Futures End: Supergirl #1

Five years ago, the world as we know it ceased to be. Luckily, the world as we know it from The Road Warrior came into being. Many people were prepared for this turn of events. Too bad those people were geeks and nerds without any real survival skills. Tragically, they were all rape-murdered by corporate CEOs who, it turned out, were the biggest sociopaths on the planet. Some nerds and geeks survived longer than others due to their proficiency at oral sex. But even these desperate, shameless nerds could not last for long. Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea gave and gave and gave but eventually, as he knew deep down would happen, he used a little too much teeth. He was thrown into Lightning Dome, a more terrifying version of Thunder Dome, where twenty combatants entered and nineteen left. Mostly because the nineteen were working together to fightfuck the lone other. Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea lasted thirteen minutes, a good showing but not good enough to be remembered for more than the long weekend.

As it turned out, some of the most depraved and richest CEOs were the biggest fans of Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea. When the updates stopped (for, you see, DC Comics continued to publish during these post-apocalyptic times although their market share was now worse than Dynamite. In their defense, Gail Simone was being forced to write all of the titles deep within Dynamite headquarters, and all of the titles featured naked lesbians as every character), the CEOs grew desperate for the only written entertainment they could stomach. A new Tess was needed. And who better to take over the job than the monster that delivered the death thrust to Tess, Goggles McDeathhurt.

And now, five years later, Goggles McDeathhurt and Xanadux Rat Wine (Mit Jellied Pinkies) Present: HOLY FUCK! Don't Put That There Chai Tea! But other radio broadcasts continue to pierce the dust. One of these is "Deep Thought," The Deep Stacks continuous cataloging of any text they can find. The broadcasts are archived in block of various length, depending on how much each Archivist is willing to read before ending his or her block to let the next Archivist on air.

Welcome to Deep Thought, Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Three. I am Archivist Wharton. For reference purposes, my last Block was Eleven Thousand, Three Hundred, Seventy-Eight. Text read and commented on within that block was Polaroids from the Dead (partial) by Douglas Coupland. The entire text spanned Blocks Eleven Thousand, Three Hundred, Sixty-Five to Eleven Thousand, Three Hundred, Eighty-Two.

Today is the Fourteenth of Queequeg. The time is Five Sixteen PM. The first text is DC Comics' "Futures End: Supergirl #1" by writer Tony Bedard, penciller Emanuela Lupacchino, inker Ray McCarthy, colorist Hi-Fi, letterer Rob Leigh, editor Ricky Purdin, and group editor Eddie Berganza. The three dimensional cover with two images, each seen only at specific angles (one image of a human Supergirl, the other image of a cyborg Supergirl with a cyborg Superman) was done by Giuseppe Camuncoli, Cam Smith, and Dan Brown. The story is called "The Perfect is the Enemy of the Good" (cross reference Voltaire's La Bégueule, Block Five Hundred, Thirteen).

The story takes place five years after the previous issue of Supergirl (cross reference Supergirl #34, Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Two). Supergirl has become part machine and now calls herself Herald Two. She has teamed up with Cyborg Superman who she refers to as Herald One. They have returned to Earth seeking a neo sapien which they can use to recreate a Kryptonian. Cyborg Superman explains that he was almost destroyed the last time he was on Earth (cross reference Doomed #2, Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Two).

Supergirl has never felt she fit in on Earth, having known only heartache, sorrow, and rejection. Presumably Cyborg Superman has provided her with love and friendship, or at least the robot equivalent of them. If only Supergirl had known previously that Cyborg Superman was her father, Zor-el, perhaps she would have fought to save him from the grip of Brainiac rather than giving in to Brainiac's control herself. Although love is all Supergirl has desperately been seeking after feeling betrayed and abandoned by her father just before Krypton exploded, so learning that Cyborg Superman was her father could also have sent her into a childish tantrum but backed with her incredible strength and new powers gifted from the yellow sun.

Supergirl's search for a neo sapien leads her to Captain Comet (cross reference DC Comics Presents #22 and DC Comics Presents #91, Block Five Thousand, Eight Hundred, Nine).

Sad, lost, unloved Kara Zor-el seems to have found people who loved her in The Wanderers (cross reference Adventure Comics #375 for the first appearance of their first incarnation, Block One Thousand, Six).

Kara remembers her love for Captain Comet, for Adam. Love. What is it, really? How did it manifest within Supergirl's heart, within her mind? Was she truly in love with the man that was Captain Comet, or was she in love with feeling love and acceptance for the first time while on Earth? And what did this Adam find appealing in Supergirl? Was she the manifestation of the one woman Adam had ever met that could compare with his advanced evolutionary being? Was she simply a mirror of his own self, constantly feeding Adam's ego which he mistook for intimacy and caring companionship? Why has Adam searched so long for Supergirl after she was removed from his life? My guess is that their love remained unrequited, and it was this driving, thirsting need for that which he lost before he could ever have it that propelled him forward. That is my guess because what it hardly ever actually is, is love.

Who is the most likely to keep a woman from love, to make sure a woman keeps to her class, and her people? Who is the one that drastically tries to shape a girl to be what he, and the society he is true to, needs her to be? The answer is right in front of you, Kara. Who else could he be but your father?

Kara continues to ask the question, "Who are you?" If he finally relents and tells her, after all the troubles he took on to keep the secret safe, he will be making his final mistake. At this point, the last person she wants to still have any say about her life is the man that did not allow her to choose her final fate when her home was dying. He was the one that drove his child away. And once gone, the child he dreamed of, the one he hoped would make a big splash in society, the one that would sweep all the young, wealthy, important men off of their feet...that child was, is, lost to him, to herself, to society...to everyone. All he will be met with is years of rage at the man who took everything from her even though he was merely trying to give her everything.

Cyborg Superman never reveals the truth although it would seem Supergirl can guess and is simply denying it from herself. Captain Comet's Wanderers arrive to defeat Cyborg Superman and drive him away. It is then that Supergirl finds what she believes she has been searching for.

She is correct that love is fleeting and fragile and may exist only in this one perfect moment. For love truly only exists when it is longed for, and desired, and kept hidden away. What ifs hold more promise and intrigue than what is.

That brings to an end the text of "Futures End: Supergirl #1." Next I have Chick Tract #13, "Caught," by Jack Chick (cross reference The Next Step for Growing Christians, Block Three Thousand, Three Hundred, Fifty-Four).

The story begins with a man and a hesitant, virginal woman rendezvousing at a seedy motel. The room in which they intend to fornicate is full of strange creatures, a large angel, and a possibly rabid dog.

The angel videotapes the sexual liaison while a small creature with spotted skin joins in. Later the three go out to dinner where they're greeted by a dimwitted man that cannot perceive what is right in front of him and cannot keep his big mouth shut.

The woman, Jessica, decides she needs to be forgiven for having sexual relations with a liar, so she calls Roger's wife to let her know that she had her husband's dick inside of her and to please tell her that she's okay with it.

Roger reacts appropriately to his wife's Dear John letter where she calls him a shameful snake with AIDS. The little spotted guy hopes he has a son forthcoming.

Roger begins to feel guilty so he calls his cousin who hates him. His cousin pretends to be busy and sends him to the most obnoxious, self-righteous member of his church.

Bob commits the sin of pride all over the place when he speaks for God by telling Roger how God feels about what Roger did.

Roger points out that everybody at church is committing adultery, so he thought they were going to have a good gossip but Bob ruined it by becoming preachy. But Bob decides preachy is Roger's best bet at God's forgiveness and begins to tell Roger all about King David.

When David was young, he was already showing disturbing, sociopathic behaviors like killing animals. But eventually, the Israelites would need a psychopath when they were confronted by a giant man that was tired of being called a monster.

Goliath makes a terrible, terrible wager not realizing that the true monster is a boy in the front row of the gathering throng.

David continues to show signs that he is a bloodthirsty psychopath.

David becomes king and sees his first naked woman. He thinks sex might be better with his horned, spotted friend if they included this woman in the act.

King David remembers to invite the angel to his orgy. Too bad God had not yet invented video cameras.

God, who is responsible for all births, apparently uses children to punish sinners.

King David shows Uriah what to do with his finger while he makes love to his wife. Uriah forgets to ask how King David knows that his wife likes that finger thing.

As long as Kind David was in, and in for good, he might as well go the whole hog (cross reference The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Block Eight Thousand, Nine Hundred, Seventy-Four).

An obnoxious, self-righteous ass of Kind David's time stops by to tell him a thinly veiled analogy.

Bob indirectly tells Roger that he can solve his problems with murder followed by repentance.

Bob points out that Jesus died for Roger's sins, so if Roger believes it, Roger will be okay. But apparently there is another way to repent without believing in Jesus since Kind David came before Jesus and he still managed it somehow.

Roger makes a good point about how awfully self-righteous and obnoxious every conversation in heaven is going to turn out.

Robert eventually dies just like everybody will eventually die. Take that, you sinner.

That ends Block Eleven Thousand, Five Hundred, Sixty-Three of Deep Thought. Please stay tuned for Archivist Packard's Choose Your Own Adventure Hour.

Supergirl #24

Now that Supergirl's flesh has been used to give Cyborg Superman his identity back, do I have to end this commentary with a shot of Cyborg Superman's ass? It might be sexy but I have a feeling it won't be adorable.

I have a confession to make. Actually, it's not much of a confession since all of my philosophy is malleable depending on the situation, being that I'm a Situational Individualist. So when I say I never high-five people, that's generally true. But I did high-five somebody in Las Vegas two weeks ago.

I was on Fremont Street with a bunch of old friends (and a few new ones) when the ceiling light show shit began with Queen. We were singing and walking and grooving along when We Are the Champions ended and it switched to the Monster Mash. At that point, I began dancing with my buddy Brent. At first I was doing the Molly Ringwald but then I began dancing like a Werewolf and then like a Vampire and then like a Mummy. If I'd put a hat down, I probably would have made a few bucks. Eventually Brent decided to dance like a charging bull and plowed into me and we laughed and stopped and continued on to the next casino. As we were entering the casino, some guy standing by the door yelled, "Hey! It's the dancing guy! That was awesome!" and he proffered the up top high-five. So what? I'm going to leave a stranger who appreciated the majesty of my Monster Mashing hanging? Fuck no!

Plus I was kind of drunk. And you know the kinds of stupid, embarrassing things people do when they're drunk! I am not ashamed. He also may have been five years old and who am I to deny a five year old a high five? Yeah, he was tall for one so young but what do I know about children?

So now you know. Anything I say on this blog is not set in stone, depending on the situation and depending on the people involved in the situation. Nobody should be ensconced in any foundational philosophy that doesn't allow room for mercy and understanding. First and foremost, we are all individuals. We should all understand and respect that. Except in situations when the individual's name is Scott Lobdell. Fuck him!

So Supergirl! She's cute, right? Let's read about her! If she's still alive somehow after melting away into nothing.

Just like I confusingly predicted last commentary: Supergirl's shoved her chocolate deep into I'noxia's peanut butter!

Brainiac has arrived to give Supergirl a K-Pap Smear. But Cyborg Superman (who is no longer Cyborg Superman but Zor-el, Supergirl's father) doesn't want Brainiac anywhere near his daughter's dainty parts, no matter how scientific and unsexy Brainiac's motivations might be. He convinces his lab assistant, Delacore, to put everything I'noxia has into repelling Brainiac while Zor-el figures out a way to save everyone and restore Kara's adorable little bum. Delacore agrees because with a name like Delacore, he certainly isn't going to win a fist-fight, even if it is with a naked, traumatized man of science composed of his daughter's supple flesh.

"And a truth that you must keep me from learning no matter how much I beg and plead and say, 'But why wouldn't I want to know? I want to know now so I should know! I was stupid not to want me to know!' Because once I learn the truth again, I'll wind up saying, 'I never should have known!'"

While Brainiac attacks I'noxia topside, Kara attacks from deep within its bowels. She's going to herniate the fuck out of this place unless she gets her body back pronto! That should have whoever is in charge worried. I don't know who is in charge. I guess Zor-el although he's kind of fucked up everything so far!

Supergirl wants to kill Cyborg Superman for taking her body. That's understandable. But little does she know she's suffering from Daddy Issues! Ha ha! Your daddy took away your body and your innocence and just left a pile of raging atoms! Why isn't that as funny as I want it to be? Why did that statement hurt my heart so much?! DADDY!

"Delacore?! Do we really have time for the Heroin Fueled Sex Contraption?! Oh what am I saying? There's always time for the Heroin Fueled Sex Contraption!"

Delacore reverses the operations and Zor-el once again becomes the amnesiac, Cyborg Superman. And Supergirl's body is restored in its full, naked, nipply glory! I'm assuming that Kryptonian females have nipples. I'm fairly certain Kryptonian children are reared by machines and clones and vats full of artificial amniotic fluids! It's a good thing Superman was nourished by the sun when he came to Earth since Ma Kent's cow milk and corn fritters couldn't actually be digested by the boy.

While Supergirl stupidly gets dressed, Cyborg Superman and Brainiac trade wicked barbs like "You're not super at all!" and "You're dumb!" It's all very 3rd Grade Recess which makes it perfect for my level of understanding. I'm totally getting that they don't like each other at all! I appreciate when comic books don't go the subtle route.

Delacore and the rest of I'noxia turn into a silver sphere, convince Supergirl to flee while Brainiac and Cyborg Superman are playing tetherball, and say their goodbyes to Supergirl.

I'm actually looking forward to Delacore's future return! I don't say that often about characters!

Supergirl flees I'noxia and runs straight into the worst final page of a comic book ever! She runs into Oracle, Scott Lobdell's stupid fucking nonsense omnipotent thing that isn't actually omnipotent and doesn't actually do anything at all. But I suppose he's here to suck Kara into the worst crossover since H'el on Earth: THE RETURN OF KRYPTON!!!!! Did I give it enough exclamation points?

Supergirl #24 Rating: +10 Ranking. I have enjoyed this comic book since it started even if it was a bit decompressed for my tastes during its first year. But it's been languishing beneath a bunch of titles that I only occasionally enjoy and I think it's time for Supergirl to get a nice boost, preferably by my hands and preferably by her bottom. I also sense her comic might not fare too well during Issue #25 since it will be tied directly to Scott Lobdell's awesomest story ever told by either Marvel or DC!

Cyborg Superman #1

Who has been working on making 3D technology better? They should have been working on curing cancer.

The depth of field on some of these 3D covers is pretty spectacular. Especially considering how far 3D technology has come. Before it used to make you feel like you were having an icepick jabbed into the base of your brain. Now I just feel slightly buzzed.

Cyborg Superman actually has nothing to do with Action Comics, thank the ever-loving, Scott Lobdell-despising stars. Yes, it's true. The firmament hates Scott Lobdell. Look, I don't make up truths. Truths just exist with or without my intervention. I can pass truths along as I discover them. But I don't make them up. Any school kid could tell you if I made up a truth it would be a lie. Duh!

For those of you not reading Supergirl, Cyborg Superman came out of the pages of her comic book. Here's a gigantic spoiler right up front: Cyborg Superman is her father. And it might have been a truly tearful and uplifting reunion if Cyborg Superman hadn't needed to disintegrate Supergirl in order to use her flesh to create his flesh and bring back his memories. Of course once his memories were restored and he realized Supergirl was his daughter, he had a little bit of an "Oh shit" moment.

The issue begins nine months after Krypton's destruction on the ruined city of Argo. Argo was Jor-el's brother Zor-el's attempt at saving some people on Krypton. While Jor-el thought everybody could retreat into The Phantom Zone (even though it was filled with super maniacs), Zor-el thought perhaps a force-field around a city might be a better shot at survival. And it was! Although it was also merely a temporary solution and in the end, Zor-el, like his brother, had to jettison his child into space and towards Earth. Now Brainiac has found Argo and is investigating.

Fuck you! Lesser brother, my ass. He saved an entire city! Kind of. For a few months. But all Jor-el saved was one lousy baby!

Brainiac takes Zor-el and outfits him with Cyborg body parts but the process causes him to lose some memory and that's the end! Unless it's different since I'm just guessing at that part because most of Cyborg Superman's origin was already given away in Supergirl. But how and why Zor-el went the Argo route over the launch his teenage daughter into deep space route hasn't been told. Which is why they're telling it here!

I was worried that I would absolutely despise any scene on Krypton. But now I know I've only hated Krypton so far because Scott Lobdell was writing it. Oh, and whoever had to take over his shitty ass World of Krypton story. I don't blame that person so I'm not going to bother looking up who it was.

I have to remember to stop asking the Non-Certified Spouse a question as I'm headed to the bathroom. Because in her mind, we're beginning a conversation while in my mind I'm thinking, "HOLY FUCK I'M GOING TO SHIT MYSELF WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!" So I miss most of whatever is being said anyway as I slowly edge my way out of the room and toward the bathroom. I suppose I should preface quick questions like that with, "My bowels are about to express themselves really violently so please keep your answer to this question very short."

I know what you're thinking: stop asking questions when you need to use the water closet. I don't know why you insist on calling it a water closet though. That's a bit weird and outdated. Anyway, it's not like I always ask a question on my way out of or through the room. But just the sign of life in me sometimes causes her to begin a conversation, especially because she probably hadn't seen me for sixteen hours because I had to work all night and then I went to bed before she got up and then I disappeared into my office to read comic books and then when I finally need to rush to the bathroom, that's when we run into each other!

Of course I do it to, it being the starting the conversation thing as the other person leaves the room. I imagine it's a human trait. You see somebody leaving and you instantly begin thinking of questions you need answered just in case they fall down the stairs and break their necks when they're suddenly out of your sight.

Back to Cyborg Superman, I noticed in the credits that "the Cyborg was created by Dan Jurgens." That harkens back to the Death of Superman days. I don't remember what that Cyborg Superman was like. Was he Zor-el back then too? Because if not, it seems odd that you have to credit somebody just because both of your characters are cyborgs and Superman! But if they're both cyborgs and Superman and Zor-el, then I think the created by tag is justified.

In other words, turn him into a gigantic asshole.

As Brainiac tears Zor-el apart and fits him with mechanical pieces, he says something I really love: "What need does a man truly have of an origin abused by cowards and lovers?" I figured he was talking about taking away his painful memories of his brother being a superior dickface. But then I reread it while looking at the picture and he says "organ" and not "origin" and he's talking about Zor-el's heart. Bah! How can a sentence go from profound subtlety to overused cliche from one misread word?! And why would Brainiac use the human metaphor of the heart anyway? Maybe he's just immersed himself in human culture and his brain is currently steeping in Shakespeare.

Hey! Did you notice I didn't make a "we can rebuild him" reference?! Fuck.

The smartest being in the Universe and he can't even pronounce "Kyrpton" correctly."

Brainiac gives Cyborg Superman a super in-depth physical with lots of results which Brainiac describes as "super" before sending Cyborg Superman out into the universe to help with his gardening.

I knew he'd been boning Shakespeare!

I may have forgotten a preposition or two in that previous caption! And by "forgotten," I actually mean "purposefully left out."

Now I'm going to have people Googling Brainiac's words to figure out which play he is quoting from. If he is quoting from a play, I don't know which one! I'm just pointing out that he's been overly metaphoric and dramatic with his stupid soliloquies. And technically, yes, it is considered a soliloquy when you're giving commands to a Robot-man. It's still a soliloquy when I'm at home and I say, "Toast has never taken so long! In all the history of all the histories of all the universes, no love, betrayal nor conquest, no rise and fall of any civilization, not one of these things, if they were to be revealed upon us as a vibrant tapestry reveals all history at one glance, none would strike me with greater pathos than the unending ennui which falls upon one's soul while waiting for the bread to toast. Toast, you Goddamned Cursèd Toaster! TOAST!" And then the Non-Certified Spouse yells from the other room, "Did you say something?" And then the toast would pop and I'd mumble, "Never mind."

"Allura! Why must you insist on leaving you Kryptonian dildos all over my workstation? What if our daughter were to get her hands on one of these? You know their over-use can lead to antisocial behaviour and a tendency to punch people in the face upon a first meeting."

Cyborg Superman begins touring the universe searching for perfect specimens to take back to Brainiac so he can make them perfecter. Brainiac isn't simply a perfectionist. He's a perfecterestionest. Because he's always got to the best at everything. This makes life difficult because he often wants to be the best at pronouncing words but then he also needs to be the best at mispronouncing words. It's a struggle but he still manages to juggle it all.

The Insect Lobby has really done a piss poor job getting people to stop attributing all negative characteristics to insects.

Cyborg Superman (it just gets dumber and dumber each time I type that) decides that the lower classes of people living on the ground like stupid ground walking insects aren't worth his time. So he goes to check on the rich classes living in the sky like drunken butterflies filled with stupidity and other insect traits. He singles out one of them to challenge and gives this one a choice: die or your friends die.

Let me tell you something, Cyborg Superman! That's not really a choice at all! Who needs friends? Totally overrated. Insects have friends and look where that gets them? Loving each other like moths! Bonding like aphids! Ugh. Such despicable behaviour.

Although really, it does make sense that Cyborg Superman hates insect-like traits but loves non-insect-like traits! Because the alien Cyborg Superman challenges chooses his own life over the life of his friends. And I'm fairly certain that no insect would ever sacrifice the colony for his own individuality. Except that one asshole in that movie about the ant from Manhattan. That ant was a traitor to his race. Don't buy into the propaganda simply because he winds up being the hero! Total bullshit. That ant colony was fucked listening to that free will spouting bitch.

I don't know what it is but I'm really beginning to warm up to this Cyborg Superman!

So putting some of the early New 52 Supergirl history together, will the candidates for perfection that Cyborg Superman finds be the Worldkillers? Am I the only one this late to that thought? Fucking stupid slow information processing organ! I wish I had a Brainiac to make me perfecterest!

Cyborg Superman seeks someone that will do anything to survive. But they can't beg to survive. And he doesn't want anybody willing to sacrifice themselves because that's just stupid. Who cares if the world is better after you've sacrificed yourself since you won't be there to enjoy the betterment of it?! What are we all supposed to be? Saints? Bah! I'd rather eat more candy.

I wonder if eating lots of candy would make me a candidate for perfection. I'd be willing to eat loads of cookies to ensure my own survival. And if the only way to prove you want to live is masturbation, I'd be a candidate in no time! Literally no time because I can orgasm immediately! As a teenager, you don't realize you're screwing up the sex life of your first few future relationships when you learn to masturbate quickly because the only VCR is in the living room and you never know when your mom is going to be coming back home! Luckily she drove a loud Camaro that you could hear from two blocks away. But then when you finally do convince another person to touch your genitals, you tend to blow whenever you hear a car approaching.

Loud car. "Oh shit it's my mom!" Orgasm. Partner stares at you in shock and disgust. Relationship over.

Back to the past just moments before Krypton is destroyed, it is revealed that Zor-el took his brother's advice and shot Kara off toward Earth (the instructions for how to do this Jor-el left to him on a Kryptonian Sundildo). Okay, so we already knew this and how he tricked his wife and all that other stuff. But none of those scenes ever made me put the comic book down and say, "Oh fuck. Ow ow ow ow. Holy shitballs."

This scene is simply brilliant.

I don't mean this in a judging Allura way at all because Zor-el has been a right prick to her during all of this end of the world stuff but seriously: cold hearted fucking bitch. That's pretty much the best thing she can say at the moment to return all the hurt and aggravation and lying and bullshit her husband has handed to her the last few weeks. Critical fucking hit. Just awesome. It would be especially heartbreaking if these were their last words to each other but since Argo is saved for awhile, Allura will have plenty more time to tell Zor-el how much of a spectacular failure he is.

And Cyborg Superman destroys nearly everybody on the planet he's visiting without finding any flowers for Brainiac's garden.

I don't understand why Cyborg Superman has a comic for "Villains" Month!

Cyborg Superman #1 Rating: A flower amongst the weeds in the garden of The New 52. Michael Alan Nelson has really been impressing me on his Supergirl stories. This was the best Villains Month book I've read so far! Although I've only read two and the other one was Ann Nocenti's The Creeper. So. You know.

Supergirl #23

Supergirl's bum has made me a fan of Mahmud Asrar for life. Not that you can see it here. Just saying. Fucking internet nerds are so critical and literal, I feel like I've always got to qualify my statements!

This cover is terrific. I think it might be the last bit of Asrar art from DC. Hopefully that will change in the future because this guy is solid. I suppose I could start reading Ultimate Comics: X-men if I really need a fix. But I can't afford to start purchasing Marvel comic books too! Who do you think I am? Scrooge McDuck?!

Scrooge McDuck is the only capitalist I respect.

Speaking of sanctimonious, only a sanctimonious tart would spell "poseur" correctly in a speech bubble while fleeing for her life. Just to rub it in the face of everybody who would like to forget about that stupid "u" in there.

I bet Supergirl even pronounced "poseur" in a phony upper class accent just so everybody chasing her knew she could spell it correctly. Even if she sounded like an idiot pronouncing it that way. Sometimes it's important to seem like an idiot in one way so that you can make sure everybody knows you're better than they are in some other way. Whenever I'm on an elevator filled with people, I like to point out that I once had sex. Just so everybody knows where we all stand.

Apparently Cyborg Superman is having a tiff with Jesus.

The figments of Supergirl's imagination rationalize the way you'd expect figments of the imagination to rationalize: poorly. They somehow think Supergirl is acting like a child because she won't allow Cyborg Superman to steal her flesh. I suppose as a creature made from Imaginatron (that's imaginary Inertron. Which is weird because Inertron is imaginary!), flesh doesn't mean anything to them. To them, it's as if Supergirl doesn't want to throw away a candy wrapper. What good is her skin after all the yummy meaty, bloody bits are licked off? She might as well let Cyborg Superman use it. Then Supergirl will be free to find a jar of peanut butter to fall into and make her life complete. I'noxia is the jar of peanut butter in that metaphor! The metaphor is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!

You know, if those Reese's commercials were based on reality, nobody would have ever discovered the delicious taste of chocolate and peanut butter. Because nobody roller blades while eating out of a jar of peanut butter! And even if someone did and some asshole on a ladder dropped their chocolate bar into the roller blader's peanut butter, I'm fairly certain the roller blader wouldn't pull out half of the asshole's candy bar and begin eating it. The roller blader would probably just scream, "Ugh! Herpes!" and throw the jar of peanut butter at the asshole's head, killing him.

Here's an old Reese's commercial. It just oozes sexual tension. Except for the weird old man at the end that hands them condoms. "Stop trying to be a part of our sexual fantasy, dude!" "You got your dick in my vagina!" There was a futuristic one with a spaceman and his robot that had even more sexual tension than this one.

Yes, because sewage leaking from an upstairs apartment is so much worse than dying from Kryptonite Poisoning. Seriously. I wasn't being sarcastic. That sewage thing was gross.

Supergirl continues to argue with her imaginary friends when she should be running and/or beating them to death. I think when one side of a debate is "give us your skin," you technically don't need a rebuttal. At least not one that doesn't involve a Taser or a shotgun.

This is the only rebuttal you need to the voices in your head. Or to your brother when he catches you eating dog food.

Supergirl eventually succumbs to her past memories and the Kryptonite Poisoning. Cyborg Superman scoops her up while she's helpless and takes her off to the Skin Removal Lab. Supergirl's reaction is to give Cyborg Superman the nickname of "Cy." Seems like an appropriate time for something like that. You don't want to have to spend most of your time pleading for your life saying, "Cyborg Superman." It doesn't really roll off the dying tongue very well.

I hope Cyborg Superman's creator is revealed by the end of this issue because I'm getting sick of everybody taunting me with knowledge I don't possess! How dare you use lack of information as a means to create tension! Tell me who he is so my mind can run wild with the possibilities! Unless Cyborg Superman's creator is Supergirl's dad. I don't want to know that because then things begin to get weird. Hopefully it's one of the Brainiacs.

We all die alone, dumb dumb. Unless you die in a plane crash.

Luckily for Supergirl, Delacore cleanses her of the Kryptonite Poisoning before giving her flesh to Cyborg Superman. Unluckily for Supergirl, he does this by dissolving her into teeny, tiny particles. The Kryptonite Poison is isolated and Cyborg Superman gets ready to be injected with Supergirl when Cyborg Superman's creator attacks!

Castle Grayskull! I mean, Brainiac!

And then things get weird anyway as Cyborg Superman is reconstituted from Supergirl into Zor-el, Supergirl's father. Whoops! Is it really that big a surprise, Cyborg Superman, when I'noxia itself gave you the error message about redundancy last issue? But this is what happens when people get amnesia! Just ask Jason Todd. It's all well and good to not remember stuff until you start wanting to re-remember that stuff! And then everything goes to shit. So now you didn't just kill your daughter, asshole. You are your daughter! That's fucking weird shit man.

Supergirl #23 Rating: +4 Ranking. This book just keeps getting better! Anybody who gave up this book because it may have been moving too slowly and erratically should start picking it up again. Because the character of Supergirl has really been terrific across the whole run but now the story telling has really tightened up. It's a lot of fun!