Monday, July 9, 2012

Batwoman #10

Some Urban Legends Batwoman didn't fight: The Spider Nest in The Beehive Hairdo Lady, The Exploding Biscuits Woman, The Ate The Other Guy's Cookies Dude, The Microwaved Poodle, The Flashing Headlights Gangbanger, and The Kidney Stealing Organ Salesman.

The kiss that ended last issue doesn't last very long. I mean, it lasted a full month, I guess. But in comic book panels, it's over in three panels. Hmm, that's actually a lot of panels devoted to girls kissing. I think guys kissing have had a total of one panel so far in all of The New 52. I think there might be a double standard! Or maybe DC knows their audience is made of adolescent boys and twenty-something men who don't freak out when two women kiss (because it's hot) but turn the entire internet upside down as soon as they find out two men are going to kiss. But DC made sure to explode a train on those men so it will never happen again. At least not until Apollo and Midnighter fuck in Stormwatch. I hope that happens after Midnighter kicks Batman's ass and Apollo is so turned on that he just face fucks Midnighter in front of Damian Wayne and Titus.

Am I now writing fan fiction? Just be thankful I didn't pull out my penis pen and paper and draw that scene! Or be unthankful if you really wanted to see that drawing!

After the kiss, Sune decides to kill Falchion. This is Batwoman's reaction to the murder:

Oh please. You just blew out his fucking eyeball which easily could have killed him. You can't have a shocked reaction to Sune finishing him off. It's not allowed.

Sometimes, Batwoman, you just have to ask yourself: "Are you being a jerk?"

Eighteen hours prior to Batwoman judging Sune, Maggie (Kate (Batwoman!) Kane's girlfriend!) was speaking with Commissioner Gordon about the case of the missing children. It seems everyone wants her off the case, even Mayor Hady. Who fucking cares? Mayor Hady is a prick. Gordon tells Maggie to imagine the newest girl found dead was Maggie's own child and to use that drive to get the case solved. So Maggie makes a phone call.

Looks like Maggie has a daughter of her own. Unless she calls her son Pixie. Just saying! Not judging!

Thirty five hours previous to Batwoman making out with Sune, Jacob (Kate (Maggie's Girlfriend!) Kane's Father) was once again at the bedside of his niece, Bette (Flamebird!) Kane. And while most of these scenes have been miserable and invoked no emotion at all, this one finally works. Maybe it works because he tells a story about putting down his daughters' dying cat and I can't even read a fictional account of a fictional animal dying without feeling sad. But I think it actually works because Jacob is really opening up to Bette. The story he tells has nothing to do with Bette and Bette can't hear a word he's saying. But he's finally being honest with himself and admitting to things he's been avoiding for so long. Also, his necklace is the spent shell used to kill their dying cat.

If you don't want to try and read all of that small print, let me summarize for you: "Waa waa waa waa waa waa I loved my non-gay daughter better!" By the way, I cried for three days when my first cat died. So there!

Should I even discuss Chase's story from two hours previous? Where Killer Croc blows up the sewers and kills most of her DEO Agents? How she spends the last few moments holding the hand of one of her co-workers as he dies? How caring and sympathetic she is? How she remains behind to see him to his end instead of hunting down the bad guys like everyone would expect of her? How, perhaps, she might have some empathy in her after all?

No, fuck it. She's a cunt.

After a brief hiatus where Maro (Sune's Brother and Falchion's Warlock!) transforms Killer Croc into Mutant Killer Babylonian Sobek Devourer Crocodile in the Sewers Urban Legend Monster Man, the action returns to Batwoman where Sune claims only Falchion's sword can finish him. But Batwoman won't let Sune kill him with it. And then Sune springs the big twist surprise that everybody saw coming, especially because she screwed up Batwoman's fight against Falchion when Batwoman had the upper hand by throwing that darkness bomb last issue.

Surprise! Sune has her own agenda! Biggest shocker of The New 52, amirite?

After she reveals her true motivation was just to get Falchion out of the way so she could move up the ranks in Medusa, she pulls another surprise out of her hat! Now this one I didn't see coming but, frankly, who cares? She obviously wasn't going to betray her practically twin brother Maro. They both have funny birthmarks under one eye, mirror-image-like. That means they're super close twinsies!


Batwoman #10 Rating: No change. This story line is like a vortex spiraling the toilet bowl. Not that the story is bad! But it keeps covering the same ground in shorter and shorter amounts of time. This month does manage to make Jacob Kane and Cameron Chase somewhat human. But it's only finally getting past the whole Sleepaway Camp ending so that Batwoman can finally face her real enemy: Twinsies Maro-Sune! Oh, plus all of the other Urban Legends that had been defeated earlier all seem to be regaining their footing. So Batwoman might have to fight them all over again next issue!

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