G.I. Combat #3

Why did time have to suddenly remember this war?

The War That Time Forgot begins showing a flashback of Elliot this issue.

This scene is either showing how Elliot loves and cares for animals or that his wife is an unfeeling, shallow bitch.

Elliot can't help but take care of the poor, lost, lonely puppy. And judging by the cover, he's a sucker for cute little animals of any kind. But don't be fooled into thinking he's a softy! If something tries to eat him, he has no problem stuffing a grenade down its throat and dancing on its blood-soaked carcass.

Elliot finds a small dinosaur with billions of sharp teeth tearing the head off of a rat and he approaches it smiling. It's so cute! Like a terrifyingly deadly muppet! But just as he's about to tame it and name it George (if you know why he names it George and what he's going to do with it afterward, you're fucking old), Stevens runs up and scares the dinosaur off.

What a speciesist jerk! There are hundreds of different types of dinosaurs (possibly thousands but since God didn't say how many when he wrote The Bible, there's no way to know how many)! That one might have been one of the cuddly ones that gives adult massages.

Elliot and Stevens still haven't bothered to find out the name of their Korean Friend, so I'll just refer to him as K.F. He's the most likable member of the group because he barely says anything. Elliot was a bit of a cipher and simply "the best friend" last issue. But now his characterization has just exploded all over the place since we've found out he's an animal lover and caregiver! Although he's still mistrustful of K.F. Stevens, it turns out, is just an ashole asshole! That typo made me remember that Stevens first name is Ash!

These panels are deceptive because he seems to be acting so nice to K.F. But if they were at war, BAM MOTHER FUCKER! Brains all over some kind of North Korean bush I don't recognize!

Pretty soon, the team encounter a herd of Gasplochadons (I might be wrong on the name). Elliot and Ash blow one up and dive out of the way, leaving K.F. to handle the rest of them alone!

Noooooooo! My favorite character in G.I. Combat!

Korean Friend is torn apart by the Gasplochadons because his character was making the plot too complex. The tension was just too high wondering if he's going to turn on the Americans because he's a rat bastard Axis of Evil North Korean! Now the reader can concentrate on the strong platonic love of two war buddies just trying to survive.

While trying to save K.F. unsuccessfully, Elliot's gun is grabbed by a Gasplochadon and Elliot refuses to let go! So in order to save Elliot's gun, Ash shows off some mean fucking basketball skills.

What's that? About a thirty foot horizontal?

Ash manages to make the dinosaur let go of the gun and it falls to the ground. Elliot falls to the ground as well which is what Elliot could have done at any time without Ash's help so I can only assume they were trying to save the gun. But then the dinosaur stumbles with Ash on its back!

"NO! I told you to let go!"

Thus ends the next chapter of The War That Time Forgot. But here's a bonus scanned page that I found while looking in my 1976 Charlie Brown's Super Book of Questions and Answers.

"When I was in pre-school, we didn't believe in any of this new fangled asteroids destroying dinosaurs crap! We believed they died from biological warfare with the rats that ate their babies!"

The second half of G.I. Combat is going to suck because I find this super version of the Unknown Soldier uninteresting.

Unknown soldier kills hundreds of terrorists and captures the guy behind Red Jihad only to find out he's too late. The white teenaged kidnapped terrorists are already in New York and ready to destroy it next issue.

G.I. Combat #3 Rating: -2 Ranking. It gets a negative one for each story! The dinosaur story is just bland with fairly shallow characters. And the Unknown Soldier is ridiculous. I can't stand the Rambo style one man badass taking out hundreds of opponents style story. Oh but it has a big twist! The terrorists are white youths! Ho ho! Big fucking deal. Bored!