Saturday, July 14, 2012

I, Vampire #10

Yay! A musical issue! Too bad I don't know The Sound of Music very well or I'd do an entire parody with this issue!

The musical opens with a choreographed fight between Mary and Andrew Bennett as the overture plays. As the overture ends, the fight moves upstage as Professor John, Tig, and the Van Helsings are lowered on to the front of the stage in their Van Helsing planes.

The opening song is a duet between the Van Helsing Leader and Professor John Troughton. It's a bunch of philosophical banter back and forth that proves nothing because neither one will budge from his core belief. The Van Helsings believe that Mary needs to die yet Andrew lets her live. So Andrew needs to die as well. Professor John agrees with the Mary needing to die part! But he can't do it himself and he doesn't see why Andrew should die simply because he can't bring himself to kill Mary. Andrew does so much good in other ways.

Why John participates in this discussion, I have no idea. Van Helsing is just stalling for time as the planes come within range of the vampire encampment so he can napalm the shit out of them.

What if they accidentally hit Salt Lake City? Would that be funny or tragic?

Andrew Bennett uses his Zatanna backwards magic power to stave off the Napalm. It helps keep him and Mary free from burning to death, at least. And I think a few other vampires near them. Andrew also lets it slip in front of Mary that he sent for the Van Helsings. It seems he was idiotic enough to believe he could form some kind of alliance with them.

Maybe by "Death to the Hellspawn" they mean "We're with you, Andrew Bennett!"

Maybe I should have made this commentary a parody of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I think I could have made that work. Except the operative word in that last sentence is "work" and I've already spent too much time making DC Universe Presents #10: Savage into a children's book. I still have a backlog of about 35 comic books, so I can't keep getting crazy with my commentaries. I need to just push out a bunch of mediocre ones so I can feel free to spend as much time as I want on every new comic coming out each week!

I wonder if I can equate every comic in the New 52 with a musical? That might need to be an entry for a later date.

Bennett tries to keep the vampires from killing the Van Helsings. Just like Professor John, he thinks he can talk the Van Helsings out of their centuries old hatred for vampires. It works as well as anybody might expect. Andrew gets a stake in the chest. And then the Van Helsings land and the vampires begin killing them. But the Van Helsings are wearing some sort of Anubis amulet around their necks. I have a feeling they might get a few respawns during this fight.

Meanwhile, Tig and Professor John remain on the plane.

I'm sure there were a few extra parachutes on board. And maybe some Anubis amulets!

The ground is eventually littered with dead Van Helsings. But that doesn't last for long. They all begin to get back up and begin the attack again. That's the end of this issue and I have no idea which side is winning!

I, Vampire #10 Rating: No change. The one change I'm still wishing for though is for some color to be brought to the comic. I get that this is the style and I should probably live with it. But it's bland and blah and ooky. It's like playing Fallout 3. I get that it's a post-apocalyptic world and everything is rubble and concrete. But fuck, man. Put some color somewhere. And then Bethesda follows up with Skyrim! Sheesh. Everything's fucking white. Great! Look what a beautiful game we could have made but decided to cover it in snow!

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