Monday, July 30, 2012

Legion of Super-heroes #11

I just can't imagine ever enjoying this super group no matter how well written they are.

I apologize to all of the Legion of Super-hero fans out there because I just can't comment on this title without being completely biased. I think you really need to have some kind of history with this group to enjoy it. This cover with Comet Girl freaked out making a last stand probably fills Legion fans full of feels. But all I can think is, "Is she naked?"

Judging by the cover (and last issue's cover which showed the rescuers captured as well (and about to be inseminated by a Dominator turkey baster)), the rescue mission isn't going to go so well. But maybe Comet Girl, whom everybody seems to find annoying, will prove she's not simply a spastic sex monkey and rescue them all! Do I even need to read the comic? The cover is telling me everything I need to know!

The Ex-Legionnaires disguise themselves as an erratic comet exploding in the skies of Dominion. The Dominators are easily fooled since most comets that punch into their planet's surface do so on a weaving, drunken trajectory.

Here we are! Here we come! Lead us, Thom Kallor! Lead us!

Oh! I know what the plan is! Bouncing Boy will inflate to a gigantic size and begin rolling around the planet. Star Boy will increase Chuck's mass so that his gravitational pull causes everything to stick to him!

"We are moved to tears by the size of Chuck's thing!"

If Katamari isn't their plan, they'd better think up one quickly. The Dominators have decided the prisoners have been held in their cell long enough and are ready to turn them into DNA protein shakes for their experimental creations.

Uh oh! Here come the Spooge Sticks!

Dream Girl must have dreamed a dream about the Dominator trying to shove a Spooge Stick into her belly (or wherever Spooge Sticks go. A stork, maybe?). So she knew it was coming! That's a pun!

The space cavalry breaks through the roof and subdues all of the Dominator guards. It looks like the rescue is going to be successful! I don't know what that cover was talking about! So stupid! And why did they call this issue "Betrayal"? Nobody's been betrayed! Everything worked out perfectly! And in half as many pages as usual!

I suspect the last ten pages will be Legion enjoying each others' company on the flight back to Earth, sipping tea and reminiscing. It will be very relaxing and allow me some time to get to know the characters. Maybe I'll find out that I have a lot in common with Star Boy! Or that Dream Girl thinks Earl Grey tastes like Fruity Pebbles too! Maybe they'll discuss how Alice in Wonderland is an analogy of a girl becoming a woman and how the entire episode takes place during, and is a metaphor for, Alice's first menstruation. Perhaps they'll all laugh about how nobody on the internet is reading this commentary because the only people reading Legion of Super-heroes are super fans of the group and probably hate my inappropriate prejudice in my writing voice.

Or maybe somebody will be betrayed and they'll all get caught!

Surprise! The betrayer was the one still standing on the cover! No, seriously! I'm surprised!

Comet Queen blasts Brainiac in the middle of battle but I don't think she did it because she's working for the Dominators. Cosmic Boy mentioned earlier in the comic that one of the rescue team was recovering from a mind-wipe, whatever that is. Perhaps that was Comet Queen and she also had some supplanted suggestions as well. It's MK Ultra still going strong in the 31st Century! Fans of the book probably know what's going on with Comet Queen and who she means by someone who really, really doesn't like Brainiac 5. But since the mind-wipe and the person not liking Brainiac are all part of Pre-New 52 history, I have no idea what's going on.

The point being: the Dominators catch them all! They suspect no message got out but something has to happen for the other Legionnaires to get the proof they need to attack the Dominator's home-world and rescue their compatriots. Or maybe Comet Queen will escape and do the warning part herself.

Legion of Super-heroes #11 Rating: No change. It's just a matter of time before I become a fan of these goofballs too, right? How many issues does that take? My guess is fifty.

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