issue: a break from John Romita Jr's goofy-faced people.

When Superman had his powers, he graced a lot of covers with glowing red eyes. Why did I use the word "graced" there? I'm an asshole. Anyway, now that he doesn't have his powers, apparently he's developed Hepatitis.

Superman begins this issue letting the readers know that he still doesn't have his job, his cape, or his powers. And without his powers, he obviously can't get into his Fortress of Solitude since he locks it with that gigantic key which he can't lift now. But he's put on his World's Greatest Detective Glasses and he's looking for clues to solve The Mystery of The Writers Who Suck At Writing Superman. I hope it's a short case and easily solved.

The case has led Superman to Oakland and the headquarters of a company recently taken over by Hordr_root.

That's stealing, Superman!

Superman arrives in Oakland and thinks, "So this is Oakland." So this is his first time in Oakland? What's kept him! It's the secret treasure of The Bay Area (if you're into treasures that won't make you a lot of money). Most people head to the Bay Area to visit San Francisco or Berkeley. But the adventurous head to Oakland! Plus they have their own airport. Berkeley might have a college that you can attend so everybody you know thinks "La dee freaking dah!" whenever you mention it but Oakland has...well it has...um, somebody help me out here? Oh! They have a Coliseum! If you want to go see a Day on the Green, it'll probably be at Oakland Coliseum! I once saw Pink Floyd there while on LSD. It's dangerous trying to board BART with an arena full of people while tripping your balls off. The city is also full of Raiders fans but I wouldn't let that discourage you from visiting! Did I mention they have their own airport?

Clark finds Hordr_root's company and infiltrates it using his Hordr_mask. In the secret extra-dimensional backroom, he finds Quarmers building other Quarmers. Or maybe they're making Raiders merchandise. Horder_root catches Clark because you can't keep a secret from Hordr_root! Also because Superman hasn't strangled anybody recently and I was getting ready to move on to a more violent comic book.

When Clark chokes out Horder_root, he discovers that Hordr_root can jump bodies. I think Clark wasn't paying close attention in previous issues because he should probably already know that about Hordr_root. Hordr_root isn't much of a hand-to-hand combatant so he summons his champion to battle Clark.

His champion or his janitor. The guy looks kind of confused.

Superman takes off his civvies and tackles Apolaki through the wall, partly to expose Hordr_root's secret lab to the skateboarders outside. One of the skateboarders is wearing an Apolaki shirt so I guess he's big shit in Oakland. I have no idea who Apolaki is. Apparently he's an animated sand sculpture because Superman deflects Apolaki's eye blasts back at Apolaki which melt him into molten sand. That was probably just one avatar of him though. I don't think that skater would be such a huge fan of a superhero who accidentally melts himself.

The skaters give Superman a lead to a club ruled by Apolaki called The Thousand One House. "Thousand" has "sand" in it! Thou sand one! Apolaki! Also it's a big number which could represent how many Apolakis there are. Too bad Superman is apparently on the banned list.

Don't forget about stealing that ride on the plane!

Superman buys twenty dollars worth of tacos and then finds a Thunderdome hidden inside the Thousand One House. It's run by a woman named Queen Shahrazad (not my preferred spelling but whatever). So that's a reminder that I need to continue reading The Book of a Thousand Nights and a Night. Maybe instead of fighting in this Thunderdome, they compete by telling dirty stories? Not that all the stories in the 1001 Arabian Nights (that's just so much easier to type!) are dirty but when you're telling stories to save your life, you tend to throw in a lot of stories about fucking.

Now I want tacos.

This Thunderdome is called Mythbrawl. That sounds like a good time. I guess Apolaki is a myth I'm not familiar with. Maybe he's an Oakland Urban Legend? Shahrazad introduces the first contestant on this night.

Please, Earth-2 Superman. I totally see through your disguise!

Superman thinks he's going to speak with Shahrazad and get some answers without having to enter the Mythbrawl himself. Apparently he doesn't remember how comic books work. But he finds out soon enough as he enters the fight between Haemosu and Mayari to stop Haemosu from killing Mayari. Nobody likes a Thunderdome situation where two men enter and two men leave, Superman. The fans don't pay to see losers coddled.

Although fans apparently pay to see the same fight reenacted over and over again.

Superman agrees to fight for money or tacos. Although I suspect once again hearing people shout his name in love and adoration instead of fear and more fear was a bigger motivator to accept the deal.

Superman #45 Rating: +1 Ranking. Yay! A Superman story that I enjoyed! I hope Superman remains in Oakland and forgets all about his old life that was ruined by the whole Truth story arc anyway. I have a feeling that the further Gene Luen Yang can extract himself from Eddie Berganza Superman Crossover Hell, the better this book will be. Yes, he's still dealing with Hordr_root in this story and the whole Mythbrawl thing is just part of the investigation but at least it's an entertaining side path in the annoying labyrinth his life has become. I would be happy with just one Superman book where Superman is acting like a hero. This issue was a good step in that direction.