Sunday, July 29, 2012

Resurrection Man #11

This is basically the same cover from last month. I'm guessing he'll actually run into Hooker this time.

Mitch and his sidekick chick whose name I forget rumble on into Viceroy, Virginia on their search for the Transhuman. They don't actually care about finding him. They want to find the lab where Mitch Shelley once worked. And Mitch is assuming that the Body Doubles took the Transhuman there and Mitch has a device that can track the Transhuman. They "rumble" into Viceroy because they're traveling in one of Transhuman's tank/van hybrids. And apparently they're trying not to stand out.

They're doing it wrong.

The people of Viceroy probably see old men in dark shades with young black women in dark shades trundling into town in a tank every day. Maybe it's just not a surprise because everybody loves Soder, America's Soda!


Obviously, I believe people from Virginia speak like Minnesota toddlers with a speech impediment.
Mitch and Kim (that's her name! I didin't remember it. Mitch just finally called her by name) ditch the Soder Tour and hide in his mystic shadow powers until the plant closes for the night.

I knew soda was evil! That's why I gave it up 16 months ago. It's all iced tea and water for me now. And, you know, the occasional alcoholic beverage.

I'm sure the Soder soda company is just a cover for Mitch Shelley's Super Human Research Center. But maybe it's not! Maybe Soder has been experimenting on the populace for 108 years now! The sugary sweet syrup changes the DNA of the populace across generations, causing them to be more susceptible to the meta-human gene! Which is why Super Heroes exploded across the world sometime around six years ago. And Mitch, having a job sweeping the floors as a young boy, stumbled onto the plot. But since he loved soda so much, he convinced the Soda Men in Black to allow him to work for them. Over the course of the next twenty years, he had taken over and was running the program himself, hiring people like Deathstroke to protect his team as they injected Soder into wounded soldiers all across the world!

So remember, kids! Keep drinking Mr. Pibb and you too will never die!

While searching the place for the lab, Kim touches the wall with her Pervetronic Power and it enables her to see the lab built into the Soder Factory.

That seems like a really stupid design. "Let's make a tower composed mostly of glass windows! And then we'll turn it invisible so nobody knows it's here!" Later: Window Replacement Guy: "Fucking enough with the fucking overtime already! Stupid bastard kids always throwing rocks! Goddamned birds! Piece of shit small planes. I hate this fucking job."

While a hidden tower thrust up in the sky makes me wonder how things aren't constantly smashing into it and shattering the windows, Mitch Shelley muses about how they manage to hide it. "Optical Camouflage?" "Holograms?" "Nano-reflective paint?" I guess me and Mitch are just concerned with different things in life. He's a curious scientist and I'm a cynical asshole.

Being in the building is beginning to trigger old memories in Mitch. He remembers the code that operates the executive elevator and they head on up the tower. He's probably also remembering which bathroom in the building was the least used and what was the best time during the day to take a giant shit without being bothered. And maybe he's remembering all of the little passive-aggressive notes people would leave on their food in the fridge in the lunchroom. Perhaps he now knows which coworkers were most likely to take their lunch break with him to snap naked pictures of each other in the Soder Delivery Van. Perhaps a memory has come back of the time he stopped the executive elevator between floors so he could jerk off while the image of the receptionists nipples poking through her sweater was still fresh in his mind. Finishing up with his seed dripping down the wall and awkwardly getting off on his floor as his penis dribbled cum down his pant leg.

Those are the types of office building memories everybody has, right?

I did find a cock ring at work one time. But that was because I was cleaning the floor of an adult bookstore's back viewing room. The place was composed of a couple of hallways filled with little viewing booths where you could lock the doors. The night shift were supposed to make sure the rooms were cleared out before we got there but one of the doors was locked one night. At some point, a shadowy figure bolted from the room as I was mopping dried semen from the floor. I'm assuming that was probably what was on the floor. When I headed over to mop up that cubicle, I found the guy's cock ring tossed in the hall outside the door. It was his because I'd already been through there sweeping. I picked it up and ran outside, "Sir! Sir! You forgot your cock ring!"

Okay, so I didn't do that last part. Although I did tap a woman on the shoulder while cleaning the floor of a 7-11 one time and said, "Ma'am, you dropped your crack pipe." You should have seen her scramble to awkwardly pick it up. She didn't even say thank you, the bitch! That was the same 7-11 where a guy was trying to buy aluminum foil and bled all over the counter from the needle holes between his fingers.

Just as an addendum, I only cleaned the porn store the one time. I also found a five dollar bill there and was unsure if I even wanted to stick it in my pocket. Also, I wore rubber gloves while cleaning that place! My co-workers usually had the porn store on their route and when they quit (finally!), I dropped the store from my route. The owner called a few times begging me to clean the store but I felt cleaning it was part of my apprenticeship and I wasn't going to keep doing that no matter how much he kept increasing the payment! A floor cleaner has to draw the line somewhere! My line includes 7-11s filled with drugged out patrons and prostitutes but cleaning little booths with glory holes haphazardly cut into the plasterboard walls by the patrons themselves was just a tad over the line. Someone's got to do it! But I think those someones are people who have bosses that tell them what to do.

So those are the kinds of things that I'd suddenly remember if I were an undying amnesiac come back to his place of business!

Mitch and Kim quickly find the Transhuman's cell and attempt a rescue.

Well, they didn't actually come to break you out, exactly. A little more selfish than that.

My favorite character in the book, The Transhuman, is finally back and he turns on Mitch! I can't blame him for that. Mitch is kind of a chump and not exactly the most interesting protagonist of The New 52. The Transhuman is far more interesting and could probably star in a more entertaining title. Hooker (Mitch's old partner now running this military-industrial company) used the Transhuman as bait to lure Mitch back. The whole complex goes on alert and The Body Doubles gear up to help take him down.

Back in Issue #3, Mitch was ready to walk into this lab alongside The Body Doubles and The Transhuman. But then he was killed by an angel and woke up in Arkham Asylum. After that, it appears everybody decided that Mitch was once again trying to run and avoid them. So it was back to hunting him using extreme measures. I'm not sure why Hooker wants him so badly. It's possible that Mitch is the result they were looking for while doing experiments on wounded soldiers in Iraq. So Hooker wants him back to study him and run tests on him to recreate the Super Serum Batch that was used on Mitch when the whole operation became a giant clusterfuck years ago and Mitch was mortally wounded.

The Body Doubles catch up with Mitch and Shelley and everything is back to square one. It's Portland all over again. Mitch seems to be getting the better of them when the Body Double Carmen tackles him through a window.

Window Replacement Guy: "GODDAMNIT!"

Mitch is killed from the fall. Carmen merely breaks her neck and multiple other bones. But she shakes it off and is back to normal in about the same amount of time Mitch takes to resurrect. And he apparently comes back as Cyclops.

Interesting. How exactly did they fail? Better Man: "I'm doing it! I'm screwing you!" Body Double Carmen: "Wrong hole, asshole." Hmm, wait. I wouldn't consider that failure!

Carmen manages to get Mitch in a sleeper hold and then orders some kind of Hammer Matter Transport thing. They're hit by a big blue beam and both of them end up back inside the lab. Mitch is out cold and Bonnie Body Double pumps him full of some kind of sedative. And that's another issue down.

Resurrection Man #11 Rating: No change. I thought maybe the cover, being so similar to last month's cover, might end up being the correct one. But once again, it seems the covers are one month ahead of the story in the comic since Mitch is never confronted by Hooker. Also, still fuzzy about how Mitch ended up in Gotham. Maybe next issue all will be revealed! It won't. Although the Zero Issue might explain some shit. I probably shouldn't be worried about how Mitch went from Portland to Gotham after being disintegrated by Suriel. I think my explanation last issue was a good explanation. I think if his body is completely destroyed with nothing left to resurrect, his current consciousness manages to move back in time and wake up in one of his bodies at a point when it's dead. Sure, that fucks with time. But who cares? This is DC! When did they ever truly care about time travel and its consequences?

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